I’m not sure why, but the city of Obama (Japan) is celebrating for some reason…did something happen recently that I’m not aware of? Who the heck is this guy in the picture anyways?

I kid, I kid. It’s no secret that Japan loves Obama (not to mention most of the modern world), but if the name of your city is Obama, then that means you’ve got to jump on this opportunity to make your city a little famous, and possibly get a few tourist dollars out of it as well (er…maybe not dollars. Nobody wants those anymore).

Our friends over at TokyoMango dug up this video of the Obama-city folks celebrating the President Elect.

Here’s another one from the same Youtube Channel of a guy handing out Obama-Burgers. Then, an interview with him.

After Obama had won the election, they partied in Obama City like it was 1979 (just made that date up). According to RNW…

The locals in Obama followed election night on television screens in a special centre set up in a museum. It was a festive atmosphere with women performing Hawaiian dances, in reference to the years Barack Obama’s spent in Hawaii as a child.

Anyways, I know myself and the Tofugu staff look forward to a brighter future (yep, we’re all hippies and liberals here). Oh, and this is my 100th post! What a good way to kick off the future.

]]> http://www.tofugu.com/2008/11/06/obama-city-japan-celebrates-for-some-reason/feed/ http://www.tofugu.com/2008/09/17/jesus-grave-in-japan/ http://www.tofugu.com/2008/09/17/jesus-grave-in-japan/#comments Thu, 18 Sep 2008 05:20:45 +0000 koichi http://www.tofugu.com/?p=664

Forget that bible thing. Someone must have edited out the good part. You know, the part where it says that Jesus came to Japan when he was 21 to study theology, returned to Judea at the age of 33 to preach, and then got crucified…or so we all thought!

What *really* happened is that Jesus escaped crucifixion, got his brother crucified instead of him, and traveled back to Japan where he married a nice lady named Miyu, had several children, cultivated onions/garlic (really tasty ones, too), and lived to a mere 104-118 years of age. The villagers of Shingo (新郷) buried him, and put up a two big crosses, one for Jesus’ sacrificed brother, and one for Jesus. They even have annual “Christ Matsuris” (Christ festivals) to celebrate his existence. Sounds like a crummier version of Christmas to me.

Conspiracy!

There is even a song that is sung at every Christ Matsuri, which is suspiciously similar to something from the Hebrew language. Cercle has kindly laid it out plainly for us to see (and goes into more depth about the whole conspiracy):

Naniyaa dorayayo (ナニヤアドラヤヨ)
Naniyaa donasare inokie (ナニヤアドナサレイノキエ)
Naniyaa doyarayo (ナニヤアドラヤヨ)

First of all, the meaning of these phrases has been lost (it’s not Japanese!), and secondly, in the middle part, nasare is very similar to Nazareth.

Cercle goes on to talk about the supposed family line of Jesus Christ, the Sawaguchi’s. They’ve got a few things going for them. First of all, their family symbol is very similar to David’s Star. Check it out:

Sure, it’s missing a point, but you can’t have everything. Secondly, take a look at this picture of this member of the Sawaguchi family. Looks pretty not-Japanese if you ask me. Looks like he could be related to…*gasp*…someone from the West(ish)!

Maybe it’s just the clothes he’s wearing. Who knows? When the BBC interviewed this guy’s grandson, he was pretty down to earth. Looked Japanese, told them that they were a Buddhist family (is he saying that Jesus was a Buddhist too?) and not Christian / Jewish / or anything like that.

Tourist Attraction

All in all, I think it’s just an awesome tourist attraction. I would sure love to go there and buy some “Jesus Christ in Shingo” mugs and ice cream, not to mention an awesome photo opportunity.

Look! You can be Jesus and his family! This thing alone makes me want to go so bad.

Me? I’m thinking it was just some crazy white dude who washed up on shore (maybe a viking?) and claimed to be someone that sounded something like “Christ” (you know how bad Japanese are at saying non-Japanese words), and things unraveled from there. I like “Chris” the viking. Anyways, what do you think? Tell us in the comments.

Sources

Cercle: http://www.zetetique.ldh.org/herai_en.html
Daitenku: http://perdurabo10.tripod.com/id1157.html
BBC: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes…
Ashland Daily Tidings: http://www.dailytidings.com/2006…
Sci Fi Dimensions: http://www.scifidimensions.com/Apr00/oddities…

Article Vocabulary

キリスト (kirisuto)
Christ / Jesus Christ

カトリック (katorikku)
Catholic

陰謀説 (inbousetsu)
Conspiracy Theory

家族 (kazoku)
Family

祭り (matsuri)
Festival

So I was looking through my old yearbook…well, maybe not.

So I was looking through this buddy of mine’s yearbook…er…no, I guess I wasn’t.

So, I was using this website that lets you upload pictures and it will superimpose them onto super retro yearbook photos for your laughter and enjoyment. I know I enjoyed it. I did it to myself and posted it up on my personal blog, BoxedTofu. I then did an article over on my “about America blog,” コウイチ弁. That’s two out of three, right there. So I thought, “hey, maybe I can work this whole yearbook thing into Tofugu as a roundabout way of telling people about a few fun Japanese celebrities. So, that’s what I’m doing, afro and all.

Yasuo Fukuda

This, my friends, is the current prime minister of Japan. From the looks of it, the seventies and eighties were good to him. He became prime minister when Shinzo Abe abruptly resigned from office (he claims it was horrible due to diarrhea).

Shinzo Abe

This is the guy who had terrible diarrhea and had to quit being the prime minister of Japan. The guy above him is the guy who took over. Must have been after 1998 when he gained all that weight…

Junichiro Koizumi

Koizumi was probably one of the coolest prime ministers of Japan, mostly because of his hair. I think he did a pretty good job, and was able to do a lot of economic reform. I think a lot of people were sad to see him go, and be replaced by really bad prime ministers.

Segata Sanshiro

Yes, the man who fills your dreams with Sega Saturn nightmares, even to this day. If you don’t know who he is, you are missing out, big time. He’s like, Chuck Norris’ daddy. Basically, he was responsible for Sega Saturn’s popularity in Japan (he never appeared in America, no wonder nobody was scared into buying it it wasn’t popular!). And damn, he makes for terrifying yearbook photos.

Beat (Kitano) Takeshi

Does everyone know actor / comedian / director Beat Takeshi? He was in cult films such as Battle Royale, and the new Zatoichi (which is a great movie, by the way). He’s kind of a scary looking dude, not to mention his nickname is “beat,” like, “I’m going to beat you down.”

Shokotan’s Nakagawa Shoko

This girl is one of the top ten most popular bloggers in Japan. She blogs about all sorts of weird things, though it seems as though half of her entries are just pictures with cats (apparently, she loves them). Then, there are other entries, where she puts cicada shells all over her hair. Ironically, PinkTentacle just blogged about this, so now you can see for yourself.

Matsudaira Ken

I have so many memories of this guy. I grew up watching Abarenbo Shogun. This show lasted from 1978 until 2002 (with a special in 2003), and is about this Shogun (played by Matsudaira Ken) who goes around and helps the people. At the end of almost every episode is a fight scene, that is the same choreography over and over episode after episode. Still, it’s an awesome show (that’s why it lasted so long!). Other people might know of Ken for Matsudaira Samba…Seriously, this ought to be the Rick Roll of Japan. I hear retired folks like it though.

You can’t beat that.

Becky

Becky is a half Japanese half British talent who appears on a lot of Japanese television shows. She’s pretty funny, and was often in a show that I liked back in the day, Warau Inu. They’re the folks that did the Yatta song, which I’m sure a lot of you know of.

Nabeatsu

If you haven’t heard of Nabeatsu yet, you’ll do yourself a favor and check him out. You’ll either love him or hate him, he’s that kind of comedian. All he does is count. When he hits a number with a three in it, or a number divisible by three, he “becomes stupid.” Sometimes, some other numbers get special characteristics as well. I love it. Simple humor is great. I’ll even provide a video or two below, that’s how cool this guy is. The mustache goes well with all these pictures, too!

Ultraman

Who didn’t think Ultraman was the shiznit as a child? Anyone that’s younger than me, probably. But there was once a day where Ultraman was more popular than those dirty racist power rangers, and those days were good. This one is my favorites. His face is just so…perfect!

So there you have it - either you learned about some new celebrities, or you enjoyed looking at parodies of them. Hopefully one of the two. In the meantime, go practice counting like Nabeatsu and lose all your friends!

I know this post was kind of weird and random, but there’s a few language posts coming soon, so, you know, gotta balance, right?

Q. What is your name and where are you originally from?
My name is Roxanne Modafferi. I was born in Delaware, and grew up in Pennsylvania and Massachusetts.

Q. How did you become a professional fighter?
I started doing Tae Kwon Do (like karate) in middle school, then the more full contact Judo in high school, and then in college, I got into MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) aka “Ultimate fighting.”

Q. What is a professional fighter?
A professional fighter is someone who is a specialist in combat techniques, whether it be striking like boxing, or wrestling/grappling techniques, or a mix of those two. They fight a single opponent in a ring or cage and receive compensation.

Q. What types of martial arts do you train in?
I’ve done TKD, Judo, Brazilian Jiu-jitsu, Muay Thai and Kickboxing, but now focus on MMA, submission grappling.

Q. When and how did you decide to go to Japan?
I want to learn Japanese to use in a career, and I decided that before entering college. After four years at the University of Massachusetts, my Japanese skills were good, but not good enough to do a job like interpreting, so I decided to take an English teaching job in Japan. That way at least I’d be immersed in the culture and language. I could also train at a famous dojo/gym and continue my fighting career along side other professional fighters.

Q. How are the “dojo cultures” different in Japan, compared to your (American?) Dojo.
It depends on the dojo. I think in American dojos and gyms, there are specific trainers who focus on certain things (such as kickboxing, or conditioning or diet) to build their fighters. In Japan, the pro fighters tend to just train together- it’s kind of old fashioned. I wish I had a trainer to pay special attention to me and focus more on my weak points.

Q. How do you think martial arts fits into the Japanese culture?
Fighting and the competitive spirit is a big part of the culture, I think. The samurai warrior remains a respected figure and symbol of honor and order. Nowadays, strong pro fighters are also put on a pedestal. The average person knows about the most famous MMA fighters, like Kazushi Sakuraba, and a it’s one of the top sports to watch, like going to a baseball game. Also, all high schoolers have to do Judo or Kendo sword fighting in high school, so everyone is introduced to some kind of martial arts in their lives.

Q. What has it been like being a gaikokujin living in Japan?
It’s been okay for me since I speak Japanese, but people who can’t have it rougher. I live in Tokyo where people are used to seeing foreigners. However, out in the country, you get stared and discriminated against as an outsider who doesn’t belong. That sucks. But everyone has always been polite to me in Tokyo, and I don’t feel like I really stand out.

Q. Perhaps even more importantly, what is it like being the only gaikokujin at your dojo?
Yes, I am the only gaikokujin in my dojo. Again, since I speak Japanese, I can communicate and people are friendly. Sometimes I feel like I can never completely become “one” of them. But mostly, if you train hard, sweat and bleed with people, they accept you. I’ve made many friends, and I adore my dojo.

Q. Where’s your favorite place to go relax after a long day of training?
After training, it takes me a hell-ish hour and a half of standing up on the train to get home. So I drag myself to bed. If I do have free time during the day or morning, I like to sit in front of my computer and blog, watch anime online, or go shopping. I love grocery stores because they have such weird-looking stuff like fish that you can’t get in the States. Sometimes I go to the markets just to look around and laugh at the weird stuff.

Q. Does your Sensei regale to you stories about Bob Sapp to scare the students into training harder?
Actually, Bob Sapp isn’t that popular anymore. And at my current dojo, we don’t really have a sensei. We have pro fighters who take turns ‘instructing’ the beginner’s class, and then after that, the pros just train together. They’re scary enough.

Q. What’s it like for women to fight in Japan?
It’s really hard for women to find fights in Japan nowadays. Women MMA fights are becoming more popular in the States (Gina Carano in Elite EX, for example), but the Japanese organizations aren’t hosting enough shows. We need the public to be more aware of female fighters and support us!

Q. Any advice for someone who wants to follow in your footsteps as a gaikokujin professional fighter?
Visas are a major obstacle for fighters. Otherwise, they kick you out. You need a working visa to live in Japan, but that means you have to find a full time job. And if you have a full time job, it’s difficult to train full time, or even part time. So you need to have a lot of energy, and train hard. So my advice? Eat your Wheeties and be willing to work.

Feel free to check out her website and Myspace, found below!

www.63fight.com
www.myspace.com/roxyfighter

Now that I’m back from Hawaii, I finally had the chance to wade through all the emails I decided to ignore until now (sorry if that was you!). A decent number of them were people worried about racism in Japan; mainly, they were worried that people in Japan would treat them poorly because they were, well, gaijin (that means foreigner, in case you didn’t know).

A few of these emails made reference to the infamous “no gaijin” signs which are supposedly littered all around Japan. When I searched around the internet for more information on this, I was surprised with what I found…

Well, actually, not that surprised.

First off, it’s not that bad. In fact, it’s the opposite. There is so much talk going around the gaijin world about anti-gaijin sentiment, or the “no gaijin allowed” signs…thankfully, a lot of this talk is done by people who don’t know much about Japan, or have never been there. A few rumors have spread around, they’ve gotten bigger, and people pass the word on until it becomes a bigger monster.

Now, I’m not saying that racism isn’t a problem in Japan. In fact, where isn’t it an issue? As a gaijin, you will stand out, and in a country that is 99% Japanese, you will be interesting and people will be interested. Does that mean people will treat you poorly? No, not necessarily. Will you get a lot more attention than if you were Japanese? Definitely.

I found a couple vides via JapanProbe the other day. I thought they were absolutely hilarious, though it seems as though JapanProbe’s commentors thought it was pretty insensitive and mean. I can’t help it, though, I’m a Dave Chappelle fan.

And commercial #2

This sort of moves me into my next topic: “No Gaijin Allowed” signs.

If you search for “No Gaijin Allowed” in Google, you’d probably expect to come up with a bunch of hits. If you search for it in an image search, maybe you’d expect tons of “no gaijin” signs chained onto restaurant doors (so that those dirty gaijin can’t rip them off and steal them). Instead, I found almost nothing. My normal Google search consisted of “No Gaijin Allowed” tshirts, and the image search came up with things that had nothing to do with anything. I wasn’t too shocked, though, I did expect to see more.

The reason for this? Those signs aren’t really that prevalent. I’ve been all over Japan, and I try to go to as many different places as I can. I have not once seen a sign like this. When reading about people’s experiences who have seen these signs, they explain that these signs don’t necessarily mean “No Gaijin Allowed.” Instead, they mean “We don’t want any trouble from Gaijin, so be respectful” or “We can’t speak English, and we don’t want to be bothered with body communication.”

Still, there is some anti-gaijin sentiment. I’m not denying that. Gaijin don’t always make a good name for themselves, and the few bad apples ruin it for everyone. Since gaijin stand out so much in Japan, one misbehaving gaijin can make all gaijin look bad. Every once in a while a story like this will come out. On top of this, there is some bad blood between the older generation that fought in the war and anyone not Japanese. Even that is turning around though, and I’ve never had a bad experience with someone of the older generation. Still, I can see some potential problem. On the other hand, our War veterans sometimes have bad feelings about Japanese, so it’s not like it’s any different.

Anyways, I just wanted to say that the “anti-gaijin” mentality isn’t as prevalent as a lot of people think. Japan’s a friendly place, and as long as you try to keep in mind that you are in another country, and you need to follow some of their cultural guidelines (like taking off your shoes, damnit!), you shouldn’t have any trouble. If you don’t make an effort, though, and think that you can get away with anything…well…then you might get some anti-gaijin sentiment. I warned you, though.

So what about you? Have you ever had any experience with this?

[Image source]

The signs read 「偶然だぞ」 or gūzen da zo, which translates into It’s Accidental. Probably not the most appropriate sentiment when your favorite baseball player steals a home run.

So what caused this blunder? Online translators, of course. As illustrated below, when entered into Google tranlsate, the Cubs’ slogan becomes the inadvertantly commical phrase that ended up on the placards (much to the delight of the Japanese blogging community, I might add). Had the fans tried the more gramatically correct “It’s going to happen”, they would have gotten 「それが起こるだろう」, which would have been a vast improvement. Just some food for thought :D

Source: as-is.net

*I’m joking, you guys. You’re all entitled to your own opinions.

Every week (i.e. whenever time allows), I’ll be doing a “Japan week in review.” These segments will cover smaller news articles from throughout the week that we don’t want to cover individually. Although these articles of news won’t necessarily be very important, they’ll surely be interesting instead. Included after the break is a video; before that, though, let’s go through the stories not covered in moving picture.

Army of Tiny Crustaceans is Destroying a Small Japanese Island: On a small island 1650 ft off the cost of Hiroshima, a whole bunch of tiny crustaceans are burrowing into the island, causing it to break apart into a billion little pieces. The island’s name is Hoboro, if you ever want to visit, though I’m not sure why you would, since it’s inhabited (except for our friends the “nanatsuba-kotsubumushi,” of course). Supposedly the increasing number of these shrimp/crab relatives was caused by increasing temperature of surrounding waters, which caused plankton blooms. These little guys love the stuff, so they reproduced like crazy. Since they make their homes by burrowing into rock, they are destroying the island one burrow at a time. Reports say that the island could disappear within the century if this keeps up. Wow! [source]

Japan Stops their Brutal “Research” of Whales: When Japan “researches” whales, they kill them in large numbers and feed them to their upper classes. “I say, Mr. Tanaka, I’m going to have to research some more of that ‘Whale Curry‘, it tastes smashing” (British Accent). Thankfully, due to international pressures, Japan has halted (for now) this nasty practice. We’ll see how long Japan can keep from eating that lovely whale cocaine. [source]

Click here to view the embedded video.

Japanese Prime Minister Yasuo Fukuda’s Vlog: As you can in the video above, Yasuo Fukuda (along with the whole Liberal Democratic Party) has started a Youtube page. You can even check out his English Video and see what the Prime Minister actually had to say (instead of what he said in my video). It’s pretty interesting and pretty blah at the same time. His English is fairly good, anyways. I’ll include it below for your convenience:

Click here to view the embedded video.

Mobile Post Offices: In Aichi Prefecture (where I used to live), a lot of rural post offices are getting shut down. To combat the obvious problems that would arise because of this, mobile post offices (big vans) are being sent out. People can do all the normal mail stuff as well as withdraw money from ATMs. One neat little tidbit for the non-Japanese explorer: If you need to withdraw money from an ATM, the post office is the way to go! Most ATMs won’t accept your cards, but for some reason post office (and Airport) ATMs often do. Just something good to know if you are visiting. [source]

Death By Mochi is Wonderfully Tasty: Every New Years, a lot of Japanese people eat mochi soup (zoni). It’s one of those things that if you grow up with it you’ll absolutely love it. With every wonderful thing comes a price, though, and Mochi Soup is no exception. Every year a handful of people die from choking on the mochi, although usually they are of the elderly variety. This year four people died, and ten people were hospitalized - a pretty average New Years in my book. Party on, Garth. [source]

Ass n’ Boobs Airbag: You really just have to look at the picture. These airbags are supposedly better for you when you smash your face into them. I imagine they’d be a lot more fun too. Made by Takata, these airbags will reduce injury from airbags, but greatly increase (suspicious) male driver collisions. [source]

Tallest Elevator Test Tower: *Ah, dang, I messed up on this one. I thought it was the tallest elevator (as said in the video above). It’s actually the world’s tallest elevator testing tower, which sounds a lot less impressive, because I don’t imagine there are very many towers dedicated to elevator testing. Still, it seems like a pretty cool place to visit, so why not check it out if you’re near Inazawa City? [source]

Japanese Inmates Think Their Jumpsuits Aren’t Stylish: Aw damn, and I thought gray with vertical stripes was in again. O Brother Where Art Thou is hax. Recently a survey was done showing everyone what everyone already knew: Jail cells are too small, solitary confinement is no fun, and their clothes aren’t very fashionable. It’s not like we’d want our prisoners to be wearing the latest fads. How would we tell them apart from society? They have to look crazy, otherwise it would be hard to spot them amongst the millions of spiffy Japanese teenagers.

Hello Kitty Shames Soldiers, Kills You With Love: Apparently Hello Kitty has come out with it’s newest (and cutest!) high powered rifle … just kidding. Actually, a crazy gun-otaku put together a themed Hello Kitty AR-15 rifle for his wife. Here’s a quote from the creator: “Well, in the “spirit” of the California Assault Weapon Ban I decided to do my best to alleviate the fears of my fellow citizens and gun-banning legislators when I put together a new AR-15 for my wife.” Maybe if President Bush saw these he’d start equipping our fearless soldiers with these deadly assault rifles. [source]

So what do you think about this week’s useless Japanese News? I’m particularly interested in politicians blogging. I don’t think they pull it off very well, with Mr. Fukuda being no exception. All the American candidates are using Youtube as well, though for a different purpose. Fukuda’s use of it is more of a running thing; I think it’s good to keep the young’uns informed. Otherwise, I’m terrified of the Hello Kitty Gun, laughing at the Japanese inmates, and craving Mochi Soup. I might have to go make some of that right now, I think we have leftovers. See you all next week (or so)!

*Update: Aw, man, I kind of feel bad for posting this. I’m not very happy with it, overall. This has been a big learning opportunity, so there will be big improvements on this series for next time, though. Until next time…

I don’t remember how I originally stumbled upon him (though I think it was through maxdesu’s subscription page), but I remember being immediately fascinated by his videos. This is why I subscribed:

1. He’s a very fast, crisp, and fluent Japanese speaker. I watch his videos and practice my Japanese listening. You can’t do this with every video you come across. Moonkey’s Japanese is good Japanese, not like the stuff you find in anime or yakuza films.
2. He’s a really nice guy. If you write him a comment, he’ll write you something meaningful back…though, I’m not sure how this works in English. From what I can tell his English is poor at best. Why not try commenting to him in Japanese?
3. He’s got that special something. All his shots are well planned out, no matter how simple they are. He’s good at setting up scenes and framing things up. A little planning goes a long way. It makes everything more enjoyable to watch.

Here are a couple of my favorites. Just remember, there are so many more videos out there. If you like his videos, you should subscribe to him and watch more:

Click here to view the embedded video.

…and…

Click here to view the embedded video.

I hope you enjoy Moonkey4U as much as I have (so far). He comes out with videos fairly regularly - so you’re never kept waiting too long. If you like him, please be sure to comment on his page and tell him! I’m sure he enjoys hearing from all sorts of people, he seems like that kind of guy.

According to a recent online poll conducted by Livedoor, a Japan-based internet service provider, the women of Gunma Prefecture (群馬県) are the most unattractive in Japan. Ouch. That’s right, out of Japan’s 47 prefectures, Gunma, located in the middle of the Japanese archipelago, placed dead last.

Of course, the men of Gunma had something to say about the poll. Some “were not surprised about the results”. One college student observed, “Now that you mention it, there aren’t many pretty women in Gunma”. Others, such as those who work in the Gunma Prefectural Government, found the poll to be a bit more upsetting.

One such official dismissed the unofficial results, speculating that “not a lot of people from Gunma voted”. Probably true, but it must be noted that these findings, however unscientific, aren’t unique. In a 1993 survey as well, Gunma Prefecture came in last in terms of female beauty. Double ouch.

Honestly, though, I’m not sure it even matters. Somebody had to come in last, after all. I’m sure there are some very lovely ladies who reside in the prefecture—but it probably still hurts for Gunma-ites because it’s their second time on the bottom of such a list. Still, I wonder, what would you do if your state or prefecture came in last on a similar poll? Would you laugh? Would you cry?

I think a person’s reaction to their state being labeled “Home of the Least Beautiful Women” depends on two things: how personally they take it, and how much pride they have in their state in general… I think I would be pretty miffed on behalf of Hawaii if it ever happened to us D:

Source: MSN Mainichi Daily News (a bit redundant, no?)

Oh, and if you’re wondering who came in as being “most pretty”, the top 5 are as follows: Akita, Tokyo, Hokkaido, Kyoto, and Okinawa. I’m sure the women there are feeling pretty smug right now.

*This article marks the beginning of the “profile” section, which discovers fairly obscure Japanese people that should be ruling the world. The goal is to find someone new every week (or every once in a while), so saying that, we’ll be adding a “profile” category over on the right. Check it out for new people (weeks after this article is written) to get more.Today’s profile is the infamous Segata Sanshiro. Although I wrote about him over in English Koichiben (now very dead, thanks to Tofugu), I don’t think that Mr. Sanshiro got the worship he deserves. So to start things off, I’m throwing out a repeat, but hopefully you can forgive me, because if not, Segata Sanshiro will come back from the dead and break your little PS3 fanboy/girl fingers.

Segata Sanshiro was created by Sega to promote the Sega Saturn, and he did a good job of it too. The only part of the world that the Sega Saturn did well in was Japan, and it was all thanks to the ridiculous Segata Sanshiro advertising campaign. In reality, the Sega Saturn wasn’t that great of a system. It had limited 3D capabilities (most of the games were 2d) and it was very difficult to code for (compared to the PS1). In order for Sega Saturn to live on and lead the successful life it did in Japan, Sega had to come up with a clever advertising campaign…here’s his story:

Segata Sanshiro is a mountain hermit judo master who is constantly training with gigantic Sega Saturn consoles/controllers, carrying them on his back and punching the buttons. Occasionally he takes a break from his training and comes down from the mountain, tracking down those who aren’t playing Sega Saturn, punishing them with physical pain and yelling at them: “You must play Sega Saturn!” To him, playing Sega Saturn is the most important thing in daily life, and if you’re out socializing, playing baseball, or doing anything else, you’d better fear for your life.

When he’s not throwing men, women, zombies, and children to the floor, he’s taking part in other activities, often altered in such a way that proves Segata Sanshiro’s superior manliness over the rest of the world, including Chuck Norris. He’s won an Olympic speed skating medal (without wearing skates), single handedly won the soccer World Cup twice (though he kinda broke the rules), and can roundhouse kick home runs with pristine accuracy (we’re talking bare feet).

Thanks to all of this, the Sega Saturn did extremely well in Japan, even though it failed in America and Europe. Segata Sanshiro gained so much fandom that he got his very own video game (where you punish those who aren’t playing Sega Saturn? I have no idea) and his very own theme song. On top of that, Segata Sanshiro was so cool that he got his own action figure (ps1 pwning abilities sold separately). The strange thing about the action figure is that it had a “15 years or older” tag on it. That’s probably because kids that bought the doll would immediately show signs of puberty and facial hair, due to the emanating manliness. Eventually, later on, they came out with a Segata Sanshiro soundtrack, which sold an amazing 100,000 copies in Japan. I’m guessing people were too afraid not to buy it.

Well, that ends our first profile piece. There’s so much more information out there on Segata Sanshiro, if you’re interested. If you want to see some of his commercials you can scuttle around on youtube or just check the video below. Thanks for reading, and remember, Sega Saturn, Shiro! (or die).

Click here to view the embedded video.