Japanese hospital experiences are known to be a little… wild… but when I saw this chart I thought it had some pretty interesting information in it. The main goal of this chart was to show how ridiculous America’s per person spending on health care is (while still doing pretty mediocre in terms of life), but of course my eyes were immediately drawn to Japan’s data.

If you look at the chart, you’ll see that Japan’s life expectancy is very high (it’s the diet, methinks, though even that seems to be changing with Western influence), and they visit a doctor an average of 12+ times per year! Can you imagine going to the doctor 12 times per year? I can barely imagine going once per year (though I suppose that’s why Americans visit doctors 0 times per year, according to the chart, ouch).

Surprisingly, though, for a country that visits a doctor 12 or more times a year, it isn’t costing people as much. People are spending approximately $2581 a year on health care in Japan, which isn’t chump change, but isn’t all that much either. Still, though, I can’t help but think that with all the horror stories I hear about Japanese doctors (I’ve only had to experience this once, thankfully, and luckily it wasn’t all that bad… unless they were lying about the lack of tumor in my head, which is completely possible) Japanese people are heading to the doctor a little too much. I don’t think the long life expectancy would go down if people went, say, 6 times a year?

Why Japanese Doctors Are Scary

There are plenty of reasons why Japanese doctors are, in general, kind of frightening. Luckily, Japan is an advanced first world country, which makes it less scary than going to a doctor in, say, Canada (just kidding, Canada!), but I’d rather go to a doctor in the U.S. or Canada (love your gravy and fries, Canada!) if I had something serious. If you are in need of a doctor in Japan, it’s generally best to find one that studied outside of Japan. The following list of scary Japanese doctor bullets are a generalization (so don’t take them as 100% true 100% of the time, because that won’t work), but will give you some insight as to why the whole doctor situation can cause a bit of a problem for foreigners in Japan.

• Doctors get a commission for every bit of prescription they give to you. According to several stories, doctors will take your temperature, listen to your heart beat, look at your throat, and then prescribe something somewhat unrelated to how you’re feeling. Stomach pain? What stomach pain? On top of that, you’ll get several different kinds of prescriptions, too much (or too little) of each, and often times something that doesn’t help you at all.
• If you have something bad, doctors might not tell you about it. They might tell your family, but the problem with that is the family might not tell you about it either. Whoops. “6 months to live? Who said that? Nah, you’re fine, just eat your wakame.”
• Japanese medicine comes from German medicine. Nothing wrong with German medicine, but I’d prefer my Japanese doctors learning specifically Japanese medical terms instead of German ones. I’ve also heard about plenty of Japanese doctors who learn medicine in German. Learn your life saving knowledge in your own native language, please!
• You can’t really question your doctor. Even when things don’t seem to make sense, it’s insulting to ask the doctor for an explanation. Though, as mentioned earlier, Japanese doctors who have studied outside of Japan seem to take this better, from various stories and articles I’ve gone through.
• In Japan, if you get almost anything, you go to a doctor. I don’t know how many times my host family tried to get me to see a doctor when I had a regular, not-all-that-bad common cold. That’s not something I really need to see a doctor for, thanks for the concern, though! Of course, there’s no data to back this up, but I imagine seeing common cold after common cold in the doctors office can make a doctor feel a bit too relaxed about how they diagnose something. Anyways, it makes me worried.
• There isn’t really much competition between hospitals. Lots of competition in terms of the folks making the medicine, but not so much in terms of the actual doctors themselves, it seems.
• You are discouraged from getting a second opinion (this goes back to questioning the doctor’s diagnosis). “How dare you question me! Did you go to Toudai? I think not!”

All that being said, there are plenty of people who have great experiences in Japanese hospitals / with Japanese doctors as well. It’s not all horror (though that could explain Japan’s obsession with hospitals + horror games & movies), and if you find yourself sick in Japan it could be so much worse. More likely than not, you’ll probably have an okay to great experience, and then you can come back here and say “damnit Koichi, why you scare me so?”

On the other hand, if you’ve had a terrible hospital / doctor experience in Japan, share it in the comments below! My own personal experience was fine, though if I find out I have a head tumor three years from now I’ll be really upset.

(chart source)

P.S. You should follow Tofugu on Twitter!

P.P.S. TextFugu is 50% off until January 31 now. Get it while it’s hot.

Related posts:

1. If You’re Homeless In Japan, Here Are Your Options
2. Wash Your Hands Japan, or This Guy Will Dance Again
3. How to defend your butt from Japanese children (Kancho Survival Guide)

Japan’s jobless rate is currently at 5.2%, which is a record high (way better than America’s, but still). There is a 15.7% poverty rate, one of the highest amongst industrialized nations. 15,800 people live on the streets of Japan (according to the government – in reality this number is probably higher with 10,000+ in Tokyo alone). To sum things up, things aren’t all that great, and the recession is hitting Japan pretty hard as well. If you are poor in Japan, however, there are a couple of interesting options for you. Better than living with the monkeys, anyways.

Capsule Hotels

There was a great article NYT article recently on capsule hotel living, but here’s the summary of it. Originally, capsule hotels were created to be a place for drunken  salarymen to sleep if they stay out too long and miss the last train (or just don’t want to go home). It’s a place to sleep, it does the job, and it’s pretty cheap. You only get a small space (i.e. a capsule) that’s around 6.5 feet long and 4-5 feet wide. There are no doors (just screens) and you get a TV, clean sheets, a pillow, and a roof over your head. Certainly not a posh hotel, that’s for sure.

Capsule Hotel Shinjuku 510, the capsule hotel showcased in the article, started noticing that people weren’t just staying the night… they were staying weeks, and then months. After realizing this, they gave people discounts for paying for a month at a time, and the government even gave the okay to use these hotels as physical addresses, which helps the jobless living here land interviews.

The capsule hotels do have public areas, lockers to rent, public baths, sinks, and more – so it’s not all that bad. The actual capsule area is mostly for sleeping, plus you get a tv to watch. Here’s the kicker, though. You might get around 30 square feet of space, yet it costs around $640 a month. Ouch. To put things in perspective, my tiny apartment is 550 square feet, exists in San Francisco (one of the most expensive areas to rent in the U.S., behind NY), and costs a little over twice that much, yet I’m getting around 18 times the space, plus my own bathroom, kitchen, washer / dryer, etc. Capsule hotels are not cheap, but they’re still cheaper than renting an actual apartment.

Unfortunately, even with the “reduced” prices that a capsule hotel offers, a lot of jobless people run out of savings and have to hit the streets. I gotta say, though. There are a lot of pretty clever homeless abodes in Japan, which makes it your second available option if you end up homeless in Japan.

Getting Your Very Own Blue Tent

Although it sucks to be on the street, I gotta say, if I was going to be on the street, I want to live in one of these. Although not all of them are blue, when you’re passing various parks in Japan, you will often see Japanese tent-societies, and some of them are actually pretty fancy. I’ve heard of some having internet access, even. In the image above, you can see plants growing, a bicycle, and more. There are homeless societies that work together to make money by growing vegetables / crops, put their money together to buy food in bulk (so they can get more for less yen), and more.

This particular shelter has windows!

Since the 1990s, when the Japanese economy went bad, more and more of these tents have appeared all over the place. Japan’s always had trouble admitting that there is / was a homeless problem (Japan has always been proud of its “classless” society, at least in the past), but now it’s becoming enough of an issue that people are taking notice and doing something about it, which is great. Homeless levels still aren’t anywhere near what we see in America, but it’s good to nip the problem at the bud. The BBC has written up a great “news in pictures” article about the homeless in Japan. Definitely take a look if you have the urge.

Living In a Japanese Internet Cafe

Another trick that’s becoming pretty popular, mostly amongst younger folks, is staying in Manga / Internet cafes. Many are open 24 hours, give out free drinks, have showering facilities, and offer privacy. It’s not like the Internet cafes you see here – many facilities offer people their own individual, private rooms, and for $15-$25 a night, a reclining chair (instead of a bed) ain’t all that bad. Plus, while you’re sitting there wishing you could sleep, you can read manga, surf the net, or watch videos. Eventually you’ll get so tired that you’ll be able to sleep, maybe. Keep those free drinks coming!

So there you have it. If you ever find yourself in Japan for the long-term, and are running out of money (and have no source of income), one of these will probably work out for you. Then again, there are always hostels, which are also pretty darn cheap, but why would you want to stay in a hostel when you could do one of these? There’s always beach-bumming in Okinawa, too, though you’d have to figure out how to get there.

P.S. Which one is your favorite? i.e., if you had to live one of these lifestyles for a month, which would you choose? Personally, I’d go with #2 and live in a tent society. Seems like it would be really interesting to meet all kinds of new people and be a part of a community. The other two are a bit too “separate” for me to really dig. Speaking of Digging something, you should Digg this article!

P.P.S. You should also follow Tofugu on Twitter.

Related posts:

1. In Japan, You Visit A Scary Japanese Doctor 12+ Times A Year
2. “Glee Japan,” With The Help Of My (Big) Friend Akebono Tarō
3. 10 “Crazy” Things About Japan

This is the last TeamLab post (for a little while, at least). I’ve been saving this one for last, since I think it’s my favorite (or, at the very least, the most psychedelic), so I’m hoping you enjoy it. Like the others, it combines traditional Japanese art styles with various modern elements, in this case they are using video which progresses the art piece as an actual story.

When watching this video, I’d recommend going to full screen

In 2009, the World Wildlife Fund (Not to be confused with the World Wrestling Federation, which is equally as smashy) announced their prediction that sea levels will rise 120cm by the end of the century. 100 Years Sea visualizes this using traditional Japanese art styles. Besides the somewhat political nature of the film, here is the artistic concept behind it, as reported by TeamLab.

“Historically Japanese artist painted and expressed waves using a combination of lines. These assembled lines give the impression of the life and energy of the sea as one living creature. Looking at the sea we feel awe, and it is probably due to this awe that Japanese artists chose to express the sea as a living entity. Japanese ancestors possibly saw the world exactly as it is depicted in a classic Japanese print. Based on this idea, we considered recombining the subjective view of that of our ancestors with the fixed objective view of the modern world. We constructed virtual waves in a 3D environment that regardless of the cut, have the appearance of the combined line style of Japanese painting. As a result we think it might be possible to gain an impression of what the world looked like to our Japanese ancestors. This movie attempts to recreate the recognition of space of our Japanese ancestors’ in 3 dimensions. In doing so, we may be able to discover a new mode of expression in which viewers feel there is no border between the world of the movie and the world in which they live. As a result viewers may be able to feel the movie more physically.” (read more)

The video version above is actually the shorter, faster version (apparently the original actually takes 100 years to complete?). It’s displayed on a gigantic 20 meters of screen, so if you get motion sick easily then maybe this isn’t the best art installation for you.

Anyways, I’ll be watching TeamLab for any cool updates, so enjoy the TeamLab hiatus, for now. So what do you think. Is sea rise going to happen and swallow up Japan? Hopefully not, but at least my favorite monkey friends are safe in the mountains.

Related posts:

1. Flower and Corpse: Making Hanging Scrolls Modern
2. Tofugu’s 2010 New Years Resolutions
3. Mochi Soup and New Years!

I just read a great article by awesome j-blog WhatJapanThinks, which translates Japanese surveys into English for your enjoyment. This particular article is titled “How Japanese Call Their Partners.” i.e., what Japanese guys and gals call their significant others. I thought it was a particularly interesting study, and since what you call someone says a lot about someone in Japanese (There’s a lesson about this on TextFugu, if you’re a member), but this article goes deeper into one particular niche… the girlfriend / boyfriend. Oh baby oh baby.

Survey Results

Although you can read about the entire survey here, here are the most important bits of information for this particular article. Data was collected by iShare, and translated by WhatJapanThinks.

★ How do you most often refer to your partner? (Sample size=383)

*Most Common nicknames were those with -tan or -nyan added to the end of names

★ How does your partner most often refer to you? (Sample size=383)

*Most Common nicknames were those with -tan or -nyan added to the end of names

★ If you were to be called a name by a partner, which would you most want to be called? (Sample size=484)

Now, this data that was collected consisted of 289 males, and 195 females, which means the “All” percentages will tend to lean toward the male point of view, and this is what I want to focus on, especially with my special interest in male / female speech patterns (which I wrote about in the Japan Times in 2009). Let’s take a look at the top results, broken down by male/female from each data-set, and compare.

How do you refer to your partner?

• Men: Given Name Only (i.e. first name without -kun, -san, -chan, etc., name enders). 36%
• Women: Given Name plus -chan, -kun. 30.4%

In this data block, it’s interesting to see that the largest group of men who took the survey refer to their girlfriends without using name-enders like -kun, -chan, etc., whereas women response shows that their largets percentage block do call their boyfriends by name + chan / kun. Let’s keep this in mind while we move on to the next data-set.

How does your partner refer to you?

• Men: Given name plus chan, kun. 34.7%
• Women: Given name only. 34.2%

Of course, the opposite of the first dataset should be true, and that’s reflected here. Men are referred to by their name + chan / kun, and women are referred to by their given name only. This helps to validate the above data set even further.

What would you like to be called most?

• Men: Given name plus chan, kun. 27%
• Women: Given name only. 39.5%

This is the most interesting table, I think. Although it was fairly split up amongst men (#1 was given name + chan / kun, but there was a close second, which was “given name only”), the women pretty much only had one answer that really stood out, which was “given name only.” I find it really interesting that women are most interested in being called by their given name only, though they are more often calling their significant others by given name + chan / kun.

Although I have very little real data to back this up, I think there are some interesting hypothesis that can be.. er… hypothesized from this.

1. This is part of the whole “women must talk like women” thing… i.e. more polite, more submissive, etc. Even though kun / chan aren’t necessarily considered to be “polite” in the purest sense (nothing wrong with using these on your significant other, though), it is considered more “polite” than just doing given name without adding an honorific to the end.
2. Since “given name only” was a close second for men (26.3% versus 27%), and the top spot for “what would you like to be called most” when you add male/female responses together, this could be showing a change in the Japanese language towards a more Western style of language (i.e. just calling people by their first names, at least in casual situations). I’m not saying this is a good thing or a bad thing, but the Japanese language does change very quickly, and this could be one of those changes. People surveyed in this study were between the ages of 20-50, which, overall, is pretty young, and could represent a more “modern” generation that is making various changes to the language. It’s hard to look at this data and get too much more out of it without looking at the age groups individually, and then getting more results per age group.
3. Everyone actually calls each other “snuggy-bottoms” and just don’t want to admit it.

What insight can you pull from the survey data? Personally, I’m not all that good with numbers / statistics unless it involves baseball, so I’m sure I’m missing something, and would love to hear what you think, even if it’s something like “Koichi, you’re full of #$!@.”

What Should You Call YOUR Japanese Sweetheart?

If, by chance, you had a Japanese boyfriend or girlfriend, and you didn’t want to call them Snuggy-bottoms, I’d stick with the given name + kun / chan. It’s safe, it works, and there’s nothing wrong with it. The four “main” ways to do it are:

1. Given name only
2. Given name plus kun, chan
3. Nickname (i.e. snuggy bottoms)
4. Given name plus -san

Everything else drops way off there, and seem kind of weird. I feel sad for the 1-2% of people who are just called “you” or “Hey” or “Oy!” … unless their name is actually “you” or “hey” or “oy,” then I guess it’s okay.

Oh, and before you go, you should follow me on Twitter.

Related posts:

1. How to NOT find a Japanese language partner

A lot of you out there know how much of a (sad) Apple fanboy I am, which means you’ll probably understand why iPhone art makes my heartbeat increase. This is the post I was going to post the other day (before getting distracted by Wacom Japan’s little flash game), and yes, it’s also developed by my new favorite art / design / tech group Team-Lab. We’ve already seen how nice and shiny LCD screens can modernize hanging scrolls, but what if you want to take your hanging scrolls on the train? First, you’d have to get four iPhones, but if you’re a multi-millionaire, then why not?

The trick with these hanging scroll iPhones is to put them side by side and synchronize the start time of each. When this is done, the hanging scrolls tell a story (not unlike regular hanging scrolls), using traditional art styles via a new medium. Personally, I love the 3D-but-not-3D style that Team-Lab puts into a lot of their design, and the iPhone’s a great touch too.

Of course, now that this has come out, there are rumors of a slightly homelier Android version hitting the market too. This new Android mobile hanging scroll model will drop fewer calls and run on Verizon, which encourages you to purchase the family plan with unlimited scroll-viewing minutes for only $49.99 a month.

Oh, and you should follow Tofugu on Twitter.

Related posts:

1. Flower and Corpse: Making Hanging Scrolls Modern
2. 100 Years Sea [TeamLab]
3. How Wacom Japan Gets You To Buy Their Very Expensive Tablets (Cute Mesmerization)

Welcome to another edition of “Saturday Time Waster.” There seems to be a huge difference between American flash games and Japanese flash games. Although this isn’t 100% the case, it seems like most of the time, Japanese flash games are all about making you feel nice and calm. Most of the games seem to have no end, and they attempt to down you with pleasant music and cuteness. I suppose if I was a hard working “Sarari man” I’d want something to calm me down too while I was hiding out in my cubical playing flash games.

This particular game was made by my friends at Team-Lab (they’re the ones that did the fantastically mesmerizing ”Flower and Corpse“), who I’ll be slowly covering over the course of the month. I was originally going to put something up for all you Apple lovers today (which I suppose will have to wait), when I came across this game that Team-Lab made with Wacom (the folks that make those really cool, yet expensive tablets). As you’re playing this game, it definitely makes the tablet yearner in all of us think “man, I wish I had $500-$1000 to buy a tablet to play this game with.” Add that to the zombie / mesmerized feeling you get while playing the game… and you’ve created the perfect monster… er… customer.

You can play the game yourself, or watch the video showing my attempt to win the game. I’m pretty sure if you fill the screen with angry neon pigs that counts as a win, right? At least I didn’t buy a tablet… yet.

Play now: http://tablet.wacom.co.jp/bambooplayroom/

Oh, and you should follow Tofugu on Twitter.

Related posts:

1. Making The Traditional Hanging Scroll Mobile, iPhone Edition
2. Saturday Timewaster: Cursor 10
3. 100 Ways to Entertain Guests Visiting From Japan

I’ve always been a big fan of traditional wood block prints (and similar Japanese art styles), but now I think I’m a bigger fan of Japanese traditional… er… video block prints?

A friend of mine who splits his work time between TEAMLAB (which does the art I’m about to talk about) and Pixiv (a Japanese art sharing community) told me about their most recent project (which we’ll get to in the next couple of days) and it just absolutely blew me away. That got me poking around their portfolio, and time and time again I found myself hitting the full screen button and becoming hypnotized. I’d love to have some of their art on my wall, but I can’t afford all the LCD screens required.

“Flower And Corpse”

“Flower and Corpse” consists of 12 LED screens (think of them as modern-day hanging scrolls) that coordinate a story. Now, the really interesting thing about these hanging scrolls, is that they tell a story in 4 dimensions. The first three dimensions consist of the 3d art-style being used, and the fourth dimension comes from the various “scrolls,” which creates a time axis (and the 4th dimension). Really interesting stuff if you ask me, though it’s probably best if you just watched it. Be sure to full screen this sucker.

Click here to view the embedded video.

The story that takes place on these 12 LCD scrolls consists of the following. It can also be read here.

1. At the zenith of the HEIAN-era’s prosperity, Hikaru Genji lives in brilliant colors. One day, the capital HEIAN-KYO is suddenly struck by an unfortunate disease. Hikaru Genji leaves the capital on a quest to find out the cause of the disease that has fallen on his people.
2. Continuing on his search Hikaru Genji follows the trail of the disease and he arrives at a village. The village is holding a festival of thanks and gratitude to nature for its benevolence.
3. After the festival, the village starts to return to normal life, and the people live bravely and courageously even though there is still the threat of disease. They fell trees and work hard to continue to develop the civilization. Nature rewards the people with its benevolence and the people live good and peaceful lives.
4. The village people are requested to cut down more and more trees by the capital governor, in order to construct more buildings in the city. The village people plan to cut down a big tree from a forest deep in the mountains. After cutting down the big tree, suddenly, a YAMATANOOROCHI appears. The dragon burns with anger, and lets loose heavy rains that flood the village.
5. The YAMATANOOROCHI carry on rampaging and destroying the houses of the village. Then the forest gods come down to the village and take out their anger on the people in the village.
6. When the plight of the village is reported to the governor, he sends a group of Samurai to drive out the YAMATANOOROCHI and forest gods. The Samurai go to the village and start to fight the dragons with flaming arrows. After bitter fighting, the Samurai finally win the battle and kill the YAMATANOOROCHI and forest gods.
7. After the fight there is desolation, the ground is scorched and the houses are wrecked. The village loses nature’s benevolence and the people begin to suffer the torments of hunger.
8. Hikaru Genji is stunned as he stands surrounded by the dead YAMATANOOROCHI and forest Gods. In a state of bemusement Hikaru Genji tries casting seeds over the corpses. After a while, Shoots comes out from the bodies of the dead and flowers begin to blossom from them. Those flowers grow up trees and the forest comes back to life. The village people who have survived start to feel once again the benevolent forces of nature. They realize that whilst they make progress and start to develop civilization they must live in harmony with the forest. Finally, the festival is held in the village again.

Over the next week or two, I’ll introduce you to a few more TEAMLAB projects. I’ve been seeing a lot more modern traditional style art lately – I wonder if there’s a traditional art + modern style resurgence going on. Anyways, watch the art and become smart, etc.

Related posts:

1. Making The Traditional Hanging Scroll Mobile, iPhone Edition
2. 100 Years Sea [TeamLab]

This video was made because of the swine flu, and because children don’t wash their hands. Also, apparently this video thought hand washing just wasn’t fun enough either, which is why they’ve turned it into a dance. GREAT.

A while back, when this whole Swine Flu thing got started, I was going to write one of those “controversial” posts on how Japan was way too worried about the Swine flu, and how they were never going to have a problem with it. Granted, I knew they, and everyone else probably would have some kind of problem, but it’s always fun to write things that will get a lot of angry comments. So, I thought this was a great opportunity to write about the Swine flu and Japan, and why I think Japan should quit worrying about it so much.

Why Japan Won’t Have a Problem with the Swine Flu

1. Culturally, things tend to be a lot more clean, and people tend to be a bit more anal about things (eww, not that anal!).
2. When someone is sick (or going to someplace that might have a lot of sick people), it’s common to wear a facemask to help protect yourself.
3. They have Swine Flu fighting business suits (that don’t even cover important areas…)
4. Japan is an island, and slightly xenophobic, which means less people will be coming in with the Swine Flu.
5. Japan is a 1st world country, and like all 1st world countries the Swine Flu has a death rate lower than the normal flu.
6. People in Japan don’t handshake so much like we do in the West.
7. Kissing isn’t as common. ewww, you like giirrrrrls.
8. There’s a ton of emphasis on going to the doctor / hospital the moment you get sick. Seriously, I’ve never seen so many people go to the doctor just for a cold. Very good preventative thinking, I suppose.
9. Moriyama (the guy in the hand washing video) will be there to dance the flu away, if he has to.
10. Robots will take the place of any Japanese human who comes down with the Swine Flu.

See? Nothing to worry about, except for the guy who choreographs weird dances and songs for dirty children that don’t wash their hands.

Related posts:

1. In Japan, You Visit A Scary Japanese Doctor 12+ Times A Year
2. 10 “Crazy” Things About Japan
3. “Glee Japan,” With The Help Of My (Big) Friend Akebono Tarō

Michael over at Gakuranman.com is hosting this month’s “Japan Blog Matsuri” – to be honest, I’ve never taken part in one of these (kudos to Michael for all the reminder e-mails and Tweets), and I’m already breaking every single rule he put down. “Your blog post can’t be more than 200 words… You can only pick one thing… I’m Briiiiitish” (you have to pretend I’m talking in a fabulous British accent for that one). But, really though, you should go check out the Gakuranman and all his blogging adventures, because it’s a pretty neat site, which somehow relates bioluminescence to Japan. So here goes with the actual post (these words don’t count towards my word limit, yo!), 10 absolutely crazy things about Japan:

10 “Crazy” Things About Japan

Of course, I say a lot of these things tongue in cheek. I also am comparing them to Western culture, which really just means they’re different and not crazy. I just used the crazy word to get you to read this post. Did it work?

1. Japan is full of little Butt Pirates: Watch your butt, because little kids love sticking their finger up it. It’s called Kancho, and it’s not pleasant, especially if you don’t know what’s going on. Yarrr.
2. Japan is the only place with four distinct seasons: This comes from the fabulous files of the Nihonjinron. People don’t really believe most of the stuff here anymore (like Japanese evolved from a separate superior monkey, Japanese brains are different thus only Japanese can truly learn Japanese, etc), but I’ve found that the season one is the most prevalent of the bunch.
3. There are #$#$%ing Gigantic Hornets: These hornets are not to be messed with. They’re huge, deadly, and wipe the floor with weak European bees. I fear.
4. Monkeys like hot baths: There are lots of hot springs in Japan, and in the last fifty years monkeys figured out they could stay warm in them. I really want to go to there.
5. Japanese novels remind me of LSD: Enough said?
6. Japanese Commercials: I love ‘em – Just do a search on YouTube for “Japanese Commercials” and you’ll wonder where the last six hours went.
7. Everything seems to have Mayonnaise on it: Pizza, sushi, mayo on mayo with extra mayo… You name it. There are even all-mayonnaise restaurants in existence.
8. People Bathe at night: Maybe you don’t think this one is weird – this is how I got to grow up, and it was wonderful in college because I got the dorm showers all to myself. How do you sleep at night being dirty, anyways?
9. Christmas is ridiculous…ly awesome: What? You don’t get a Christmas cake, celebrate Santa’s birthday, and get your Christmas KFC chicken? You’re missing out.
10. Everything is available via vending machines: Drinks, hot drinks, hot food, t-shirts, used underwear, alcohol, cigarettes, toys, porn, and who knows what else. In fact, I don’t want to know.

There you go Gakuranman. I hope you enjoy this last-minute (which post isn’t last minute?), horribly rule-breaking post! I did try hard though, I kept the actual matsuri section somewhat close to two-hundred words, right? But, of course, I love his blog and you should too! Besides, you get to see all the other things that people think are crazy about Japan (starting on Monday now now now, I think).

So what have you found “crazy” (i.e. very different) about Japan in your experiences or readings?

Related posts:

1. In Japan, You Visit A Scary Japanese Doctor 12+ Times A Year
2. “Glee Japan,” With The Help Of My (Big) Friend Akebono Tarō
3. If You’re Homeless In Japan, Here Are Your Options

This article was written by Caitlin O’Mara, who has worked for three years in the Tohoku revion of Japan as an assistant English Teacher. She studies Japanese in her free time and works as a contract web geek, providing that a BA in East Asian Studies is not entirely worthless. She can be found at caitlinomara.com.

If you’ve watched the episode of Naruto where he tries to kancho Kakashi, you should know what I’m going to talk about. If you’re unfamiliar with this “fun” childrens’ game, it’s pretty simple: put your hands together with your index fingers out and try to ram them up your best friend (or even better, teacher’s) butt. Not only is this this a harmless game for your friends, it’s also a great deal of fun to do to your teachers.

Little kids here are adept at kancho for two reasons. First, they’re just little kids. This means that they’re small, fast, and have no developed sense of empathy or shame. Second, Japanese parents and teachers are remarkably lenient with the under-6 age group. People give the US flak about having spoiled, obese, unruly children but Japan seems to embrace the idea that “kids will be kids” even more. This means that up until they enter elementary school, teachers are at the mercy of the pack. (I should point out that most of the kids are well-behaved, but if you’re perceived as weak or foreign, they attack in groups with the viciousness of the candiru fish.)

But wait, that’s not all!

Kancho is only the tip of the iceberg. While it remains one of the more popular “torture” methods of my preschool aged kids, they have a whole arsenal of ways to make me wish I’d received my rape whistle (Many kids have whistles they can blow, in case of a pervert. Excuse me, but where’s my whistle? I think I need one more than them!) during college.

• The boob grab
  This seems to be the second most common attack, if you’re female (If you’re male, they hit a little further south). Boys and girls alike have no problem running up and giving you a good squeeze. It’s almost like the preschool handshake.
• The boob punch
  The preschool high five. Obviously, more painful.
• The crotch grab
  More commonly executed on boys (because, let’s face it, there’s more to grab if you’re male), though, the students who have yet to grasp the anatomical differences between men and women will still happily try both. Then they get confused when their little grab and dash doesn’t affect me.
• The stomach/butt punch
  This is mostly a height-induced limit – they can’t really reach any higher without a running jump. Little kids loves to hit and punch and I’ve even seen them do this to their own mothers! Without any disciplinary action later! It’s not too bad but if you have a full bladder, it can be quite painful…and almost embarrassing.
• The face slap
  Quite simply, the kids like to jump up and try to hit you in the face. I should buy them all purple pimp hats.
• Biting
  This one’s a bit of a conundrum and I’m not sure I understand it entirely. The teachers say its because they like me so much, they get so excited by my presence, that they have to bite something. Me.

Surviving the wretched hive of scum and villainy

After being thrown into a preschool by your employers (who are probably off to drink and laugh at your pain and suffering), you develop certain survival skills. These are things they don’t teach you in any education class or during the orientation session.

1. Wear baggy clothing: Reduces the effect of all attacks except the Face Slap. Nullifies biting.
2. Keep your back to the wall: Nullifies kancho and butt punch. Expect attacks on crotch to increase as the primary target has been removed.
3. Know where your students are at all times: Decreases likelihood of an attack succeeding.
4. Take a hostage: Decreases all frontal attacks. Nullifies boob grab, boob punch, and biting. Powerful defense.
5. Hide in the teachers’ room: Nullifies all attacks. Beware of the Rogue, who can still attack but will suffer unknown penalty later on.

As a final note, I should state that, despite these frequent attacks on my posterior’s integrity, I really do like going to the various preschools. Most of the time, the kids actually enjoy learning English, something the majority of junior high school students hate. Plus, the kids are so cute it’s hard to stay annoyed at those vicious little fingers for long. But I’m fairly certain that even back in the US, whenever I see a cute little Asian kid, I’ll be keeping my back to the wall.

Related posts:

1. 10 “Crazy” Things About Japan
2. In Japan, You Visit A Scary Japanese Doctor 12+ Times A Year