Before getting started, I’d like to point out again that all these examples could just be personal character traits, flaws, habits, beliefs, or senses of humor and that not all Japanese people act the same way. In fact, I found one to be quite rude and atypical. There are no generalizations because the people quoted in this article dated different people from different countries and they all have their own personalities. So, keep that in mind!

So, don’t be upset if an example related to your nationality and it doesn’t match with the way you think or feel! I’m not taking a jab at your country, and everyone knows that every person in the world has different experiences. Let’s just have some fun with this and maybe learn something along the way.

Is It True That Japanese Men Pay For Women?

In Japan, many people still believe that men paying for women is point of good manners and Koichi talked about this in What It’s Like A Dating a Japanese Guy as well. In fact, some guys even feel insulted, or that their pride was just given a ‘low-blow’, if a woman insists that she should pay for herself. This is standard dating-conduct for men in Japan. So, if you are a non-Japanese girl out on your first date with a Japanese guy, insisting to pay your half may be more hurtful than helpful to his pride.

But wait a minute! This has been changing quite a lot actually, especially amongst the newer generation of couples. Nowadays, many men wish more women would help pay for the date tab. It’s also more common for men to ask women to contribute somewhere between 20-30%. If at no point does the woman offer to pay for something, then the man may actually be lead to believe that she is not a generous or thoughtful person!

According to a research study conducted by Sankei Digital and Sankei Living from December 19, 2012 to January 15, 2013, about 70% of 169 Japanese women still prefer to be paid for while on the date. Actually, this research made many Japanese men upset to the point where they cried out “Where the heck is man-woman equality!?” I guess to be safe you should at least offer to pay, and hopefully they will reject your offer (if you didn’t want to pay)? With these ideas changing so rapidly, be careful not to step on any hurt-feelings landmines.

Men Of The Younger Generation (Kids These Days!)

Japanese men who have been educated throughout school and from societal constructs about ‘the equality of men and women’ often question the male’s responsibilities. In this article, of course that means paying for things like restaurant bills and such. I came across an interview from a man who was dating his coworker. The interview was conducted by Fukuishinbun.

In the interview, he complained that he pays a little more than his girlfriend when they go out on a date, even though the receive the same payment from their company. He believes that they should pay the same amount if their payment is exactly the same.

This change in Japanese men’s thinking was also brough up last year by a Chinese woman who was dating a Japanese guy. On their first date, they split the bill and this made her so upset that she wrote down her complaints on her blog. What she wrote took the online news sources by storm.

I had no idea why I had to pay because it was a date with my boyfriend. In China, or at least in Zhejiang where I am from, the man pays for practically everything while on dates. I’d say that the restaurant bill should be almost 100%. In fact, if a woman pays, she risks being hated by her boyfriend.

It’s not only this Chinese girl, though. Another Chinese girl (劉), a Korean girl (ハン) and an anonymous Laotian girl were also all surprised that their Japanese boyfriends didn’t pay for them. As for ハン, she was so upset when her boyfriend tried to split the bill for a ラブホテル (Love hotel) that she left him in anger.

I’m not sure about how old the Japanese guys were, but all three of these women are in their late teens and early twenties, so I assume they were dating guys who would be considered to be part of the “younger” generation. The older generation of men still expect that men should pay for women… however, younger generations are changing, so it may be best to be flexible on that stereotype.

Furthermore, one anonymous Japanese guy dating a British woman was often told by her: “I can’t believe Japanese women. They allow men to split bills because they don’t have confidence in themselves!” He used to split the bill when he was dating Japanese women, but he had to change his mind after hearing that line, at least for her. Over time, be began to get annoyed with what she said because she repeatedly complained about Japanese women who allow men to split the bill. It’s possible that the myth that all Japanese men prefer paying for everything may not have a long life if he felt this way.

Women That Prefer To Be Paid For

Like the above research suggested, many Japanese women still believe that their portion of the cost of a date should still be paid for. I also know of many Japanese girls who believe that men should always pay for women and that women should only date men who pay for them. @ya is maybe one of them and was surprised at how differently things are done in the UK.

In England, there is the concept that ‘give and take’ between a man and a woman should be equal. Regardless of whether or not it is a first date or a date between a couple with a long lasting relationship, it is pretty common to split the bill. Actually, just as a side point, you may want to be weary of a guy who insists on paying for you on the first date as it might be a sign that he is looking for a chance to sleep with you. Anyhow, I personally get annoyed by the person who puts forth so much effort to split the bill perfectly down the middle. (Hold on a second, let me root around the bottom of my purse for the 4 pennies I owe you.)

Yamaihimiko dated an American guy and she mentioned that he fronted the bill for everything, whereas inokay1123, who dated a few American men in the past, said that they all wished to split the bill and she stopped seeing them because of that. Actually, she brought up an interesting thing.

Just like many Japanese people do, I offered to pay my own bill to show my appreciation and gestured that I would hand over my money. Then, they just simply accepted it.

So, if you’re a guy who is seeking the chance to date a Japanese woman, you may want to question yourself when she poses this option. If she does offer to pay, maybe you should just say, “Don’t worry. It’s on me.” There’s a chance she’s not actually wanting to pay for half of the bill, but she’s just doing so to be polite.

Although some Japanese women complain that their international boyfriend doesn’t pay their bill, one anonymous woman who was dating a man from Thailand was very impressed. The whole bill was on him, even when she took her sister or friends. Apparently, it’s even pretty common for Thai men to borrow money from their friends before going on a date to help pay for it. It’s also normal for men to either provide their girlfriends with a ride to work, school, or accompany them to their destination, but it depends on his income as the transportation can change from bus to motorcycle to taxi to car to hovercraft.

It Doesn’t Bother Me!

As for me, personally, sure I like free food, but I didn’t care whether my boyfriend paid for me or not every time. Even now that I’m married it doesn’t matter… though that might be because there is only one wallet (our wallet). I had an ex-boyfriend who suggested that we decide who pays the bill by playing rock-paper-scissors. I accepted and from there on out we always decided that way. I found it pretty fair and kind of fun, too. While dating my Canadian husband, sometimes he would pay for me and other times I would pay for myself. It didn’t bother me, especially because I knew that I was making more money than him at the time, haha!

So, now you see that it’s not so black and white. While it’s still very much standard for the older generations to pay for a woman’s meals and date, the younger generation is changing. Some girls still expect it, other girls do not. Same with guys too. Best thing you can do if you’re a non-Japanese person dating a Japanese person is to be sure and offer if you’re a girl and attempt to reject payment offers if you’re a guy. It’s basic manners, anyways.

How does your country work in regards to this topic? Or, have you had experiences with Japanese women / men when it comes to paying for the date?

Chinese Origins

China has been using chopsticks since 1200 BC, maybe even earlier. The first known sets were made of bronze and were mainly used for cooking as they were handy for reaching into boiling pots of oil or water. It wasn’t until 400 AD that people started eating with the things and then by 500 AD or so, chopsticks had spread all over Asia.

China also experienced a population boom around this time which forced folks to start pinching pennies (or yuan, if you prefer). Chinese people started using chopsticks because with more people there was less fuel, and with less fuel there was less fire. In order to cook things more quickly, people would cut their food up into smaller pieces to cook them faster. Can you guess what was just perfect for picking up smaller pieces of food? That’s right – the chopstick.

Since food was more or less already bite sized at this point, knives started to serve much less of a purpose at the dinner table. Confucius also played a part in the popularization of chopsticks as an eating utensil in China. Confucius believed that sharp utensils like knives had no place at the dinner table. He thought that knives represented things like violence and warfare which did not go along with the feeling of joy and contentment he believed should be present at every meal.

Chopsticks In Japan

So chopsticks in China really got popular around 500 AD. How long did the chopstick craze take to get to Japan? Well, the oldest official records of chopsticks being used in Japan is from the Kojiki, written in 712AD, but they probably made it over there even sooner than that. Chinese culture made its way over to Japan through Korea earlier than that, and the chopsticks were sure to have been one of the things that made it over.

In the beginning, chopsticks were only used in Japanese ceremonies. These early Japanese chopsticks were made from bamboo and were joined at the top, kind of like those “trainer” chopsticks you see today.

Gradually these chopsticks made their way into the home and became used for eating on a regular basis. The first recorded instances of separated chopsticks being used for normal eating don’t show up until 10th century Japan, but like before, people were probably doing this for a long time in some areas before someone thought it was a good idea to actually write down “Hey guys, we’re using chopsticks to eat with now, k?”

Japanese Chopsticks Vs. The World’s

From top to bottom: Plastic chopsticks from Taiwan, porcelain chopsticks from mainland China, bamboo chopsticks from Tibet, Vietnamese style palmwood chopsticks from Indonesia, stainless flat chopsticks from Korea with spoon, a Japanese couple’s set, Japanese child’s chopsticks, and disposables

Did you know that not all chopsticks are alike? There are distinct differences between Japanese, Korean, Chinese, and Vietnamese chopsticks.

Japanese chopsticks are usually shorter than other chopsticks and taper to a fine point. They are traditionally made of bamboo or wood and are often lacquered. Japanese chopsticks also come in kid sizes and woman sizes which are even shorter than standard sizes. Bento sized chopsticks, which fit inside of bento boxes, can also be quite short and sometimes made of colorful plastic.

In Korea, chopsticks are a medium length with a flat rectangular shape. They are traditionally made from brass or silver and are used simultaneously with a spoon.

Chinese chopsticks are longer and thicker than both Japanese and Korean chopsticks. They have squared or rounded sides and end in blunt, flat tips. They can be made from many materials but are most commonly made from melamine plastic or lacquered bamboo.

Vietnamese chopsticks are usually longer than most. These chopsticks taper to a blunt point like Chinese ones and are traditionally made from lacquered wood or bamboo.

In Japan, the lacquered wood tradition started in the 17th century. The extravagant had their chopsticks made from jade, gold, ivory, or silver. Speaking of fancy, if you want a nice set of chopsticks to go with your fine tableware, Kyoto is considered the center of chopstick design. In terms of production, 85% of the country’s chopsticks are made in nearby Obama, Fukui Prefecture.

But it’s not all fancy pants chopsticks in Japan. In 1878, Japan produced the world’s first disposable chopsticks, and today China and Japan use the majority of them. China is responsible for using 45 billion disposable chopsticks a year. Japan is about half of that at 24 billion.

A lot of deforestation has been linked to disposable chopsticks, so hopefully something here changes soon. You do see a lot more “bring your own chopsticks” holders on sale in Japan these days. They’re kind of like travel toothbrush holders, but instead of a toothbrush, you have chopsticks. Still, that might not be enough so I hope people become more aware. Tell all your friends!

How to Use Chopsticks in Japan

Different countries have different rules for chopstick etiquette, so if you want to impress people with your chopstick skills and knowledge in Japan, here’s what you need to know.

• You should hold your chopsticks towards their back end, not in the middle or the front third. “Choking up” on your chopsticks is a surefire way to look like a noob.
• You also shouldn’t spear food with your chopsticks, point or wave them around, or move bowls around with them. I feel like lots of people do this anyway though, even native Japanese people.
• To separate a larger piece of food, you’d exert controlled pressure on the chopsticks while moving them apart from each other. Controlled pressure is the important part. You don’t want to end up flicking your food halfway across the room.
• Food should not be directly transferred from your chopsticks to someone else’s. Transferring directly with chopsticks is how bones are passed as part of Japanese funeral rites, so it’s not viewed as good practice at the dinner table. Unless you’re a cannibal, then maybe it’s okay. Maybe.
• Chopsticks also shouldn’t be crossed on a table, as this symbolizes death, or vertically stuck in the rice, which is another funeral practice. See how these manners relate back to chopsticks that were originally only used in Japanese ceremonies?
• The pointed ends of the chopsticks should be placed on a chopstick rest when they’re not being used. If a chopstick rest is not available and you’re using disposable chopsticks, you can make a chopstick rest by folding the paper sleeve they came in. You could also rest it on a plate or lay it on top of a bowl. Just don’t stab it into anything!
• Chopsticks should be placed horizontally with the tips on the left. Any other orientation would make you look like a hooligan.

If you’ve been to Japan before, I’m sure you will have noticed that not everyone commonly adheres to all of these chopstick rules (I’ve seen it happen plenty of times), but I think they’re good to be aware of just in case you find yourself in a super formal chopstick using situation. Wouldn’t want to embarrass yourself!

Speaking of embarrassing yourself, for some good tips on how not to do this, I’d recommend checking out our guide on How to Save Yourself from Embarrassment in Japan and How to be a Baka Gaijin while Eating. You’ll learn a lot, I promise.

Modern Iterations

Chopsticks have had quite the journey. But it’s not over yet! Chopsticks are always evolving and changing even though the basic purpose remains the same. Check out some of these modern iterations.

Always find yourself needing chopsticks when there are none to be found? Store some in your glasses! Problem solved!

Don’t wear glasses? No problem! Store these collapsible chopsticks in your bag or pocket!

Remember those “trainer” chopsticks that were mentioned before? Well here’s an example of what some of those look like. Cute, huh?

So, are you a chopstick master? Do you remember what it was like the first time you used chopsticks? When I was growing up I used to always eat rice and pasta dishes with chopsticks because I thought it was cool. Luckily this helped me not embarrass myself while at Asian restaurants and while studying abroad in Japan. I was prepared.

Have any interesting chopstick related stories? Share them in the comments!

Bonus Wallpapers!

[2560x1600] • [1280x800] • [1280x800 Animated] • [700x438 Animated]

Sites Referenced:
Wikipedia.com
History.com

The argument wasn’t as simple as the title lets on. Let’s start with the whole idea of giving up your seat. Of course, there’s “priority seating,” and you absolutely should give up your seat to any elderly, pregnant, baby-carrying, or injured people. Nobody’s debating that. But, this blog post talks about all seats, not just priority seating, which really puts us in quite the gray area. Do you have to give up your (regular) seat to a pregnant lady? No. Should you? Probably. Will you? Maybe not. It becomes a judgement call, and if you don’t make the right one, you’ll surely be judged by others. There are two points that the blogger (we’ll call him by his id: Kangaetakekka) makes:

1. Why I don’t always give up my seat to someone on the train.
2. Why people shouldn’t think badly about others who don’t give up their seats.

While this immediately sounds like some proper S-Class douchebaggery it actually does get a little more complicated than the two points let on. Kangaetakekka has reasons for why he feels this way, and of course many others on the intertubes had words of support and/or words of anger for all of his feels. I’d like to be able to say “oh man, what a jackass!” and then call it a day, but even I can’t bring myself to do that, at least not at 100%. I really do understand where he’s coming from. Let’s go through some of his reasoning. I’ll add my own opinions and thoughts along the way.

“Why I Don’t Give Up My Seat”

So you don’t demonize Kangaetakekka too much right of the bat, I should mention that he does give up his seat to people a lot of the time. He’s not saying that he never gives up his seat on principle, or anything like that.

もちろん、気持ちと体力に余裕のあるときは、席が空いていたって座らないこともよくある。
Of course, when I’m in a good mood and feeling strong, I will often give up my seat for people.

There you have it. Starting off with a positive note for you guys! Let’s now refocus onto how this topic came up in the first place. He didn’t just think it up out of the blue (presumably while sitting down on the train). The thought came to light when his pregnant friend was talking to him about how she was surprised at how often people don’t give up their seats for her. It made Kangaetakekka think for a moment:

友人が妊娠し、誰の目にも明らかなレベルでおなかも出ているのだが、どうやら予想していたほど席を譲ってもらえないらしい。
My friend is pregnant and her stomach is clearly big, but she hasn’t been given a seat as many times as she expected.

若くて健康だし、立っているのがとてもつらいってほどではないらしいのだが、話したことを書いてみる。
She is young and healthy so it’s not hard for her to keep standing up, but I’ll try to write about what we talked about.

Let’s analyze this. To anyone who looked, they could tell that she was pregnant. Why didn’t more people give up their seats for her? Kangaetakekka has some theories. He has three reasons for why people wouldn’t give up their seat for his friend.

1. People May Not Have Realized She Was Pregnant

While you could tell she was pregnant if you looked, not everyone would notice a pregnant girl on the train, especially if it’s crowded, I imagine.

恥ずかしながら、僕は彼女と話をするまで、電車に妊婦がいるということをそれほど想定してこなかった。
It’s embarrassing, but I’d never really considered that there could be a pregnant women on a train until she told me.

他人のお腹の大きさなんて普段あまり気にしておらず、爆乳ギャルには一瞬で気づくが、妊婦には気づかないのがむしろ一般的なんじゃないかと思う。
I don’t really care about other people’s stomachs, though I instantly notice girls with big boobs. I assume that most people don’t notice pregnant women.

Big boobs comment aside, I have to be honest with myself and agree with him. Pregnant people on the train don’t really cross my mind either. I’ll notice people with babies. I’ll notice people who are injured. I’ll definitely notice and even look out for the elderly so I can offer them my seat, because, you know, they deserve it. But, pregnant ladies are a group I don’t think of too often, especially on the train, and especially in Japan. Plus (this is my addition), wouldn’t you be worried about accidentally thinking someone’s pregnant then it turns out she wasn’t? I’m ashamed to say that I wouldn’t give up my seat for this fear alone, especially if it’s 100% obvious the lady is pregnant. If someone was obviously pregnant, and I noticed them, I’d certainly offer my seat. Chances are not great that I would notice someone though, which is brought up in point number two.

2. When You Are Sitting, You Have Less Interest In People Around You

When you sit down on a train, what’s the first thing you do? That’s right, pull out something to do. You’ve won! You’ve got a seat! It’s time to enjoy it and read some manga / catch up with your friends on LINE. What happens when you do this? You suddenly lose interest in the world around you. You notice fewer things and you simply become less aware. It’s not like it’s really your fault, at least not on purpose, but this is point number two of Kangaetakekka.

また、座っていると、立っているときよりもさらに他の客に興味がなくなる。
Second, when I am sitting, I have less interests in other people than when I am standing.

寝るか読書かスマホかみたいな状態では、目の前に大きなお腹があってもそれは気づかない。
While sleeping, reading or on my smart phone, I wouldn’t notice a big belly even if it’s right in front of me.

This, I think, is so true. Unless you’re actively looking around, these sitting-things are going to distract you from noticing someone, even if they’re right in front of you (and especially if they’re not right next to you). Plus the way that Japanese people ignore everything around them on the train is nothing short of incredible. Even if a pregnant lady’s stomach is inches from a Japanese train passenger’s face, I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t notice (or pretended not to notice) them there. It’s not that you’re being a bad person. It’s just that you don’t notice things like this once you’ve sat down. I’m guilty of this as well as I get sucked into things the moment I focus in.

3. People Put In Great Efforts To Get A Seat

This is definitely the most controversial point. Kangaetakekka is saying that he often puts in a lot of effort to get a seat, so why should he have to give it up?

他人を押し退けて空席を目指すのではなく、座りやすい駅に住み、比較的空いている電車を選んで乗っている。
I don’t push people away and get a seat, but I chose a house that’s near a station that’s easy to get seats from and choose trains that are comparatively easier to find seats on.

電車を1本見送ることもある。
I even sometimes wait for another train.

それを、なんの努力もせずにあとから乗ってきただけの人に譲るというのは、どうも癪にさわるのだ。
Therefore, after putting in all that effort, I feel irritated giving up my seat to someone who just got on the train.

You can tell this is a bit of a sensitive point for him. He puts in a lot of effort, even purposefully living near a station that will allow him to get a seat more easily, to get a seat. When you work that hard for something, and you make that kind of investment, of course you’re not going to want to give up your seat. It might not be the “correct” thing to do, but I see where he’s coming from here.

I do and have done similar things as well. Back in high school when I was living in Japan and had to ride the train every day, I knew which trains had fewer people on them. I’d shoot for those so I could get myself a seat, sometimes picking the slower trains over the express to guarantee my sitting luxury (even though it would take longer). I also knew which train cars would have less people on them, thus upping my seat-snatching-chances.

In crowded rush-hour trains, I’d search out less crowded lines to get on the train. If I didn’t get a seat, I’d constantly be on the lookout for people looking like they were about to leave. When it comes to getting a seat on a Japanese train, it’s a (very polite) dog-eat-dog-world out there, and you have to be at the top of your game if you want to be able to sit down sometimes.

So, I understand where he’s coming from. Especially if you’re in the city, it’s brutal. And, it’s not just a one-time thing. You do this five, six, maybe seven times a week, two+ times a day. You hone your craft and learn how to get a seat and you work hard for it. Then, someone who didn’t do anything for it gets your seat? Great dishonor.

But, just because I understand all too well where he’s coming from and how he’s feeling, doesn’t mean I don’t think that you shouldn’t give up your seat to someone who needs it. Plus, if you don’t give up your seat you’ll surely be judged by others, which is another one of Kangaetakekka’s worries. While most Tofugu readers probably won’t care about this whole “being judged” thing, it’s a lot like how Irish Catholics are stereotypically supposed to feel huge amounts of guilt all the time. The Japanese have that voice of their mother in their head saying “What would the neighbors think?” / “What would others think?” Especially on trains, it feels like there’s a +12 etiquette bonus that requires you to be on your best behavior. That’s why there are so many posters inside the train teaching good train manners:

So, for those of you who are quick to judge those horrible sitting people on the train, Kangaetakekka has some words for you as well. Why you gotta hate on the sitters, man?

Sitters Gotta Sit, Haters Gotta Hate

Say you’re one of the standers. Ugh, standing! You watch some punk twenty-something-year-old sit idly by as a pregnant lady stands in front of him, looking uncomfortable, in your mind about to give birth at any moment. “Wow, what a terrible person he is,” you think, not even realizing how many times you’ve probably done something very similar on accident. People are quick to judge, and usually negatively. Kangaetakekka wants you to consider that maybe that person’s not a bad person after all (though maybe they are, who knows, is it really your right to judge though?).

何が言いたいかと言うと、座っている人は、性格が悪いから座っているのではなく、座っている事情があるかもしれないということだ。
My point is, people sitting aren’t sitting on the train because they have bad personalities, there might have their own circumstances.

若いくせに座ってパズドラやってる大学生は、バイトでヘトヘトの苦学生かもしれないし、満員電車で化粧をしているOLも、毎日仕事でいびられているかもしれないのだ。
A young working university student playing “Puzzle & Dragons” could be completely exhausted from his part-time job. A female office worker putting on make-up in the train could be getting teased at work.

電車にはいろいろな背景を抱えた人が乗っており、しかもいちいち他人を観察する余裕なんてない。
There are a lot of different people with a lot of different backgrounds riding the train, and they don’t have enough room to consider other people in their mind.

This is where I start to feel like Kangaetakekka has had a previously bad experience with this which set him off to write this blog post. Maybe somebody scolded him. Maybe somebody on the train got angry at him. Whatever it was (or wasn’t), I think he does have a bit of a point. People are too quick to judge other people without really knowing anything about that person. Humans are hard wired to judge the things around them in relation to themselves. We’re all narcissists. You aren’t going to (naturally) think “oh, that person probably had a rough day, they should keep their seat.” That’s like Dalai Lama level thinking. Instead, you and I are going to think: “wth, I want your seat, and if I can’t have it, that old lady should have it instead.” Survival of the fittest, man.

Kangaetakekka ends with one final sentence:

他人には期待せず、自分が譲ったときに自分がいい気分になれればそれでいいじゃないか。
Just don’t expect it from other people. Isn’t it enough to just feel good when you do good things?

Yeah, for sure. You should do good things when you can and feel good when you do it, not having to worry about what other people think. It’d be a much better world if everyone did just this. But, I also think there’s a difference between what’s right and doing what’s right. I don’t think anyone will ever be perfect, and it’s inevitable that you’ll do something wrong and it’s inevitable that people will judge you… so to me, I just feel like everyone should try their best and not worry about who’s judging you and how. The best you can do is the best you can do, right? I think this was partly Kangaetakekka’s point as well.

Of course, a lot of the internet didn’t agree, so they took to the Twitter streets to make their opinions heard. Tweet, tweet, tweet! ♬

The Internets Respond

Finding a seat on the train is something that almost all Japanese people experience. Fighting for seats, giving up seats, and watching people with seats is all a part of daily life. So, Kangaetakekka touched on a few nerves, I think. It’s hard for someone who doesn’t ride a crowded train all the time to understand why people would be getting so upset about this. But, people did get upset. If you search for the article you can see that a decent amount of people linked to and posted their opinions on the article, both for and against the evil / reasonable Kangaetakekka.

“Not giving up your seat isn’t evil” … what a sad world.

“It’s less tiring if you give up your seat and feel that you did a good thing.”
“I try to give up my seat, because I believe it’s much cooler than someone who just complains a lot”

“If I can’t sit, I’d fall down on my way to work.”

So there you have it. Both sides of the issue, or at least one side and some opinions from me. Especially for those of you who have ridden trains a lot, how do you feel about the topic? Should people give up their spots so readily? I’m guessing there will be some varying opinions here, and I’d love to hear from them.

Either way, I hope you got some interesting insight into the lives of many Japanese people. It’s hard to ride the train. It’s also not that simple. The dance you have to dance to get… and give… a seat is stressful, but it’s one of the things you have to deal with if you’re planning to live in Japan at any point. So, things like giving up your seat can mean a lot, even if it doesn’t seem like it should to you. That being said, these are all opinions, man. Some are probably right and some are probably wrong. Many are probably neither. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t interesting. What do you think?

P.S. Here’s the desktop sized version of me being a d-bag on a train.

I’ve watched people step in front of moving vehicles, spit on other people, and generally disregard all rules of common sense and human decency. It’s enough to make me silently, and passive-aggressively, judge them.

It’s because of those experience that I was little more sensitive than normal to pedestrian behavior when we visited Japan earlier this year. While you might not be able to get around a country like the US without a car, you definitely won’t be able to go far in Japan without walking a few miles.

Because walking is so important, I think it’s pretty important to try and be a good pedestrian when strolling around Japan. After all, you don’t want to look like a stupid foreigner, do you?

Watch Your Speed

One of the most interesting factoids I learned recently is that a city’s size and the speed at which its people walk are correlated. The bigger a city, the faster the people walk; the smaller a city, the slower they walk.

It might seem like an obvious and not very useful factoid (and you’re probably right), but it put things in a new light for me. If you’re visiting Japan, you’ll probably be stopping by some incredibly populous cities, which means you might have to hustle a little bit in order to keep up with the crowd.

You don’t want to be the slowpoke who blocks the entire sidewalk. C’mon!

On the flip side, if you’re used to a more fast-paced, urban lifestyle, then you might need to pump the brakes a bit if you’re visiting rural Japan. Slow it down a bit. Take your time and smile. Be friendly!

Be Careful of Regional Differences

Obviously, there are some pretty big differences between walking in a major city like Tokyo or Osaka and taking a stroll out in the sticks, but there are other, regional differences are a bit more subtle than that.

The Kansai and Kanto regions of Japan (which contain Osaka and Tokyo, respectively) have been cultural rivals for literally hundreds of years, and they play out their rivalry in some incredibly strange ways.

For instance: in the two different regions, you stand on different sides when you ride the escalator. If you’re in Osaka, you stand on the right and pass on the left; in Tokyo, it’s the opposite.

Even though it’s one of the most bizarre, asinine ways two places can distinguish themselves (I mean, really guys?!), it can be confusing, especially if you travel from one region to the other. Just remember where you are and watch what other people are doing.

Look & Listen for the Signs

OK, this is pretty obvious. Your mom probably told you to do these things when you were a kid, but it bears repeating when you’re in a different country. Etiquette is different, signage is different and, of course, the language is different.

Fortunately even if you don’t speak Japanese, major Japanese cities have signs and signals in spades. Between that and the accomodations for handicapped people (some of which I’ve talked about before), you can more or less guess what’s going on.

Don’t Worry Too Much

When all else fails, just take a second to watch the people around you and see what they’re doing. It’s not rocket science, and there’s no real consequences if you screw up. Unless you’re deliberately being inconsiderate or reckless then no harm, no foul.

The worst that can happen is that I’m a few steps behind, silently judging you.

So what 7 things should you do in Japan but not in the good ol’ US of A? Let’s find out.

Not Tip for Service

Tipping is a huge part in the day to day lives of the average American. You tip your waiters, cabdrivers, bellboys, and bartenders. Everybody loves getting tips. In Japan, however, tipping is a definite no-no.

If you tip someone in Japan, they may be confused as to why you gave them too much money and they’ll insist that you take your change. Some workers may feel guilty about the extra money and not know what to do with it or if taxes need to be paid on it or if they should report it to their superior. Some employees may even see it as demeaning.

When nobody has to worry about tipping, the atmosphere is a lot more relaxed. Your waiter won’t be coming over to your table every five minutes to see how everything is. You eat your food, the waiter does their job, you pay for the cost of your food, and the waiter earns their fair wage. Everybody wins. Don’t tip in Japan.

Not Hold Doors Open for People

Okay, so this one’s not so much something you shouldn’t do in Japan, but you definitely shouldn’t be surprised when you see others not holding doors open or someone doesn’t do it for you.

In Japanese culture and society, it never became commonplace for males to hold open doors for the ladies. It’s just not something they’re used to doing over there. So if nobody opens any doors for you or if they seem super surprised when you do so for them, now you know why. Heck, even taxi cab doors open on their own – no need to worry about those.

Push and Shove on Subways and Trains

Trains and subways are like, super crowded in Japan especially in the cities around rush hour. To get on and off these crowded trains when they need to, Japanese people must push and shove a bit to get where they’re going before the doors close. It’s unavoidable. Because it’s so commonplace for people to do this, most often the apologies are glossed over as it’s just something everyone does.

If you find you need to shove your way out of a situation, here’s how to do it as politely and as respectfully as you can. First off, only push when you absolutely need to, and push gently and kindly with your body, not with your hands (if possible). If you’re carrying a bag or backpack, carry it in front or behind you so you aren’t smacking people with it as you pass through.

Also, you can let people know you’re getting off by saying “orimasu” (getting off) so they know why you’re pushing past them. Also, since people usually don’t apologize while pushing, if you do find you need to really move someone out of the way, you might as well throw a “sumimasen” out there just to be safe. For further reading on what to do (and not do) on trains in Japan, check out our How to be a Baka Gaijin (on Trains) post.

Yell to Get a Waiter’s Attention

Most of the time when you need something in a sit-down restaurant in America, you just wait for your server to come over to the table. Usually, it’s not too long because they need to make sure they meet your every need as they’re working hard to get your tips. Not so in Japan. In America, it’s considered pretty rude to snap your fingers or yell out for some service. In Japan, you can just yell out “sumimasen” and someone will be right over to help you out.

I actually had firsthand experience with this at a restaurant in Tokyo. My friends and I needed some water with our meal, and the waitress was just going about her job doing other things. When we realized she wasn’t going to come over on her own to check up on us, one of the guys yelled out “sumimasen” and she came right over to help us out. It feels a little strange at first to shout for service in a restaurant like this, but it’s just what they do there.

Slurp Your Noodles

In America, you’re not supposed to make slurping noises when eating anything. No slurping soups, noodles, or anything. In Japan, however, slurping is just the opposite. It’s polite to slurp. When eating ramen, soba, udon, etc, feel free to slurp as loudly as possible. Some say it helps to cool down the temperature of the hot noodles as you eat them, and others say it enhances the flavor. Whatever the reason, don’t be afraid to slurp away!

For many foreigners, myself included, slurping foods in this way just seems strange and I could never seem to get used to it so it’s just something I don’t do, even in Japan. For further reading on what to do and what not to do when eating in Japan, check out our How to be a Baka Gaijin (While Eating) post.

Lift Your Plates and Bowls

This kind of goes hand in hand with slurping, but in Japan, it’s perfectly acceptable to lift bowls up you your mouth as you eat them. This makes it much easier to shovel foods like rice and noodles into your mouth. In America, the bowls and plates are meant to stay on the table, and you’re expected to bring the food up to your mouth using your utensils. Japan (and I) think this custom is super dumb, so we lift the bowls up to our faces instead.

Drink Alcohol in Public

And last, but not least, one of my least favorite things about America, our inability to imbibe alcohol out in public. It’s really lame. In Japan (and a lot of other places, I’m sure) there’s no open container laws and you can drink some beers on the train back from school or work, out at the park, or by the beach. All with no worry of some police officer coming over to ruin your fun. In Japan you can drink wherever you like and it’s just great.

For us poor folks living in America, drinking out in public is a very bad idea and we have to do all our drinking activities in specified establishments or within the confines of our own property. Maybe one day it’ll change. Probably not though. For more info on how drinking works in Japan, you can check out our post on How to Drink in Japan.

And More…

These are just 7 of the things that are discouraged/encouraged in Japan but are the total opposite in America. I’m sure there are other things that conflict with other countries’ ways of doing things as well. But for us Americans, the above list is a great introduction into what things aren’t as common over in Japan as they are at home.

So tell me, have you ever been surprised by one of the above customs? Can you think of any others? How many of these Japanese customs are identical to how things are in your home country? Let us know in the comments!

Header image by Jeff from Houston

It’s been a little while since the last Baka Gaijin post, but today I’d like to explore the world of Japanese tea ceremonies. For such a simple little ceremony, they can be pretty intimidating and a bit confusing to the uninitiated. Fortunately for you, though, we’ll be learning about some common mistakes and things to avoid in order to prevent yourself from looking like a baka gaijin. So let’s get to it – what does it take to be a baka gaijin at a Japanese tea ceremony?

1. Don’t Wash Up

Sure, there’s an area outside designated for guests to wash their hands and rinse out their mouths with water to clean up and cleanse their palates, but you came here to drink tea, not water. Besides, you already washed your hands earlier today, right? Not like you touched anything that might’ve been dirty on your way here. And besides, the people you’ll be sharing the tea with have no idea how dirty or clean your hands are. Their health is their own problem, not yours.

So if you’re presented with a basin of some sort to cleanse yourself with, just remember this handy phrase: “Baka gaijin da kara, iranai yo,” (バカ外人だから要らないよ). This means, “Please kind sir or madam, I’m a baka gaijin so that’s not necessary, oh ho ho…” This phrase can apply to many different situations, so feel free to use it as you see fit. Your new Japanese friends will be equally impressed with your command of the Japanese language as they are with your impeccable baka gaijinity.

2. Make Yourself Comfy

Upon entering the tea ceremony area, you might see others sitting down seiza style, or perhaps even Indian style. These sitting methods are for babies, so don’t follow their lead. You’re a big, strong, and adult-like baka gaijin, so you need to sit down with purpose. That being said, you’ll want to make sure you sit down sprawled out, taking up as much room as possible, and have your bare feet pointing in the direction of others because, as you might recall from How to be a Baka Gaijin (in the House), sitting like this is a particularly baka gaijin thing to do in any sort of polite setting such as this.

Do you know how long Japanese tea ceremonies last? Way longer than they need to, in your opinion. You just want to eat some snacks, drink some tea, and be on your merry little baka gaijin way. Unfortunately, these tea ceremonies can last up to four hours which is way, way too long for anyone to sit properly and politely for. Might as well just start off sitting comfortably and stay that way instead of putting yourself through all that pain and agony of sitting in seiza the whole time.

3. Gobble Down the Sweets as Soon as They’re Presented

While the tea wizards are doing their magic with the preparation, they’ll present their guests with some sweets to snack on. You should gobble these down as soon as they’re presented instead of waiting politely for them to start making the tea and warming the water and all that other tea magic that you don’t quite understand. You’re a baka gaijin and you have needs. Needs for sweets and no time for waiting. So be sure to gobble them down as soon as possible. It’ll be a good way to subtly hint at the hosts that you don’t really want to be there and they should just hurry up the entire process. Might as well eat everyone else’s sweets while you’re at it.

I’ve only been to one tea ceremony in Japan, but the sweet snack part was just about where things started to get confusing. We got little bean paste cakes or something along those lines and a toothpick. We saw some others using the toothpick device to cut up the sweet and eat very small bites that way so we all followed suit, despite it being very difficult. Later we were told that was a bit overkill, but nobody really told us how to go about doing things. Bottom line here is either have a Japanese person explain what to do beforehand or just follow what everyone else is doing and hope they know more than you do.

4. Guzzle that Tea Like There’s No Tomorrow

Finally. It’s tea time. The moment you’ve been waiting for. You’ve been sitting down for far too long and those sweets were too difficult to eat and not nearly filling enough for your baka gaijin belly. The time for tea has arrived. When it is your turn to drink the tea, you’ll want to be sure to not bow to anyone or thank them – again, you don’t have time for stuff like that.

You might see some other people doing wacky stuff like picking up the tea, putting it in the palm of their hand, rotating it, sipping the tea, and then wiping the brim before setting it down. That’s too much effort. The tea’s going to taste just the same regardless of what fancy maneuvers you do before drinking it, so why waste time? Just gulp it down as soon as you’re able.

The tea is usually pretty bitter (to balance the sweet sweets, you know – yin and yang and all that jazz) so if you don’t like the taste, make sure to twist your face into the most disgusted mug you can muster. This will let everyone know how you felt about the tea. If you’re lucky, after the ceremony they might even ask you to be a judge on the next episode of Iron Chef.

5. Stumble Out of the Room and Fall Over

Before we told you to sit down however you please. Maybe that’s not your style. Maybe you want to show everyone else how strong you are and how you can handle sitting in seiza for hours upon end and not have your legs atrophy beneath you. If you choose this route, you’ll want to make sure to get up as quickly as possible when the ceremony is over. This way you’ll be sure to come to a standing position well before you realize that one (or both) of your legs has fallen asleep without you realizing. Now you’ll be able to stumble about awkwardly, and perhaps take someone else down with you as you crash to the floor.

It’s not too often that I sit in seiza for a really long time, but I did at the tea ceremony I went to in Japan. I didn’t notice that one of my legs had fallen asleep, so when it was time to get up and go, I was a little wobbly. To avoid murdering everyone in the room, you’ll want to make sure all of your limbs are fully functional before arising from the mat. Otherwise, people will die. Just be careful about it and get yourself up slowly.

Mmm… Baka Gaijini-tea

At such a formal ceremony as this, it’s pretty easy to make a baka gaijin out of yourself. From not washing up prior to falling down and making a fool out of yourself post, there’s plenty of baka gaijin things to do at a Japanese tea ceremony. So, armed with this knowledge, you are now prepared to take on the wonderful world of Japanese tea. Show them what it means to be a true baka gaijin**

But in all seriousness, Japanese tea ceremonies are survivable and can be a very enjoyable experience. One thing I do recommend though, is definitely asking a Japanese person to actually show you how to do everything properly. I’ve even been to one before and I still forget some of the stuff you’re supposed to do. Luckily, the people putting on the show weren’t expecting much from us gaijin, so we didn’t embarrass ourselves too much.

And if you want to read more about Japanese tea ceremonies and such, please feel free to check out the links below.

Etiquette for Guests from JapaneseTeaCeremony.net
Japanese Tea Ceremony from ChinaTownConnection.com
How to Conduct a Japanese Tea Ceremony from eHow.com

So tell me, have you ever been to a Japanese tea ceremony before? What was it like? Did you see anyone messing up the procedures or making a fool of themselves? Share in the comments!

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**Please realize that this post is mostly satire and is supposed to be funny. I am aware that gaijin are not the only ones who perform the faux pas in this series of baka gaijin posts. They are just meant to draw attention to some mistakes people might make while in Japan in a humorous manner.
Hugs and kisses <3 J