Japanese × Non Asian = 1/2 = Good looking”.

Not too long ago you read Loco’s guest post on what it’s like to be a “half child” in Japan. By reading that article you’ll learn it’s not always great to be a “half” child in Japan, sadly. However, many Japanese girls long for the appearance of a “half”; big eyes, long eye lashes, tall and sharp noses, etc… Since I married a Canadian, I bet you can guess the most common reaction I get from Japanese people.

“Oh, you married a Canadian (a white guy)? Then your child will be”half” and most likely be so cute. Jealous!”

Actually, whenever I talk to someone about my marriage for the first time, 90% or more of their reactions are the same. I personally think that it’s fairly ridiculous to say that your baby will be good looking before knowing other things, like if my husband is attractive or not, but it’s probably just a form of small-talk that people come up with.

“Half” Taking Over Television

This “half=cute” belief has probably been strengthened by those good looking idols on TV who are know to be “half”. I wouldn’t be going too far if I were to say that there has recently been a “half” baby-boom rippling across Japan. In fact, there have been so many “half” celebrities on TV over the passed few years that people often get confused who is who. Some of those celebrities even complain about how commonly it occurs. In fact, check out this “Half” special that was aired recently.

Not only TV viewers but also those who work in television sometimes believe that there are too many “half” girls and some are worried about losing their position to them. The famous comedian Hiroyuki Ariyoshi, who is known for flat-out-mean jokes, discussed this concern on his own radio program called SUNDAY NIGHT DREAMER and he said some nerd-comedians (“Nerd” because that is the actual style they attempt to portray) are losing their positions on television to these “half” girls.

The rise of cute “half” girls’ exposure is partly because there are more mixed-race kids in Japan than there used to be. According to this “List of Statistical Surveys conducted by the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare”, the number of international marriages in Japan (Japanese with non-Japanese) in the 70’s was just 5,500, but it rapidly increased in the 80’s when the Japanese economy started bubbling up. Although it peeked in 2006 (nearly 45,000 couples), there were still 23,657 international marriages last year which is over 4 times that of the 70’s.

But, this doesn’t necessarily explain the disproportionate amount of “half” celebrities on television. Some of it probably comes from the number of “half” children out there, but I wonder if some of it comes from the multi-racial families that they come from. Japanese people are generally known to be fairly shy and timid, which isn’t very good for television. However, many non-Japanese ethnicities are known to be much more outgoing and “friendly”, which is good for television. The way that “half” children are raised probably makes more of them more outgoing than the average Japanese (as we saw in Loco’s article, mentioned above). So, not only are they especially “good looking” with their “half”-look, but they’re also more outgoing too. What a perfect combination for a television personality! Of course, this is only just me thinking out loud, but it seems fairly plausible in some situations.

Transformers

The more that pretty “half” girls are exposed, the more that Japanese girls will want to look like them. Although there may be some Japanese guys who pine for that “half” look, most of them don’t put makeup on themselves, so it’s harder for them to change their appearance (unless they want to be made fun of for wearing makeup).

Girls, on the other hand, are very makeup capable and some of them are very persistent in their quest look like “half” girls. Those wanna-be-half girls have created various ways to look like like they’re “half” or non-Japanese and keep posting how-to videos on Youtube, some being quite popular. I’d like to introduce some of their makeup methods today. It’s pretty impressive how drastically they can change their appearance!

God Make Ayano Saito’s “Half” Face Makeup

nuts×GODMakeup.

Naokoの秋のハーフ顔メイク！(Naoko’s “half” face makeup for fall)

“Half” face makeup

After watching these videos it’s clear that the features you have concentrate on are the eyebrows and the eyes. Since Asian faces are flatter compared to non-Asian people’s, it’s important to make your facial features more 3D. Here’s some things that they tend to do to achieve this:

• Drawing their eyebrows thicker.
• Make the space between their eyebrows and eyes narrower.
• Make the inside tip of the eyebrow a little thicker so that it looks less flat.
• Apply many grades of eye shadow, thickener.
• Create longer eye-lines.
• Apply highlight to their nose lines to make them appear taller.

In addition to “3D-ifying” their face, color contacts and fake eyelashes seem to be a staple of their tool kit. If you think about it, there’s nothing that says “half” or “not Japanese” like eyes that aren’t dark brown.

When Makeup Isn’t Enough

I’m not totally sure how much time they spend putting their makeup on, but it seems to be quite a lot. I don’t typically use makeup myself, except for special occasions, so I admire their passion for this and the time and effort they put forth. However, there are some people who want to look like a “half” but consider it too troublesome to spend so much time on makeup. For those people, there are many plastic surgeons who provide “half-looking” or “foreigner-looking” facial reconstructive surgeries. Takasu Clinic is one of them and you can see their ad for that kind of surgery.

But, paying for these surgeries can be expensive. It is surgery after all! This woman paid over $100,000 to look more Western. It turned out fairly well, but I find it hard to believe that there aren’t many problems or mistakes that get made along the way.

I’m really not sure if I can agree with doing this – you should enjoy how you look and be happy with what you’ve been given. But, I can’t pretend to know how people think, it is their bodies after all. I mean, there are some surgeries that make you look more “Western” but also have some practicality as well. For example, getting a surgery to change your eyelids to a double lid is fairly popular. This makes your eyes bigger which makes you look more Western. Plus, when you get older you’ll be able to see because your eyelids won’t be drooping so much as they start to sag.

Beyond things like that, though, it’s taking this craze a little too far, I think. What if one day you wake up and you’ve suddenly changed your mind? Or what if you go into surgery and they mess up completely? The negatives are just too great. Plus, you should be happy with how you look!

Giving It A Try

After getting all judgemental on you, it’s time to make a U-turn and try some of this myself. I don’t usually put makeup on (as I mentioned above), but we’ve just seen a lot of tips so I thought “why don’t I try one of them.”

There’s a problem, though… I don’t have any of those makeup staples, such as color contacts or fake eyelashes. Thankfully there is Photoshop, though, so I hit up my virtual makeup artist Aya. Are you ready? Here I go, I’m about to become “half”.

Here’s without makeup

Here’s a little makeup “added”

Now I look half?

Two thirds?

The first thing I did when I looked at the pictures above was to say “OMG!” and then laugh. I felt very strange to see myself looking like that. Well, I like the second one, but in the last two pictures where I put the color contacts in and dyed my hair….they looked kind of scary. I forwarded them to my parents and they laughed, too. This experiment turned out to be a great excuse for me to stick with black hair and brown eyes. I like being “natural”, after all.

The second picture also made me imagine our future daughter. I don’t have any kids now, but if I had a daughter, she might look kind of like her. Thank God my husband doesn’t have blue eyes or blond hair, so I guess she won’t look like the scary ones…as long as she doesn’t put this kind of make-up on!

Bonus Wallpapers!

[1280x800] ∙ [2560x1600]

A Konkatsu History

The emergence of online dating sites in Japan started in 2003 with sites such as 「ブライダルネット」(also known as IBJ) which translates to “Bridal Net”, and “Excite”, the formal name for which is 「エキサイト恋愛結婚」(Excite Marriage for Love). Following that in 2005, Yahoo also launched their own similar site. A couple years later in 2007, the term “konkatsu” was coined and used for the first time in an article of Aera magazine. One year following that, in 2008, a book entitled 「婚活時代」(The Generation of Marriage Hunting) was published, authored by Momoko Shirakawa and sociologist Masahiro Yamada. Yamada is also known for coining the term “parasite singles” which refers to a single person beyond their late 20s who still lives with their parents. And often, it is used with a negative connotation toward young, unmarried women. The book「婚活時代」is available on Amazon here. It is what really popularized the term “konkatsu”, getting the word nominated for the annual buzzwords-of-the-year contest of 2008.

The konkatsu trend also had economic support. Along with the bankruptcy of Lehman Brothers Inc, the economy plummeted which fueled the concern and potential realities of becoming economically unstable. And thus began the race to find financial stability through marriage. And as with most things in Japan, once it got popular, it boomed.

The Golden Age Of Konkatsu

Japan capitalized on this recession-induced trend that put konkatsu into its golden age. There was a rise in konkatsu businesses such as an influx in dating websites and specialized cafes, and the emergence of television shows and drama series. The public popularization of marriage hunting in Japan allowed people to become more open about actively hunting for a marriage partner.

Another side concept that arose from the konkatsu boom was known as an “earthquake marriage” (震災婚 – shinsai kon). The 2011 Tohoku earthquake and tsunami disaster is said to have brought up a desire for their partners and a desire for marriage in people.

Local governments have also been known to encourage konkatsu activities by providing a variety of financial support to konkatsu mixers, seminars, day trips, and group dates, to name a few. An example of this is the city of Itoigawa, which was highlighted in an article from Japan Pulse. Local governments wanted to support marriage-hunting activities in hopes of increasing the birth rate in Japan, which had also been on the decline. Aside from providing financial support to businesses, local governments have also been known to promote konkatsu by offering meeting places for single men and women. For example, in Miura City of Kanagawa Prefecture where agriculture is a point of focus, they organized konkatsu events that would raise awareness on the lack of future farmers. Another example is Urayasu City in Chiba Prefecture and their sponsored konkatsu event at the Disney Resort hotel.

Shift In Marriage Ideology

Japan’s average marrying age has been steadily getting higher. In the 1970s the average marrying age was 25 and currently it stands at around 30. On top of this there is some pressure for women of marrying age to get married. Unmarried women above the age 25 are sometimes referred to as “leftover Christmas cake” (because you eat Christmas Cake on Christmas, the 25th) and feel as though it will be harder for them to find a husband the older that they get.

Even though the concept of “konkatsu” has boomed in Japan, 1 in 5 males and 1 in 10 females still say they will not get married, which is an increase compared to 30 years ago. According to a survey conducted by Japanese magazine Joshi Spa!, 33.5% of the 37,610 participants didn’t see any benefit to getting married. The largest age group that showed no interest in marriage were those people in their 30s. At first glance, this seems like a lot. However, according to a study conducted for an NHK special, the percentage of men and women who still hope for marriage is high: 89% of women want to get married, and 86% of men said they would like to get married. And the number of people who work hard to appeal to potential partners is also increasing. But even though this is the case, it still doesn’t seem as though Japan is seeing high marriage rates. Why is that?

Relationships Between Money and Marriage

It could be because for women, the potential for financial stability in a receding economy is top priority. A majority of women hope to marry a man who has an annual income of $60,000 USD or higher. However, only 4% of men who are 20-30 years of age meet this high salary requirement. The average salary for the 30-year-old age group is between $38,000-$42,000 USD. The want for financial stability when getting married is what is continuing to drive the decision to find a marriage partner. One woman who is in the middle of marriage hunting explained that while she isn’t looking for a life of luxury, it is necessary for her to be able to live each day-to-day comfortably. A survey showed that 37.6% of men aged 30-39 years with a salary of $60,000 USD or higher are married. 9.6% have never had a significant other. 22% of participants recorded that they have a significant other, and 29.8% recorded that they did not. Comparing this to 30-year-old men with a salary of $30,000 USD or less, the discrepancy is quite big. Only 9.3% of men with a $30,000 USD or lower salary are married, and only 18.4% have significant others. 38.8 % recorded that they are currently not seeing anybody, and 33.6% have never been in a romantic relationship.

Saving Up For The Wedding

In some countries, such as in the US, it may be customary to build up some kind of marriage fund to use toward a wedding and getting started into that new life. According to some surveys, there are a percentage of people in Japan who do save up for marriage as well, but my impression was that it is relatively low considering the surge in the marriage hunting activities that Japan saw.

According to a survey conducted by Excite, the majority of women (38.9%) answered that they do not really have wedding funds. Only 8% of women surveyed were consciously saving up to get married and 10.5% of the women surveyed were expecting their wedding funds to come from their significant other. Looking at the men’s results from the same question regarding marriage funds asked by Excite, the majority of men (34.1%) answered to having some kind of marriage fund. 23.5% of the men surveyed answered that they are actively setting aside money for getting married, which is more than double of the number of women who answered the same. Per the results above, it seems possible that men are more likely than women to assume that they will need to shoulder the responsibility of putting out money for the wedding.

BIGLOBE also conducted a survey in 2010 regarding finances for weddings that compared men and women, both married and unmarried. Over 50% of both married men and women said that they needed financial assistance from their parents for wedding funds. 71% of unmarried men and 62% of unmarried women answered that they did not think they would need parental assistance whereas roughly 30% of those surveyed said they would need that support.

In regard to saving up to get married, 10% of unmarried male participants said they were not saving up to get married, while 8% of unmarried female participants said they were not saving. Out of the married men and women who participated, 10% of males and 12% of females said they did end up saving. As for how much they were saving, the majority of married males saved between $20,000-$30,000 USD (18%) and the majority of married females saved between $10,000-$20,000 USD (20%). For the unmarried participants, the majority for both genders expressed wanting to save $20,000-$30,000 USD (17% and 20% for men and women, respectively) toward marriage. The full survey results can be found in the links at the bottom of the article.

The Economics Behind Konkatsu

There does appear to be some conscientious thought about money in relation to saving up for a wedding but most of the emphasis seems to be on how much money one will have after getting married. Economic factors, including the recession and the knowledge that there is more stability in a two-income houseold, appear to have induced marriage-seeking in Japan. However, according to some reports, the financial standards set by women are also quite high, which gives the impression that the majority of women are marrying for money. What do you think the financially driven reasons for wanting to get married along with the financial limitations placed on potential partners will do to the continuing generations of marriage in Japan?

Sources:

• http://www.huffingtonpost.com/…
• http://www.japantoday.com/catego…
• http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ama…
• http://www.nhk.or.jp/shutoken/2…
• http://nensyu-labo.com/2nd-nend…
• http://www.biglobe.co.jp/press/20…
• http://wedding.excite.co.jp/vote/…
• http://wedding.excite.co.jp/vote…
• http://blog.japantimes.co.jp/ja…
• http://fpcj.jp/en/useful-en/wjn-e…
• http://wedding.excite.co.jp/spec…
• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/…

Traditional Japanese Proposals

Well actually, since your girlfriend is aware you’re not Japanese, she’s probably not expecting a traditional Japanese proposal. Odds are, she wouldn’t even like one. Old-fashion Japanese proposals were very indirect, and modern Japanese girls will probably just laugh if you asked them a traditional proposal like: “Will you make miso soup for me everyday?”

To a non-Japanese it might sound more like you want a personal chef rather than a marriage, but for older Japanese who valued indirectness in speech, it was a very clever way of popping the question. Another famously vague proposal professed eternal love even in death: “Do you want to lie in the same grave with me?”

The implication was that her ashes will be placed in his family plot of the cemetery, implying marriage. Nowadays though, it would be strange–and grim–to associate death with your marriage proposal. However romantic talk of death and miso soup used to be, in recent years they’ve understandably lost their flavor.

Modern Japanese Proposals

One wife I talked to was asked “do you want to grow old together?” But while some guys can still get away with “soft” proposals like that, modern Japanese girls expect something more direct. Nowadays Japanese men often propose in grand style at fireworks festivals by popping the question during a portion of the show bought and dedicated to their girlfriends.

There are no rules anymore. One non-Japanese I interviewed proposed to his girlfriend after a romantic guitar serenade in the park. His song and proposal were completely in English–and since his girlfriend had a strong command of the language, that was just fine. So when it comes to proposing to a Japanese girl, just do your own thing.

Wait! Should I Ask For The Parents Permission First?

You should get parents permission before marrying their daughter. You don’t absolutely have to, but many Japanese fathers would be insulted if you didn’t. Since you’re never just marrying the girl, but her family too, asking them if you can marry their daughter is the best way to start your marriage off on the right foot.

You should have already met the parents before anyway. One non-Japanese who eventually married his Japanese girlfriend made it a point to meet the parents early on. Just imagine if this had been his first conversation with them:

“Hi. My name is Steve and I’d like to marry your daughter. Also, because I can’t speak Japanese, please just respond with ‘yes’ or ‘no.’”

He didn’t want to be that guy, and you don’t either. Meeting the parents early also tells you if you should invest in the relationship. Like Koichi mentioned, meeting the parents is usually a great experience, but some parents are stuck in the sakoku (鎖国/さこく, “chained country”) era when Japan underwent 200 years of self-imposed isolation. Their little girl is going to marry a Japanese–and that’s the end of it. And honestly, unless your girlfriend is like the family-jewel-kneeing type mentioned in Koichi’s post, that very well could be the end of it.

Family First

Family is extremely important in Japan. A “no” from both parents will throw an epic monkey wrench into any potential marriage. Just like anywhere, many Japanese girls (guys too!) will have serious reservations without parental approval. It may not even be the parents whose permission you ultimately need, but another relative who decides your fate.

One female non-Japanese I interviewed experienced a particularly interesting case of the strength of Japanese family bonds. Since she was the girl, she didn’t have to ask for her future in-laws’ permission. She did, however, need the blessing of her husband’s aunt. Aunty was the head of the family, and all major decisions went through her. Luckily, the aunt loved her and the marriage went off without a hitch, but if she had gotten a “no,” things would have been off.

Parent’s Real Concern

The only problem you will likely have with asking for the parents’ permission is the language barrier. You’d better prepare what to say in Japanese. Whatever you say though, the only thing that’s really on their minds is if you are horse-backed marauder come to kidnap their daughter away to foreign lands. They want to know where you intend to live–Japan or abroad? Will they ever get to see their grandchildren? By saying “yes” to you, are they saying “goodbye” to their baby girl? That’s what they really care about.

The best answer is honest, and starts with “she and I talked about it, and…” You should have talked about it with her, and when you deliver the news to her parents, make it clear–and that it is–a mutual decision between you.

The Japanese Engagement Ceremony

In Japan, someone might say “I’m getting engaged next month on the 14th.” In traditional families, an engagement isn’t finalized until an engagement ceremony, called yuinou. (結納/ゆいのう) Every Japanese I interviewed had an engagement ceremony, though age and social status determined the particulars. The younger, middle-class Japanese only had an informal ceremony amounting to a dinner between families. More wealthy couples held theirs in the traditional style, which costed upwards of tens of thousands of U.S. dollars.

“I’m the president of my company. It was expected of me,” one Japanese businessman told me. “It was so expensive!”

Another older Japanese gentleman had a traditional engagement ceremony typical of his generation.

“We had an engagement ceremony organized by a nakoudo. My family gave my wife’s gifts. Then at the end, we exchanged rings. There are many gifts, all symbolic.”

The nakoudo (仲人/なこうど) is the go-between for the families. They are an important part of Japanese arranged marriages, omiai (お見合い/おみあい.) The go-between is an older, social superior who arranges the potential couple’s first meeting. Should both parties wish to pursue marriage, the go-between then lays the plans–including those for the engagement ceremony, which they also attend. During a traditional engagement ceremony the two families meet over dinner and the man and his family presents the girl’s with a set of symbolic gifts. The gifts depends on the region, but here’s what’s traditional:

Katsuobushi (勝男武士/かつおぶし) is dried bonito. It represents virility.

Naganoshi (長熨斗/ながのし) is a type of dried clam. It represents avoiding ill-fortune.

Surume (寿留女/するめ) is a type of dried squid representing a lasting marriage since it “lasts” for a long time.

Konbu (子生婦/こんぶ) represents fertility and having healthy children. It’s also quite tasty.

Yanagidaru (家内喜多留/やなぎだる) is a lacquered sake barrel. Don’t be fooled by the word “barrel.” It’s handheld. It’s a charm to avoid a wasteful wife.

Suehiro (末広/すえひろ) is a pair of fans representing prosperity. It can differ, but one is usually white and the other gold.

Tomoshiraga (友白髪/ともしらが) or takasago (高砂/たかさご.) Tomoshiraga is a white hemp thread representing the white hair of an old couple. Takasago is pair of dolls also representing growing old together that’s given in the Kansai region.

There’s also kinpoudzutsumi (金包包/きんぽうづつみ) or kosoderyou (小袖料/こそでりょう) Bridal money. The amount depends on the financial situation of the man, but it’s supposed to be about three or four times his monthly pay check. It’s similar to dowery, except it’s paid to the woman’s side. The man’s family also used to get onhakamaryou (御袴料/おんはかまりょう) if the woman’s family had no brothers, meaning no one to carry on the family name. Since in the past families with many daughters and no sons could go broke paying it, today the custom is usually ignored even in traditional ceremonies.

Lastly, there’s the rings. Only once they’ve been presented does a traditional engagement ceremony finish and engagement is official.

Though because they’re so expensive, Japanese engagement ceremonies nowadays usually just introduce the families to each other. Dinner serves well enough for that, with no money or gifts changing hands. Non-Japanese likely won’t even be asked to have one. Since the non-Japanese’s family probably lives outside Japan, arranging a meeting would be almost impossible–not to mention that communication would also pose a serious problem. But, if you want to impress your future in-laws, honoring some of the engagement ceremony’s traditions would show them you appreciate Japanese culture. And that’s always a good thing.

Just The Beginning

Aside from the engagement ceremony, getting engaged to a Japanese girl isn’t so different from anywhere else. Even the language barrier between the non-Japanese and her parents won’t pose much of a problem. Parents know a nice guy when they see one–just like they can smell a rat. If their baby girl is in love and you seem like an nice guy, that’s usually good enough. What you really need to worry about is what comes next. You are getting married after all. The tough part starts now.

[hr /]

Bonus Wallpapers

[1280x800] ∙ [2560x1600]

[hr /]

Sources:

• Interviews with Japanese and non-Japanese.
• Ceremony and Symbolism in the Japanese Home
• http://mikal.org/conclusions/2007/11/yuino-our-japanese-engagement-ceremony.html
• http://www.weddingpark.net/special/yuinou/
• http://www.yuinou.com/takasago/menu.html
• http://www.weblio.jp/content/小袖料
• http://www.marriage-dictionary.net/2010/04/post-40.html

But for someone like me, this list does very little good. I don’t really know much about current celebrities in Japan, let alone America. I’m sure you all know more than I do, so please share your top people. Who would YOU want to marry, and why? Give us some background information about this person. Tell us about this person and who he/she is. Tell us about someone you like a whole lot (enough that you’d be willing to marry this person) and use it as a spring-board to teach us about Japanese pop culture. It’s all in your hands for now, so take advantage of your power while you can.

[yframe url='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opp_ipeGEi4']

Here’s the real article: “Men most want to marry Masami Nagasawa; women choose Masaharu Fukuyama”