Christmas in Japan

If you walked around Japan on Christmas Day, you wouldn’t notice too much that’s different or out of the ordinary. All the shops would be appropriately decorated and seasonal foods would be seen on advertisements, Christmas music would be playing, and just about everything would be urging you to get into the Christmas spirit. In Japan, however, Christmas is not religiously celebrated (I guess it’s becoming less and less religious around the world too). It’s also not a day that’s about Santa Claus either. Instead, it’s more about him and his wife and what they do together, if you catch my drift. Ho ho ho! ♪

Many articles have been written about Christmas in Japan, from the finger lickin’ good KFC Christmas dinners to lovely strawberry shortcakes to the conspiracy that Santa Claus is actually Japanese. What we haven’t covered, though, is what Christmas means to Japanese couples, so I’d like to do that.

In fact, as many of you may already know, Christmas in Japan is not for families. It’s for couples. Granted, if you’re still a child you can still expect a gift or two, but once you’re grown up, unless you’re dating someone, don’t expect to be doing much Christmas celebrating. Japanese couples go on dates on Christmas because they think it’s romantic for them to go out on that day.

Actually, Christmas Eve has become, perhaps, the most romantic night of the year in Japan. It’s a day for couples to celebrate each other in every possible way. All of the fancy restaurants will be holding special reservations from months in advance and many expensive items move off the shelves at this time. I’d also like to recommend not getting married on Christmas Eve because every honeymoon suite and every hotel in Japan will be booked. It is indeed a day for lovers.

Why Is Christmas So Romantic?

So why in the world is Christmas so romantic? Of course there are Christmas lights and decorations all through the city streets, in shops, on buildings, and even in theme parks. They help to get couples into the romantic mood! Magazines and TV programs have a great deal of influence in convincing young people to go out on Christmas Eve as well. Just like everywhere else, there are groups that want you to spend your money on Christmas. In Japan, it just happens to be couples, so hotels, jewelry stores, and the like will push really hard to make sure you spend the big yen for your loved one.

There are also lots of magazine guides that inform people where to go in order to have a successful and romantic Christmas date. And on TV, there are lots of programs introducing dating spots for this particular day. Young people think they need a boyfriend/girlfriend on Christmas Eve and if they don’t have a partner when that day comes they sometimes will feel ashamed or depressed. It’s large enough of a phenomenon that it is well known that many single people try their hardest to get a boyfriend or girlfriend in the weeks approaching Christmas Eve.

So, a combination of social pressure, Christmas lights, and a lot of advertising dollars make this the most romantic Japanese day of the year. It’s not so dissimilar to Valentine’s Day in America or Canada, though I think Japan tends to go a little crazy on holidays like this.

Christmas For a Japanese Person who is dating a non-Japanese

I think that “Christmas for couples” is acceptable as long as you are dating a Japanese person. For Western people, it’s usually a time to spend with family, though sometimes your partner is considered family in a way (but you don’t go off on a romantic date exclusive to you two). This difference between cultures can sometimes cause issues when a non-Japanese and Japanese person are dating. According to one woman who is dating an Italian man, for example, she becomes envious of her Japanese friends every Christmas. Let’s see why.

欧米ではクリスマスや年末年始などのイベントは家族で過ごすことが当たり前だそうで、彼と一緒に過ごすことができません。日本では、クリスマスは恋人と過ごしている友人が多くてうらやましい！
“My boyfriend is Italian. In Western cultures, it seems that people spend Christmas with their family, so I can’t be with my boyfriend. I’m jealous of my Japanese friends who can spend their Christmas with their boyfriends or girlfriends.” source: 国際恋愛「外国人と交際していて○○に驚いた」トレンドニュース

Although another anonymous person complained that she has to stay in Japan because of her job while her American boyfriend goes back to his country for Christmas, another Japanese guy who is dating an Australian woman says that he enjoys going to visit her family during Christmas. It is a bit of a rush though, because Japanese people don’t get Christmas holidays, so he has to get to the airport on the 23rd in order to make it on time for Christmas.

A similar thing happened to me once when my husband (boyfriend, at that time) and I were in Japan, though I wasn’t planning to spend Christmas alone with my boyfriend. I was actually planning to have a Christmas party in my apartment on the 25th and invited some friends. Of course I invited him, too, however at that time his brother was also in Japan and they were both planning to Skype their family from his brother’s house. I was also invited to join, but I had already made plans with my friends. I asked if it’s okay to take my friends there, too, but his brother wanted to keep it as a family thing. Taking friends there wasn’t acceptable! I ended up having the party without him and we had a great time. Of course, we bought KFC, which I should tell you is much different on Christmas than it is on normal days. They sell a really fancy chicken dinner (only for X’mas) and open a lot of wine bottles. Awww, it was such a good time! You may have thought my boyfriend and I could have had our romantic Christmas date on Christmas Eve, but we attended a mutual friend’s Christmas party, instead.

These are first world Christmas problems indeed!

The Lame Christmases That Turn Men Away

I previously wrote about the type of love confessions and birthday plans that turn women off, but I finally came across something that turn men away on Menjoy!. So, what kind of women’s behavior done on Christmas day has the power to make men think differently about them? Let’s read some responses in Japanese to find out. Pay attention, ladies!

ふだん行き慣れていない高級イタリアンや高級フレンチで明らかに挙動が不審な女性。レストランの席に通されるときから、歩き方がぎこちないとか、フィンガーボールの水を見て“おいしそうね”と言う女性。残念ですよね
I would turn away if my girlfriend got apparently nervous and behaved restlessly in a fancy Italian restaurant or a fancy French restaurant. For example, while we were guided to our table, if she walked like a robot, I would feel sad. It would also be pathetic if she were to say “looks tasty” while looking at the water in the finger bowl.

Aww! It kind of sounds like me. I’m certainly not used to such restaurants. I actually don’t like this quote. It makes me upset. If you complain that your girlfriend feels out of place in such restaurants, it would be your fault for not taking her to them often enough. *Angry*

クリスマスイブの日限定で網タイツを履く女性の心理は、だいたい察しがつきますが、ちょっとやる気まんまんすぎてドン引きしますよね。女性の気持ちを考えると、男性としてその気持ちを受け止めてあげたいのは山々ですが……
I understand that women want to dress up and wear fishnet stockings on Christmas Eve because they never get a chance to wear them, but it turns me off because I can’t help feeling that she got all pumped up and too excited about the whole thing. I considered her feelings and I really wanted to accept what she did for me, but I couldn’t help but say no.

とってつけたような勝負下着を着た女にどんびきした。クリスマスデートは、男女ともに下着には気を遣っていると思います。あまりに気遣いが極端になると、見たこともない真っ赤な下着とか、総レースのすごくゴージャスな下着とか、そういうものを身につける女性もいると思います。見慣れないものを見ると、びっくりするのが男性です。
I was turned off by a woman who was uncharacteristically wearing sexy underwear. For Christmas dates, both women and men are very careful about their choice in underwear, but there are some women who care too much and choose very red or 100% lace lingerie. However, guys will be shocked if they looked at something they aren’t used to.

「サンタさんの格好をした自分」をプレゼントされてどんびきした。
She tried to give herself to me while she was wearing a Santa costume. I was turned off.

These reactions might only happen among Japanese men (again, not all Japanese men think this way), but they tend to turn down women if they come off as too sexy in such situations. For example, I’ve heard many guys talk like this before: If a woman walks out of the bathroom naked after a shower, it disgusts them because those women don’t have any shyness. Apparently, acting shy will make girls seem “cute” for guys, and being a “cute girl” is what many Japanese girls strive to be. Thus, wearing fishnet stockings or gorgeous lingerie or being a sexy Santa can come off as the opposite of shy and the poor women failed to be the “cute girl” that some men require.

男に相談せずにホテルの部屋を予約する女にどんびきした。クリスマスイブとはいつのことかと言えば、それは月末であり、会社によっては25日の締め日前のすごく忙しい日です。そういうときに、横浜の●●ホテルに19時待ち合わせと言われても、すぐに行けないのです
I was turned off when my girlfriend made a reservation at a hotel without asking me a thing. Christmas Eve is the end of month and it could be such a busy day because the 25th of every month is a typical deadline date, depending on the company. At such a time, if I was told, “We are going to meet up at 7p.m. at the XXX hotel in Yokohama”, of course, I can’t be there on time.

Considering that there aren’t any Christmas holidays in Japan and how Japanese men prioritize business over relationships, this is very likely to happen, especially when Christmas Eve falls on a weekday. Although she probably just wanted to make him happy with her surprise, she should have asked him about his schedule first.

レストランでケーキを食べて、家でもケーキを食べることにどんびきした。このパターンは正直、苦手な男性のほうが多いのではないでしょうか。1日に2つ以上のケーキを食べることに男性は慣れていません。
I was turned off of by my girlfriend when we had to eat cake in the restaurant and then another cake at home afterward. I’d say most guys are bad at this, right? Guys aren’t used to eating two or more pieces of cake a day.

Personally, I’m a fan of cake (I should actually say I’m a fan of Japanese cake because Canadian cake is too sweet, except for homemade ones.) I may break up with him if he blamed me for finding two separate occasions to eat cake in one day. Instead of blaming her, he simply should have given her his portion, then they both would have been happy.

A recent cake that my husband and I made was “bacon topped maple buttercream cupcakes” and, by the way, they were really good. I wouldn’t mind extra portions of that!

値段も見ずにワインをどんどん飲む女にどんびきした。レストランでワインを頼む女性は要注意です。お店によっては、女性が見るメニューには金額が書いていないこともあります。男性が見るメニューには金額を書いてあります。女性がワインを頼むたびに男性はドキッとします
I was turned off of a woman who drank wine like a bear without looking at the price. I would say that we should be aware of women who order wine in restaurants, depending on the restaurant. Prices aren’t on the menu for women, but they are on the menu for men so that whenever a woman orders wine in a restaurant, the man might shudder.

I didn’t know that such “sexist” restaurants existed. Although wine is said to be good for your heart, it wouldn’t be very good for men’s hearts to go to such restaurants and have to spend so much money on the wine. It can get expensive!

クリスマスツリーと一緒に鏡餅も買ってくる女にどんびきした。クリスマスデートをしたら、次に彼氏と会えるのが29日だから……といって、クリスマスツリーと一緒に鏡餅まで買ってくるのは、気が利いているようで“おいおい”ってなるでしょうね。気が早すぎるのです。
I was turned off when she bought ‘kagamimochi’ (a New Years decoration made of rice cakes) and a Christmas tree. She said she bought kagamimochi and the Christmas tree at the same time because she figured the next time we would meet would be after Christmas (the 29th) and too late to prepare for New Years. It was done as a favor, but to me, it was too early and ruined the Christmas mood.

Buying those New Years goods beforehand may be okay, but bringing them on Christmas day doesn’t sound right. Maybe you should have just told him that you would buy them for him and take it to him on 29th, instead. The thought was there, at least. It’s hard for me to understand why this would make you like somebody less.

25日の0時すぎにコンビニでクリスマスケーキの半額交渉をする女にどんびきした。
I was turned off by a woman who desperately asked a convenience store clerk for a 50% discount on a Christmas cake.

Once Christmas is over the surplus of Christmas cakes typically get a huge price drop, but haggling in front of your boyfriend for so long may not appeal to some men. She may have just wanted to impress him, though. The ability to haggle well is quite the talent, actually!

キャンドルの灯りだけで過ごそうとする女にどんびきした。聖なる夜にキャンドルの灯り数本で過ごしたいという女性の気持ちはよくわかります。でも、マンションって気密性が高いので、キャンドルの煙を煙探知機が敏感に察知します。また、一酸化炭素中毒も心配です。どちらもクリアしても、壁紙に煤（すす）のにおいがついて、とれないのです。キャンドルはケーキにつけて、すぐに吹き消してほしいですよね。
I was turned off by a woman who tried to spend our whole night in candle light. I understand her feelings of wanting to spend a romantic night with a couple candles on such a night, but we were only in an apartment. Apartments are so small and compact that the fire alarm could easily go off and I’m also worried about carbon monoxide poisoning. Even though we got over those problems, it could have left a burning smell on my apartment walls. I would really love a woman who only uses candles on cakes and then blows them out right away.

This person has a fear of candles, apparently. It’s sad that he couldn’t light candles in his apartment, but I do understand how small and cramped they could be. After all, Japanese apartments are pretty tiny sometimes! Fire is definitely a legitimate concern too, especially with how closely people live next to each other.

Although I think that the guy responses are a little more shallow than past lady responses that we’ve gone through, I hope some of you are able to learn a little more about what to expect on Christmas, especially if you’re in a relationship in Japan. There are different ideals for a “good” Christmas, and if you don’t know them you could be making your significant other upset without even knowing it.

So, along with the rest of the Tofugu team, we’d like to wish you a very happy Christmas, and I hope you don’t make any of the mistakes listed above. We’ll be on a post hiatus until 2014, so please relax and enjoy the holidays until then!

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Bonus Wallpapers!

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Still here? Great! Reading ahead will not in fact make you a real-life, dagger-wielding, jujitsu pro, but it will tell you whether Mami, a fifteen year old Japanese girl of my acquaintance, would call you one, and that’s easily as good, right? Ok, so she’d technically be talking about the word ‘juujitsu’ (充実, juujitsu, meaning enrichment or fulfillment), but given the words’ near-homonymity, let’s imagine for one second that she’s talking about the martial art.

It’s really quite easy to discover whether or not you do ‘real jujitsu’ in Mami’s eyes: basically, are you in a relationship? Yes? Congratulations – you’re doing real jujitsu! In fact, you’ve been doing it ever since that awkward moment when you accidentally called her your ‘girlfriend’ and she didn’t dispute it, or run screaming.

The moment you enter a relationship you begin the life of ‘real jujitsu’, abbreviated to ‘riaju’, or so say most young Japanese people. I know ‘most’ sounds like a bold claim, so for those of you who are all about stats, let this slow your rising eyebrow: a survey listed on www.acronyms.com (‘the web’s largest resource for acronyms and abbreviations’, no less) claims that ‘riaju’ was the most popular word among Japanese teenagers in 2011, used to mean ‘people who enjoy a fulfilling life’. The example they use? ‘I got a girlfriend, I’m gonna be enjoying [a] fulfilling life.’

The implication is that people in relationships are making the most of life and having great ones at that – ‘LML-ing’ as kids back in the UK might have said a couple of years ago. Poor singletons, on the other hand, are apparently missing something major and not making the most of things; not being riajus at all. Mami (not Tofugu’s Mami), the girl who introduced me to the word riaju, made this point in just a couple of words of very broken English.

‘You,’ she said, pointing at me, ‘riaju’; a huge grin illuminated her face.
‘Me,’ she continued, pointing to herself with an exaggerated and very kawaiii pout, ‘solo-jo.’

She left me in no doubt that the status of riaju was one to be envied and emulated, and that of solo-jo something to be bemoaned and avoided.

My Japanese isn’t yet quite advanced enough to ask Mami whether this might possibly be a false dichotomy and an oversimplification of Japanese romantic life. But I have no reason to think her views are atypical of girls her age; indeed I have met and taught a large number and all seemed to share Mami’s monochromatic vision of relationships and happiness. There seems a tendency for Japanese young people to paint coupledom and singledom as opposing ends on a spectrum of happiness, rather than considering the varying levels of happiness and fulfillment that either status can bring. Thus a person in an unhappy relationship is still assumed happier than a single person; it is the status of ‘relationship’ which brings happiness, apparently, rather than a relationship’s specific qualities or lack thereof.

This makes it all the more strange that singledom is increasingly common among young people in Japan. The high proportion of young Japanese people who are single has recently hit the press. The National Institute of Population and Social Security Research reported in 2011 that 49% of Japanese women aged 18-24 were single, and that 61% of unmarried men of the same age were single. Since then journalists have apparently competed to pen alarmist commentaries, a recent Guardian headline even asking its readers: ‘Why Have Young People in Japan Stopped Having Sex?’ Yes, apparently young people in Japan have abandoned this most ancient of pastimes (although it seems no-one has remembered to inform the still-thriving love hotel industry, which continues to provide accommodation by the hour in most corners of the capital).

So despite the oversimplification involved in ‘riaju’-status (what, teenagers seeing the world in naively black-and-white terms? Never!), its prevalence does at least counteract the sensationalist notion that the Japanese do not aspire to relationships.

When reading about Japan, it’s hard to miss the tendency among Western journalists to present the country as alien and faintly ridiculous. I’m lucky enough to have lived in Japan for nearly two months now (with many more to come). I’ve yet to see the used-underwear vending machines I was led to expect, or vast hordes of gothic lolitas; thank God I didn’t come to Japan to see these things the papers assured me were the norm. The alleged paucity of both sex and romance is most definitely another Western overreaction and does not reflect the reality in Japan.

Indeed, far less commonly cited is the statistic, recorded in the very same survey, showing that 90% of Japanese singletons between 18-24 intend ultimately to partner up and marry. Likewise the admiration of ‘riajus’ suggests that the statistically undeniable prevalence of singledom is not some strange cultural aversion to relationships. Relationships are clearly something to which the Japanese youth aspire as an integral part of their future happiness.

So, as anyone who has lived in or even visited the country will find completely unsurprising, Japan is not a society overrun with asexuals, and teenagers’ admiration of ‘riajus’ makes this very clear. The young clearly desire relationships, but do seem to be embarking on them later in life.

Why then might this be? One Western perception of Japanese culture that does generally hold true is the cripplingly long working day to which the Japanese workforce subjects itself. Especially for women, a relationship (which might lead ultimately to marriage and children) can be the first step away from a career and financial independence. With working hours as long as they are, a working parent is unlikely to have much time to speak of at home to care for children and run the house; if one parent is hardly ever there, it does seem practical for the other always to be, and over 70% of Japanese married women are full-time housewives.

For men too there are practical reasons for delaying serious relationships. A rising cost of living and the stress of the long working hours (another consequence of which is the tragically high suicide rate among Japanese men of working age) mean that the idea of marriage and mortgage, let alone kids, is understandably not high on the agenda for many young Japanese salarymen.

So there are practical reasons which go some way to explaining the prevalence of singledom rather than serious relationships among Japanese young people (and the statistics only refer to exclusive relationships, not sex, despite being bandied around left, right and centre to evidence Japan’s apparent celibacy). These reasons don’t mean that Japanese people have stopped having sex, or that people in Japan have somehow collectively decided that relationships aren’t for them, but rather than some Japanese people are delaying relationships. Sadly, ‘Some Japanese People are Waiting a Little Before Having Serious Relationships’ isn’t quite as dramatic as commentators would like, and isn’t printed.

Why spend time thinking about a slang word used by Japanese teenagers; what might we learn from their idea of ‘real jujitsu’? Picking apart the idea of real jujitsu we see that relationships are not something unanimously shunned in Japan: Japanese men and women do not live in some asexual cloud, or derive their pleasure from manga and virtual-reality partners rather than, y’know, actual people. Relationships are still very much aspired towards, and celebrated: if you’re in one you’re thought of by millions as a riaju/ real jujitsu* (what could be cooler?!) and if you’re not? 頑張って下さい! Ganbatte kudasai: good luck, go for it!

The teenagers right now cooing over riajus will in a few years be the ‘young people’ found by some survey or other to be totally apathetic towards sex and relationships, but we’ll be ready for that. ‘Those ones,’ we’ll say, ‘those 18-24 year-olds? Of course they haven’t abandoned the idea of relationships: ask them about riaju,’ and we will laugh.

*Obviously ‘jujitsu’ is a martial art rather than a title, and so it doesn’t make sense to call someone ‘a jujuitsu’. However, given that in this case ‘real jujitsu’ is a contraction of ‘riaju’, and riaju is applied as a label (as in ‘you are a riaju’) it makes sense in this context to refer to someone as a ‘real jujitsu’.

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Bonus Wallpapers!

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For most of us in the West, Valentine’s Day ends on February 15, but in Japan it’s not quite over until March 15. March 14 – exactly one month after Valentine’s Day – is White Day in Japan.

Valentine’s Day In Japan

To really understand what White Day is all about, you have to understand what Valentine’s Day in Japan is like. Koichi did a writeup about it a while ago so I won’t go into detail here, but the basic gist of Japanese Valentine’s Day is that it’s all about the guys.

Unlike Western traditions where gift exchanges between loved ones are mutual, Japanese Valentine’s Day is all about men getting presents. Sorry ladies, but you’re out of luck on Valentine’s Day if you want to celebrate it Japanese-style. Women have to wait for White Day before they can get any gifts.

What Is White Day?

If Valentine’s Day in Japan is all about the guys, White Day is all about the ladies. White Day is a chance for all the men who received gifts on Valentine’s Day to return the favor to the ladies in their lives.

White Day and Valentine’s Day have a lot of similarities. Both aren’t necessarily romantic holidays – you can give gifts to anybody of the opposite sex, even if your relationship is strictly platonic. Friends and co-workers exchange gifts on both days.

Note: ice-cold response not typical.

And on both days, chocolate is the gift of choice, but there’s a bit more nuance to it than buying a box of See’s and being done with it. You can buy different types of chocolate for the different people in your life: your friends get different chocolates than your co-workers who get different chocolates than your significant other.

Confused yet? Don’t worry, Koichi’s Valentine’s Day post explains it all.

The Origins Of White Day

Cynically enough, White Day is strictly a celebration manufactured by the candy industry (unlike true holidays rooted in years of tradition, like Pocky Day). In 1978, the National Confectionery Industry Association tried to boost sales, and decided that a new holiday was the best way to do it.

Originally it was called Marshmallow Day and was all about marshmallows, not chocolate. People liked the idea of the new holiday, but weren’t too keen on the marshmallows. The preferred candy changed from marshmallows to chocolate, but the color scheme stayed the same – hence the name “White Day,” and why white chocolate remains a popular White Day gift, even today.

White Day Outside Of Japan

White Day is definitely a uniquely Japanese invention, but it’s spread to some other Asian countries, including South Korea and China.

South Korea even has yet another Valentine’s-Day-related holiday: the aptly named day for single people, Black Day. People in Korea celebrate being single by burying their sorrows with a noodle dish with black bean sauce called jajangmyeon.

(No doubt, Black Day is just a ploy by the powerful Korean noodle industry.)

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So for those in you in Japan, I hope you’re having a happy White Day today; those of us elsewhere in the world will just have to buy our own chocolate.

[Header image source.]