It’s Time to Get your Face Flex On

Does your face look like this? It doesn’t have to.

These following products seem to be mostly marketed towards women, but anyone is free to use them and reap their (potential) benefits. We’ve got contraptions to straighten out that pesky nose of yours, get rid of those bags under your eyes, unwrinkle your rapidly wrinkling chin, and even slim down the whole entirety of your face.

But is it fair? Is it really so easy to just cheat nature and aging like this? Well, we currently lack the scientific backing on these products to let us know exactly how reliable their claims are, so your guess is as good as mine. But here’s hoping, right?

The Hana Tsun Nose Straightener

Is your nose crooked? Too curvy? Does it contain too much money? Well, you can throw some of that extra cash at the Hana Tsun Nose Straightener because it promises to solve all your worldly woes, nose related or otherwise.

You jam this contraption up your nose for a mere 20 minutes per day and BAM – you’re a supermodel. This fashionable nose machine will forcibly alter the bone structure of your face, giving you that sharp graceful nose that’s straight as an arrow. Just like you always wanted! Even better, you can experience this phenomenon for only $48. What a deal!

And if that’s not enough, there’s also this fancy deluxe electronic version for only $20 more. It’s like putting alien technology on your face.

The Eye Slack Haruka

Are you not getting enough sleep? You look like you’re not getting enough sleep. Why? Well, it’s those humongous bags under your eyes – they’re a dead giveaway that you need another Japanese gadget in your life! Allow me to introduce you to the Eye Slack Haruka – a pretty pink machine with two settings that will shake your face into believing it’s at least 3 years younger.

Slap these babies on your face for just 20 minutes a day and you’ll be the talk of the town. There are two settings to choose from. “Soft” (also known as worthless baby mode) and “Hard”, the only mode worth using. If you’re not going hard, you might as well not be going at all. The product vibrates, uses electric muscle stimulation, and employs the use of gentle micro-currents. With futuristic tech like this, it’s no wonder the thing costs a whopping $98. But it’s worth it, I’m sure.

The Eyelid Trainer

After you’ve rid yourself of those pesky bags, what else can you do to your eyes? Well, if you don’t have that eyelid fold that you want, you can make use of the handy dandy Eyelid Trainer. Not only does it make you look awesome while wearing it, it also promises to give you that double eyelid you always wanted but never actually had. Unless of course you already have a double eyelid. Which, in that case, I guess this eye wear will make it more defined? Or something? Yeah, probably – let’s go with that.

Just 5 minutes a day with this baby will give you those eyelids you always dreamed of. For like, 5 minutes after you take off the glasses – or longer! Perhaps. Anyway, what else are you gonna do about your eyelids that are just fine the way they already are? Plastic surgery? Hell no! That’s expensive. And these glasses can be yours for just $25. The choice is clear.

The Rhythm Slim Chin Exerciser

Have you ever found yourself wondering how you could possibly exercise your jaw, neck, and chin muscles – all while easing cramps, fighting off wrinkles, and reversing global warming? Well wonder no more! The Rhythm Slim Chin Exerciser promises to do most, if not all of the aforementioned things.

Just stick this thing under your chin and hold it down for about 3 minutes each day. In no time at all, you’ll start to see changes (maybe). You should see your chin become the most beautiful thing in all of human creation. Who doesn’t want that? And it can be yours for about $84. Nice.

The Face Slimmer Mouthpiece

Sarah actually wrote about the Face Slimmer Mouthpiece in an earlier post about Japanese toys, but little did she know this mouthpiece’s full potential. It is much, much more than just a silly looking pair of fake lips. It’s a silly looking pair of fake lips that promises to slim your face.

The manufacturers recommend using the mouthpiece for about three minutes every day. They advise you to scream out Japanese vowels as loud as you can while wearing the mouthpiece in a crowded public place for maximum results. Public humiliation is a great motivator. Factor that in with the fact that this mouthpiece can be yours for the low price of $60 and you’ve got yourself a deal.

Or if that’s too much, you can try a cheaper, but similar product for only $30. It doesn’t look like a mouth though, so it’s definitely not as cool.

OR! You could really step it up because you just cannot put a price on beauty. There are also electronic varieties for about $78, but as we all know, higher cost means higher quality. Right?

The Kogao! Smile Lines Face Belt

Here’s another great way to tighten up and infuse your face with that youthful vigor you haven’t had in years. It’s the Kogao! Smile Lines Face Belt! Wow! Strap this thing on your face and you’ll look like a teenager again in no time. If you already are a teenager, this face belt will turn you into a baby.

I’m not sure how long you’re supposed to wear this thing, but the manufacturers say it’s great to use while you’re in the bath. It traps heat within the belt which is said to relax away those pesky face lines you’ve got goin’ on. So it sounds like they’re recommending people use it for about 30 minutes each day, but I say that’s not nearly enough. Wear it all day and let everyone know that you are most definitely getting your $32 worth.

They also have similar products for men. This sauna mask right here is a steal at only $60. It promises to make your face very uncomfortable with heat and sweat. As we all know, heat and sweat makes things smaller, so after wearing this mask your face will be as cute as a button. A manly button, that is.

Shake It Don’t Break It

And I’m sure you know that Japan isn’t the only country guilty of having strange and unusual exercise equipment – just take a look at America’s very own Shake Weight.

If you combine all of these Japanese facial beauty products, you can expect to lose 1-2 hours of time every day. So, while you’re making yourself look younger, time is running away while you sit idly by. Maybe you can watch a new Japanese drama or something while you’re slimming that neck of yours.

So, which one of these goofy contraptions was your favorite? Think any of them might actually work? I found all these on Japan Trend Shop under “beauty products” and there’s a whole lot more listed there if you want to check them out. Plenty of them will give you a good laugh, I’m sure.

But it’s been clear that all of that just hasn’t been enough for you. Some of you say that our stickers are too two-dimensional. The illiterate among you say that our ebooks just aren’t for you. Others say that our vocab packs are just too boring. Where’s the excitement in the Tofugu store?

We’ve gotten all of your e-mails, tweets, Facebook comments, texts, phone calls, letters, telegraphs, carrier pigeons, smoke signals, and flag-based semaphore communications.

And we get it. You crave something more.

That’s why today we’re proud to introduce our very first, one-of a kind Tofugu Action Ningyo into our store.

Specially made at Tofugu World Headquarters by Koichi himself, The Tofugu Action Ningyo truly is an achievement in craftsmanship. It’s completely organic, artisan, fair trade, and extremely deadly.

Don’t be fooled by cheap imitators! The Tofugu Action Ningyo is made from only the finest ingredients. Our competitors only pack enough tetrodotoxin into their product to kill a man, but our Tofugu Action Ningyo contains enough fugu-poison to make an entire herd of buffalo drop dead.

And unlike other toys that are boring, inedible, and possible choking hazards, The Tofugu Action Ningyo is completely edible, biodegradable, and recyclable. It’s so disposable that you might wonder why you’re spending so much money in the first place.

But wait! For this special occasion, we’re cutting the price in half!

Normally, a fine, hand-crafted figurine like this would run for somewhere in the neighborhood of $100,000; but because this is such a rare event, we’re slashing the price 50% to a mere $50,000 (plus shipping, handling, processing, and convenience fees).

And when we say “The Tofugu Action Ningyo,” we mean that quite literally. Only one Tofugu Action Figure will ever be produced, so once it’s sold, it’s gone.

Not only that, but we’re offering The Tofugu Action Ningyo for one day only! After today, you’ll be out of luck.

Happy April Fools’!

He didn’t know how to study Japanese very well…

That’s the basic idea that spawned the idea for the ebook we’re releasing today in the Tofugu Store. I wanted to write something that could help anyone studying Japanese no matter what resource they ended up using. In the end, most resources and classes basically cover the same sorts of things. “To be fluent, you learn X, Y, and Z.” Really, there isn’t a ton of variation on what you learn.

If you want to become fluent a lot more quickly, like years and years faster than anyone else, you don’t need to change what you learn, you need to change how you’re learning it.

Textbooks won’t tell you about this. Why? Because they don’t care how long it takes you to learn. Why would they?

The thing that differs greatly from person to person, and the thing that decides whether someone takes a couple of years to gain fluency or a couple of decades, really boils down to how good they are at learning. With this ebook, I want to help people with the “how” side of things. Here’s how I do it:

“30 Days Of Becoming A Better Japanese Learner”

Our new ebook (titled above) is is broken up into thirty chapters / days (with bonus chapters coming soon!). Each day covers a single topic – a topic that will help you to learn Japanese more effectively. Each chapter will go over:

What: Learn what you should be doing different.

Why: Learn why you should be doing said subject differently.

How: Learn what you need to do to accomplish this.

Do: Actually take action and do the things talked about in the chapter. If you don’t try it, how will any of this help you? I’ll tell you what you need to do and how you do it so you can accomplish Japanese language greatness.

With this setup, you not only learn how to learn Japanese as effectively as you can, but you’ll actually make measurable progress in your Japanese as well. If you go through every chapter and do everything in this ebook, I’ll be surprised if you’re not considerably better at Japanese within 30 days, not to mention the following months where you take these strategies and really run with the ones that work for you.

This Ebook Is Made For…

Well, Japanese learners for starters. If you’re not learning Japanese, chances are this ebook won’t help you as much (though, to be honest, you learn a ton about productivity, memory, and general learning as well, though that’s not what this ebook was specifically made for). All levels of Japanese will benefit from this ebook because it covers how to learn, so you can use it in parallel with whatever Japanese learning resource you choose.

Mainly, though, I think the following type of person will benefit most:

• Someone who feels like their Japanese language progress has stalled.
• Someone who doesn’t feel like they’re learning Japanese fast enough.
• Someone who’s ready to take their Japanese to the next level.

I want you to become a Japanese learning powerhouse – it’s not easy (I’m not going to sugarcoat it), but there are very different things that great Japanese learners do that nobody else does. It’s not a matter of working harder… it’s knowing how to work, and I reveal those secrets in this ebook.

Click the button above to see this ebook’s store page and learn more about what you’ll be getting!

67% Off Introductory Pricing And More!

Since it’s our first ebook, I wanted to make sure it was nice and affordable for everyone. For the first week, we’ll be offering it at 67% off (so, $10 instead of $30). That comes out to around 33 cents per day. I make more than that checking my couch cushions. Plus, you’ll get all the future bonus chapters, future improved versions of this ebook, and access to alpha testing of Viet@Tofugu’s current project, a webapp for learning kanji. It’s not ready yet, but in the coming few weeks ebook buyers will be the first to get invites.

Of course, I’m totally understanding about refunds – if you go through it and it’s not helpful for you, just email me (koichi@tofugu.com) and I’ll get you a refund. Easy as that. I don’t want to sell something that you can’t use.

But, if I can save you five, ten, or even thirty years… well, I’d say that’s pretty useful. That means you’ll be speaking Japanese like a pro well before you turn into skeleton guy up above. It won’t be easy, but it doesn’t have to be slow. Get Our New Ebook Now :) →

Everyone knows that smoking is pretty unhealthy – even in Japan people are smoking less and less. But for me, when it comes to my debilitating addiction to cool gadgets, I’d be happy to carry highly radioactive cell phones, stare at staring women, or put one of these in my mouth. That is, as long as it’s only a Vitamin C cartridge inside.

I found this product via Flutterstream’s Twitter feed (Yes, you can buy this). The one being sold is the “Vitamin C” one, though it exists in “Coenzyme Q10″ and “Tarless Nicotine” (for you cigarette addicts out there) flavors as well. Mmm, I can finally throw out the Airborne.

Here’s how it essentially works:

• There’s an LED light so that you can look just as cool as other smokers around you (who’s second hand smoke is much worse for you than if you were smoking an actual cigarette).
• You breath in moisture from the air which gets turned into a smoke-like mist which you can breath out (presumably so you can continue to look as cool as all the other smokers you’re sitting outside with).
• Inside is a replaceable cartridge (the three types that were listed above).
• It doesn’t smell like anything, which means you can smoke indoors and have fun explaining to every other person you run into that “no, it’s not an actual cigarette, it’s just mist… no, see, it’s not a… no… right, but I’m telling you… right… it’s mechanical… and it… ugh, fine, I’ll put it out. See? Switch. Not fire. I just turn off a switch.”)

You do have to charge your fancy cigarette, which apparently takes 3-4 hours to do. C’mon, if they wanted to make it like a real cigarette (which it seems like they’re really trying to do with the LED light and the mist and stuff), then they should make it charge faster, so you can take a break every hour and take advantage of the extra breaks you should get (and deserve). Right?

And, while you’re at it, hanging out with the rest of the smokers, why not take a look at this company’s other product, “NoseMint”?

It’s just one home run after another for this company, isn’t it? So are you like me? Does smoking sound awesome if you get to use a fancy gadget to do it?

P.S. If you think your nose could smell better, you should follow me on Twitter.

One of the most common e-mail questions I get is “Should I buy Rosetta Stone Japanese?” It’s time to put an end to this e-mail silliness. From now on, I get to link to this post and video. Hopefully you, whoever “you” are (tell me in the comments), can get something out of this post as well.

P.S. Want even more Japanese language resources? Check out Tofugu’s Japanese Resources Page!

Here’s the itinerary:

1. Should I buy Rosetta Stone Japanese?
2. What makes Rosetta Stone “good”?
3. Alternatives to Rosetta Stone Japanese
4. Getting Your Opinion

Should I buy Rosetta Stone Japanese?

The nice and quick answer would be a nice and quick “no, probably not.” I’m not saying that Rosetta Stone is bad, necessarily. They put a ton of money into it, so of course they came up with something that’s decent. I’d give them a C+ or so – some parents wouldn’t accept a “C” grade, but on the other hand some parents would be super happy because they’re used to you getting F’s all the time (you know who you are). When it comes down to it though, if you’re going to buy Rosetta Stone, in terms of value versus what you can actually get out of it, you better be really damn rich. I imagine a Rosetta Stone customer looks something like this:

or maybe this…

Rosetta Stone is fine, it probably works for some people, but it’s also a huge waste of money. Please, if you were planning on buying Rosetta Stone, stumbled upon this article, and changed your mind, send me the extra $1000 so I can buy a monocle, pocket watch, and top hat. I’ve always wanted to look like a rich Rosetta Stone Customer. Nya!

What Makes Rosetta Stone “Good”?

There’s a couple different versions of Rosetta Stone Japanese that you could buy. There’s the normal software package, which is around $500. Or, you can go with their TotalE program, which is all online and adds the benefit of having a live online Japanese teacher once a month, for a mere $1200 a year (they’ve lowered they’re prices, good for them – $20/month now) . The Rosetta Stone software is really spiffy, it’s pretty glitch-free, and if you go with TotalE the pictures are a lot less corny. All-in-all, it looks nice, which might be important to some of you when making a decision, but it still doesn’t change how expensive it is, and how you could be doing a lot better than Rosetta Stone.

Here are the things that they like about themselves, though.

Rosetta Stone Loves Their Marketing Budget

They spend a ridiculous amount of money on all that advertising / marketing / mall kiosk-ing stuff. The actual number eludes me at the moment, but I remember having myself a little heart attack when I heard it. But it makes sense – they are the big sleeping bear of language learning. Everyone knows who they are, and when you think “language learning” you probably think, at least for a couple of seconds, about Rosetta Stone as an option. This is great for them, of course, because it makes them look like they’re the best way to learn a new language. This is far from true, of course, but it’s all about how you present yourself, right? They do a great job of it. At the very least, even if you are hooked by their marketing department, try sleeping on the decision at least one night, or keep reading and try out the alternatives I’ve laid out below.

Rosetta Stone “Immerses” You Into the Language (Japanese)

One thing Rosetta Stone likes about themselves is the idea that they teach you Japanese just like a baby in Japan would learn it. No grammar, no explanation, just practice and context. First of all, you’re not a baby in Japan (and if you are, you’re probably in good shape on the learning Japanese front), and secondly you aren’t spending 24 hours a day in front of Rosetta Stone (most likely) so it’s not anywhere near immersion (see immersion section down below for more info). At the most, you’re probably spending an hour or two doing the Rosetta Stone thing, which definitely isn’t enough if you want to take this approach. Either do it all the way, or don’t do it at all. Japanese babies don’t have 2 hours of Japanese “immersion” and then 22 hours of English. If they did, they’d all speak English, not Japanese, and that’s not the goal you’re trying to head towards here.

So is Rosetta Stone Japanese Good?

It’s okay, I’ll give them that, and probably not worth the money it costs (you’re paying a ton extra to fill their marketing budgets I imagine). Unfortunately for them, there are way better (and cheaper / free-er) alternatives out there that blow Rosetta’s socks off. The only problem is these alternatives don’t have marketing budgets like Rosetta, which means you’ve never heard of them before (that’s why I’m here!).

Alternatives to Rosetta Stone Japanese

So this is the part you might have been waiting for – here are the alternatives to Rosetta Stone Japanese. Sure, it is a big list of resources, but when used all together, you’ll find that your Japanese learning speed will go way up (compared to Rosetta Stone), you’ll spend a lot less money, and in the end probably have a lot more fun doing it. All these resources do a good job doing what they do, and Rosetta Stone just does a mediocre job doing all of these things. Much better to find a hip doctor that’s really good at hips, rather than one that’s mediocre at hips, hearts, elbows, golfing, and boob jobs. Am I right right, Dude, or am I right? (name that reference)

Immersion

We’ve already established that Rosetta Stone doesn’t cut it when it comes to immersion. AJATT kind of pioneers this method, and he’s a smart frood. Here are some great resources to help immerse yourself in Japanese for more than an hour or two a day, like Rosetta Stone.

Favorite Choice: iTunes Japanese Podcasts
A lot of people have iPods, and even more people have computers, CD Players, and the like. It’s really easy to get Japanese podcasts for free and listen to them 24/7 (or whenever you have a chance, even at work I’m sure). All you have to do is change your location settings on iTunes to Japan, and suddenly you have access to every free Japanese podcast on there. You have to do a bit of a work-around to have access to things that cost money, but anything that’s free is good to go for you.

Choice 2: JapanesePod101 – JapanesePod101 is just what it sounds like: a website full of Japanese podcasts. In this case, their podcasts are designed to help people learn Japanese, and they do a pretty good job at it. There are paid programs, which get you things like PDFs and other study materials, but a lot is also available for free.

Choice 3: YouTube: YouTube has a ton of Japanese content you can sit and listen to, or put on in the background, and it can be a lot more interesting because you get the visuals with it. Just try and avoid subtitles, because that’s not doing you much good unless you really actively compare and contrast as you’re watching.

More Alternatives: Vimeo | NicoNicoVideo | CrunchyRoll (and of course, several “illegal” options as well, which I won’t be listing – sorry!)

Choice 4: Become a Japanese Hobo – They have pretty sweet hobo-houses. One-way tickets to Japan aren’t as much as round trip tickets? Perfect immersion strategy for the person who’s strapped for cash. Not sure how green cards work in this situation – I imagine you’d just become a fugitive?

TotalE Teacher Alternatives

One of the things you get with the TotalE program is a live online teacher. I called Rosetta Stone and got some details on this. You get one class a month (which you can repeat if you still don’t get things after taking it, but it’s the same lesson over and over), which changes every month as you progress. You go over the stuff you went over in the online app, which helps solidify things.

I think this is a bit of garbage – it’s a nice attempt at offering a good “teacher” solution to help guide you along, but you could still spend the $120 a month you’re spending somewhere else, and get a lot more out of it.

Favorite Choice: eduFire for Live Online Classes
When it comes to finding an online Japanese teacher, eduFire is the way to go. There are alternatives to eduFire in the live online education space (which will be listed below), but they aren’t as good for Japanese just because their listings are a bit lacking (and the pricing can be pretty steep). eduFire has free online classes as well as a subscription program (a mere $29 a month for unlimited Japanese classes with live online teachers). Especially with the recent study that came out from the U.S. Dept. of Education which shows online learning as being more effective, I think it’s a no brainer (oh, and to be fair, I should probably mention I’m an employee here, but promise, not being bias. Research it for yourself if you want). Alternatives to eduFire: WizIQ | Myngle

Choice 2: Craigslist – Craigslist is mostly in America, but I imagine there are “alternatives to Craigslist” in other countries as well. It’s a good way to find affordable local teachers, just be careful not to accidentally join a sex or drug ring.

Choice 3: TeachStreet – TeachStreet is aiming to become the leader when it comes to teacher listings, online or local. Like Craigslist, they are only in certain locations, but if you’re in a fairly big city in the U.S. you might be in luck and be able to find some great Japanese classes as well.

Rosetta Stone Clones

There have even been some Rosetta Stone clones popping up. Complete alternatives to Rosetta Stone, and the cool thing is that they’re pretty much all free. There are some programs out there that don’t have Japanese (yet) as well, that I’m keeping my eye on, but here’s what’s available right now.

Favorite Choice – LiveMocha: Two things about LiveMocha. First of all, I’m not sure how they’re going to make money, because basically they’re offering what Rosetta Stone offers, except it’s free, and secondly, I’m not sure what Rosetta Stone is going to do once more people figure out about LiveMocha, because it’s basically Rosetta Stone (with a lot of its pitfalls as well, but hey, it’s free!).

Japanese Vocabulary Learning Alternatives:

At Rosetta Stone, because of the whole “baby immersion thing” you don’t really learn vocab in the traditional sense. Here are some great vocab resources for you to use instead:

Favorite Choice – Smart.fm: Smart.fm does an amazing job with flashcards. It’s like they can read your brain in a way that helps you learn more vocab and kanji at a nice and speedy rate. Just spend a little bit of time every day, and you’ll be a vocab expert in no time. Couple this with some of the other resources, and you have yourself a powerhouse. Alternative: Anki is a lot like Smart.fm, and has it’s own cult following. Maybe you’ll like it more than Smart.fm, but it’s not for me.

Second Choice – NihongoUp: NihongoUp is a little game you can play on your computer or iPod Touch / iPhone. Definitely takes some of the monotony out of vocab learning, and can help solidify a lot of things for you. You can trial run it for quite a while, and the paid version is too cheap to pass up (and the particle practice mode is gold).

Japanese Grammar Learning Alternatives:

Another thing that Rosetta Stone doesn’t really do is “Grammar.” I’m a big fan of grammar learning + actual usage + some of that immersion stuff to make it all meld together. Boo on you, Rosetta.

Favorite Choice – guidetojapanese.org: Tae Kim does a good job explaining grammar, and takes you all the way from basic to advanced. He does a good job simplifying things, and of course, everything over there is free, so indulge yourself!

Second Choice – Genki Textbooks: When it comes to textbooks, I think Genki is the best I’ve come across so far. Definitely not perfect by any means (and costs $30-$40, which really isn’t that bad for a textbook), but gets the job done. You can even use Smart.fm to practice the vocab from the textbook series.

Third Choice – Jgram.org: Jgram is a wiki of Japanese grammar. Sometimes their explanations are better than the top two, and sometimes they’re not. Either way, it’s a good resource to keep a hold of.

Japanese Language Exchange:

Language exchange is something that Rosetta Stone can’t really shake a stick at. Learning a language with a native speaker of that language is an awesome way to have fun, meet new people, and keep up with all the things the cool kids say.

Favorite Choice – Lang-8: Lang-8 is all about language exchange, which isn’t necessarily a new idea, but it’s an idea Lang-8 has taken and done good things with. At Lang-8, you write in the language you are learning (Japanese?), and then native speakers of that language (i.e. Japanese people) correct your entries in a way that makes it easy to see your mistakes so you don’t make them again. Everything’s free, though they have a premium plan that gets you more features and fewer ads.

Second Choice Skype Forums: I haven’t actually made my way to the Skype forums, so I can’t confirm this, but from what I hear you can find people to talk with that will help you learn Japanese (and then they’ll help you). Over at Lang-8, as well, you can see who has added a Skype account and talk to them that way too.

So What’s Your Opinion?

Oof, that’s a lot of writing, and my fingers hurt.

I bet some of you have used Rosetta Stone in the past (or are currently using Rosetta Stone… your rich bastard you). What do you think? What resources am I missing that you couldn’t live without (and totally beat down “The stone”?).

Anyways, so there you have it. That’s my opinion on Rosetta Stone. Decent / Okay / Mediocre, but not worth the money. It’s one of those situations where because they’ve made it so expensive, people automatically think it’s valuable, which isn’t always the case.

Either way, no matter what you decide to do, now is the best time to start learning Japanese. You don’t want to look back six months from now and wish you were six months into things. That always sucks big time. Go, figure out what your next actionable step is and start learning today. To find more cool Japanese resources, be sure to check out “Tofugu’s Top Ten Free Online Japanese Resources.”

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This video includes an attempt at a British Accent. Ouch.

Video Transcript

Oh, and you should follow me on Twitter.