an acute, often fatal, infectious febrile disease of warm climates, caused by an RNA virus transmitted by a mosquito, especially Aedes aegypti, and characterized by liver damage and jaundice

Whoops, wrong one.

yellow fever (noun) – the maddening sensation to go crazy for all peoples that is Asian

I might be paraphrasing Webster on that one.

And while that term can apply to both sexes, it definitely has more of a polarizing pull on the fellas.

Double And, might I add, while there is a wide spectrum of Asian, none of them receive quite the same attention as the Japanese. Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese, and all the rest provide a sense of “mystery and intrigue” to some Western peoples. But I’d argue it’s because of the perceptions of Japanese media— the games, the shows, and yes the adult videos— that Japanese girls get fetishized the way they do.

I’ve been guilty of this myself.

My Yellow Fever Origins

Most of my generation got its gaming start with Mario on the NES or Sonic on the Genesis. I was no different, but I credit Pokemon for introducing me to the concept of slaving away for a game. As my first RPG, Pokemon to me had so many layers I never had to deal with before. It wasn’t just a one-track mission to save the princess or beat the bad guy, but a quest for self-improvement. You didn’t conquer levels. You leveled up yourself. Bond with your pals along the way, all in the name of becoming Pokemon Master.

The show took it one step further, “… to be the very best like no one ever was.” A quote that rivaled Bret “Hit Man” Hart.

I ate that stuff up. Maybe too much. I watched the dynamic between Ash and Misty on the show. She wasn’t a damsel in distress. She was a friend. A friend who secretly harbored feelings for the main character.

I couldn’t remember seeing something like that from my American cartoons, but I’m sure I was just oblivious. Being so involved in the world of Pokemon more likely skewed my view. From here on out, I started to wonder. Maybe this type of girl didn’t exist in America. Could it be a Japanese thing?

I branched out into watching other shows. All of which not only reinforced the idea that Japanese girls are different, but maybe they’re better. I soaked up the images in “harem” anime like Tenchi Muyo and Love Hina. And, it blows my mind to think I liked characters like Shinji Ikari who were super helpless. I guess I related to the weakling who could depend on someone else to show him the way. I appreciated the idea that there was another guy out there that had several hot babes wanting to love him no matter how fragile he was.

At this time, I was horrible at handling rejection. Never did I appreciate the mechanics of a game so much. I wished real life had a pause and resume feature– more time to calculate each move before I made it. If life was like a show, I could fast forward to a better episode.

Whenever I’d get “friend zoned”, I’d bury myself in games. I’d watch more anime. The anime obsession would eventually transition to watching Japanese TV shows, or jdramas as they call it.

These days Twilight gets a lot of flack for leading teenage girls on with the concept of “undying love”. But I let shows like Lunch no Jou and Nodame Cantabile feed me the same type of belief. Yuko Takeuchi and Juri Ueno became avatars of that ideal girl.

I became so absorbed in my fantastical perception of Japanese culture. I started reinforcing those ideas with distancing language. American girls are like this, but Japanese girls wouldn’t ever do that.

Japanese girls are the most passionate, patient, kind and caring beings on earth.

Eventually, I wound up with some idea that it was only Japanese girls who could really understand me.

Meeting My “Match”

“It’s like one of my Japanese animes!”

Sure enough, my first girlfriend would be Japanese.

We didn’t have chemistry. We didn’t have a spark. But thanks to my train of thought, I already committed to the belief that this kind of person is someone who I can fall in love with.

I will fall in love with this kind of person. And so I did.

I kept myself in a fantasy, and I turned myself into an anime character in the process. I relied on scripts I’d learned from my experiences in Japanese media. A lot of my conversation and gestures came off as forced instead of natural. I tried so hard to be the ideal boyfriend to match my image of the ideal girlfriend.

But, everything seemed awesome. I was riding that high of having my first serious relationship, so everything was perfect. This went on for three years. She did no wrong, could do no wrong, and would ne’er do a wrongily wrong.

Until she broke up with me. Bonus bummer: I found out she cheated on me.

You’d think that would’ve burst the bubble. There’s no way I would keep thinking that Japanese girls are the best. But alas, I held on.

The Blindness Begins to Break

From 2009-2012, I taught English in Japan. During this time, I started to notice how much other guys were going crazy over Japanese girls too. I wasn’t alone in my way of thinking, but by watching the people around me, I saw really ugly sides of people in the pursuit of a J-girl.

I taught at a senior high school, and so many guys would tell me they were jealous. They wished they worked at my school because so many girls were hot. Those words irked me. It was kind of gross.

This whole time I didn’t even think of ogling them. They weren’t just Japanese girls. They were my students. They had depth.

I witnessed friendships crumble. Guys would be “best friends” until one would call “dibs” on a girl at a bar. They’d point fingers, but Japanese girls didn’t break those bonds. Those guys let themselves throw it away for eye candy.

I think they knew this sort of behavior didn’t work back home, but something about being in a foreign land changed that.

Of course, you had the flip side of the yellow fever concept too. Some people called it white worshiping, others termed it gaijin-hunting. (Foreigners in Japan were known as Gaikokujin, or Gaijin for short. And a Japanese girl who wanted one would be the hunter.)

Here it was again: the fantasy versus the reality. The mystique and intrigue of what wasn’t familiar, except this time it wasn’t wonderful. It was incredibly frustrating. The roles roles were reversed. I was an Asian guy being passed up for dudes who looked more “foreign”.

I’m not going to lie. It made me pretty bitter. When I was overseas, I worked hard to transform myself. And it was for real this time. I got in shape. Instead of sitting by and hoping I’d encounter someone by chance, someone that’d fall in love with me, I worked hard to build my esteem. I tried to be social. And I thought I was doing pretty good.

But no dice. The Japanese girls I bumped into just saw the surface. They already had their minds made up on what I could offer. Even though I was still a foreigner, they wanted to pick something that looked a bit more exotic.

Basically I was hit with some karma for being so shallow, but I still wasn’t able to see the connection between what they were doing and what I did.

The worst example of this idolization came from a friend. He fell in love with a girl at the clothing store. That’s no code for some seedy underground brothel either. She was just a regular girl working in retail.

But my friend just knew she was special. She was beautiful. She was good-looking. She was hot. She was cute. She was really hot.

She talked to him. And even though he couldn’t really understand what she said, nor could he properly express himself to her (they used an iPhone app to communicate, zoinks!) he was about ready to propose.

Maybe my obsession didn’t manifest itself in the same way, but my friend and I had been similar enough in our thoughts. His relationship didn’t work out, and he took it hard. I saw his dream crumble, leaving him a broken mess.

I’ve been there before, but this time as an outsider, I could see more clearly from the beginning. Things never really looked like they would work out. Connecting the dots, seeing the devastating effect it had on my friend snapped me out of my haze.

It wasn’t about race. It wasn’t about nationality. “Japanese girls” weren’t the best. I was typecasting an idea, but people are just that… people. Good and bad. Superficial and deep. Smart and dumb.

I’d been blind. I’d been pretty dumb. And for all my gaijin-hunter frustration? I had a friend unload on me, putting the final nail in the coffin:

All those girls who can fall for something like that… It’s your own damn fault for liking them.

Ha! You wish. Some people really truly love their two-dimensional partners. And this article is for those aspiring to become one of them.

When Love Is Not Enough: Love Plus

Whether it’s a two-dimensional girl or a two-dimensional 01100111 01110101 01111001 you’re looking for, you’re in luck. They come in all shapes and sizes, though mostly flat ones. But say you do get into a committed 2-D relationship. You’re serious about him/her. Would it be possible to actually marry my 2-D partner? Seal the deal? The answer is … probably not. I think this question on Yahoo知恵袋 (Japanese Yahoo Answers) sums it up quite well:

Q. 二次元の女性との婚姻届は出せますか？
Can I legally marry (do the marriage registration of) a 2-dimensional girl?

A. 戸籍（外国人なら婚姻要件具備証明書等の書類）が無いので無理でしょう。
Since they don’t have a koseki/family register it’s probably impossible.

It’s nice that the answerer actually came up with a real reason.

The person asking the question isn’t alone, though. There are, of course, many people who have fallen in love with a 2-D guy or girl (though mostly it’s a 2-D girl). One game that kept coming up in my research was Love Plus, a dating sim for the Nintendo DS.

I remember how back in the day when I played Hatoful Kareshi I became madly in love with one particular pigeon, only to have my hato broken. So, I can only imagine what Love Plus would do to me. Apparently this dating sim is convincing enough that people have actually married their Love Plus partner in real life, though I imagine the legality of said marriage is pretty nonexistent at best.

I do!

There are many stories of this out there about Love Plus destroying / creating marriages.

One man (known as SAL9000, pictured above) fell so in love with Nene Anegasaki (a character in Love Plus) that he married her and took her on a honeymoon to Guam. So, he and his Nintendo DS (I hope he has save file backups!) livecasted their trip on NicoNico and then held a public reception when they got back to Tokyo. [Source]

In another Love Plus story, instead creating a beautiful 2-D union the guy just ended up hurting his real life 3-D one. Koh (the guy), bought Love Plus for his DS just to see what the hype was about and found himself hooked. After committing himself to Rinko in the game, their relationship got deeper and deeper. She started calling him by his first name and began to demand more attention. BoingBoing wrote about this and did an interview about it, some of which is pasted below:

Koh, what do you and Rinko do together?
OK, this is pretty embarrassing. The DS has a mic and a touchscreen, so… one time, she asked me to say “I love you” a hundred times into the mic. I was on the airplane when she asked me that, so I was like, no way. There was also this part where you have to hold her hand on the touchscreen. If you touch her hand with the stylus, you get to hold her hand. And then there’s the part where you have to kiss her.

Did you do it?
No, no! The girl’s face shows up on the screen, and you have to touch her lips to give her a kiss. That’s pretty weird…. this is embarrassing. I’m sweating right now just talking about it. Yurie: Ew. Do people really do that? Koh: I guess some people do.

[...]

But Koh, you have a real woman in your life.
That’s why I was able to come back. Thank god! I was only stuck in that world for about a week. Also, I got hooked when I was in Japan on a business trip, so when I came back to San Francisco, I didn’t play it that much. Maybe just for a day. In the bathtub

[...]

Yeah, if I was playing too many games and that was compromising the time I spent in my real life, that would be a problem. It’s the same with Second Life or World of Warcraft. If I got too into something and couldn’t come back, that would be a problem. At the same time, though, the danger I felt when I almost got sucked into Love Plus was very human. If I was single and had gotten too into this… I don’t know, I recognized that there was a me in there that could have a real attachment to this artificial character on the other side of the DS screen. It made me think that humans could probably pretty easily develop feelings for AI robots. It’s the same with animals, right? Animals don’t speak words but you can really love them. But I do think it has something to do with the simplicity of men. I’d be really curious to see how women would react to a boy version of Love Plus.

[...]

So what is your Love Plus girlfriend doing now?
I’m too scared to find out. I’m probably going to get in big trouble if I open it after leaving her alone for several weeks. Maybe she’s dead now. That would be scary.

That’s a pretty edited version of the interview (read the full interview here), but you get the idea. The original interview included his wife as well, and she was surprisingly okay with it. She essentially said that as long as her husband knew that this was a game and that’s all, it’s okay with her. She was more concerned with the amount of time he played on it, more than anything. So, there’s hope for some of you guys yet!

Of course, there are other dating sims out there that dudes get addicted to, but this game is pretty high up there in terms of getting dudes in trouble. After coming out, wives and girlfriends got onto the internet to complain to Konami for stealing their men away. I can’t imagine the release of the 3DS helping out their cause any.

When You Love Sleeping

Personally, I’m a huge fan of sleeping. I do it every night, most nights. If only the person pillow I loved could be by my side during all those special unconscious moments! Wait! That’s a thing already!

If you head on over to Akihabara’s possibly X-rated and not X-rated shops, you’ll see all kinds of body pillows adorned with scantily clad anime ladies (and men). While this isn’t solely a Japanese thing anymore, I think it’s pretty safe to say that this whole idea either originated or got popularized in Japan.

One man, Nisan, was written about in the New York Times Magazine. The “how they met” story brings a tear to my eye.

Their first encounter — at a comic-book convention that Nisan’s gaming friends dragged him to in Tokyo — was serendipitous. Nisan was wandering aimlessly around the crowded exhibition hall when he suddenly found himself staring into Nemutan’s bright blue eyes. In the beginning, they were just friends. Then, when Nisan got his driver’s license a few months later, he invited Nemutan for a ride around town in his beat-up Toyota. They went to a beach, not far from the home he shares with his parents in a suburb of Tokyo. It was the first of many road trips they would take together. As they got to know each other, they traveled hundreds of miles west — to Kyoto, Osaka and Nara, sleeping in his car or crashing on friends’ couches to save money. They took touristy pictures under cherry trees, frolicked like children on merry-go-rounds and slurped noodles on street corners. Now, after three years together, they are virtually inseparable. “I’ve experienced so many amazing things because of her,” Nisan told me, rubbing Nemutan’s leg warmly. “She has really changed my life.”

Nisan of course knows she’s not real, but the love is, he says.

“Of course she’s my girlfriend,” he said, widening his eyes as if shocked by the question. “I have real feelings for her.”

It’s not just Nisan, either, though Nisan is much more public with his love for Nemutan because he takes her around everywhere. There are thousands of other people just like him who feel an emotional attachment to their dakimakura, and it’s turned into a kind of subculture where people make custom designs, sell them, buy them, and gather together to talk about them. One very important factor I learned about was the type of fabric. Smooth knit is good. I guess that’s the kind of thing you go on since the personality of the pillow is whatever you want it to be.

This culture is getting larger and larger too, it seems to me, and I don’t think it will slow down. We’ll talk about this more in the next section, but before we do that I just wanted to mention that if you’re looking for your very own special pillow someone, Tofugu actually runs the number one body pillow dating site in the world, so find Your One True Threadcount™ today!

When 2(D) Is More Real Than 3(D)

You may be wondering… why in the world would someone love a two-dimensional person??? While I don’t know from my own experience (except with my beautiful birdfriend Nageki Fujishiro. WHERE ARE YOU COME BACK TO ME!), similar themes came up again and again when I read through articles and research. Surprisingly, after reading so much I’ve come to realize it’s not actually all that weird and makes sense in a way. I’m not saying it’s for me, but I can see why people would feel and think this way.

First lets start with some general numbers about 2-D characters. How wide-spread is this phenomenon?L et’s take a look at a study done by 瞬刊！リサーチNEWS in May of 2013.

Q. Do you have an ideal man/woman from a 2-D world?

MEN (Answers：17,387)
- Yes: 33.6％
- No: 48.5％
- I don’t read manga and don’t watch anime: 17.8％

WOMEN (Answers：18,767)
- Yes: 40.9％
- Now: 42.9％
- I don’t read manga and don’t watch anime: 16.2％

Surprisingly, that’s 33.6% of men and 40.9% of women who said yes, they do have an ideal man/woman from a 2-D world. Of course, this doesn’t mean that all of these people are in love with an two dimensional character. Far from it. It does however show how anime/manga characters are personifications of “ideal” people you’d want to know or be with. With so many of them, of course you run into one or two that match the kind of girl or guy you’d want to date. But, that’s the same as with TV dramas or movies too, and these have real people in them. So, it’s not all that different from that. Children idolize cartoon superhero characters all the time. They want to be them, which isn’t all that different from wanting to be with a cartoon character, I’d say. The line that’s drawn has to do with knowing or thinking that you can be with them. I think Japan’s line is a lot harder to see.

The difference with Japan I think is the saturation of 2-D characters. If all you see is 2-D, and if this many people are able to idealize a 2-D character, then of course some of them are going to fall in love with them too. It’s still a very small subset of people that do this, but if you throw enough cats at the wall, one or two are going to stick, you know?

So what happens if you ask a similar question, but only with otakus. Someone took a group of 500 otaku dudes and polled them already, and here are the results:

Q. What Kind Of Females Do You Like?

2D Women: 23%
2.5D Women: 9.6%
Real Women: 65.8%
*2.5d = three dimensional animated girls

So, out of the otaku subset, you have around 30% of them who reportedly prefer not-real women. Of course, preference doesn’t mean you’re dating a body pillow, but you are leaning in that direction, at least.

There are a few generalized reasons why otaku dudes are more likely to fall for a 2D girl rather than a real one as well, from what I’ve read of individual experiences:

1. There are way more otaku guys than girls. So, since otakus are more likely to date other otakus (rather than outside this otaku circle), there are fewer possible girls to date.
2. It’s harder for otakus to find dates with real people. This is partly due to shyness and partly due to confidence and partly due to lifestyle choices, supposedly.
3. Otaku tend to have very good imaginations from all the anime, manga, and storytelling that they are surrounded by. The better your imagination, the easier it is to imagine the ideal personality onto a figure, body pillow, etc. The inanimate object “comes to life” in their head because of their vivid imagination.

There are also other reasons as well. Things like bad previous relationships often play a part. Not-real people won’t hurt you or leave you or cheat on you, after all. But, if you’re not 100% committed to this lifestyle you could be hurting somebody else, too! A real person! There are so many stories of desperate girlfriends trying to make their guys love them when a 2-D girl is creating competition. Here are some summaries of people having trouble with this from various blogs, forums, and websites:

One girl complained that she has a boyfriend who can only date 2-D girls… but he loves her, though he’s sick of 3-D girls. [source]

Another girl (who also likes anime) has feelings for a guy who loves 2-D. They enjoy talking about anime together too. When she asked him if he has someone on his mind, he replied by saying he only loves 2-D girls. She wants to kokuhaku but is afraid he’ll reject him. [Source]

Another post had a list of replies on why they can only love 2-D characters. One said that it’s not that they can only love 2-D, but that they’ve never been loved by 3-D. Someone replied saying that they are the same, and only 2-D girls would accept them. Another guy talked about how the more he learned about 3-D girls, the more he loved 2-D ones. Then there’s others who said that they don’t get tired of 2-D women (like they do with 3-D ones) and yet another that said they don’t want to be hurt by a real woman, so they choose 3-D. [Source]

There was also a girl I read about who loved 2-D characters. She says she’ll never be hurt this way. She pretends she’s looking for a boyfriend so people don’t think she’s weird, but she knows that if she had a boyfriend it would take time away from being able to think about her manga characters, so she doesn’t actually want a boyfriend that much. [Source]

And lastly, there’s one person who thinks that loving 2-D women is a form of evolution. I think this was the plot of one X-Men comic I read. He says that a normal guy’s brain wave reacts when they watch porn because they live in the 3-D world. However, a 2-D lover doesn’t have the same reaction when watching 3-D porn. It does react when they watch 2-D anime, though. He further goes on to state that this is proof of some kind of evolution that allows men to survive using less energy. Around 10% of otaku guys have this evolved brain pattern. Look out, lesser-humans! [Source]

So there you have it. Maybe more people than you thought are into the 2-D. Maybe you knew it all along because you’re on the front lines. Hopefully you understand better why it goes on. I think one issue out there is that most people just automatically assume all these people are serial killers. To be honest, they’re all probably nice people. Many of them lead very normal lives (besides all this). While I’m not one to be a part of this lifestyle, I’m not going to judge it as well… poke fun? Maybe a little. But, I hope you’re nice in the comments as well. Read some of the linked articles and stories, it’s quite fascinating and interesting.

Main thing is you don’t let your 2-D or 3-D loves get in the way with each other, I think. The 3-D one will win every time. Question I have, though: is it real murder if you come home to your Nintendo DS broken in half and then drowned in water?

ANGRY KOICHI SAYS BE NICE IN THE COMMENTS, OK?

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Bonus Wallpapers!

[1280x800] ∙ [2560x1600] ∙ [1280x800 Animated] ∙ [700x438 Animated]

[1280x800] ∙ [2560x1600] ∙ [1280x800 Animated] ∙ [700x438 Animated]

Okay, well maybe they’re not that hardcore, but they’re at least a little hardcore (I promise). I’ve heard a handful of pretty decent bands from the genre lately and I’ve collected some of them here for you today. There’s not too much to say about each of them, so just scroll down, give them a listen, and (hopefully) enjoy.

Dazzle Vision

[yframe url='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVG_bBJU94A']

Dazzle Vision is a four member hard rock band with hints of emo, pop, and heavy metal making for a pretty unique sound. They’ve been around since June of 2003 and have been on a handful of tours since then. They released their first album Origin of Dazzle in November of 2006, and their latest album, Shocking Loud Voice, was released on May 4, 2012.

[yframe url='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oy3tJAQ2Rrw&feature=relmfu']

Okay, so Dazzle Vision isn’t an all-female group. You got me. But you have to admit that girl is pretty badass all on her own. Sometimes I think Dazzle Vision is pretty cool, but other times the music seems kind of sloppy or not really “in the groove.” I don’t really know how to explain it, but maybe you’ll know what I mean. It could also be due to the band going through so many lineup changes, perhaps the members just haven’t quite gotten used to each other yet. What do you think?

Exist†trace

[yframe url='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTC3zoXMrIg']

And now onto the all-female groups as promised. Exist†trace is an all-female visual kei band. They started out in 2003 and received lots of attention for their harsh and dark sound in their earlier releases, but have since moved on towards a more melodic tone which is kind of too bad for hardcore metal fans, but oh well.

[yframe url='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epyg2LzGq5s&feature=related']

Like I said, their songs range from relatively melodic (top video) to super duper harsh (bottom video), which is even too harsh for me I think. They certainly are capable of a wide range of sounds though. Which do you like best?

Cyntia

[yframe url='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g09UK5hNO34&feature=related']

Cyntia is relatively new to the music scene and I couldn’t find too much regarding the band other than this website here (which is in Japanese). Their sound is pretty good though and they’re arguably the cutest group out of the bunch, don’t you think? I’m looking forward to seeing their new stuff as it’s released.

Aldious

[yframe url='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jgmZI1M9jz0&feature=relmfu']

Aldious is another all female metal band. They started to form in 2008 and have been collecting members and releasing new songs ever since. That’s pretty much all you need to know about Aldious, really.

[yframe url='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bc40MuAO7ig']

I think Aldious is a pretty strong entry into the all female heavy rock band genre in Japan. They’ve got solid music and good vocals to go along with them. Not bad. Not bad at all…

>.>

And then of course there’s Baby Metal.

[yframe url='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4QbAXXXOJF8']

So tell me, which one of these bands is your favorite? Know any other good Japanese heavy rock bands with all female members or at least a female front(wo)man? Share in the comments!

(Also, if you hate metal, I sincerely apologize. Better luck next week.)

Saturday Timewaster is a weekly post that features Japanese videos, music, images, or games that will certainly waste your time (some weeks more than others). We hope you enjoy!

[Header Image]

The era of the Geisha for the most part has ended, but the cultural tradition of larger than life females remains very much alive.  Outside traditional areas in cities like Kyoto, there are very few Geisha to be found in Japan these days, but in their place are virtually endless varieties of “Fantasy Girls.”  Samurai used to pay elaborately dressed Geisha to sing, dance, and generally make them feel good about themselves after a long day working for their lord.  In modern times, “shain” 社員 (company men) can choose their own “Fantasy Girl” to perform the same function.  In many cases, the purpose of their service goes beyond simple physical attractiveness to provide an avenue of escapism through individual attention, fantastic scenarios, and over-the-top service.  People come from around the world to participate in the many fantastic worlds created by Japan’s “Fantasy Girls,” and this post should serve as an introduction to what all the fuss is about by presenting a few well known groups of women (sometimes men) who set the stage for fantasy: キャバクラ (Kyabakura), ホステスクラブ／ホストクラブ (Host/Hostess Club), スナックバー (Snack Bar), and メイドカフェ (Maid Cafes).

キャバクラ – Kyabakura

キャバクラ “Kyabakura” (referred to by some as hostess or host bars), ホステスクラブ “Hostess Clubs,” and スナックバー “Snack Bars” are all very similar in that they involve beautiful women and men who are dressed almost comically elegantly and are supposed to make you feel like a big shot…as long as you have cash.

The word キャバクラ (kyabakura) is made from a combination of the words cabaret and club.  I guess it’s kind of like a Las Vegas cabaret show that comes to you!  This type of establishment also has the same kind of bad reputation as Las Vegas has: full of organized crime, substance abuse, prostitution, illegal immigrant workers, and exploitation of women (and men).  While this negative stereotype has a lot of traction, and has even attracted some action from the Japanese government, キャバクラ are so widespread throughout Japan that the moral standing of the establishment varies from location to location.

In Kyabakura, The Experience Should Be Like This:

A man or women dressed as if he or she is about to go to the Academy Awards will approach you from outside the establishment and tell you about all the beautiful women (or men) inside the kyabakura and should you decide to go inside the clock immediately starts on your service charge (warning: this is how a lot of foreigners lose all their money very quickly).  Once inside, either a girl (or boy) will be chosen for you or you can pick from a menu.  From that point, you are seated with the partner you chose who dotes on you hand and foot, flirts with you, animatedly listens to stories about your boring life, and constantly praises you.  All this is done over very expensive drinks, and typically one is encouraged to buy an entire bottle of liquor for use on multiple occasions, i.e. they really want you to come back.  Depending on the location, once the night is over you will get a little kiss and then a flurry of text messages telling you how amazing you are and to come back as soon as possible.  If you develop a relationship with a particular hostess or host, sometimes paid dates, called “douhan” 「同伴」 outside the club are permitted to encourage loyalty to the particular kyabakura.  This practice is morally gray to say the least, but in theory these dates are limited to casual flirting only.  Once you leave the kyabakura you will feel like a great weight has been lifted from your shoulders…or wallet…I forget which one comes first.

[yframe url='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mw-PrZjGHaE']

This Japanese news report is kind of like an insiders guide to the girls inside kyabakura (a relatively un-sketchy one).

ホステスクラブ – Hostess Club

Take the concept of kyabakura, multiply the price and staff physical attractiveness factor by at least 10, add incredibly wealthy people, subtract most of the illegal activities, and you have a hostess club!

There will be no one begging you to come inside this establishment.  These types of clubs are highly exclusive, often the meeting place for very high ranking members of society, and located in high class areas of big cities like the Ginza district in Tokyo.  If you want in, there is typically no fee per hour, but in the best ones you need to shell out over $100K to get access (yes, in US DOLLARS… not that US dollars are worth that much anymore, though).  The workers here are generally taken care of very well by a former hostess called Mama-san, and often have successful modeling careers during and after their time as employees.  Sometimes they get married to celebrities or high ranking officials who frequent the club.  The women are highly trained in the skills of making you feel good about yourself and are on the forefront of fashion trends.  Definitely not unlike Geisha right?!  This type of celebrity like status is what allures a lot of young women into the business, but a high quality place like this is usually not were they end up.

ホストクラブ – Host Club

One interesting difference between the “Age of the Geisha” and now is the inclusion of men as servers in Japan’s night time industry.  Host Clubs work almost exactly the same way as Hostess Clubs, but are typically not as high class and include a rainbow of gender preferences: female or male customers who like males, female or male customers who like very feminine males or cross dressing males, female or male customers who like females dressed as males, and the list goes on and on.  No matter what type of male they are, you can be assured that they are very confident, cool, fashionable, and oozing with money.

スナックバー – Snack Bar

A snack bar is like the smaller cousin to kyabakura.  These places typically are not the epicenter of modern fashion, but are more like hangouts for everyday salary men that would rather hang out with younger, probably foreign girls, than go home to their wife.  These places often have a variety of options for activities to do together like billiards, karaoke, darts, drinking, and eating.  It’s like going to a bar with a hot young girlfriend who does nothing but praise your every action and encourage you to drink as much as you want!  Definitely a fantasy world, and you’ll end up paying for it when the bill comes.  Unlike kyabakura, snack bars are a little bit more on the “honor system” in that if you really like the service you should leave a substantial tip.  Snack Bars are also not as hardcore as kyabakura about getting you to come back over and over again through financial and emotional pressure, so it’s typically a good option for foreign visitors.

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This set up is pretty normal.  It’s pretty much just a bar where the female bartenders and staff are extra nice, so you tip them accordingly.

メイドカフェー – Maid Cafe

We have just left the Salary Man’s escape and have moved on to Otaku-land:  秋葉原 AKIHABARA!!  Of course it is very easy to find numerous salary men (Japanese term for someone working 9-5 at a large company) who also lead dual lives as serious Otaku (basically “nerd” in Japanese).  Akihabara is a section of Tokyo where the Otaku culture is at its peak, and chances are as soon as you step off the JR train, you’ll be greeted by a very cute Japanese girl dressed up like a French maid who will pose in pictures with you and invite you to her cafe.

“WELCOME TO AKIHABARA MASTER!!”

“秋葉原にお帰りなさいませご主人様！”

The predominant maid cafe style is where the maids treat you as though you are royalty and they are lowly, but very cute servants and dote on you hand and foot (see a pattern here at all?).  They will compliment you, tell you that you are handsome, put ketchup on your omelet in heart shapes while sitting on their knees at your table, make cute noises like a cat, blow kisses, make heart shapes with their hands, and encourage you to act cutely as well.  At many locations, they also play eating and drinking games with various prizes.

One example is that a maid will fix a huge stack of pancakes for you and a tiny pancake for herself and the bet is that if you can eat your pancakes faster than she can, you will get a kiss on the cheek, but if you lose she will slap you in the face in front of the entire restaurant.  All of this is done while they speak in an overly cute style called Mo-e “萌え” which in English I suppose would be the equivalent of baby-talk.  That sounds like it would get real annoying real fast, but people LOVE it, especially Otaku who don’t ever get attention from pretty girls (funny thing is, a lot of American otaku who learn Japanese on their own, probably using anime, often sound kind of like this… “funny” because it’s funny to listen to them talk like a baby girl).  It unfortunately leads to a lot of stalking, but in comparison, maid cafes are free from a lot of the other problems associated with kyabakura.  Almost everything you do at the cafe will cost money, from taking pictures to eating contests, and the food is of course at a premium cost, but for people who love Japanese girls dressed and acting like your personal French-maid servant, it is well worth the cost.

The wild thing about maid cafes though is that there are SO MANY DIFFERENT KINDS! There are some that are the exact opposite of the description above, and basically involve the maid treating you like a piece of crap and verbally abusing you the entire time you are in the restaurant.  Others are for women who like called Butler Cafes, some of which are entirely comprised of European men, who will even carry you around for a fee.

Here’s a link to a video to give you an idea of what exactly happens at a few different types of maid cafes.  The first that is shown is the typical style, the second is tsundere “つんでれ” which is basically where they make you think they hate you but in the end they show they really like you, and lastly is like samurai adventure where they do mock battles while you eat epically named food. Tofugu even wrote about a pretty creepy maid cafe a while ago: Mom Cafes.

Disneyland – but far more creepy

One new style of maid cafe that’s real real weird is called “kigurumi” 着ぐるみ which is basically some one wearing a head to toe costume like in Disneyland, but in this case it’s much more otaku adult themed…

This place is just like a regular maid cafe except the people dressed in anime costumes do not talk, but write on whiteboards to communicate with you.  This sounds like a bad horror movie!  To each his/her own I guess…

Japan’s Fantasy Girls – Past and Present

There are of course many many differences between Geisha in the past and the present form of fantasy girls in Japan, but the connection is clear: women (and men) in this industry provide a service that goes beyond the physical excitement present in similar services originating in the West like strip clubs, Hooters, etc.  The people performing all of these services in Japan are of course physically attractive, but more so they are experts in creating atmosphere where the customer feels removed from the world they live in and receive special individual attention.  In the West, people pay two separate groups: one to listen to their problems like counselors, and one that is unrealistically physically appealing like strip dancers.  In Japan however, they have a tradition of combining those roles that arguably has roots during the time of the Geisha.

This post was written by Nick W., who has traveled throughout many regions of Japan in search of unique cultural gems.  He is currently earning his MBA and has researched topics like folk music in WWII Japan and Ainu cultural revival through music.  His favorite Japanese musician is the late Nujabes.  He has experienced great amounts of culture shock when unknowingly encountering kyabakura hostesses.  In hindsight it was hilarious.

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