“Hi there, I’d like to order some tuna, wild salmon, and snapper, please.”

“Great, I won’t bring you any of those, right away.”

Here’s the bottom line: If you’re eating sushi in the United States, chances are you’re not eating what you ordered. Oceana’s 2013 report showed that 74% of sushi in the US is mislabeled. Yes, you are getting screwed over by a combination of sushi shop owners, fish sellers, and fishermen. They’re making a lot of money off of it, too.

Fraudulent Fish

Oceana went around buying fish from grocery stores, restaurants, and sushi venues. By far, the worst offenders were sushi restaurants (we’ll get into some theories on why this is in the next section). Through genetic testing of the fish, they found that 18% of fish in grocery stores, 38% of fish in restaurants, and 74% of fish of sushi venues are mislabeled.

There are, after all, a lot of fish in the sea, and many of them look and taste pretty alike. Sometimes it’s a case of “one fish looks just like another fish.” Other times it’s “wow, this fish is way cheaper but I can sell it at fancier fish prices because they look and taste nearly the same!”

Even though this may be true (that they taste and look like the real thing) it can be dangerous. Putting aside the fact that you’re not getting what you think you’re paying for, certain fishes have much higher mercury levels. For example, if you’re pregnant and you think you’re getting one fish (that’s known to have lower mercury levels, and is therefore safer for your unborn baby), and you get another fish (that is known to have high mercury levels), but you didn’t know about this… well, I can imagine you’d be very upset about this. Not to mention the uncontrollable anal leakage that certain fishes can cause. Don’t worry, we’ll get into the gory details below.

Wild Salmon

Everyone knows that wild salmon is so much more delicious than farm raised salmon. Also, it has that beautiful orange color, unlike farmed salmon which is a sickly grey. But guess what? If you add canthaxanthin and astaxanthin to their food, it will turn their skin a natural wild color (this is not to say that doing this is bad or dangerous, wild salmon eat shrimp and small fishes that contain the same chemical, which gives them their color).

By putting these additives into a farmed salmon’s food, though, farmers are able to sell their salmon as “wild” salmon, because really, who’s going to know the difference? Plus, you get paid a lot more for the real deal wild salmon than the sad grey one. Chaching! $$$. The problem is, farmed salmon contains seven times the amount of PCBs, have more disease, and are prone to sea lice. They also have way less Omega 3, which I think is a reason why a lot of people eat wild salmon.

27% of wild salmon is mislabeled in this way, so things could be much worse.

Snapper

87% of snapper that got tested came back with the “not snapper” result. Odds aren’t good if you want snapper. However, if you wanted giltheaded seabream, madai, tilapia, Pacific ocean perch, widow rockfish, or yellowtail rockfish then you’re in luck, because those are the things that got substituted in instead. In case you don’t know, those aren’t “great” fish… but they are cheap! Too bad the savings isn’t passed on to you.

Red Snapper

With a “not lying” score of 7/120, red snapper comes in right after regular snapper. What kinds of things are being sold instead of red snapper? Let’s start with tilefish, which happens to be on the FDA’s “Do Not Eat” list due to high mercury. Then, we can move on to tilapia, which happens to be dirt cheap (and are then sold as red snapper, which is not as dirt cheap). Other fish you might be eating instead of red snapper are the Caribbean red snapper, crimson snapper, spotted rose snapper, Pacific ocean perch, yellowtail rockfish, giltheaded seabream, madai, and white bass. There’s a pattern here. A lot of these fish are quite cheap. Red Snapper is not so cheap.

Apparently, though, if you want red snapper you should go to Atlanta, Georgia, as it was one of the few cities that did sell real red snapper.

White Tuna

Here’s the deal. Never order white tuna. 84% of white tuna is actually escolar… and wow, let me tell you about escolar. Sure, it’s nice and oily and tasty. Also, it’s pretty low in mercury, not to mention it’s cheap. But, it also a fish that cannot metabolize the wax esters naturally found in its diet. These esters are known as gempylotoxin (that has the word toxin in it, I’ll have you know) which can cause gastrointestinal issues. “What kind of issues?” asks the proverbial reader inside this article. “Well, thank you for asking!” I reply. “Let me tell you: uncontrollable anal leakage as well as buttery, oily diarrhea!” The nickname escolar is the “ex-lax” fish, if that gives you any idea. [source]

There’s a reason why Japan and Italy have banned the importation of this fish. Other governments like Canada, Sweden, and Denmark require warning labels. That being said it is really delicious, so eat with caution. The word on the street is to stay under 6 ounces, though that’s going to vary person to person.

And More…

This isn’t anywhere near the end of the list. Chilean seabass and regular sea bass are replaced with Antarctic toothfish, which is probably too ugly of a name to call a fish you want to eat raw, so it’s sold as seabass. Then there’s Alaskan, Pacific, and Atlantic cod, which gets replaced with Asian catfish, threadfin slickhead, tilapia, and white hake. There’s more than this too, I’d recommend checking out the study yourself, though I think I’ve touched on the more popular sushi-related fish.

As you can see things aren’t what they seem. Have you ever wondered why cheap sushi restaurants are so much cheaper? You’re probably not eating what you think you’re eating.

On a side note before we move on, I’d also like to throw out an honorable mention to wasabi, which is rarely real either. Okay, now back to fish.

Who’s Fault Is This?

In the US, 84% of fish is imported. Out of all that fish, only 2% is inspected. So, who’s going to be the wiser? Companies importing fish can sell cheaper fish as more expensive fish and nobody’s going to know the difference 98% of the time.

From there, we get down the the middlemen selling the fish. Maybe they bough the fish as what they’re supposed to be. Now they can turn around and sell the fish down to the grocery stores and sushi joints as something else… Oh, you want some snapper? Here, I have some delicious and fresh tilap… err… snapper for you that I’ll sell for slightly below regular snapper prices! This deal is too good to be true!

If the fish manages to get down to the sushi chefs without being mislabeled, then it’s their turn to lie to you. 74% of sushi venue fish that was tested is mislabeled, you’ll remember, which makes me think a lot of this corruption is at the sushi-restaurant level. Grocery stores are only at 18%, probably because they’re not out to make a big profit. While this isn’t true across the board, most sushi restaurants aren’t run due to one sushi chef / shop owner’s passion for sushi. They’re there to make a profit, and sushi restaurants in the US are some of the most profitable around. I’ve always thought this, but now I’m certain. If you’re doing sushi to make a profit you’re going to stretch that profit as far as you can. How do you do that? You mislabel fish, and you mislabel a lot of it.

So that’s why sushi fish is mislabeled so much. I find it hard to believe that they don’t know better, unless they’re not buying whole fish (which is possible, I suppose). They see the money they could make by charging inflated snapper prices for tilapia and rock fish and start slicing.

What Can You Do About It?

Of course, it’s not like every sushi restaurant is bad like this. There are plenty of really good, really high quality sushi restaurants that I’m sure are giving you the real thing. Of course, if you’ve ever wondered why one sushi place costs so much more and tastes so much better, perhaps this is going to be a reason why.

Oceana has some suggestions for how to prevent yourself from getting swindled, but they’re not all that helpful. They say you should ask questions, think about the cost of the fish (if it’s cheap, it’s probably a cheap fish), or purchase the whole fish. Since we’re talking about sushi, all of those things are much more difficult. You could get to know your sushi chef and hope that you can trust him or her, but there’s only so much you can do before you either insult the chef for suggesting they may be screwing you over or just plain getting lied to.

I’ve always known that the state of sushi in America wasn’t that great, so I was sad to run into this study. I will certainly feel much more paranoid and suspicious, and I’ll never ever order white tuna again.

Bonus Wallpapers!

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Impostor Condiment

Freshly grated (right) and paste(left) wasabi by rdpeyton

A friend of mine who recently moved back to the States from Japan after ten years reported this on Twitter as her first experience of culture shock:

Shocked to find that there is no real wasabi in the US. only “wasabi” are tubes of horseradish mixed w/blue#1 & yellow#4.

It’s not quite true that there is no real wasabi in the US – you can sometimes get it in high-end sushi restaurants, and although I’ve never seen it in a grocery here, there is such a thing as American-grown real wasabi paste in tubes. But unless you’ve made a special effort and are paying extra, you can be pretty sure that real wasabi is not what you’re eating.

Of course wasabi is not the only Japanese ingredient that you can’t easily get outside of Japan. I have to grow my own shishito peppers and make a special trip across town to pay like $3.50 – seriously, that is insane – for just two of those long negi onions. But the rarity of real wasabi is totally different. Mostly, people in the US are not eating the meals that those shishito peppers would be missing from. But we’re all eating sushi.

So why did most the popular Japanese food abroad make its way around the world without this fundamental ingredient? The problem is that Japan chose a rather specialized plant to make such an important part of this dish. Wasabi requires unusual growing conditions that aren’t easy to reproduce, and are quite unlike the typical garden or farm.

The Natural and Unnatural History of Wasabi

The wasabi plant is part of the mustard family and is related to horseradish and daikon radish, other foods that have that same spicy kick. And like those two, the part you’re eating is the root, which in the case of wasabi is usually grated to a fine paste.

Wasabi is an aquatic plant, adapted to grow in cold, flowing mountain streams, and needs heavy shade – not at all the conditions of your average vegetable garden or farm field. So the best-quality cultivated wasabi grows in specially built beds with stream water flowing through them, shaded by a cloth covering or in some places, carefully spaced trees. And once you’ve got all that right, unlike your usual vegetable or herb, it takes two to four years for the root to grow to harvestable size.

Because of the difficulty of producing wasabi in this way that’s close to its natural habit of growing, the industry eventually come up with a way of producing it in more normal farm fields in wet soil. It’s cheaper this way, but everyone appears to think it’s lower quality (unless they’re a company that also produces the field-grown type and wants people to buy it.)

Of course, given that most of us can only buy the fake stuff in tubes, we can only envy people who have the luxury of arguing the relative merits of water- and field-grown wasabi. I’m in no position to be fussy, so if anyone wants to send me some fresh wasabi grown in soil, please go right ahead. I promise I will be absolutely thrilled.

History of Wasabi Growing

According to archaeologists, wild wasabi was eaten as along ago as the Jomon period (14,000 to 400 BC) for its medicinal properties (more on that later). Written records mentioning wasabi go back to the tenth century, noting its use in particular dishes starting in Buddhist temples.

But in those days wasabi was gathered from the wild. Where the history really gets interesting to me is when wasabi started to be deliberately grown. As an American, I live in a country where if something started a hundred years ago we think it’s old. So I am always amazed by those Japanese businesses which are run by like the tenth generation in the same family.

If you feel the same way, prepare to have your mind blown: the oldest wasabi farm in Japan is currently run by the 17th generation owner, in the town where wasabi is believed to have first been cultivated 400 years ago.

Monzen wasabi farm is in the village of Utogi in Shizuoka. It’s said that during the Keichou era (1596 – 1615), people in this village took some plants from a nearby mountain that had so much wild wasabi growing on it that it was called Mt Wasabi, and tried planting them near a spring called Idogashira. It worked, and the rest is history. The village has a monument to the origin of wasabi growing, which you can see a photo of here, which is the actual webpage of the 400-year-old Monzen wasabi farm.

(For those of you who feel the history of anything Japanese is incomplete without a shogun in it, there’s an anecdote for you too: Ieyasu Tokugawa, first Tokugawa Shogun, is said to have been so obsessed with wasabi that he forbade its sale outside his family. Not because he thought it was delicious, but because the leaves resembled the hollyhock leaves in the family crest. Those wacky shoguns!)

Wasabi in Traditional and Not-so-traditional Japanese cuisine

Fine sushi is an experience involving the freshest possible fish and appreciating the most subtle flavors. (That’s setting aside all those crazy rolls with wacky combinations of fried things and sauces and Western ingredients, about which the less said, the better.) So you might be surprised to learn the history of sushi: it actually developed from methods of preserving fish for later consumption. These methods involved fermention and sometimes actual decomposition. You can read a bit about it here (as long as you’re not actually eating while you read this, or else have a really strong stomach for, say, a description of fish surrounded by salted rice which after three months has “broken down into a kind of paste.” Yum!)

So the reason sushi rice is mixed with vinegar wasn’t originally for flavor, but because vinegar is a preservative. And wasabi kills bacteria, so before refrigeration it was probably a good thing to throw in for reasons aside from that entertaining tasty burn.

The root isn’t the only part of the wasabi plant that is eaten. In the spring it’s traditional to eat what are called sansai or mountain vegetables. These include young bamboo shoots, fiddlehead ferns, and the young leaves of the wasabi plant. I’ve read that they mildly taste of wasabi, although unfortunately I have never had the pleasure personally.

Something as awesome as wasabi can’t be constrained by tradition, though, so now you can find all kinds of imaginative innovations, even in desserts. In Japan I’ve seen wasabi ice cream (no, I didn’t try it) and eaten wasabi Kit Kat (white chocolate with a mild afterburn, and much better than it sounds). American companies have gotten into the game also: anyone want a wasabi candy cane or some wasabi gumballs? Um, yeah, no, me neither.

Wasabi Science

Wasabi is traditionally believed to have medicinal benefits, and modern science has confirmed some of these beliefs and discovered new possibilities as well. Aside from its antimicrobial powers, there’s research suggesting that it has anti-inflammatory properties and may have effects on various types of cancer . This research doesn’t seem to be at a state where you should be running out and consuming mass quantities of wasabi to cure anything, but if the potential health benefits would give you a little push to pay extra to try the fresh wasabi next time you’re at your local fancy sushi place, go for it.

Japanese wasabi science isn’t confined to medical uses, though. A team of researchers came up with a wasabi alarm that could be used to awaken deaf people in case of a fire or other emergency. They showed that canned wasabi extract sprayed into the air would wake up test subjects in less than two minutes.

In 2011, this research won the IgNobel Prize in Chemistry., which is awarded to “achievements that first make people laugh, and then makes them think.” The scientific team’s fellow awardees included researchers who proved that yawning wasn’t contagious in tortoises and and others that investigated how a person’s decision-making was affected when they had to pee really bad.

Wasabi around the world

Although the rest of the world is still more familiar with that artificially-colored paste in the tube, we can be encouraged by the fact that growers in other countries have stepped up to meet the challenge of growing wasabi away from its home turf.

In the US, one company started growing it in Oregon in the mid-1990s. The Pacific Northwest, with its cool climate, seems to be the main place to go if you want to start a North American wasabi farm – there’s also another company with growers in British Columbia, Michigan, Washington and Oregon. There’s even a company that will sell you plants, if you want to try it yourself.

Wasabi is also being grown in New Zealand, and the first wasabi farm in Europe started doing business a couple of years ago in England.

Of all of these places, first prize for overseas wasabi lovers has to go to British Columbia, where the Vancouver Canadians minor league baseball team has the three mascots pictures above: Ms BC Roll, Mr Kappa Maki, and most important: Chef Wasabi.

Bonus Wallpapers!

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Sources:

• http://www.tokyofoundation.org/en/topics/japanese-traditional-foods/vol.-18-wasabi
• http://www.sbfoods-worldwide.com/foodCulture/wasabi/secret.html
• http://www.japantimes.co.jp/community/2001/05/13/general/just-what-the-herbologist-ordered/#.Up9s6VHFksw
• http://www.japantimes.co.jp/life/2011/04/22/food/the-unmistakable-taste-of-a-new-season/#.Up9tJVHFksw

North Korea hasn’t forgiven Japan’s invasion and occupation of the Korean peninsula, and still views Japan as its biggest enemy. In the past, the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea has kidnapped and killed Japanese citizens and threatened to nuke Japan into oblivion.

Given that history, it’s amazing that a Japanese man is one of the biggest confidants of the Kim family, and has become a linchpin between Japan and North Korea. That man? Kenji Fujimoto, a sushi chef who’s been serving the Kims on and off for over two decades.

Fujimoto’s fashion sense: WWE wrestler meets aging sushi chef

Fujimoto (not his real name) knows more about the inner workings of North Korea than most governments. After living in the DPRK and gaining the trust of Dear Leader Kim Jong-il, Fujimoto’s wealth of knowledge about the country has helped Japan—and the world at large—understand more about the hermit kingdom.

Even high-level Japanese officials like Isao Iijima, who visited North Korea earlier this year, don’t have the kind of access that Fujimoto has to DPRK’s ruling Kim family. Nobody outside of the North Korea knew current leader Kim Jong-un’s age (about 30) until Fujimoto casually mentioned it at a press conference.

Fujimoto’s unique knowledge and experiences have made him a minor celebrity in Japan; after leaving North Korea over a decade ago Fujimoto hasn’t worked a normal job, instead living off of book deals, interviews, and TV appearances.

Earlier this week, GQ released a new interview with Fujimoto. The interview is great not only for people who’ve never heard of Fujimoto before, but also for those (like myself) who are familiar with Fujimoto and his time in North Korea, but don’t know some of the nitty-gritty details.

Fujimoto covers his childhood, his first foray into the DPRK, his friendship with Dear Leader Kim Jong-il, and taking care of Kim Jong-il’s sons, including current leader Kim Jong-un.

Kim Jong-un was apparently introduced to his favorite basketball team, the Chicago Bulls, by Fujimoto, who brought VHS tapes of the Bulls to North Korea for the Kim boys to watch.

Think of it—without Fujimoto, Dennis Rodman might never have visited North Korea.

That’s not a world I want to live in.

Kim. Rodman. Double Team 2. Summer 2014.

It’s fascinating to me to think about Fujimoto’s profound influence on North Korea, and what it means for the two countries. The DPRK has a reputation as being the most isolated country in the world, and Japan is North Korea’s number one enemy.

Despite all that, North Korea and Japan can’t shake each other. If one Japanese man can have such a profound influence the supposedly closed off country of North Korea, it’s impossible to deny the interdependent relationship between Japan and North Korea.

The two have hundreds of years of history together and the actions and policies of each country affect the other more than they might care to admit.

But the most interesting thing to me about the GQ interview is that not only does Fujimoto plan to return to North Korea, but he wants to switch up his cooking. Instead of making sushi in North Korea, he wants to try his hand at making ramen.

Maybe this is interesting to me because it means that Fujimoto has emotionally moved on from Kim Jong-il, who loved sushi; maybe it’s because it marks ramen replacing sushi as Japan’s national dish; or maybe it’s because I just love ramen.

Probably the latter.

Read the GQ interview if you haven’t already to read more about Fujimoto and his life in North Korea.

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Japan: The worst developed country for mothers?: Japan has made a lot of strides when it comes to gender equality, but this article is a reminder that it still has a long, long way to go. Japanese women still face a reality that forces them to abandon their careers once they have children, and deal with the majority of household work. It’s a tough issue, but one that sorely needs to be addressed.
[/threecol_two] [threecol_one_last]World Whiskies Awards 2013: Japan takes World’s Best Blended & Best Blended Malt Whisky: You probably know already, thanks to a highly-educational, well-written article, that Japanese whisky is some of the best in the world. That reputation was reaffirmed this week after the Japanese won both World’s Best Blended and Malt Whiskies. Take that Scotland!

Woman Flees North Korea And Is Shocked By Freedom and… Cosplay: When you escape North Korea, one of the most isolated, impoverished countries on earth, almost anything can be shocking to you. Everyday thing like grocery stores, cars, and cell phones, must be almost inconceivable. But cosplay?![/threecol_one_last]

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[threecol_one]Netizens Touched by Anti-anti-Korean Protests in Japan: As much as I hate the term “netizens,” this story was actually really heart-warming. As anti-Korean protesters took to the streets, anti-anti-Korean protesters countered them by making their own voices heard, and blocking out the bigots. Let’s just all be friends, ok guys? Bring it in for a group hug.

Japan needs to rebrand for SXSW: As Korean makes strides into the global music scene, Japan’s presence at the South by Southwest festival seems more and more muted. How can Japanese musicians stand out more? My advice for SXSW: more buzzwords! Social media. Disrupt. Synergy. Pivot. [/threecol_one] [threecol_two_last]

Sushi Outside of Japan: Sushi chefs from all over the world came to Japan earlier this month for the World Sushi Cup, an international sushi competition designed to push the limits of the cuisine. And even as a Danish chef walked away the victor, the crowd over at 2ch discussed what they saw as sushi abominations created by foreigners. Hey, you win some, you lose some.
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The thing is, most non-Japanese people don’t know good Japanese restaurants from bad ones. It’s not your fault, though. You grew up eating that Costco Maruchan ramen when you weren’t going to Happy Teriyaki (pro tip: they are not happy). I imagine it’s a lot like when I try to find a “good” Indian restaurant. I honestly have no idea what’s “good,” though for some reason I think I do (I don’t). If I took Ghandi to one of the Indian restaurants I frequent I’m sure he’d slap me in the face.

So, as someone who’s ridden the ol’ Japanese restaurant donkey cart a few times, I’m here to educate you. No longer do you need to go to sub-par Japanese (I should say “Japanese” restaurants just because you don’t know any better. I hope none of these methods “washoku” you, though. Har har har…

Law #1: Be Super Racist With Yelp Reviewers

Law #1? Don’t trust non-Japanese people on Yelp (sometimes you can trust other Asians, but they have to have a good track record). Okay, I know this is super racist (as in, if Superman had the power of racism, it would be at this level), but I hold myself to this very racist standard for all things on Yelp. If I want to find some good Chicago pizza, I try to find reviewers from Chicago. If I want to find good  Chinese food, I try to find Chinese reviewers (who say things like “this is just like what my mom would make me as a kid!!! ermagahd!!”).

Unfortunately, I had to learn my lesson the hard way. Coming to Portland, where everyone is white and can’t tell the difference between chuutoro and ootoro (I know, barbaric, right??), I was excited to see so many highly rated Japanese / sushi restaurants in the area. Then, I went to one. “Eugh, terrible!” I’d say. “Probably a fluke. Let’s try another… wth is wrong with you people??”

Then I learned… Some reviews are much better than others. Things to look out for in order of preference:

1. Japanese people. Obviously they know what they’re talking about.
2. People with Japanese names. Chances are they grew up with at least some real Japanese food.
3. People who mention that they lived / worked in Japan (not always good, but a good indication because they’ve had lots of “real” Japanese food).
4. People who don’t mention “pot stickers” in their review (last resort).

On top of this, you’ll want to look out for certain keywords in the reviews. If a lot of the reviews mention the miso soup, the pot stickers, or the bentos, there’s a good chance that this Japanese restaurant are not the droids you’re looking for. I don’t know what is up with Americans and their miso soup, though. The funny thing is, it gets way better than whatever gets served in America.

As one Yelp Reviewer said: “This miso soup is off the hook!”

Is it really, though? Is it? Yelp needs to add a “sort by racism” option.

Law #2: Avoid Anyplace With The Word “Teriyaki” In The Name

I feel like this goes without saying, but any restaurant with the name “Teriyaki” in it is almost certainly a no-go. Hey, teriyaki is tasty, but it’s almost always incredibly Americanized.

While you should avoid places that have the word “Teriyaki” in their name, it’s probably worth noting that there are good Japanese restaurants that serve teriyaki as a part of their menu. Note that this is probably because most Americans don’t actually like “real” Japanese food, so they have to serve salty meat behemoths. That being said, places that serve absolutely no teriyaki (chicken or beef, especially) at all get extra points and are more likely to be “good.”

Law #3: No Refunds. No Exchanges. No Fun.

Look around you. Do you see signs that say “No refunds,” “No exchanges,” “No …. etc”? If you do, you’re in luck! You may be inside of a “good” Japanese restaurant. Although not all good Japanese restaurants have these kinds of signs, only good ones do. I have no idea why this is, but I have a theory:

1. Japanese person comes to America thinking “hey, I’m going to start an awesome Japanese restaurant.”
2. Japanese person starts said Japanese restaurant. Americans can’t appreciate it because they aren’t used to this kind of “real” Japanese food. Ask for refunds and exchanges.
3. Because Japanese people aren’t used to refunds or exchanges, especially with food, Japanese restaurant owner is shocked!
4. Japanese restaurant owner slowly becomes more and more hard on the inside. He becomes bitter and cold. He puts up signs.

That’s only one theory though! One thing you can be certain of, though: If you enjoy good Japanese food, there will never be a reason to return any of the food you get at a sign-infested Japanese restaurant. It’s going to be excellent food. Give the owner a thumbs up. He probably needs it.

Law #4: Restaurant Should Have A Japanese Chef, Japanese Owner

Whoa Koichi! Don’t go all KKK Nazi on us, now.

Sorry sorry! Hear me out, my dear Grand Dragon Of The Realm!

First off, I’ll say that there are exceptions to this rule. That being said, I’d rather go to a Thai place run by Thai people or a McDonalds run by an American. In general, this is just a better experience. When a Thai person makes Thai food, chances are they’ve been making it their whole life. When someone else makes Thai food, it’s probably something they learned recently (in the last few years). I’m not saying non-Thai people can’t make good Thai food. I am saying that Thai people, in general, make better Thai food. Same goes with Japanese, possibly more so.

Here’s the deal: Japanese food restaurants have nice profit margins. People pay top dollar for sushi, and it definitely doesn’t cost them $6 for two slices of tuna. Because of this, there are many other people who want to jump in on this business to make some mad sushi-bank. This is probably why there are so many “Japanese” restaurants run by Koreans and Chinese. There’s a lot of “exploitation” in this way.

Of course, these people are mainly in it for the profits. I find it hard to believe that they’re in it for their passion of Japanese food. They’re in it for the profits that Japanese food holds, which means the quality suffers as well (people who want more profits cut more corners). So, in general, Japanese restaurants run by non-Japanese people aren’t as good. The experience isn’t there and the passion isn’t there. There’s a reason why Korean kimchi tastes way better than Japanese kimchi.

But how can you tell the difference between a Korean owner and a Japanese owner? Well, sometimes you can’t. Usually there’s a few hints in the menu, though:

1. Do they serve any non-Japanese food that’s Korean or Chinese? If so, the restaurant is probably not run by Japanese people.
2. Are there takeout menus? If so, there’s a decent chance that this isn’t a restaurant run by a Japanese person.
3. Do the menus have numbers next to each item? This is generally a Chinese restaurant thing.

But like I said, sometimes there are great Japanese restaurants run by non-Japanese people. In general, though, non-Japanese people running Japanese restaurants are in it for the money, not for the passion. You’ll be able to taste the difference in the food.

Law #5: Should Not Serve Orange Chicken Or Hamburgers

As mentioned in Law #4, there shouldn’t be non-Japanese food on the menu (maybe something for the kids… maybe). Whether it’s because it tells you that non-Japanese people are running the restaurant or that they don’t have focus, in general this is never a good thing. Have you ever been to a restaurant that was great that served two or three completely different categories of food? Probably not. There are a lot of “Japanese” restaurants that serve non-Japanese food out there as well. In general, they’re not great. Exception? Hawaii. Hawaii can get away with anything in regards to food.

Law #6: Should Not Be Named After Mt. Fuji

There’s one thing that connects all mediocre Japanese restaurants, and that is the name. Usually, good Japanese restaurants have unique names. Perhaps it’s the owner’s name, perhaps it’s something else. What I can tell you is that the name probably does not contain any of these words.

• Fuji / Mt. Fuji
• Bento
• -Zilla
• Tokyo
• Sushi
• Samurai
• Wasabi
• Ninja
• Teriyaki
• Sakura
• Any combination of Beni or Hana.

Oh, and it gets worse when you combine any of these. “Samurai Wasabi,” “Fuji Bento,” “Tokyo Sushi,” “Ninja Teriyaki,” and so on. These sound concernedly real to me.

Think about it. What do non-Japanese people know about Japan? Okay, there’s Mt. Fuji (Google shows nearly 15 million results for “Fuji Restaurant”). Then there’s Tokyo… everyone knows about Tokyo. After that there’s Godzilla, Samurai, Ninja, Teriyaki, and sushi. In terms of “what Japan is to regular Americans” this is about it. There’s two problems with restaurants having names that include these words:

1. It may have been named by someone who knows nothing about Japan (and probably nothing about Japanese food, see Law #4), which is why they chose some generic Japan-related name. Not any different from naming a Chinese restaurant after pandas and bamboo.
2. Someone is making this restaurant for Americans, which means it isn’t Japanese food anymore.

Let me know in the comments. How many of you have Japanese restaurants that include one of these words? I’d bet at least 100% of you?

Law #7: Sushi Rolls Should Not Take Up Twelve Menu Pages

And the last law: sushi! With the soaring popularity of sushi in America, you can’t skip this. Sushi gives you a ton of clues as to whether or not a Japanese restaurant is “good” or not.

One Page Maximum, Please: If the menu contains more than one page of sushi rolls you’re in trouble. First of all, sushi rolls are much more of a thing in America than they are in Japan. Americans go apeshit over sushi rolls, for who knows what reason. I guess they contain less raw ingredients and you can deep fry them? I have no idea. Thing is, there are way too many of them. I consistently run into sushi menus that contain literally six or more pages worth of sushi rolls, and every one of them is just a slight variation on the last. Most likely, this restaurant is run by someone who is not Japanese. There’s lots of money in sushi rolls, so this person thinks that the more they have, the more money they’ll make. Obviously they aren’t in it for the passion of making great Japanese food.

Too Much Rice: It’s hard to gage this if you’re not used to less rice, but in general, “bad” sushi contains more rice and “good” sushi contains less. This is a trick that most Japanese restaurants do to make things bigger and fill you up faster (without having to give up as much profit-cutting fish!). Almost every sushi restaurant in America uses too much rice, I can tell you now. When you find someplace that does less (and higher quality) rice and achieves a better balance, you know you’ve found a gem.

Sushi Chef Shouldn’t Talk To You Much: Well, unless he knows you pretty well. In general, Japanese sushi chefs tend to talk to people they don’t know a lot less (exceptions to this rule abound, I’m sure). Non-Japanese sushi chefs are more talkative. Perhaps this is due to focus. Perhaps this is due to culture. I’m not totally sure, but it is something I’ve noticed. They’re too immersed in making great sushi to talk to you about your marathon or whatever it is you’re blabbing on about.

The Air Should Smell “Fresh”: If you smell the air and it smells fishy… well… something isn’t right. Sushi shouldn’t be “fishy,” and it certainly shouldn’t make the whole place smell fishy. This probably means the fish isn’t as fresh as it could be. Smell the air and turn around if it’s not ideal.

Seasonal: There are a lot of items that should be served seasonally. While I won’t go into what’s served when, in general your chef shouldn’t give you anything seasonal that’s not available fresh during that particular season. One way to figure this out is to ask the chef what is offered seasonally right now or look for a “specials” board. This will take more experience to figure out, but this little hint will tell you about how important freshness is to them.

Sushi Shouldn’t Require Wasabi, Shoyu (Soy Sauce): This is how you know you’ve found the motherload. Almost no Japanese restaurant does this in America. Even Japanese places don’t do this. But, if you go someplace that applies both wasabi and sauce for you (because they know what’s perfect for that particular piece of sushi), you can pinch yourself and see if you’re dreaming. Most likely, you’ll wake up a moment later, hungry and covered in sweat. If you don’t, though, smile and know that you might be at Jiro’s.

That’s Just Like Your Opinion, Man…

Wow, what a load of racism this post was! Sorry about that. Just want to mention again that there are exceptions to all of these “laws” (okay, so maybe they aren’t “laws,” but it sounds cooler). These laws will only get you so far, though. You have to go out there and try real Japanese food if you want to learn to appreciate real Japanese food. The more you try (and cook!) the better your palate will become. Of course, same goes for all types of food, including Korean, Chinese, Thai, American, French, and so-on. When it comes to food, the mother-country almost always knows best. If you want Japanese food you should get it from a “real” Japanese restaurant.

Also, food changes as it gets touched by other cultures. This isn’t a bad thing, and “real” Japanese food as it is now is definitely just a series of changes and adjustments that would probably be an abomination if eaten 500 years ago. “Real” Japanese food doesn’t exist because it’s all real. Same goes for “real” anything. Real is what you make it.

That being said, let’s all get high and mighty about “real” Japanese food for a moment anyways. Tell me about your “real” or “not real” Japanese food experiences in the comments! How many restaurants with the name “Fuji” are in your city or town? How many pages of sushi-roll menu do you read before flipping your table?

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

Hope you enjoyed this post and are now ready to go out and find some “real” Japanese food. Sadly, there’s a chance you won’t find any at all, but it never hurts to try. Worst case scenario? Just go to Japan.

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Source: Header Image (note that I’m not saying this is a bad place to eat, it’s just my header picture because it has the word Teriyaki in it).

But How is Fugu Prepared, Anyway?

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This video is great. It does a fantastic job of explaining pretty much all you need to know about fugus and their preparation. So maybe fugus aren’t the real murderers after all. We humans sure kill a lot more of them than they do us, that’s for sure.

And for those of you brave enough to witness the actual preparation of the fugu from start to finish, I’ve included the video below. But be warned! If you are squeamish about things being chopped up while they are still alive and moving, you’d best skip on this one.

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See? Told you. Not exactly a pleasant viewing experience. But let’s get back to how devilishly murderous these fugu are, shall we?

Poisonings in the Tens!

Okay, so fugu really aren’t all that dangerous. The Japanese government keeps a record of reported fugu poisonings within the country, and each year since they started keeping track there have been about 20 to 40 reported fugu poisonings annually. Compare this to shark attacks which happen about 100 times a year. And that’s worldwide, not just in Japan. Suddenly fugu doesn’t seem so scary after all now does he?

And while reported poisonings range from about 20 to 40 each year, the fatality rate from these poisonings is actually quite low. The fatality rate in Japan is only 6.8% and the most fatalities ever in one year was a mere six. Some years there aren’t even any fatalities at all.

According to the Florida Museum of Natural History, less than one person a year is killed by sharks each year on average (although seventeen died in 2011 from shark attacks). So I guess fugus come out a little bit ahead in this category as far as murderous intent goes.

Seems legit.

But what about the poisonings outside of Japan that come at the hands of phony baloney “sushi chefs” (see above)? Well, unfortunately the survival rate for fugu poisonings outside of Japan isn’t tracked. However, the survival rate outside of Japan is most likely lower as Japanese hospitals are better equipped to treat fugu poisonings as it is much more common over there. Other countries are most likely not as familiar with these types of incidents. So would I recommend you try fugu the next time you’re in Mexico? No, no I would not.

Japan also has strict regulations and training regimens for fugu chefs. This makes fugu eating far safer in Japan than it would be in most other countries. Although some countries such as the United States require that fugu chefs be certified in Japan before they are allowed to prepare fugu dishes for patrons.

More often than not, the fugu poisoning cases in Japan are committed by fisherman or other amateur fugu chefs who attempt to (unwisely) prepare fugu at home. So, when all’s said and done, there is a very, very small chance that you will fall victim to fugu poisoning when sampling the dish at a respected eatery while in Japan.

Fun Fact: Did you know that fugu literally means “river pig”?

So tell me, have any of you been brave enough to try fugu? Think you would if given the chance? Share your story and let us know in the comments!

Sites Consulted:
Japan-Talk
Fugu Wikipedia
Shark Attack Wikipedia