1. Talk to Japanese People

Now is your chance!  Do it now!  Speak to strangers in Japanese without getting one word answers in return!  As some of us have experienced, it can be very hard to have a real conversation with Japanese strangers in public because of their inhibitions about talking to foreigners, and especially the chance that they might have to use English.  Thanks to the power of alcohol and the loss of power of societal expectations, if you talk to a Japanese person in a drinking establishment you will likely get a longer answer.  Occasionally, they will even come talk to you! Granted, not all of these encounters will be fun:

「外人（がいじん）だ！ここから出（で）て行（い）けこのやろ！」”It’s a foreigner!  Get out of here jerk!”

or:

「すげーこの外人（がいじん）のお尻（しり）がマジででけー！」”Wow, this foreigner’s butt is huuuge!”

No one really wants to hear these kind of comments, but hey, practice is practice right?  Good time to work on a clever comeback.  For the most part, however, I hope your conversations are better than that.  For example, since people at the bar have lowered inhibitions you might even get to move your conversational topics beyond the differences in seasonal weather between where ever you are from and Japan.

2. Order things

Okay okay, for this one to work you need to get beyond ビール一本（いっぽん）ください “One beer please.”  The food and beverage options at a lot of places are pretty extensive and vary greatly from place to place, so pick something on the menu you don’t recognize and ask someone what it is!  If you are lucky, it will be something exclusively Japanese and it will take quite a bit of talking with the waiter (or other willing Japanese person near by) to figure out exactly what it is you are ordering.  This type of “real world” practice is invaluable and will go a long way to building language fluency and understanding of the Japanese culture.  The other option is of course just to point at something and hope you don’t get something either nasty or expensive and just build vocabulary that way.

3.  Learn Drinking Songs

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZho0UbKTZ0&NR=1[/youtube]

Like drinking songs in English, a lot of Japanese 飲（の）み会（かい）コール “drinking party chants” are really bad!  If you can keep up with the slang and swear like a sailor, you’ll be further along the path to fluency than most though.

4.  Go to Karaoke

In Japan, all roads do not lead to Rome, they lead to Karaoke.

At some point during your evening (or afternoon, whatever) there is a highly strong chance you will end up at karaoke if you have already been visiting a drinking establishment in Japan.  DO NOT WASTE THIS CHANCE!  Join up with some of your newly found, slightly “friendlier,” Japanese friends and learn a few tunes in Japanese.  Yes, this in fact means that you have to get beyond just the chorus in “Linda, Linda” but with perseverance and maybe a little YouTube before you go out, you can literally blow the socks off of everyone in the room.  Guaranteed, no one expects a foreigner to pull of the songs “Yamato” or “Sen No Kaze” flawlessly in Japanese, and you will have friends for life (or at least the evening) if you do.

5.  Try to ナンパ

Attempting to get lucky with a guy or girl you do not know in Japan is called “nampa.”  To have decent game though, it helps to understand the language, and with luck on your side one will improve with the other!  Learning silly pickup lines probably wont help, but getting to the point where you can have a clever conversation with someone you are interested in might.  Or just be イケメン or 美人（びじん） “hot” and no one will care if your Japanese is awful.  For the purpose of language improvement however, using your Japanese with someone you are interested in adds extra incentive to practice!  Get out there and don’t be shy!

6.  Pay your bill

When the bill comes, there are sometimes complications for which you may need to use your Japanese.  Your group needs to decide who will pay, and depending on the type of establishment you are visiting you may have additional “service charges” (see Japan’s Fantasy Girls for additional clarification).  For the first step, it is often pretty easy to determine who will pay, either the highest ranking person in the group in the case of a company/school outing, or わりかん meaning splitting the bill into equal parts, in the case of a casual outing with your friends.  Paying for exactly what your ordered, called 別々（べつべつ）, happens a lot less often unless it is with a group of foreigners.

In the case of being treated to a night of drinking and eating by your boss (or professor etc.) you of course need to practice being grateful and saying thank you:

ごちそうさまでした。Thank you for treating me.

すみませんありがとうございます。Excuse me, thank you very much.

In the case of splitting the bill with your friends, to figure out what you need to pay you can use:

僕（ぼく）の分（ぶん）いくら払（はら）えばいいですか？How much should I pay for my part?

Or with really close friends you can just ask

いくら？How much?

It depends on who you are with and what situation you are in, but there are varying degrees of formality when paying, so be sure to look into what you should say before going out to avoid being rude!

7.  Make Friends with the Staff

This step is a lot easier to do at some places than others.  Smaller establishments are typically better because they are a little quieter, and the “master” of the shop or other staff have more time to spend with individual customers as compared to bigger bars, chain izakayas, or other places like that.  Initial conversations might be about the master’s drink special of the night, his/her おすすめ “recommendations” but if you are a good customer and hit it off with the master and staff then you will have great conversation partners as well as occasionally get awesome deals for being a regular.  The staff might also be a bridge between you and other Japanese customers if you have a good enough relationship.  Of course it all depends on the particular establishment you go to, but listening to the “master’s” stories can be priceless as well as good for your language!  If you are lucky you’ll get a drink named after you!

8.  Find a place to sleep

Missing the last train may mean you need to act like a Japanese salary man and find a cheap or free place to crash.

Since staying out late in Japan is a very common practice, and sleeping at a co-workers place is not, so there are a number of business that cater to those who miss the last train, the most famous being capsule hotels as pictured above.  What you see is what you get, but you can at least get a few hours of sleep out of the cold and maybe a shower.  A lot of capsule hotels cater only to men, so women might need to find other options if out past the last train.

To improve your Japanese in the process of finding late night lodging, you can use and build on the following phrases:

When you want to stay with a friend:

今日（きょう）泊（と）めてくれる？ “Will you let me stay at your place tonight?”

ありがとう！ここからどのぐらい？ “Thanks!  About how far away is it (your place) from here?”

At a hotel:

空き部屋（あきべや）はありますか？  “Do you have any rooms available?”

一泊（いっぱく）はいくらですか？ “How much is it to stay for the night?”

ここは女（おんな）の人（ひと）が泊まれますか？ “Is it possible for women to stay here?”

チェックアウトは何時（なんじ）ですか？ “What time is checkout?”

Depending on your situation, the procedures might be different, so you can get a lot of practice with Japanese just by checking in and out of various hotels.

9.  Learn etiquette of eating and drinking

Japanese culture is filled with complexity and subtlety.  Please do not take this video seriously, it is supposed to be a joke!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCpbBVthD7o[/youtube]

Actually learning how to eat and drink properly will really impress people and make it easier to strike a conversation.  Often, Japanese people are impressed just with a 外人（がいじん）”foreigner” being able to use chopsticks, but if you are actually able to pour sake the right way to the right people, pass food the right way, and show modesty people will be amazed and want to talk to you about how you learned your manners.  After they tell you how good you are, be sure to ask for more tips so you keep on learning the etiquette, practicing the language, and showing people your genuine interest in their culture!

10.  Be a connoisseur

Japan has arguably some of the best food and drink in the world, so ask and learn about what you are eating and drinking!

While in Japan, visitors can develop a taste for new and different types of food and drink whether it is sake, sushi, shochu, tako yaki, and the list goes on and on.  If you find your “calling” be it $400 platters of sashimi or $5 pints of Asahi Super Dry with gyoza, learn about what you’re eating and talk about it to other people.  Japanese people can have really strong opinions about what they eat, like preferences for Hiroshima style or Osaka style okonomiyaki, so you might find yourself in some heated arguments, but learning about the ingredients, the best places to eat or drink whatever it is you like, and the varieties in styles can provide ammunition for your argument and be a good learning tool for Japanese language and culture.

Disclaimer

While pubs, bars, izakaya, sushi restaurants, snack bars, etc are great places to make friends and learn Japanese it goes without saying to “don’t do anything stupid.”  Going there doesn’t mean you have to make all foreigners look bad by doing things like getting embarrassingly drunk, shamelessly hitting on Japanese people, or just being inappropriate in general.  Do your best to learn the language from the people who use it every day while not acting like a jerk.

This post was written by Nick W., who has traveled throughout many regions of Japan in search of unique cultural gems.  He is currently earning his MBA and has researched topics like folk music in WWII Japan and Ainu cultural revival through music.  His favorite Japanese musician is the late Nujabes.

Using a Japanese newspaper for kids, like Mainichi Shogakusei Shinbun above, I developed a 5 step study method designed to increase vocabulary and kanji identification, reading comprehension, and confidence for taking the JLPT!  Reading at the appropriate level makes it possible to practice reading similar paragraphs that will appear in the test and gives you the chance to identify vocabulary and kanji that are likely to appear in the JLPT.

1. Read the article without any helpful hiragana

2. Identify and list unknown words

3. Identify and list unknown kanji

4. Study the new lists

5. Re-read the article

Paired with Evernote and Jisho.org, this 5 step method should give you a good head start in your studying!

Step 1:  Read the article without any helpful hiragana

I know it’s frustrating, sad, and hard, but reading the article first without any help will help you out in a lot of ways in the long run so stick with it and don’t cry!  The first thing that will result from reading the article without any hiragana is helping you to honestly assess your reading ability.  It will show you the words you know and the ones you don’t in black and white.  The other important thing this step accomplishes is simulating the actual test.  There will be no helpful hiragana in the real test, so why practice with it?  If you are really serious about taking the test, you might also want to time yourself to see how long it takes to read a short article.

Using Evernote, I selected and added this text from an article on Mainichi Shogakusei Shinbun resulting in the above picture.  The rockin thing about Evernote in this example is that it automatically makes a title and takes note of the original page you visited so you wont forget later!  I then removed the pesky hiragana and gave reading the article my best shot.

Step 2:  Identify and list unknown words

Crap…as you can see I’ve got a LONG way to go!  In this step, highlight the words you don’t know in red and hope you don’t get an atomic red ink bomb like I did!  It is important to be HONEST with yourself here.  If you can’t read it without any help from hiragana, or if you look it up in the dictionary and say “Oh, right, duh!  I know this one!” mark it red Donny, because you are OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! lol.  More seriously, just be conservative, if you don’t guess right the first time, it won’t hurt you to practice those borderline words a few times.  In the end, it is really good practice to identify difficult words as they are used in a paragraph.  When you are finished, your list should look something like this:

Step 3:  Identify and list unknown kanji

In the vocabulary list, find and highlight kanji in red that you can’t recognize right away as demonstrated in the example above.  Once identified, use a Japanese dictionary to make a list of kanji for future reference.  I found the website jisho.org VERY useful in completing this step.  Copy and paste the unknown kanji from the vocab list to the kanji list and as long as you don’t cut and paste anything else, you can simply paste it again into the kanji search page of jisho.org.  Once you look up the kanji, the website spits out more information than anyone can dream about that specific kanji.  I recommend at least taking note of all the different readings for the kanji and the definition in English.  One extra step I took was to include other words that that kanji appears in to practice recognition in general.  Jisho.org has a great feature to do this by pressing on the link in the “Kanji” page called “Words Containing” and usually zillions of words will come up that use this kanji, which can then be paired down to common words if desired.  Here is an example of a finished kanji list made from an article:

Step 4: Study the new lists

Now we get to the hard part: you have to remember all the stuff you just wrote down!  Making lots of lists is a waste of time if you don’t actually go back through them to learn the material.  Try to use the words in a sentence, look up more kanji combination, use them in a diary or homework assignment, or use Textfugu to learn about remembering radicals to help you retain the lists you just wrote.  Whatever you decide to do, be proactive and do something…anything!  It will pay off for the text and for the next step in this method.

Step 5: Re-read the article

Now that you are the master of all the vocabulary and kanji that stumped you in the article you read, go back and rock it!  Of course leave out the hiragana, and see how much you retained.  If there are still words and kanji that you miss, go back to the lists you made and study them for a while and re-read the article again.  Hopefully by the end of this process you will understand the meaning of the article, which will be a critical part in the new test.  Practicing reading full paragraphs will make life a lot easier for you when you actually sit down for the JLPT.  Good luck passing the JLPT!

LINKS

Newspapers for Kids:

• http://mainichi.jp/life/edu/maishou/index.html
• http://yomoyomo.jp/index.php
• http://kids.goo.ne.jp/index.html?SY=0&MD=2

Dictionaries:

• http://www.jisho.org
• http://www.csse.monash.edu.au/~jwb/cgi-bin/wwwjdic.cgi?1C

Other Resources:

• http://www.textfugu.com
• http://www.tofugu.com/2010/04/06/tofugu-100-best-japanese-learning-resources/
• http://www.tofugu.com/2010/03/09/how-to-use-evernote-to-study-japanese-or-any-other-language/

This post was written by Nick W., who has traveled throughout many regions of Japan in search of unique cultural gems.  He is currently earning his MBA and has researched topics like folk music in WWII Japan and Ainu cultural revival through music.  His favorite Japanese musician is the late Nujabes.  Currently, he is studying for the JLPT (Japanese Language Proficiency Test) Level 2.

The era of the Geisha for the most part has ended, but the cultural tradition of larger than life females remains very much alive.  Outside traditional areas in cities like Kyoto, there are very few Geisha to be found in Japan these days, but in their place are virtually endless varieties of “Fantasy Girls.”  Samurai used to pay elaborately dressed Geisha to sing, dance, and generally make them feel good about themselves after a long day working for their lord.  In modern times, “shain” 社員 (company men) can choose their own “Fantasy Girl” to perform the same function.  In many cases, the purpose of their service goes beyond simple physical attractiveness to provide an avenue of escapism through individual attention, fantastic scenarios, and over-the-top service.  People come from around the world to participate in the many fantastic worlds created by Japan’s “Fantasy Girls,” and this post should serve as an introduction to what all the fuss is about by presenting a few well known groups of women (sometimes men) who set the stage for fantasy: キャバクラ (Kyabakura), ホステスクラブ／ホストクラブ (Host/Hostess Club), スナックバー (Snack Bar), and メイドカフェ (Maid Cafes).

キャバクラ – Kyabakura

キャバクラ “Kyabakura” (referred to by some as hostess or host bars), ホステスクラブ “Hostess Clubs,” and スナックバー “Snack Bars” are all very similar in that they involve beautiful women and men who are dressed almost comically elegantly and are supposed to make you feel like a big shot…as long as you have cash.

The word キャバクラ (kyabakura) is made from a combination of the words cabaret and club.  I guess it’s kind of like a Las Vegas cabaret show that comes to you!  This type of establishment also has the same kind of bad reputation as Las Vegas has: full of organized crime, substance abuse, prostitution, illegal immigrant workers, and exploitation of women (and men).  While this negative stereotype has a lot of traction, and has even attracted some action from the Japanese government, キャバクラ are so widespread throughout Japan that the moral standing of the establishment varies from location to location.

In Kyabakura, The Experience Should Be Like This:

A man or women dressed as if he or she is about to go to the Academy Awards will approach you from outside the establishment and tell you about all the beautiful women (or men) inside the kyabakura and should you decide to go inside the clock immediately starts on your service charge (warning: this is how a lot of foreigners lose all their money very quickly).  Once inside, either a girl (or boy) will be chosen for you or you can pick from a menu.  From that point, you are seated with the partner you chose who dotes on you hand and foot, flirts with you, animatedly listens to stories about your boring life, and constantly praises you.  All this is done over very expensive drinks, and typically one is encouraged to buy an entire bottle of liquor for use on multiple occasions, i.e. they really want you to come back.  Depending on the location, once the night is over you will get a little kiss and then a flurry of text messages telling you how amazing you are and to come back as soon as possible.  If you develop a relationship with a particular hostess or host, sometimes paid dates, called “douhan” 「同伴」 outside the club are permitted to encourage loyalty to the particular kyabakura.  This practice is morally gray to say the least, but in theory these dates are limited to casual flirting only.  Once you leave the kyabakura you will feel like a great weight has been lifted from your shoulders…or wallet…I forget which one comes first.

[yframe url='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mw-PrZjGHaE']

This Japanese news report is kind of like an insiders guide to the girls inside kyabakura (a relatively un-sketchy one).

ホステスクラブ – Hostess Club

Take the concept of kyabakura, multiply the price and staff physical attractiveness factor by at least 10, add incredibly wealthy people, subtract most of the illegal activities, and you have a hostess club!

There will be no one begging you to come inside this establishment.  These types of clubs are highly exclusive, often the meeting place for very high ranking members of society, and located in high class areas of big cities like the Ginza district in Tokyo.  If you want in, there is typically no fee per hour, but in the best ones you need to shell out over $100K to get access (yes, in US DOLLARS… not that US dollars are worth that much anymore, though).  The workers here are generally taken care of very well by a former hostess called Mama-san, and often have successful modeling careers during and after their time as employees.  Sometimes they get married to celebrities or high ranking officials who frequent the club.  The women are highly trained in the skills of making you feel good about yourself and are on the forefront of fashion trends.  Definitely not unlike Geisha right?!  This type of celebrity like status is what allures a lot of young women into the business, but a high quality place like this is usually not were they end up.

ホストクラブ – Host Club

One interesting difference between the “Age of the Geisha” and now is the inclusion of men as servers in Japan’s night time industry.  Host Clubs work almost exactly the same way as Hostess Clubs, but are typically not as high class and include a rainbow of gender preferences: female or male customers who like males, female or male customers who like very feminine males or cross dressing males, female or male customers who like females dressed as males, and the list goes on and on.  No matter what type of male they are, you can be assured that they are very confident, cool, fashionable, and oozing with money.

スナックバー – Snack Bar

A snack bar is like the smaller cousin to kyabakura.  These places typically are not the epicenter of modern fashion, but are more like hangouts for everyday salary men that would rather hang out with younger, probably foreign girls, than go home to their wife.  These places often have a variety of options for activities to do together like billiards, karaoke, darts, drinking, and eating.  It’s like going to a bar with a hot young girlfriend who does nothing but praise your every action and encourage you to drink as much as you want!  Definitely a fantasy world, and you’ll end up paying for it when the bill comes.  Unlike kyabakura, snack bars are a little bit more on the “honor system” in that if you really like the service you should leave a substantial tip.  Snack Bars are also not as hardcore as kyabakura about getting you to come back over and over again through financial and emotional pressure, so it’s typically a good option for foreign visitors.

[yframe url='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4--S9DO5PE']

This set up is pretty normal.  It’s pretty much just a bar where the female bartenders and staff are extra nice, so you tip them accordingly.

メイドカフェー – Maid Cafe

We have just left the Salary Man’s escape and have moved on to Otaku-land:  秋葉原 AKIHABARA!!  Of course it is very easy to find numerous salary men (Japanese term for someone working 9-5 at a large company) who also lead dual lives as serious Otaku (basically “nerd” in Japanese).  Akihabara is a section of Tokyo where the Otaku culture is at its peak, and chances are as soon as you step off the JR train, you’ll be greeted by a very cute Japanese girl dressed up like a French maid who will pose in pictures with you and invite you to her cafe.

“WELCOME TO AKIHABARA MASTER!!”

“秋葉原にお帰りなさいませご主人様！”

The predominant maid cafe style is where the maids treat you as though you are royalty and they are lowly, but very cute servants and dote on you hand and foot (see a pattern here at all?).  They will compliment you, tell you that you are handsome, put ketchup on your omelet in heart shapes while sitting on their knees at your table, make cute noises like a cat, blow kisses, make heart shapes with their hands, and encourage you to act cutely as well.  At many locations, they also play eating and drinking games with various prizes.

One example is that a maid will fix a huge stack of pancakes for you and a tiny pancake for herself and the bet is that if you can eat your pancakes faster than she can, you will get a kiss on the cheek, but if you lose she will slap you in the face in front of the entire restaurant.  All of this is done while they speak in an overly cute style called Mo-e “萌え” which in English I suppose would be the equivalent of baby-talk.  That sounds like it would get real annoying real fast, but people LOVE it, especially Otaku who don’t ever get attention from pretty girls (funny thing is, a lot of American otaku who learn Japanese on their own, probably using anime, often sound kind of like this… “funny” because it’s funny to listen to them talk like a baby girl).  It unfortunately leads to a lot of stalking, but in comparison, maid cafes are free from a lot of the other problems associated with kyabakura.  Almost everything you do at the cafe will cost money, from taking pictures to eating contests, and the food is of course at a premium cost, but for people who love Japanese girls dressed and acting like your personal French-maid servant, it is well worth the cost.

The wild thing about maid cafes though is that there are SO MANY DIFFERENT KINDS! There are some that are the exact opposite of the description above, and basically involve the maid treating you like a piece of crap and verbally abusing you the entire time you are in the restaurant.  Others are for women who like called Butler Cafes, some of which are entirely comprised of European men, who will even carry you around for a fee.

Here’s a link to a video to give you an idea of what exactly happens at a few different types of maid cafes.  The first that is shown is the typical style, the second is tsundere “つんでれ” which is basically where they make you think they hate you but in the end they show they really like you, and lastly is like samurai adventure where they do mock battles while you eat epically named food. Tofugu even wrote about a pretty creepy maid cafe a while ago: Mom Cafes.

Disneyland – but far more creepy

One new style of maid cafe that’s real real weird is called “kigurumi” 着ぐるみ which is basically some one wearing a head to toe costume like in Disneyland, but in this case it’s much more otaku adult themed…

This place is just like a regular maid cafe except the people dressed in anime costumes do not talk, but write on whiteboards to communicate with you.  This sounds like a bad horror movie!  To each his/her own I guess…

Japan’s Fantasy Girls – Past and Present

There are of course many many differences between Geisha in the past and the present form of fantasy girls in Japan, but the connection is clear: women (and men) in this industry provide a service that goes beyond the physical excitement present in similar services originating in the West like strip clubs, Hooters, etc.  The people performing all of these services in Japan are of course physically attractive, but more so they are experts in creating atmosphere where the customer feels removed from the world they live in and receive special individual attention.  In the West, people pay two separate groups: one to listen to their problems like counselors, and one that is unrealistically physically appealing like strip dancers.  In Japan however, they have a tradition of combining those roles that arguably has roots during the time of the Geisha.

This post was written by Nick W., who has traveled throughout many regions of Japan in search of unique cultural gems.  He is currently earning his MBA and has researched topics like folk music in WWII Japan and Ainu cultural revival through music.  His favorite Japanese musician is the late Nujabes.  He has experienced great amounts of culture shock when unknowingly encountering kyabakura hostesses.  In hindsight it was hilarious.

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Many people even say that “the best way to learn a language is to date someone who speaks it!”  Sorry, but for the sake of your Japanese language skills

Flirting DOESN’T CUT IT!

I assure you, the longer you date a Japanese girl, the less likely you will be able read the rude t-shirt you started wearing to find one!  Why you might ask?  It only makes sense that the more you speak Japanese, the better you get, right? Right?  RIGHT?!

Wrong, and here’s why:

1.  You are lazy

Sure.  At first you might say, “Oh man, I’m going to get so good at kanji, and grammar, and all that stuff now!” and you might even convince your girlfriend to tutor you everyday, but that won’t last. It NEVER does. There are exceptions to the rule, but most of the time you’ve got a lot more “fun and important” things to do with your girlfriend than talk about freaking kanji radicals and grammar points (…at least I HOPE you do).  You’ll also have a lot more “unfun” things to talk about like when her mom is coming to visit or how bad you made the bathroom smell.  In any case, there will be times when you’ll get lazy and just use the easiest words you can think of, even if it’s just English that sounds kind of like Japanese.

2.  You will mix English and Japanese

There are lots of terms for this phenomenon, and it is not limited to just speakers of English and Japanese, but it is the DEVIL!!! This stupid practice, mostly caused by laziness will literally ruin your chances of speaking intelligible Japanese, and probably your girlfriend’s chances of remembering English.  You will create your own little language that no one else really understands, not even you, and that makes for absolutely terrible communication.

Here is a sample conversation that doesn’t make sense:

A.  When do you think the 図書館 is open?

B.  さあ、I don’t know, after dinner you should チェック。

A.  めんどくさいな。

B.  Don’t be a バカ。ほら見て、このサイトで it’s written right here!

A.   そうか。Fine, 夕飯を食べたら I’m gonna go return these 本。

See?  This conversation is wrong in too many ways to  “counto.”

3.  Getting made fun of sucks

No matter how good at speaking Japanese you get, there will always be ways to get made fun of by your girlfriend.  Some are simply called “cute” for speaking with an accent, while others get called out on their weird grammar or pronunciation.  No matter what, most guys HATE criticism, even backhanded statements about how cute you are!  It makes you feel stupid, like you are being treated like a small child, and it’s easy to get defensive.  Even people who speak really awesome Japanese get made fun of because they speak better Japanese than normal people!  It’s frustrating!  It’s only fair though, because I’m sure not many of you can honestly say you’ve never made fun of Japanese English or “カタカナ イングリーシュ.”  It’s just so cute and funny.  アイ　ライク　ユウー！カン　ウイ　ハング　アウト　ツモーロ？ “I like you!  Can we hang out tomorrow?” Awwwwwww….okay, fair is fair.

4.  あんたの彼女とばかり話してると、かわいい女の子みたいに話しちゃうわよ！笑

This title means, if you talk with your girlfriend all the time, you might end up sounding like our friend above:

「あたし美しいね〜!」”I’m sooo beautiful!” (said very cutely)

This is probably not desirable, and believe me, everyone will let you know how girly you sound.  This unfortunate scenario also occurs a lot because a huge portion of Japanese instructors are women, and most foreign guys don’t spend their time looking for manly sounding Japanese dudes to chase around.  If you are just starting your language learning experience, you won’t be able to help but talk like girl.  On the flip side, if you over compensate, and try to talk like a Japanese THUG, then your friends, girlfriend, their friends friends, will think you’ve lost your mind and will all laugh until they turn blue.

5.  Your girlfriend wants to learn English

I know Koichi hates this with a passion, but most guys learning Japanese are going to try to get girlfriends in Japan by becoming language partners.  Sorry Koichi, but it’s the birds and the bees, and it’s the way it will always be.  Men, chances are your future girlfriend isn’t going to date you because she’s really pumped about teaching someone basic Japanese over and over again.  If anything, she’ll agree to hang out with you because she wants to learn English, at least as one of the perks.  If that is the case, you will probably spend a lot more time explaining things in English rather than learning Japanese.

6.  No keigo or kanji with your girlfriend

Maybe I have exaggerated a smidge in the above parts, and there are significant linguistic improvements that can be made in your life by chasing Japanese girls.  Keigo (formal language) and Kanji skills are probably not included in this theoretical list of benefits.  Unless you want your conversations with your girlfriend to sound like two bankers who aren’t quite sure which of them is 先輩「せんぱい」 “senior,” you won’t be getting a lot of time practicing keigo.  Even Japanese people have trouble learning keigo because no one uses it with anyone close to them.  Using keigo with people you like makes you sound like you are being especially cold and probably mad at them.  It’s like when your parents were driving the car on a road trip when you were a little kid, and your dad is super lost and your mom asks overly kindly “Honey, would it be at all possible if we could stop and ask for directions?” to which your dad replies very politely and forcefully restrained “Darling, if we can just find the freeway, there will be no need to stop and bother the gas station attendant…”  It’s a little different in Japanese, but it’s the same concept that something isn’t right if you’re suddenly being very formal.  It sounds weird to the point where a lot of girls really don’t like to practice it with their boyfriends.  Sorry guys.

For kanji, unless your girlfriend is really into calligraphy and wants to practice together everyday, she probably won’t be a big resource for helping you there.  Some people try to hand write letters, but most would rather be doing other things, like eating nachos.  A popular solution is email, but I can assure you, everyone can type a ZILLION more kanji than they can actually write!  You, me, and most Japanese people under 30 included.  Now there’s even 191 more kanji we’re all supposed to know…so better start writing some really complex love letters!

7.  Jesus that’s fast! Can’t you speak slowly?!  Oh wait…you are?

It may seem like your girlfriend is talking like a machine gun to you, but wait until she gets around her friends…it’s a blur of giggling lightning!  For a lot of us, the only real part we participate in once they get going is listening to how silly or cute we sound if we try to say anything.  That means that most of the time she’s going easy on you.  It’s nice and practical for mutual understanding, but really it’s like using training wheels all the time.  Once you take them off, you’ll crash and burn in real conversations.  An obvious solution is to tell her to speak normally to you, but that often doesn’t last long.  If she tells you at lightning speed to “Bring the chopsticks” はしを持って来てね 「hashiwomottekitene」and you hear “Go to the bridge and back” 橋に行って来てね「hashiniittekitene」she’s probably going to get tired of you fast if you’re gone for an hour while she’s waiting for chopsticks!

橋だろ？！

8.  Your conversation topics will be limited

Some of you might be dating Japanese bioethics experts who take time and care to explain each vocabulary to you to ensure that you understand every word, but most of you will be repeating the following conversation far more often:

A.  今日何食べよう？「kyounanitabeyou?」”What should we eat today?”

B.  さあ、なにがいい？ 「saa, nanigaii?」”Uhh, well what do you want?”

A.  分からない。冷蔵庫に何が入っている？「wakaranai. reizokoninanigahaitteiru?」”I don’t know.  What’s in the fridge?”

B.  あまり何もないよ。「amarinanimonaiyo」”There’s not much.”

On the edge of your seat yet??  It’s like repeating basic Japanese class over and over again.  Some of you will get to delve into deeper topics from time to time, but it’s not like you’re going to be seriously practicing Japanese all the time with every conversation.  It gets tiring to have real deep conversations all the time, so it’s really easy to be lazy and stick to the mundane stuff, and mix in some English when you don’t know the right word and hope she understands.  BAD BAD BAD!

9.  Your girlfriend probably doesn’t know Japanese very well

I hate to criticize your girlfriend without having met her, but her Japanese is probably not perfect.  Unless she’s used to teaching foreigners all the time, it’s likely that she won’t be able to tell you much about how to learn Japanese.  She learned it a loooong time ago, and way differently than you’re going to have to do.  It’s not going to help you that much to go sit in on an elementary school Japanese language class in Japan.  Too much worrying about protecting your anus from mean children to focus anyway.

The Japanese your girlfriend uses isn’t even exactly the same thing you’ll be learning.  Her kanji’s probably off some of the time, and the grammar she uses sometimes won’t be found in your textbook.  That’s okay for basic practice, and it’s great to learn theoretical and practical use of Japanese, but this isn’t Japanese class it’s your GIRLFRIEND.

10.  Just kidding.

Getting a Japanese girlfriend really can improve your Japanese.  A lot.  Please don’t run away from Japanese girls screaming that you need to protect your language skills.  Please.  A lot of them are nice, fun, and might actually speak to you in Japanese.  If you practice with real people, then maybe you won’t sound like a conversation from Nakama or Genki, which will make people laugh way more than if you actually try.  Hopefully you’ll learn lots of cool things about culture, dating style, a new world view, and if you’re lucky, find more meaningful things to talk about than kanji radicals.  Just keep in mind the frustrations and pitfalls along the road, don’t give up, and don’t stop actually studying.  みんな頑張れ！

P.S. All this probably applies to Japanese boyfriends, too, for all of you that like boys and not girls.

This post was written by Nick W., who has traveled throughout many regions of Japan in search of unique cultural gems.  He is currently earning his MBA and has researched topics like folk music in WWII Japan and Ainu cultural revival through music.  His favorite Japanese musician is the late Nujabes.  He does have a nice Japanese girlfriend, but is too lazy to learn much Japanese from her.

Not to be confused with Dasai-tama…

Some people in the Tokyo area claim that their slightly more rural neighbor is super lame by calling it 「ダ埼玉」 “Dasaitama,” (dasai「ださい」= lame) but I am here to tell you that Saitama Prefecture「埼玉県(さいたまけん)」kicks butt and if you need a break from being smashed into subway cars with a million Japanese salary men, go to Saitama, have an adventure, and get Off the Beaten Track.  Traveling in Shikoku might be a little TOO rural for some, but Saitama Prefecture has a great mix of rural, urban, and special local adventures to be had.  I’ll be covering a few of the basic necessities to have a good time in Saitama: local foods, dialects, festivals, and most importantly adventures!

Saitama’s Food and Drink

There is a pretty little historical city in Saitama called Kawagoe City 「川越市(かわごえし)」, and in that city they seriously love sweet potatoes, especially the kintoki「金時」variety .  If you visit the historic district of the city, called Koedo「小江戸」meaning “Little Edo”, you can eat and drink various sweet potato themed delights.

The first kind of strange delight should come at no surprise: sweet potato ice cream.  Downtown, it is dished up on a big waffle cone soft-serve style.  On a hot day, that purple glob of cream, sugar, and sweet potato hits the spot for sure.  When it cools down during fall and winter, there’s usually carts rolling around with people selling “yakiimo”「焼き芋 」which is like a grilled sweet potato, so if you need something hot and savory that can be arranged.

Now for something truly bizarre:  SWEET POTATO BEER!!!

Sweet potato beer, the bottle in the foreground of the picture, is pretty disgusting BUT as a true adventurist you MUST try it and say “…what the #%*$?!”  If you had yakiimo in one hand and a nice cold beer in the other, it would taste great, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they should be combined in one bottle.  If you are a beer lover, after being in Japan for a while with nothing but light beer that for the most part tastes pretty similar, you might appreciate the effort at a little diversity.  Or you might hate it.  On that note, if you do love beer and need a micro-brew fix, something horribly uncommon in Japan, the Coedo brand of beers is actually pretty phenomenal outside their sweet potato experiment.  By all means, check out the Coedo Beer website, especially if you are in Japan and craving decent beer.  It’s really well done and has great descriptions and pictures of their products and brewing techniques.

Saitama’s Dialects (Saitama-ben)

Saitama is a pretty safe place to go if you are not interested in getting really lost by conversations in parts of Japan where the dialects are very far away from what you learned in your Japanese Textbook.  Saitama is close enough to Tokyo that the dialects really don’t change THAT much.  If you are interested in learning different dialects, Saitama is host to a few varieties that you might come in contact with.  Here are a few sample phrases you might hear. Saitama-ben is on the left.

いあんばいです。(ianbaidesu.)　＝　こんにちは。(konnichiha.) “Hello.”

こすいねぇ！(kosuinee!)　＝　ずるいね！(zuruine!) “That’s sneaky!”

えんちょくらっせ。(enchokurasse.)　＝　座ってください。(suwattekudasai.) “Sit down please.”

Chances are you’ll be able to understand most everyone while you’re in Saitama, but you might run into a few neat phrases.  Try to pick them up as you go and really catch locals off guard when you can nail some of their own dialect.  Even if you butcher it, trying it out is a good conversation starter and people will generally be excited that you’re interested in their local way of speaking.  There’s different variations around the prefecture so go out there, make friends who will teach you their way of speaking, and post some cool phrases in the comments section!

Saitama’s Festivals

This is the part you should be getting really pumped about.  Japan in general knows how to party, but the festivals in Saitama definitely showcase this prefecture’s dedication to having a blast.  They’re full of outdoor food stands, “dashi” 「山車」traditional Japanese parade floats, locally made alcohol, traditional costumes, puppet shows, lantern filled streets, and over a million excited people crammed into one small area.

Kawagoe Matsuri 「川越祭り」”Kawagoe Festival”:

Traditional “Dashi”

The Kawagoe Matsuri, one of the three largest festivals in the Kanto area, is especially rad because they put giant intense looking dolls on top of all of their floats.  There are 29 floats and each is uniquely designed to represent a certain region of the city and then they have FIGHTS between them in the street to see which one is better!!  It’s seriously like a big shouting match done with loud singing, flutes, acting out traditional stories, and spinning around on somewhat unstable looking vehicles with giant action figures on the top.  This is all done just inches from you as the force from the volume of the crowd of people pushes everyone, men, women, children, and you dangerously closer to the action.  The festival is in mid-October (for 2010 it’s Oct. 16-17), and should make it immediately to your list of amazing stuff to see before you die.

Chichibu Yomatsuri 「秩父夜祭り」”Chichibu Night Festival” :

Chichibu Yomatsuri 秩父夜祭り

This festival is the most fun you’ll have all winter!  It is one of the three most beautiful festivals and one of the three biggest with “dashi” in Japan「日本三大美祭及び日本三大曳山祭（にほんさんだいびさい、および、にほんさんだいひきやまさい）」It gets pretty freaking cold out there because Chichibu City「秩父市」 is right at the foothills of the Chichibu Mountains「奥秩父山塊(おくちちぶさんかい)」, so you’ll have to prepare warm clothes and a fist full of cash to buy belly warming libations.  Even if you are chilly, the buzz and the action around the festival is so powerful that you’ll soon forget the cold while looking at beautifully illuminated “dashi,” watching a stunning 2.5 hour long fireworks show (a rare thing in Japan during winter), snuggling up against millions of Japanese party goers, and most importantly drinking some AMAZING SAKE.  The sake served in this region is some of the best in Japan, and many of the tastiest bottles can be found sold on the side of the street.  You can buy everything from a small cup of warm sake to a big bottle to swig around while you’re taking in the sights.  Probably better to take it easy on the alcohol if you’re planning on making mochi though:

Kowai! 「怖い！」 “SCARY!”

Saitama’s Adventures

If you haven’t found your own wild adventures in Saitama after too much sweet potato beer, delicious sake, or getting a brain freeze after eating sweet potato ice cream too quickly then you probably aren’t trying hard enough.  Here’s a couple more ideas to get you towards the goal of having wicked cool adventures.

Urawa Reds:

Urawa Red Diamonds soccer games are the Japanese equivalent of to going to see Manchester United in the UK.  The fans are NUTS (a little less violent than their European counterparts), well coordinated, and consider themselves the rowdy 12th member of the team as per the following clips:

[yframe url='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FoGEHugOrA']

[yframe url='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XM6f-zyKIqw']

The “Urawa Reds” have a pretty great story of redemption in that they used to be terrible, but with the help of their fans, they climbed back on top.  Like most soccer clubs, it just isn’t the same without hated rivals.  Get ready for some wild games at the Saitama Stadium (2002 World Cup location) if they are playing Omiya Ardija, Osaka Gamba, or whenever they are playing a team that is highly ranked in the J-league.  Try to go with some Japanese friends that know the team songs, slogans, etc. so that you can get the full experience.

Chichibu-Tama National Park:

It is amazing how quickly you can get out into nature from Tokyo by just hopping on a train!  Other than the Chichibu Night Festival, the area has a lot to offer all year round.  For example, if you like hiking there are lots of beautiful views, waterfalls, and in the spring there is a great wildflower festival, with beautiful flowers covering huge hills in an event called the Chichibu Hitsujiyama Kouen Shibazakura no Oka 「秩父羊山公園芝桜の丘（ちちぶひつじやまこうえんしばざくらのおか）」which basically means “the hill of phlox subulata at Chichibu’s Hitsujiyama Park.”  In 2010, the festival runs from April 3th – May 5th so you still have time to catch some of the scenic and beautiful flower covered hillsides as featured in the two pictures below:

Once you get to Chichibu, there’s lots of opportunity to figure out other neat adventures.  When you ride the train, or visit their website, the tourist centers have done a good job of advertising and explaining the different activities, foods, onsen (hotsprings), and sights available in Chichibu through readily available maps and guides to visiting during all four seasons.  The catch is that you might need to figure some of it out in Japanese only, but chances are you can find someone at least during the day who will willing to assist in your adventures in the country side.

Saitama’s Transportation:

Whether it’s urban or rural fun you seek, it is pretty easy to get around Saitama by train.  As a warning for those who are buying Japan Rail Passes (basically a one-three week pass to ride anywhere you want on JR Trains), many of the train lines you will need to ride will not be with JR.  The best way to get to Chichibu from Tokyo is by riding the Seibu Chichibu Railroad 「西武秩父鉄道（せいぶちちぶてつどう）」from Ikebukuro Station in Tokyo.  If you want to hit both sites in one day, you can do it by taking the Chichibu Line 「秩父線(ちちぶせん)」 from Chichibu to Yorii and then transferring to the Tobu-Tojo Line 「東武東上線（とうぶとうじょうせん）」 back towards Kawagoe and Ikebururo.  You can use this handy resource to plan out your trip by train.  If all goes well, you’ll get lost and be forced into having misadventures and speaking Japanese!

いろいろな地域を探検してみてください！(iroirona chiikiwo tanken shitemite kudasai) “GO EXPLORE!”

This post was written by Nick W., who has traveled throughout many regions of Japan in search of unique cultural gems.  He is currently earning his MBA and has researched topics like folk music in WWII Japan and Ainu cultural revival through music.  His favorite Japanese musician is the late Nujabes.