1. Braves.
2. Whoever is playing the Nationals.
3. Any player I used to watch in the Japanese league, Nippon Professional Baseball, especially if they were a Yakult Swallow.

Like a helicopter mom with no day job, I try to watch these former NPB players whenever they come to the mound or the plate. My Google Calendar last year was just a list of projected Yu Darvish starts. Thankfully for me and whoever cashes the check for my MLB.TV subscription, there are even more Japanese players in America this season, and here’s what they’ll be up to in 2014.

The Big Names

Hiroki Kuroda – The “other” Japanese starting pitcher on the Yankees is now 39 years old and still doing this baseball stuff. Because he’s expected to mentor the new arrival Masahiro Tanaka in the ways of Major League Baseball, he’s been dubbed Kuroda-senpai by The New York Times. Next time I visit Yankee Stadium, I hope he notices me.

Masahiro Tanaka – The 175 million dollar man, and yet Yankees GM Brian Cashman says he’ll be the #3 starter this year. I wrote another big article about this fella, but there’s been an update since then! Tanaka said he’s “not necessarily a fan” of his wife Mai Satoda’s music! Be right back, I have to write a 2,000-word piece for the New York Post on how this factoid could affect his game.

Koji Uehara – With a World Series ring under his belt (that’s where rings go, right?), Koji is now the Red Sox’ starting closer. I wrote about him a while back, but now he’s trying to start throwing a Mariano Rivera-style cutter.

Junichi Tazawa – Tazawa has been completely overshadowed by Uehara in the Red Sox bullpen, but he’s still there and he’s still pretty good. Interesting note: Tazawa is only the third Japanese player ever to go straight to the MLB without spending time playing professional Japanese ball. He signed after impressing with the Nippon Oil company team.

Yu Darvish – Yu Darvish came 2nd in Cy Young voting last year, but now he’ll have to defend his title as best current Japanese player against Tanaka. If that doesn’t work out for him, he can, at least, still be the best half-Iranian player.

Hisashi Iwakuma – True to the city’s character, Seattle has the coolest, most underground, “you’ve probably never even heard of him” Japanese player. In-between rainstorms and bike trips to Ballard coffee shops, Mariners fans love to tell you that Iwakuma really deserved the Cy Young last year. Unfortunately for them, Iwakuma might miss the first week or two of the season because somehow he hurt his middle finger. What a hipster.

Norichika Aoki – In one of the offseason’s hardest-to-explain trades, the Brewers traded right fielder and former Yakult Swallow Norichika Aoki to the Royals in return for some guy named Will Smith. Will Smith is expected to join the Brewers bullpen, and Aoki will be starring in Men In Black 4 next summer.

The Old Guys

Ichiro Suzuki – The Yankees went a little crazy this offseason and got Jacoby Ellsbury and Carlos Beltran, demoting future Hall of Famer Ichiro and sorta former Hiroshima Carp Alfonso Soriano (he only played nine games in Japan) to the bench. Rumors are starting to heat up that Ichiro may get traded to the Phillies. You’re too good for them, Ichi!

Tomokazu Ohka – Ohka has previously pitched for the Red Sox, Expos, Nationals, Brewers, Blue Jays, Indians, and the Yokohama BayStars, but he’s trying to make a comeback with the Blue Jays and a brand-new knuckeball. He’ll start the year in the minors. Years ago, Ohka was mentioned in The Simpsons, the joke being how obscure he was, so he has had that dubious pleasure.

Daisuke Matsuzaka – Dice-K was once a mega-famous import pitcher like Tanaka is today, but besides one great season, his career in the MLB never really satisfied expectations. He’s now aiming for a comeback with the New York Mets, and is considered a favorite to be their #5 starter when the season begins.

The Hopefuls

Munenori Kawasaki – Kawasaki, the man with the beautiful dance moves and the GIBBY award-winning “I am Japaneeeese” speech, is trying to play his way onto the Blue Jays roster. Unfortunately for him, he plays on the same team as Jose Reyes, so he’ll need some luck to get much playing time at shortstop.

Yoshinori Tateyama – A former high school teammate of Koji Uehara and NPB teammate of Yu Darvish, Tateyama is a sidearm pitcher trying to break his way into the Yankees bullpen.

Kensuke Tanaka – Kensuke Tanaka spent his whole career playing second base, so it was bittersweet when the San Francisco Giants gave him a one-day chance in the MLB last year… playing left field. He’s trying out with the Rangers this year, but looking likely to start the year in the minor leagues.

Kyuji Fujikawa – Kyuji will probably be in the Cubs bullpen this year, but he had Tommy John Surgery in May last year and won’t return until around June. Yes, his name really is 球児, meaning “ball child” or, to make it less weird-sounding, “baseball kid.” Kyuji’s father reportedly threw a no-hitter in an amateur game the day before his son was born, thus the name.

2014 Predictions

Now I don’t really have a clue how well these guys will play or what will happen this year, but I’m going to tell you anyway, because that’s how sportswriting works. Here are ten predictions for the season to come, sorted from most likely to least:

1. I will buy an Aoki Royals shirt and wear it in my Tofugu author profile picture, replacing my Aoki Brewers shirt.
2. Masahiro Tanaka will have the worst ERA among Yankees starters before the All-Star Break and the best ERA among Yankees starters after the All-Star Break.
3. Dice-K will have a bad year but still shutout the Braves twice just to annoy me.
4. The Yankees will inform Ichiro they have no more room for him on the roster, but offer him a position as batboy. He will proudly accept the role and become the greatest batboy of all time.
5. Hiroyasu Tanaka, Shuta Tanaka, and, uh, comedian Naoki Tanaka will all join the MLB, causing widespread confusion and chaos.
6. Yu Darvish will add a 15th pitch to his repertoire, a 75 MPH knuckleball.
7. Kawasaki will win another GIBBY award, this time for dancing.
8. Uehara and Tazawa will start a manzai comedy duo called Sokkusu, which American sportswriters will have to explain as being “sort of like Abbott and Costello.”
9. The Yankees will become unsatisfied with their current outfield of old guys who used to be amazing, so they’ll sign Sadaharu Oh.
10. I will conquer my nature and refrain from buying another $75 Japanese baseball video game.

While not quite as famous eccentric as Dr. NakaMats, Tanaka is fondly known as “the Thomas Edison of Japan.” All things considered, he’d probably rather be known as “the Nikola Tesla of Japan”, but it is what it is. Anyway, this Tanaka guy is a pretty hoopy frood. Let me tell you why.

The Early Life

Tanaka was born in present day Fukuoka prefecture in 1799 and was the eldest son of a skilled tortoiseshell craftsman. Watching his father constantly working on these intricate tortoiseshell ornaments instilled a great sense of creativity in young Tanaka.

At the age of eight, Tanaka invented what he called an “inkstone case with a secret lock.” The drawer required a cord to be twisted in just the right way in order to open it. He brought it to school with him and challenged his classmates to open the drawer. Many tried but none succeeded.

By the age of fourteen, Tanaka had already invented a loom. He succeeded in weaving beautiful designs into fabric with his creation. Before this, the looms were too simple to create such intricate and beautiful designs. People were starting to recognize Tanaka’s potential.

At twenty, he was making autonomous dolls powered by hydraulics (karakuri dolls). Our good friend Hashi (lost but not forgotten) wrote about these little wonders a while back. They’re really quite fascinating.

[yframe url='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JV--AwLxiE']

These karakuri dolls were capable of relatively complex movements and were in high demand by the aristocrats, daimyo, and shogun. The style of the one in the video above is by far his most famous. Because Tanaka’s dolls were so impressive, he ended up performing all around Japan with them by the age of twenty-one.

Another interesting thing about the arrow shooting dolls of his was that some were actually programmed to miss one of its four shots. These dolls would make a happy motion when its arrow hit the mark and a look of sorrow when it missed. The video above doesn’t really highlight this, but just trust me on this one.

Since he was the eldest son, he was fated to take over the family business, but he convinced his father to let his younger brother take over things while he traveled around the country and pursued his dream of being an inventor. This is also about the time when people started referring to him as “the genius of mechanical wonders”.

Tanaka Hits His Stride

By his mid-thirties, mechanical doll shows had started to fall out of fashion so Tanaka relocated to Osaka where he tinkered with pneumatics, hydraulics, and various forms of lighting centering around canola oil. He invented the pocket candlestand (a portable candlestick that collapsed down to pocket size), and the long-burning lamp (an oil burning lamp with air-pressure pump fuel filler).

These long-burning lamps of his were roughly ten times brighter than a conventional candle and came with a glass globe to prevent flickering. Because of their incredible popularity, Tanaka went on to create seven different models. Tanaka catered to his customers’ needs and became both successful and popular as a result.

He later moved to Kyoto where he studied traditional Japanese mathematics, the calendar, and astronomy. While there, he invented a fire pump called “cloud dragon water” which used air pressure to shoot an adjustable stream of water up to thirty feet high. Like his lighting inventions, Tanaka went on to craft various iterations of this fire pump which were used for a wide variety of tasks.

[yframe url='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgTSfY7A19k']

In his early fifties, Tanaka crafted what I believe to be his most impressive invention. He created the Myriad year clock. I’ve written about timepieces before, but this thing definitely takes the cake. It’s probably one of the most impressive clocks I’ve seen. It’s also been designated as a Important Cultural Property by the Japanese government.

The clock can show the time in seven ways (time of day, day of week, month, moon phase, Japanese time, Solar term) and consists of more than 1,000 parts which Tanaka made all by himself with the simplest of tools. It took more than three years for him to finish the assembly.

In 2004 the Japanese government attempted to craft a replica of Tanaka’s masterpiece. It took more than 100 engineers over six months to build it. Even so, they found it impossible to make exact copies of some parts which just goes to show how impressive an accomplishment the original was for Tanaka.

Since clocks are so awesome, crafting and innovating them around this time was considered one of the most impressive things an inventor could do. Tanaka produced many other ingenious mechanical timepieces such as the pillow clock and drum clock. He also created Japan’s first planetarium.

With the development of the sonno joi (revere the emperor, expel the barbarians) movement (see Sakamoto Ryoma), Kyoto became increasingly dangerous for people involved with foreign technology and influences. Therefore, Tanaka ended up moving to Saga in Kyushu where he started inventing bigger, more dangerous creations.

Tanaka’s War Machines

In Saga, Tanaka designed and built Japan’s first domestically made steam locomotive and steam warship. This is a pretty big change from dolls and clocks, but Tanaka had reference to a Dutch book on the matter and had also watched a Russian demonstration of a steam engine in Nagasaki. Even with this limited exposure to steam powered vehicles, Tanaka and his crew were able to build these massive machines. Pretty impressive.

He also did some work leading to the creation of a specialized furnace for casting iron in Saga which was used for producing Armstrong guns (see above). In his mid-sixties, he returned to his stomping grounds in Fukuoka prefecture and assisted in the development of various modern weapons.

While there, he also invented a vast array of non-weaponized inventions. These included a machine for irrigating fields at high elevations and Japan’s first artificial ice maker.

Old Age and Death

Six years after the Meiji Restoration and at the ripe old age of seventy-four, the spritely Tanaka was invited to make telegraphs in Tokyo. He soon relocated to Ginza, renting the second floor of a temple in what is now known as Roppongi.

This measly workshop of his eventually involved into his first and only company, Tanaka Engineering Works. This company was the first manufacturer of telegraph equipment in Japan.

In 1881, Tanaka died of old age at eighty-two. His son then took over Tanaka Engineering works. The name was changed to Shibaura Engineering Works in 1904, merged with Tokyo Denki in 1939, and then became known as Tokyo Shibaura Denki. More commonly, though, it was known as Toshiba. Tokyo Shibaura Denki. Get it?

Toshiba and Tanaka’s Legacy

Today Toshiba is a multinational engineering and electronics conglomerate with over 200,000 employees. Its products and services include information technology, communications equipment and systems, electronic components and materials, power systems, appliances, infrastructure systems, medical and office equipment, lighting, logistics, and laptops. They don’t make telegraphs anymore, though.

[yframe url='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNBI1P4E388']

Google even made this in memory of the guy.

Even though it doesn’t carry the Tanaka name, Toshiba is still a living testament to the man that started it all, much like Thomas Edison and General Electric in the United States. He even got his own room in the Toshiba Science museum.

So tell me, how do you think Tanaka here stacks up to the likes of Edison? Does he deserve to be called the “Thomas Edison of Japan”? Share your thoughts in the comments!

Bonus Wallpapers

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Sites Referenced:
Toshiba Museum
Wikipedia