We’ve had a lot of “fun” with DragonBall as of late, and after this tip I couldn’t help but post this as well. I’ve seen little bits of this live action Chinese Dragonball knockoff, but not more than a couple of minutes. You know, actually, the fact that this is a Chinese movie kind of makes sense, since Dragonball really came from the Chinese Monkey King anyways, and at least it’s better than the American version. So, if you want to watch the entire movie (full of English dubbed goodness), go below the fold. This is good stuff, I, uh, promise?

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Now wasn’t that the best hour and a half you’ve ever spent in your life? Never seen anything so campy and classic in my entire life. What did you think of it? Wish you could have that time back to do something productive with it, like learning Japanese from Yoda?

Anyways, I promise for sure this time – no more Dragonballing for a while now.

Believe it or not, I did go see this movie on its opening night. I had to do it. Not because I wanted to. No, because I care. I care about each and every one of you, and I don’t want you to suffer the same eighty-four minutes I had to suffer (though the previews were quite enjoyable, actually). I had to prove to the “cautiously optimistic” folks who thought this movie was going to be the bee’s knees that this movie was indeed terrible. No more excuses from them now. No more telling me I’m jumping the gun. Keep going for the full video review.

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Anyone else see this garbage? Whether you’re a Dragonball fan or not, this movie is terrible, and makes very little sense. Even by adding the cop-out “Evolution” tag to their title, it doesn’t help anything. More like DragonBall De-evolution, if you ask me.

Thank goodness for closure, though. We’ve written about DragonBall three times now (here, here, and here), so hopefully it can end here. Hopefully the opposition is crushed beyond belief, and we can all move on with our lives. I, for one, will be putting this behind me… well, until they do the sequel (hopefully straight to DVD?)

DragonBall Evolution Caption Contest

I found this adorable picture of Piccolo today, and really want to know what he’s thinking or saying. Can you help? No tangible prizes today, sorry. But just knowing that we love you all thiiisss much is enough, right? Winner will get so many cool points it’s not even funny.

Don’t want to do a caption? Just tell us what you think about DragonBall Evolution instead, and don’t forget to Soc it up on JapanSoc!

Apparently I just can’t let this die. First, they defile us with the pre-trailer. Then, they show us Goku’s Monster Form. Now they change the name to “DragonBall Evolution” (I suppose the “evolution” part gives them some leeway, or something?). Well, you can just watch it. At least the P-man is green now. Still, if you’ve watched the original DragonBall, you’ll notice how little sense it makes. If you haven’t, then you’ll only notice how terrible the movie looks. I mean, seriously. At least the Super Mario Bros trailer had some funk.

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Really, though, the best part about this DragonBall trailer is the Youtube comments underneath it. I’m realllly surprised at how many people are still trying to support this thing. Maybe it’s just my taste in movies? Is it really wrong for me to use the Coen Brothers as my standard for film quality?

[anyways...rant finish...for now]

This is just a small post to get you through ruin your weekend. Does everyone remember Goku’s Oozaru (big monkey) form? When he gets moonlight, he turns into a big monkey, thanks to his gland filled tail. Well, the image shown above isn’t necessarily a finished product (though honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if it is), but we do know that it’s real, since Fox has been asking people to take it down. Besides this, I only have a short video, which can be seen after the jump. It’s mostly a response to all those Dragonball movie fans I angered in my last video, hehe.

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Another thing I realized Goku’s Monster form looks like. Anyone old enough to remember this?

I bet a lot of you have heard about this. James Wong is directing a live action version of DragonBall (and probably going to ruin his career in the process, though there isn’t much to ruin when you directed Final Destination 3). Not since Ramen Girl has anyone tried to ruin a perfectly good Japanese story so unforgivably. Though, I suppose, at least Dragonball will have that potential to become a good drinking game. It has that going for it. Erin brought this to my attention a while ago, when it was still in rumors-ville, but recently, when a trailer actually came out, I decided that it needed a little more attention. We’ll be showing you the trailer a little further down. But first, we have to show you the cast. Try not to throw up in your mouths.

Goku: Justin Chatwin

Okay, so Goku had dark hair back in the day, so Justin’s got that part right. After that, he’s got absolutely nothing. Nothing. He’s a skinny little knee-biter, and if you’ve seen the original Japanese version of DragonBall, his voice isn’t a girl’s voice. Someone should kick him between the legs. Steve Buschemi would have made a better Goku than this guy. Who did the photoshopping on his hair, btw? A monkey?

Piccolo: James Masters

First off, Piccolo is not white; he is green. Secondly, what’s wrong with the dude on the right? Does he not make it outside very often? Is he part fish? Is he trying to learn Japanese from anime? All I know is I’d never let my child hang out with Uncle Piccolo if he looked like that. My pick? Probably that green dinosaur that was on Barney.

Bulma: Emmy Rossum

Ugh, now I’m getting frustrated. I didn’t realize Laura Croft was making an appearance.

Master Roshi: Chow Yun-Fat

Okay, so finally there’s a decent cast member. Not the best actor in the world, but at least I’ve heard his name before…but wait, where’s the beard? I wish Mr. Miyagi was still alive.

Yamcha: Joon Park

This almost feels accurate, actually. Too bad they didn’t manage to get anywhere near this with the actual main characters of the film.

Mai: Eriko Tamura

Alright! Someone who’s actually Japanese. Wait a sec. Who is this? “She is a chief enforcer of Piccolo’s and a shape shifter.” Whhaatt?

So you have the cast, now, so why don’t we find out what the plot is:

Goku (Justin Chatwin) goes on a journey to find Master Roshi (Chow Yun-Fat) and gather the seven mystical Dragon Balls before the evil Lord Piccolo (James Marsters) can. Along his way, he meets Bulma (Emmy Rossum) who then joins him to help him in his mission. When arriving at Roshi’s place, he is not welcomed with embrace but he has to fight Roshi. Roshi soon learns that Goku is the grandson of Gohan (Randall Duk Kim) and thus trains him to prepare him for the ultimate battle with Lord Piccolo to prevent him from collecting the powerful orbs.

And now, what you’ve all been waiting for: The trailer. I think April is when they restart the Large Hadron Collider back up. Hopefully it brings an end to the world first, before this movie can do something much much worse to us.

So there you have it. The end of the world as we know it. You thought Super Mario Brothers the movie was bad. You thought Mortal Combat was bad. You thought Street Fighter was bad. Oh no. This is going to be much, much worse. I’d rather get kicked in the DragonBalls than sit through this thing.

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Tell me what you think? Think it’ll be good? Who should be playing these characters instead of the ones chosen above? Steve Buschemi FTW?