How to NOT find a Japanese language partner
10. Jul, 2009
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This is a request. No, it’s a plea. Consider this the voice of all the Japanese who wish they had a nice Westerner to practice their English with, but can’t. I’ve been talking to a lot of Japanese people about finding English-language partners, and there was quite a consensus… So much so I was able to create a little list. First, let’s see who these people are.
What kinds of people are looking for English-language partners?
Of course, when I say they are looking for English-langauge partners, most of them are willing to help you with your Japanese too. It’s a two-way street when it comes to language partners, right? You help them with their English, they help you with your Japanese, and everyone wins! Now, this isn’t an official poll, nor is it scientific, but these are the things I’ve noticed in regards to the types of people looking to practice their English.
The Overachieving Type: Most of the people who want English language partners are overachievers. I’m not saying this is a bad thing (it’s good, in fact!), but if you’re looking for a language partner you’re really going above and beyond. In the Japanese school system, English is very text-based. You learn how to read and write, and that’s about it. Listening and speaking get swept under the refrigerator, and isn’t so important for testing, which means people don’t really study it. Those that want to practice speaking and listening are doing so because they really want to learn English for the sake of learning English (and not for school). Thus, overachiever.
Girls Girls Girls! Maybe it’s the readership of my other blog, but it seemed like I was talking to a lot more girls than guys. Maybe it’s because girls are smarter? Who knows. It does seem like a lot more girls are looking for language partners than guys though. Something interesting I also found was that most of them tended to be younger (like high school / college), even though there is a huge amount of middle-aged Japanese women trying to learn English as well. I suppose it must be too embarrassing to do one-on-one interaction? The housewife crowd tends to learn more via website resource, television, cell phones, books, and casual learning schools.
How to Not find a Japanese Language Partner
As I was talking to people, I found that there were a lot of things that people didn’t like about language learning partners, and these are all things you can avoid to increase your success rate! Once again, no scientific polling or data happening here, just basing this off feedback and opinion.
Don’t be hella-creepy: Especially with the girls. So many girls I talked to said that they were afraid of getting a language-learning partner because of all the hella-creepy Western guys trying to hook up with them over Skype, and whatnot. A lot of the Japanese who have never tried to do language-partner studying cited this as a reason why they haven’t tried, as well. This kind of stereotype is pretty prevalent, and it’s up to you to change it! If you’re a girl you’re at an advantage – there are way fewer of you (because you aren’t hella-creepy) and you are in higher demand. Most Japanese that want language-partners prefer a girl over a guy (Japanese guys included… careful, they might be creepers, though it’s not as bad from what I’ve seen).
Don’t push for personal info: The Japanese culture in general is pretty timid about giving out personal info. Mixi is a great example. On there, people very rarely put up their real picture, and it’s hard to find people’s actual names. There’s also the whole 2chan thing, where everyone is anonymous. The worst thing you can do is immediately ask for personal information and scare someone off. This can come off as being creepy, so take things slowly, cowboy (or cowgirl).
Don’t be shy! The Japanese are already known as being a pretty shy group of people. By being nice and outgoing, you’re making it easier on your language partner! Practice speaking your Japanese first, mess up a little, make them feel not so shy about trying to speak English (another notoriously hard thing to get a Japanese person to do). It’s a little extra effort, but if you can make your partner feel good about speaking English (and not embarrassed) you’ll have a much better time. Sometimes you have to pretend to suck to make the other person feel good.
There you have it – totally unofficial, unscientifically based data to help you have more success in your language-partnering endeavors. Best of luck to all of you! If you have any tips or tricks, please post them in the comments! And remember, don’t be a sketchasaurus-rex!
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lol i actually met my “language” partner after I moved BACK to America from Japan where I was on a year exchange program. He was a friend of a friend living here in America. I wanted to be able to keep up on the japanese that i had learnd and he had a good grasp on english already. Now a year and a half later we are married. and its still hard to get him to speak to me in japanese sometimes.
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A lot of great advice. ST's was especially good for Japanese women.
I'm an American-born Japanese and I'm a girl but I don't want to Skype cuz I'm not that great with talking to strangers…face-to-face. Kinda creepy. I speak English too, so I can help with both if you need me! maybe with AIM or something?(:
私わアメリカうまれの日本人と女の子だけれどSkypeわしらない人と見てしゃべるのがすきじゃないの…なんか ブキミなの。え－語もしゃべれるから手伝いでもいるんだったら私にたの見なさい！！AIM わどうかなー？
I'm an American-born Japanese and I'm a girl but I don't want to Skype cuz I'm not that great with talking to strangers…face-to-face. Kinda creepy. I speak English too, so I can help with both if you need me! maybe with AIM or something?(:
私わアメリカうまれの日本人と女の子だけれどSkypeわしらない人と見てしゃべるのがすきじゃないの…なんか ブキミなの。え－語もしゃべれるから手伝いでもいるんだったら私にたの見なさい！！AIM わどうかなー？
@minda.. it is not fair..
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hi Koichi san ^^ お元気ですか
here's my problem … i have been STUDYING English for about 15 years now, i am just okay with it though , i wonder if that is a big problem itself, since it's not my tounge lang. when i talk in english with a japanese language partner i feel a little scared myself, and keep checking english garammar and stuff all going into my head cuz i don't want him/her feel disappointed hmm is it a problem ??
よろしくお願いいたします
what a wonderful story ^^ wish u happy marriage
I met my Japanese language exchange partner through the internet site meant especially for seeking someone for that purpose (it's really a great resource, though limited only to Germany residents). She is a young housewife, and at first I was afraid we won't have anything in common but it turned out great. We've been meeting up regularly for almost half a year now, and she is as much passionate about learning English, as I am about Japanese. Ironically, I was expecting her to be shy and introverted but she turned out to be much more outgoing than me and also, shockingly, she is not reserved about more or less personal topics.
Citation? Good luck with finding one based on scientific evidence. The purpose of communication between men and women may differ, but the ability to do so is the same regardless of sex.
You might find studies that “suggest” or “imply” these findings. The majority of them are likely based on pseudoscience or conjecture. These “studies” you refer to are likely produced by feminist-interest groups who prefer to push a social agenda over scientific discovery.
Don't slander the good name of the scientific method with your drivel, thanks.
Hi Engynihon,
I can completely relate to what your saying. I'm an English speaker learning Japanese. At first, it was really easy to try and speak Japanese because even if I completely messed up, no one seemed to care and everyone was very patient. Now, it's been about 5 years since I started and I feel like I'm going in circles at times. I have a hard time saying things because I am embarrassed that my level is so low even though I've been doing this for quite some time.
The times when I feel that I'm doing well is when I have a partner that doesn't care about all the mistakes, as long as they can understand what I'm saying.
I think you need to just talk and let yourself make mistakes. After 15 years, you really can't worry about those things anymore otherwise you will never get anywhere!
Good luck!
Hi Engynihon,
I can completely relate to what your saying. I'm an English speaker learning Japanese. At first, it was really easy to try and speak Japanese because even if I completely messed up, no one seemed to care and everyone was very patient. Now, it's been about 5 years since I started and I feel like I'm going in circles at times. I have a hard time saying things because I am embarrassed that my level is so low even though I've been doing this for quite some time.
The times when I feel that I'm doing well is when I have a partner that doesn't care about all the mistakes, as long as they can understand what I'm saying.
I think you need to just talk and let yourself make mistakes. After 15 years, you really can't worry about those things anymore otherwise you will never get anywhere!
Good luck!
So where do you find language partners anyway? I just tried skype with no success. It seems there is no one online….ever! I am 28 and speak english fluently and would like to talk with someone in Japan. Any recommendations on where to find people to practice with, what software i should be using, etc? Thanks.
I'm hella shy, especially when it comes to talking to people I haven't met face to face (text chatting is fine, TALKING is agghh) but I do want to find a language partner eventually. It's generally easier for me to be motivated when the other person is a good conversation-starter. Two shy people just can't get anywhere, lol. Common interest helps too. At least then I can get started.
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I really liked this article! I have never looked for a language partner myself, because when I was in Japan I gave private lessons in Finnish and had made a lot of Japanese friends anyways. But I did get to follow my fellow exchange students' episodes with language parnters. In the university I went to, they had a program for language partners that allowed for languages other than English, and paired people with similar interests.
The thing is, the majority of people studying languages are female. That has nothing to do with whether girls or boys are more apt in languages, but it's just a fact that any language faculty consists mostly of women. That means most of the people looking for language partners are also women. That's good for the guys looking forward to being paired up with Japanese girls, but not so good for those who'd like to meet guys to learn guy things.
Anyways, it is also my experience that in much the same way that Western guys want Asian girlfriends, Asian girls want Western boyfriends so that they can brag to their friends! I think that also contributed to the amount of girls participating in the program and hanging around in the international lounge, talking to guys. Especially the German boys were always surrounded by girls. Of course, being Japanese, they don't want a creepy dude, but if you're a nice, normal guy and don't come off too aggressive, you have great chances of actually getting a girlfriend! (As my exchange happened years ago, some of these people are married with their former language partners!) However, it should never be the aim of the language pairing to get a boy/girlfriend.
And yes, just like some other girls have experienced, we also need to be careful of the “polite and reserved” Japanese men, although it is a little less likely than Western men going for Asian women. I had to stop teaching some students, because they seemed to think it was a good way to get a girlfriend.
Either way, I'd recommend getting a language partner of the same sex, for the simple reason of Japanese being a gender-specific language. Girls don't want to sound too manly and boys don't want to sound too girly! The best way for this is trying to make Japanese friends, that way the conversations will come naturally. This, of course, isn't always possible if you live outside Japan, although I've noticed I end up finding Japanese people even in the middle of Finnish countryside…
midori, I would like to take you up on that offer actually. I'm studying Japanese in college this coming fall because it contributes to my career goals, I've been doing some self study for over a year now when I have time. I'm also trying to learn Korean and that has been my main focus, but I think having a reliable language partner for this fall would go a long way in improving my language speaking skills. I am male, no I'm not interested in hitting on you. I'm only interested in what I can learn so your safe, no creepy otaku here. ( Anyone else that reads this with strictly learning purposes in mind feel free to reply as well, male or female.)
My contact for serious language exchange only. http://www.facebook.com/editapps.php#!/profile….
Great place to find a language partner is http://www.mylanguageexchange.com/ I just recently made an account on there and in my first week I had a dude from japan message me, and yesterday we talked on skype for the first time! It wasn't awkward at all, hes a really cool dude and his english is a lot better then my japanese. I def recommend this website