WELL, POOP.

Be glad you’re reading this post because I’ve just illustrated a bunch of holiday gift tags and postcards that you can print out and use! Send your fellow WaniKani subscriber/BFF (of the 5ever kind) a postcard of a jolly Crabigator making a SnowKoichi! Or creep your friends out by mailing them a Kumaman postcard! (Or better yet, send Koichi a Kumaman card!) Get those gift tags printed and stick them on yo presents (pets/annoying little brothers/etc, etc.)!

Have fun printing these out as I did making them, and I hope your holidays are filled with creepy Kumamen and SnowKoichis!

Gift tags!

[Download 1600x1600 Tofugu Gift tag]

[Download 1600x1600 Kumaman Gift tag]

[Download 1600x1600 Textfugu Gift tag]

[Download 1600x1600 WaniKani Gift tag]

Postcards!

[Download 4x6 Tofugu Postcard]

[Download 4x6 Tofugu Postcard]

[Download 4x6 Kumaman Postcard]

[Download 4x6 WaniKani Postcard]

Wallpapers

Tofugu Christmas Wallpaper
[1280x800] ∙ [1920x1080] ∙ [2560x1600]

Kumaman Christmas Wallpaper
[1280x800] ∙ [1920x1080] ∙ [2560x1600]

WaniKani Christmas Wallpaper
[1280x800] ∙ [1920x1080] ∙ [2560x1600]

I hope you all enjoy our version of holiday cheer! Have a great Christmas or holiday or late December — Whatever you celebrate or don’t celebrate!

I got a bunch of great entries, but had to sadly whittle it down to ten. Here are the winners:

I didn’t have a clear definition of “ugly” in mind when I started this, but this drawing gave it to me in spades. No other submission was as hard to look at as this crazy-eyed, snot-nosed fugu on a bright red background.

Not only was the fugu itself really ugly, but this person went above and beyond the call of duty to explain their artistry. Very dark and post-modern.

The illustrator of this fine fugu said that they took inspiration from the ugly, all-too-real closeups in the 90^s cartoon Ren and Stimpy. The inspiration is clear, and ugly enough to earn this person a free copy of Japanese.

This fugu isn’t just ugly, it peers into your very soul when it looks at you with that piercing, disturbing glare. Little does it know that I sold out my soul long ago. Joke’s on you!

This ugly, ugly collection of fugu with passionate pleas written all around it (“u ken lern japenese furm me dun eet mee”) was not only hideous, but heartwarming as well.

This dark, brick-like fugu seems like something you’d see popping out of the wall in a horror movie or while playing Amnesia. Look at those mouth, those eyes—not something I’d like to run into.

Vomiting fugu. Enough said.

I didn’t even think that this fine piece of artwork was particularly ugly, but I was too by our lil Tofugu fugu in red high heels not to pick it.

While I suspect that this was all done digitally, this submission has a lot of real-life textures (like brush strokes and glitter) that made the ugliness of the “Toefugu” really stand out.

Honorable Mentions

There were a few submissions that either weren’t eligible to win or didn’t want to win, but I liked nonetheless and wanted to include here.

Our own John submitted his this repulsive piece of art, complete with ugly brick texture and saved in the wonderful BMP format. Most of you sent your pieces in a lossless form, which almost defeats the purpose. Haven’t you people heard of compression artifacts?!

Sadly for John, he couldn’t win since he, y’know, works here. Sorry bud!

This person actually said in their email that they couldn’t use the prize even if they won it, and just wanted to enter for fun. I respect that, and thus they earn a spot on our honorable mentions.

I love this upset fugu, but it’s not ugly, just sad. What’s the matter, little guy? Found out that you’re doomed to be sashimi?

I received this submission with the message “My most sexual greetings from Israel.” I’m not sure what that means, or what it has to do with the drawing itself, but this ugly minimalist masterpiece found a place in my heart.

This person actually turned down the prize, apparently just wanting to submit their creation for the love of art. That’s a-okay with me.

Thanks so much to everybody who participated! This was a lot of fun and I loved checking my inbox every day and seeing your hideous creations.

But How is Fugu Prepared, Anyway?

[yframe url='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rFwzi4-oLo']

This video is great. It does a fantastic job of explaining pretty much all you need to know about fugus and their preparation. So maybe fugus aren’t the real murderers after all. We humans sure kill a lot more of them than they do us, that’s for sure.

And for those of you brave enough to witness the actual preparation of the fugu from start to finish, I’ve included the video below. But be warned! If you are squeamish about things being chopped up while they are still alive and moving, you’d best skip on this one.

[yframe url='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WBc8e7fkc6E']

See? Told you. Not exactly a pleasant viewing experience. But let’s get back to how devilishly murderous these fugu are, shall we?

Poisonings in the Tens!

Okay, so fugu really aren’t all that dangerous. The Japanese government keeps a record of reported fugu poisonings within the country, and each year since they started keeping track there have been about 20 to 40 reported fugu poisonings annually. Compare this to shark attacks which happen about 100 times a year. And that’s worldwide, not just in Japan. Suddenly fugu doesn’t seem so scary after all now does he?

And while reported poisonings range from about 20 to 40 each year, the fatality rate from these poisonings is actually quite low. The fatality rate in Japan is only 6.8% and the most fatalities ever in one year was a mere six. Some years there aren’t even any fatalities at all.

According to the Florida Museum of Natural History, less than one person a year is killed by sharks each year on average (although seventeen died in 2011 from shark attacks). So I guess fugus come out a little bit ahead in this category as far as murderous intent goes.

Seems legit.

But what about the poisonings outside of Japan that come at the hands of phony baloney “sushi chefs” (see above)? Well, unfortunately the survival rate for fugu poisonings outside of Japan isn’t tracked. However, the survival rate outside of Japan is most likely lower as Japanese hospitals are better equipped to treat fugu poisonings as it is much more common over there. Other countries are most likely not as familiar with these types of incidents. So would I recommend you try fugu the next time you’re in Mexico? No, no I would not.

Japan also has strict regulations and training regimens for fugu chefs. This makes fugu eating far safer in Japan than it would be in most other countries. Although some countries such as the United States require that fugu chefs be certified in Japan before they are allowed to prepare fugu dishes for patrons.

More often than not, the fugu poisoning cases in Japan are committed by fisherman or other amateur fugu chefs who attempt to (unwisely) prepare fugu at home. So, when all’s said and done, there is a very, very small chance that you will fall victim to fugu poisoning when sampling the dish at a respected eatery while in Japan.

Fun Fact: Did you know that fugu literally means “river pig”?

So tell me, have any of you been brave enough to try fugu? Think you would if given the chance? Share your story and let us know in the comments!

Sites Consulted:
Japan-Talk
Fugu Wikipedia
Shark Attack Wikipedia