1. Braves.
2. Whoever is playing the Nationals.
3. Any player I used to watch in the Japanese league, Nippon Professional Baseball, especially if they were a Yakult Swallow.

Like a helicopter mom with no day job, I try to watch these former NPB players whenever they come to the mound or the plate. My Google Calendar last year was just a list of projected Yu Darvish starts. Thankfully for me and whoever cashes the check for my MLB.TV subscription, there are even more Japanese players in America this season, and here’s what they’ll be up to in 2014.

The Big Names

Hiroki Kuroda – The “other” Japanese starting pitcher on the Yankees is now 39 years old and still doing this baseball stuff. Because he’s expected to mentor the new arrival Masahiro Tanaka in the ways of Major League Baseball, he’s been dubbed Kuroda-senpai by The New York Times. Next time I visit Yankee Stadium, I hope he notices me.

Masahiro Tanaka – The 175 million dollar man, and yet Yankees GM Brian Cashman says he’ll be the #3 starter this year. I wrote another big article about this fella, but there’s been an update since then! Tanaka said he’s “not necessarily a fan” of his wife Mai Satoda’s music! Be right back, I have to write a 2,000-word piece for the New York Post on how this factoid could affect his game.

Koji Uehara – With a World Series ring under his belt (that’s where rings go, right?), Koji is now the Red Sox’ starting closer. I wrote about him a while back, but now he’s trying to start throwing a Mariano Rivera-style cutter.

Junichi Tazawa – Tazawa has been completely overshadowed by Uehara in the Red Sox bullpen, but he’s still there and he’s still pretty good. Interesting note: Tazawa is only the third Japanese player ever to go straight to the MLB without spending time playing professional Japanese ball. He signed after impressing with the Nippon Oil company team.

Yu Darvish – Yu Darvish came 2nd in Cy Young voting last year, but now he’ll have to defend his title as best current Japanese player against Tanaka. If that doesn’t work out for him, he can, at least, still be the best half-Iranian player.

Hisashi Iwakuma – True to the city’s character, Seattle has the coolest, most underground, “you’ve probably never even heard of him” Japanese player. In-between rainstorms and bike trips to Ballard coffee shops, Mariners fans love to tell you that Iwakuma really deserved the Cy Young last year. Unfortunately for them, Iwakuma might miss the first week or two of the season because somehow he hurt his middle finger. What a hipster.

Norichika Aoki – In one of the offseason’s hardest-to-explain trades, the Brewers traded right fielder and former Yakult Swallow Norichika Aoki to the Royals in return for some guy named Will Smith. Will Smith is expected to join the Brewers bullpen, and Aoki will be starring in Men In Black 4 next summer.

The Old Guys

Ichiro Suzuki – The Yankees went a little crazy this offseason and got Jacoby Ellsbury and Carlos Beltran, demoting future Hall of Famer Ichiro and sorta former Hiroshima Carp Alfonso Soriano (he only played nine games in Japan) to the bench. Rumors are starting to heat up that Ichiro may get traded to the Phillies. You’re too good for them, Ichi!

Tomokazu Ohka – Ohka has previously pitched for the Red Sox, Expos, Nationals, Brewers, Blue Jays, Indians, and the Yokohama BayStars, but he’s trying to make a comeback with the Blue Jays and a brand-new knuckeball. He’ll start the year in the minors. Years ago, Ohka was mentioned in The Simpsons, the joke being how obscure he was, so he has had that dubious pleasure.

Daisuke Matsuzaka – Dice-K was once a mega-famous import pitcher like Tanaka is today, but besides one great season, his career in the MLB never really satisfied expectations. He’s now aiming for a comeback with the New York Mets, and is considered a favorite to be their #5 starter when the season begins.

The Hopefuls

Munenori Kawasaki – Kawasaki, the man with the beautiful dance moves and the GIBBY award-winning “I am Japaneeeese” speech, is trying to play his way onto the Blue Jays roster. Unfortunately for him, he plays on the same team as Jose Reyes, so he’ll need some luck to get much playing time at shortstop.

Yoshinori Tateyama – A former high school teammate of Koji Uehara and NPB teammate of Yu Darvish, Tateyama is a sidearm pitcher trying to break his way into the Yankees bullpen.

Kensuke Tanaka – Kensuke Tanaka spent his whole career playing second base, so it was bittersweet when the San Francisco Giants gave him a one-day chance in the MLB last year… playing left field. He’s trying out with the Rangers this year, but looking likely to start the year in the minor leagues.

Kyuji Fujikawa – Kyuji will probably be in the Cubs bullpen this year, but he had Tommy John Surgery in May last year and won’t return until around June. Yes, his name really is 球児, meaning “ball child” or, to make it less weird-sounding, “baseball kid.” Kyuji’s father reportedly threw a no-hitter in an amateur game the day before his son was born, thus the name.

2014 Predictions

Now I don’t really have a clue how well these guys will play or what will happen this year, but I’m going to tell you anyway, because that’s how sportswriting works. Here are ten predictions for the season to come, sorted from most likely to least:

1. I will buy an Aoki Royals shirt and wear it in my Tofugu author profile picture, replacing my Aoki Brewers shirt.
2. Masahiro Tanaka will have the worst ERA among Yankees starters before the All-Star Break and the best ERA among Yankees starters after the All-Star Break.
3. Dice-K will have a bad year but still shutout the Braves twice just to annoy me.
4. The Yankees will inform Ichiro they have no more room for him on the roster, but offer him a position as batboy. He will proudly accept the role and become the greatest batboy of all time.
5. Hiroyasu Tanaka, Shuta Tanaka, and, uh, comedian Naoki Tanaka will all join the MLB, causing widespread confusion and chaos.
6. Yu Darvish will add a 15th pitch to his repertoire, a 75 MPH knuckleball.
7. Kawasaki will win another GIBBY award, this time for dancing.
8. Uehara and Tazawa will start a manzai comedy duo called Sokkusu, which American sportswriters will have to explain as being “sort of like Abbott and Costello.”
9. The Yankees will become unsatisfied with their current outfield of old guys who used to be amazing, so they’ll sign Sadaharu Oh.
10. I will conquer my nature and refrain from buying another $75 Japanese baseball video game.

And why are these foreign logographs being hoisted upon the American subconscious? Because Koji Uehara has become the latest household name among Japanese baseball players, winning the American League Championship Series MVP Award and closing out games for the Red Sox’ World Series title. At 38 (that’s about 70 in baseball years), Koji has a new-found celebrity status, earning his success with split-finger fastballs and a sense of humor that really translates.

An Unlikely Star

Uehara didn’t spring from the womb a baseball player like many of Japan’s greatest players. He never played in the mega-popular Koshien high school baseball tournament, and he initially failed his university entrance exams. After a year of studying and working as a security guard, Uehara finally entered the Osaka University of Health and Sport Sciences, not exactly a baseball powerhouse. At this point, Uehara aspired to be a P.E. teacher, so he put on some bulk and joined the college baseball team, which was so casual that the manager told players to pick whichever position they liked best and stick to it. It was at that point that Uehara, previously an outfielder, decided to become a pitcher. Only a few years later, he would turn down a contract offer from the Anaheim Angels to join Tokyo’s Yomiuri Giants, Japan’s marquis baseball team.

It’s not hard to see why a Major League team would look to sign Uehara. With the Yomiuri Giants, Koji won the Rookie of the Year and two Eiji Sawamura Awards (the Japanese equivalent of the Cy Young Award, given to the best pitcher in his league each year). Uehara had tremendous success as a starting pitcher, but after an injury in 2006, he transitioned spectacularly to the closer role, finishing 2007 with a 1.74 ERA, 32 saves, and only 4 walks. Combining that with terrific play in the 2006 World Baseball Classic for Team Japan and one game in 2002 in which he struck out Barry Bonds three times, it’s no wonder why MLB teams were closely watching him.

But the Yomiuri Giants refused to sell Uehara via the “posting” system, in which Japanese players under contract are sold at blind auction to American Major League teams. While Daisuke Matsuzaka got to enjoy the American limelight, Uehara was stuck in Japan, waiting for his contract to run out. It finally would in 2008.

Major Leaguer

Uehara with the Orioles, perhaps one of the finest examples of an Asian with facial hair.

By the time he reached America, Uehara was already showing the signs of an aging baseball player. He was 34 years old and picked up injury after injury in his first year with the Baltimore Orioles. Initially, he had asked to be a starter, but after injuries sidelined him for much of 2009, he resigned himself to a bullpen position. He was still a great pitcher–striking out 11 per nine innings pitched in 2010–but aches and injuries plagued him, a common symptom of Japanese pitchers who throw many more innings than players in America, wearing out their arms.

In 2011, Koji was traded to the Texas Rangers for Tommy Hunter and the then-disappointing, now-spectacular slugger Chris Davis. There he was, incredibly, reunited with his high school teammate Yoshinori Tateyama, who had been the ace pitcher of their team while Koji was an outfielder. Uehara pitched well with the Rangers, but again only in limited work, pitching only 36 innings for the team in 2012.

In December of that year, Uehara signed with the Boston Red Sox, and he became their closer after two of his fellow relievers were injured and he was all that was left. Finally, Uehara was healthy for an entire year in the Major Leagues, and he shined, becoming one of the team’s greatest assets and suddenly a star.

Funnyman

Japanese players are typically quiet, reserved, and solitary when they come to the Major Leagues. This is partly due to Japan’s baseball culture of hard work and stern professionalism, but mostly Japanese players keep to themselves because it’s hard to make friends through a translator. Uehara speaks through a translator as well, but his Kansai sense of humor comes through nonetheless, and he has developed a reputation as “the life of the party.”

“He’s one of the coolest people I ever met,” Red Sox teammate Drake Britton said. Set-up man Craig Breslow agreed, saying “I don’t think guys think of him as someone who has come over from another continent. They think of him as one of the guys.” To get around his difficulty with the language, Uehara does exaggerated physical impressions of teammates and former teammates, such as an apparently popular one of Baltimore Orioles closer Jim Johnson. He has also developed a style of pithy humor that’s popular in the clubhouse. Breslow explains, saying “He doesn’t have the opportunity — because he doesn’t speak the language clear enough — to try to build up jokes. His one-liners are quite a bit more poignant because there’s not this setup and kind of ‘Let’s get to the punchline.’ Every time he opens his mouth, it’s a punchline. He’s got a great sense of humor.”

His humor isn’t reserved solely for the clubhouse, either. Uehara recently joked to the press about the mysticism they applied to Japanese former Red Sox pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka. Much of the initial excitement over Dice-K coming to America revolved around his mysterious new pitch, the “gyroball.” “I don’t think anybody believed that,” Uehara said, expressing disbelief over the American sports media’s gullibility. “The Japanese people are clever,” he said, laughing, “they never believed that.” After receiving his ALCS MVP award and being asked the standard empty question about how it felt pitching in such a big game, Uehara replied “I thought I was going to throw up.” Then there are, of course, his giant, comical over-the-shoulder bear hugs with David Ortiz after Red Sox wins, which always get played at the end of the highlight reel. On his blog, Uehara mused on these hugs, saying “Am I that light? Or maybe it’s that Papi is too strong. [A photo of the hug] was in US newspapers the day after the game. This made me really happy.’’

Postseason Superhero

Koji Uehara has had a very good career, from his two Sawamura awards to his 14/1 strikeout-to-walk ratio with Texas last year. But this year, and especially this postseason has been something different. Uehara had a 1.09 ERA in the regular season. He threw 74 innings, more than he ever had in America, at the age of 38, and only gave up 9 runs all year. Uehara also tied the record for saves in a single postseason with 7. Uehara is closing games out for the Red Sox as reliably as one could possibly hope. His sole mistake in the playoffs, a walkoff homer given up to Jose Lobaton of the Rays, seems like it happened years ago. His latest, most famous achievement came in Game 4, when Uehara picked off Kolten Wong to end the game, the first ever playoff game to end with a pick-off play. It is this dominance that has made Koji Uehara into an overnight sensation and has made the fans put his name on those sanshin signs at Fenway, as they flip from saying “strikeout” to telling us who threw it.

While Koji Uehara may be America’s current Japanese baseball hero, there are many more Japanese players who have etched themselves into MLB history. Of course you have Ichiro, Dice-K, Hideki “Godzilla” Matsui, Nomo, and plenty more. Who’s your favorite Japanese baseball player to come stateside (or who’s still in Japan). Surely the next big thing from the land of the rising sun is yet to come, don’t you think?

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Sources:

The New Yorker – Koji Uehara: The Boston Red Sox’s Brilliant Closer

Providence Journal – Uehara is Life of Sox Party

ESPNBoston.com – Koji Uehara’s Unusual Journey

Boston Globe – Translating Koji Uehara’s Blog

NESN.com – Koji Uehara Once Wanted to Be High School Phys. Ed. Teacher

MassLive.com – Boston Red Sox closer Koji Uehara on playoff pressure: “I thought I was going to throw up”

Baseball-Reference.com – Koji Uehara Statistics and History