Jesus’ Life, Family, and Death (in Japan)

Forget that bible thing. Someone must have edited out the good part. You know, the part where it says that Jesus came to Japan when he was 21 to study theology, returned to Judea at the age of 33 to preach, and then got crucified…or so we all thought!

What *really* happened is that Jesus escaped crucifixion, got his brother crucified instead of him, and traveled back to Japan where he married a nice lady named Miyu, had several children, cultivated onions/garlic (really tasty ones, too), and lived to a mere 104-118 years of age. The villagers of Shingo (新郷) buried him, and put up a two big crosses, one for Jesus’ sacrificed brother, and one for Jesus. They even have annual “Christ Matsuris” (Christ festivals) to celebrate his existence. Sounds like a crummier version of Christmas to me.

Conspiracy!

There is even a song that is sung at every Christ Matsuri, which is suspiciously similar to something from the Hebrew language. Cercle has kindly laid it out plainly for us to see (and goes into more depth about the whole conspiracy):

Naniyaa dorayayo (ナニヤアドラヤヨ)
Naniyaa donasare inokie (ナニヤアドナサレイノキエ)
Naniyaa doyarayo (ナニヤアドラヤヨ)

First of all, the meaning of these phrases has been lost (it’s not Japanese!), and secondly, in the middle part, nasare is very similar to Nazareth.

Cercle goes on to talk about the supposed family line of Jesus Christ, the Sawaguchi’s. They’ve got a few things going for them. First of all, their family symbol is very similar to David’s Star. Check it out:

Sure, it’s missing a point, but you can’t have everything. Secondly, take a look at this picture of this member of the Sawaguchi family. Looks pretty not-Japanese if you ask me. Looks like he could be related to…*gasp*…someone from the West(ish)!

Maybe it’s just the clothes he’s wearing. Who knows? When the BBC interviewed this guy’s grandson, he was pretty down to earth. Looked Japanese, told them that they were a Buddhist family (is he saying that Jesus was a Buddhist too?) and not Christian / Jewish / or anything like that.

Tourist Attraction

All in all, I think it’s just an awesome tourist attraction. I would sure love to go there and buy some “Jesus Christ in Shingo” mugs and ice cream, not to mention an awesome photo opportunity.

Look! You can be Jesus and his family! This thing alone makes me want to go so bad.

Me? I’m thinking it was just some crazy white dude who washed up on shore (maybe a viking?) and claimed to be someone that sounded something like “Christ” (you know how bad Japanese are at saying non-Japanese words), and things unraveled from there. I like “Chris” the viking. Anyways, what do you think? Tell us in the comments.

Sources

Cercle: http://www.zetetique.ldh.org/herai_en.html
Daitenku: http://perdurabo10.tripod.com/id1157.html
BBC: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes…
Ashland Daily Tidings: http://www.dailytidings.com/2006…
Sci Fi Dimensions: http://www.scifidimensions.com/Apr00/oddities…

Article Vocabulary

キリスト (kirisuto)
Christ / Jesus Christ

カトリック (katorikku)
Catholic

陰謀説 (inbousetsu)
Conspiracy Theory

家族 (kazoku)
Family

(matsuri)
Festival

  • Grant

    THe post Kristen mad shows she/ he is not a big cristian becouse he died and came back alive 3 days laer. and It is posible it is a scam mde to make the town atorist atraction, It would be a big hit with the ani christins out there that awant to take out oour fathe.

  • Grant

    I forgot to say you defonently could not get to the islands of japan from Isreal in 3 friken das, But then again he did come back and we do not know what appened after. and a lot o her life was undocumented.

  • Grant

    THe post Kristen mad shows she/ he is not a big cristian becouse he died and came back alive 3 days laer. and It is posible it is a scam mde to make the town atorist atraction, It would be a big hit with the ani christins out there that awant to take out oour fathe.

  • Grant

    I forgot to say you defonently could not get to the islands of japan from Isreal in 3 friken das, But then again he did come back and we do not know what appened after. and a lot o her life was undocumented.

  • http://hi.baidu.com/yishiym123 DeepBlue

    Haha! Japan what were you thinking!

  • http://hi.baidu.com/yishiym123 DeepBlue

    Haha! Japan what were you thinking!

  • thesilencelies

    Isn’t that what the church is meant to be? seeing as the word Christian means little christ…

  • thesilencelies

    Isn’t that what the church is meant to be? seeing as the word Christian means little christ…

  • thesilencelies

    the stuff on the mirror sounds… interesting, but it would have to have come by trade. Jesus was far, far too poor to go travelling anywhere. Even once he was on his mission he barely left judea, and that was with a whole gaggle of people supporting him…

  • thesilencelies

    the stuff on the mirror sounds… interesting, but it would have to have come by trade. Jesus was far, far too poor to go travelling anywhere. Even once he was on his mission he barely left judea, and that was with a whole gaggle of people supporting him…

  • giraffe

    Sounds to me like a Western Christian missionary did a horrible job of translating whatever they were trying to tell the people in this town. And then got booted out of Japan before the error could be corrected.

  • Genkakuzai

    Believing that Jesus was an actual historical figure is far from the same as believing he was the son of god, so I fail to see how that’d automatically make the emperor a Christian.

  • Genkakuzai

    As far as people know. Talking about a historical figure who lived 2000 years ago as if we know exactly how his life transpired is a bit naive.

  • Wendybird

    There was no such thing as too poor to travel back then. You walked everywhere anyway, unless you were very rich indeed, and everything from Israel east to India observes hospitality laws that would ensure you food and shelter in any habitable region. According to the bible Paul went to Asia, no reason why Jesus, or for that matter some follower of his, couldn’t have made it that far… even to Japan if he had been able to drum up a boat. And of course we all know Jesus could have walked across. ;)