10 of Hello Kitty's Most DISTANT Relatives Sanrio characters are too dull or too weird

    There was a time when I hated Hello Kitty. But once I understood her complexity and accepted her into my life, a whole world opened up. Sanrio, not unlike Marvel or DC, is an entire universe of characters, and exploring a universe is half the fun of discovering nerdy things like this. When you first get into comics, you learn about your Spider-men, Wonder Women, and Wolverinis. After awhile though, you dig deep enough to find hilariously bizarre or mind-blowingly boring superheroes like "Matter Eater Lad" and "Captain Planet".

    The same is true with the Sanrio universe. Sanrio may push the puppies, kitties, and lambies to the forefront, but underneath there's a lot of fun to be had with the outliers. Who created them? Why? I wouldn't say any of them are necessarily "bad", but some can be incredibly unimaginative while others are so imaginative as to be downright bizarre. It's these characters that I'll be extricating for this list: Hello Kitty's distant relatives. When these dogs, elephants, and hamburgers roll up to the Sanrio family reunion, the other characters avoid eye contact.

    These oddballs defy Sanrio's image of polished cuteness and stand out as wonderfully strange or uncharacteristically dull. Fill up your plate with mash potatoes, because I'm sending you to sit and talk politely with the side of the family Hello Kitty tries to forget.

    10. Peter Davis

    peter davis the dog

    It's a white dog named Peter Davis. This character at least gets points for being one of my favorite things: a dog with a bland first and last name. But the goodness stop there. Peter Davis was born in England and, what ho! Pip pip, old chap! According to his bio on sanrio.co.jp, he's very proper, noble, fashionable, and clean. Well, well Peter Davis. You're boring and stereotypical!

    9. Dokidoki Yummychums

    dokidoki yummychums

    Dokidoki Yummychums is almost Sanrio's answer to Aqua Teen Hunger Force as they a group consisting of meat, fries and shakes. Though that's not what makes them bizarre. It's the idea of cute food. Linda touched on this a few months back, but what strikes me as odd about this concept is the way cuteness is tied to protection. Things that we find cute or adorable are often the things we naturally want to protect (small animals, babies, email passwords). Mixing that protection concept with food is incongruent. And hilarious.

    It's a small, but extant, mind-bender. "Me am want eat food. But me am want also protect food. Me not know what me want!"

    This food-cuteness hits me in a different way as well. I love hamburgers. Definitely in my top three of favorite foods. But I never realized I wanted to hug a hamburger, until I saw Dokidoki Yummychums. And why not? Hamburgers have brought me so much joy! I can finally release my subconscious urge to hug an enbunned meat patty now that it has eyes and a face and looks like it wants a hug! And with that invitation, of course I would reciprocate. Thank you hamburger. Thank you for everything.

    8. Zoujitensha

    zoujitensya

    Zoujitensha, or Elephant Bicycle, is an elephant riding a bicycle. According to his bio, he is an "urbanite with good taste". At least his design matches his personality. Both are flat and unappealing.

    7. Hangyodon

    Hangyodon

    Hangyodon (literally, "Mr. Half-fish") is another example that showcases Sanrio's ability to make anything cute. He is a monster, something traditionally created to scare and repulse us. So is he that weird? Not in and of himself. What's weird is how popular he is.

    Hangyodon has a large number of goods attributed to him. He's high up on the second tier of the Sanrio roster, like the Aquaman of the Sanrio Justice League (pun intended?). But with such a long list of cute animal characters behind him, you would think he would get bumped farther down the popularity rankings.

    Hangyodon is a smart character design because it plays on our pity for monsters. Beauty and the Beast, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, and Shrek are all stories which exemplify this. These stories resonate because we all feel unattractive or clumsy or even monstrous at one time or another and we all hope someone will love us despite our unattractive qualities. We all want to be understood.

    His official Sanrio bio says he is "a lonely romantic who wants to be a hero someday" but we don't need words to tell us that. That's the power of Hangyodon.

    6. Country Fresh Veggies

    country fresh veggies

    Country Fresh Veggies. Their name describes them, giving me literally nothing to write about. It's a basket of damn vegetables. They have eyes and appendages, so they are slightly less boring than others on this list, but not by much. Even their bio on sanrio.co.jp merely says, "Today, the fields are full of just-harvested, fresh vegetables." Nuff said, I guess.

    5. Gudetamago

    Gudetama lazy egg

    Gudetama is a lazy egg. His name comes from the words gudegude (lethargic) and tamago (egg). While most Sanrio characters have several hobbies and goals, Gudetama has none. He knows he's going to be cooked and eaten and wants to get it over with.

    As far as sub-characters go, Gudetama is given more attention than most. There are pictures, goods, and videos showing him sleeping…

    Gudetama sleeping egg

    Stretching…

    Gudetama stretching

    Whining…

    Gudetama whining

    And generally lazing about.

    gudetama lazy chopsticks

    This goes beyond relaxation. Gudetama is dead to the world. Is there any social commentary to be found in this? Does Gudetama reflect the attitude of Japanese young people reluctant to enter Japan's notoriously stressful workforce? Probably not any more than Garfield reflected America's love for lasagna in 1987. Either way, the egg laziness idea is a truly genius design choice.

    Rilakkuma is a very popular lazy bear character, from Sanrio competitor San-X. But do you know what else can be lazy? A cat, a mouse, a badger, a panda, a shoe, anything! It's easy to think of a noun and assign it the adjective "lazy" (Note to self: copyright "Cecil the Lazy Shoe"). But an egg yolk actually looks lazy! Someone at Sanrio looked deep into their breakfast and imbibed it with a personality that fit its shape. And that's creativity- looking at something from an angle that everyone else is missing.

    4. Geetown Special

    Geetown Special

    Geetown Special is a group of three alligators. Let's go to the sanrio.co.jp bio for more insight:

    "A group of three alligators."

    Was there any thought put into these three? They have no story, they're nearly identical, and not even in color. I understand that some Sanrio characters are merely designs for cards and tote bags, but those that are should be categorized as such. Leave the charactering to anthropomorphic things with some appealing connection to offer the recipient. Later, gator.

    3. Shiri Rappers

    Shiri rapppers butt vegetables

    Hula-hooping, rapping butt vegetables.

    I just wanted to make it clear from the outset what we're dealing with. Shiri Rappers comes from the Japanese oshiri (butt) and the English "rappers" (rappers). According to sanrio.co.jp, the Shiri Rappers are human-friendly butt fairies who, upon hearing a human's cry, will rush to their aid and begin hula hooping/rapping with all their might, thus dispelling the human's sadness.

    As delightfully bizarre as this sounds on its own, I'm afraid it refers to a smartphone game.

    In the game, the Shiri Rappers pop out of the ground, doing their gyration dance until you tap them. And you get points. I don't see this as helpful to mankind, unless they are serving the particular pocket of mankind that needs to poke butt vegetables in order to live.

    So, my initial joy at discovering the absurdity of the Shiri Rappers was diminished slightly upon finding that their story was created to explain their actions in a smartphone game. But dammit, the Shiri Rappers are hula-hooping butt vegetables and no one can take that away from me. Thanks Sanrio!

    2. Boy and Girl

    boy and girl

    Welcome to the bottom of the boringness barrel. Boy and Girl. I used to think Patty and Jimmy were unimaginative, but Boy and Girl make Patty and Jimmy look like Ren and Stimpy. These two are like Hello Kitty clones turned human and sapped of all charm and style. The salt in the unimaginative wound is their name: Boy and Girl.

    Let's say you work for a creative company and your job is to creatively use your creativity to create creative characters. If your boss asks you, "What should we name this boy and girl?" and you answer, "Boy and Girl!", you should be fired.

    1. Heysuke

    heysuke angry baby

    Heysuke. Yes, it is an angry, naked baby, but what makes it stranger than the Shiri Rappers? Heysuke's story on sanrio.co.jp:

    "Who? What the heck? It's a kind of a suspicious, mysterious baby. For some reason, it's laughing in the nude. Where it came from is a mystery. Is it a boy? A girl? Heysuke doesn't even know for sure. The place where it lives is right next to you. One thing is for sure, he loves to be naked. It's birthday is January 1st."

    Heysuke is a suspicious, ever-laughing, genderless naked baby who lives right next to you! The reason Heysuke gets the number one slot is its ambiguity. Most Sanrio characters' designs have a specific vibe and their story bios expound upon that vibe, adding detail. But not Heysuke.

    It's cute as a baby, but its angry face makes you wonder what the hell is wrong. Then Heysuke's story bio confuses us more by explaining that it's laughing, suspicious, and lives right next to you. Suddenly this baby feels threatening, which is a tough concept to digest because it's a baby. Everything about Heysuke is perplexing and strange.

    Oh, and Mami pointed out that it's wearing muscle-relaxing patches on its shoulders. WTF, Heysuke?

    Heysuke was introduced on January 1, 2000, so maybe it was meant to be some kind of Baby New Year. But it never caught on anywhere ever. All the other characters on this list, weird as they are, have enjoyed some kind of success, appearing on various goods and being drawn in various poses.

    Heysuke was only drawn once and, as far as I can tell, no goods bear its likeness. And so it remains: laughing, naked, and staring at you.

    Explore the Chara-verse!

    Sanrio characters group

    Okay, you're done. You did your time at the table with the weirdos. Now you can go back to your Hello Kitty and your rap music. But hopefully you've learned a valuable lesson. There's a whole world of Japanese characters to explore, within Sanrio and beyond. You may find more wacky treats when you search through them for yourself. Japanese mascot characters are a universe not often explored even by die-hard Hello Kitty fans. But if you dig design, animals, colors, or fun things in general, I encourage you to delve into this multiverse. You may just find yourself voluntarily sitting at the table of outcasts at the next Sanrio family reunion!