Tofugu» Lenna

The Economics Of Marriage Hunting

Lenna — Tue, 25 Feb 2014 17:00:12 +0000

Kekkon Katsudou (結婚活動), most commonly referred to as “konkatsu” (婚活) for short, is perhaps the most dangerous hunts of them all… that hunt of course being “marriage hunting.” The Japanese construct of actively and conscientiously searching for a marriage partner goes beyond just the introduction of online dating websites or a popularization of group dating. And the one factor I keep seeing that seems to both drive and affect konkatsu is economic status, which is what we’ll be talking about here today.

A Konkatsu History

Photo by slightly everything

The emergence of online dating sites in Japan started in 2003 with sites such as 「ブライダルネット」(also known as IBJ) which translates to “Bridal Net”, and “Excite”, the formal name for which is 「エキサイト恋愛結婚」(Excite Marriage for Love). Following that in 2005, Yahoo also launched their own similar site. A couple years later in 2007, the term “konkatsu” was coined and used for the first time in an article of Aera magazine. One year following that, in 2008, a book entitled 「婚活時代」(The Generation of Marriage Hunting) was published, authored by Momoko Shirakawa and sociologist Masahiro Yamada. Yamada is also known for coining the term “parasite singles” which refers to a single person beyond their late 20s who still lives with their parents. And often, it is used with a negative connotation toward young, unmarried women. The book「婚活時代」is available on Amazon here. It is what really popularized the term “konkatsu”, getting the word nominated for the annual buzzwords-of-the-year contest of 2008.

The konkatsu trend also had economic support. Along with the bankruptcy of Lehman Brothers Inc, the economy plummeted which fueled the concern and potential realities of becoming economically unstable. And thus began the race to find financial stability through marriage. And as with most things in Japan, once it got popular, it boomed.

The Golden Age Of Konkatsu

Japan capitalized on this recession-induced trend that put konkatsu into its golden age. There was a rise in konkatsu businesses such as an influx in dating websites and specialized cafes, and the emergence of television shows and drama series. The public popularization of marriage hunting in Japan allowed people to become more open about actively hunting for a marriage partner.

Another side concept that arose from the konkatsu boom was known as an “earthquake marriage” (震災婚 – shinsai kon). The 2011 Tohoku earthquake and tsunami disaster is said to have brought up a desire for their partners and a desire for marriage in people.

Local governments have also been known to encourage konkatsu activities by providing a variety of financial support to konkatsu mixers, seminars, day trips, and group dates, to name a few. An example of this is the city of Itoigawa, which was highlighted in an article from Japan Pulse. Local governments wanted to support marriage-hunting activities in hopes of increasing the birth rate in Japan, which had also been on the decline. Aside from providing financial support to businesses, local governments have also been known to promote konkatsu by offering meeting places for single men and women. For example, in Miura City of Kanagawa Prefecture where agriculture is a point of focus, they organized konkatsu events that would raise awareness on the lack of future farmers. Another example is Urayasu City in Chiba Prefecture and their sponsored konkatsu event at the Disney Resort hotel.

Shift In Marriage Ideology

Photo by fukapon

Japan’s average marrying age has been steadily getting higher. In the 1970s the average marrying age was 25 and currently it stands at around 30. On top of this there is some pressure for women of marrying age to get married. Unmarried women above the age 25 are sometimes referred to as “leftover Christmas cake” (because you eat Christmas Cake on Christmas, the 25th) and feel as though it will be harder for them to find a husband the older that they get.

Even though the concept of “konkatsu” has boomed in Japan, 1 in 5 males and 1 in 10 females still say they will not get married, which is an increase compared to 30 years ago. According to a survey conducted by Japanese magazine Joshi Spa!, 33.5% of the 37,610 participants didn’t see any benefit to getting married. The largest age group that showed no interest in marriage were those people in their 30s. At first glance, this seems like a lot. However, according to a study conducted for an NHK special, the percentage of men and women who still hope for marriage is high: 89% of women want to get married, and 86% of men said they would like to get married. And the number of people who work hard to appeal to potential partners is also increasing. But even though this is the case, it still doesn’t seem as though Japan is seeing high marriage rates. Why is that?

Relationships Between Money and Marriage

It could be because for women, the potential for financial stability in a receding economy is top priority. A majority of women hope to marry a man who has an annual income of $60,000 USD or higher. However, only 4% of men who are 20-30 years of age meet this high salary requirement. The average salary for the 30-year-old age group is between $38,000-$42,000 USD. The want for financial stability when getting married is what is continuing to drive the decision to find a marriage partner. One woman who is in the middle of marriage hunting explained that while she isn’t looking for a life of luxury, it is necessary for her to be able to live each day-to-day comfortably. A survey showed that 37.6% of men aged 30-39 years with a salary of $60,000 USD or higher are married. 9.6% have never had a significant other. 22% of participants recorded that they have a significant other, and 29.8% recorded that they did not. Comparing this to 30-year-old men with a salary of $30,000 USD or less, the discrepancy is quite big. Only 9.3% of men with a $30,000 USD or lower salary are married, and only 18.4% have significant others. 38.8 % recorded that they are currently not seeing anybody, and 33.6% have never been in a romantic relationship.

Saving Up For The Wedding

Photo by tax credits

In some countries, such as in the US, it may be customary to build up some kind of marriage fund to use toward a wedding and getting started into that new life. According to some surveys, there are a percentage of people in Japan who do save up for marriage as well, but my impression was that it is relatively low considering the surge in the marriage hunting activities that Japan saw.

According to a survey conducted by Excite, the majority of women (38.9%) answered that they do not really have wedding funds. Only 8% of women surveyed were consciously saving up to get married and 10.5% of the women surveyed were expecting their wedding funds to come from their significant other. Looking at the men’s results from the same question regarding marriage funds asked by Excite, the majority of men (34.1%) answered to having some kind of marriage fund. 23.5% of the men surveyed answered that they are actively setting aside money for getting married, which is more than double of the number of women who answered the same. Per the results above, it seems possible that men are more likely than women to assume that they will need to shoulder the responsibility of putting out money for the wedding.

BIGLOBE also conducted a survey in 2010 regarding finances for weddings that compared men and women, both married and unmarried. Over 50% of both married men and women said that they needed financial assistance from their parents for wedding funds. 71% of unmarried men and 62% of unmarried women answered that they did not think they would need parental assistance whereas roughly 30% of those surveyed said they would need that support.

In regard to saving up to get married, 10% of unmarried male participants said they were not saving up to get married, while 8% of unmarried female participants said they were not saving. Out of the married men and women who participated, 10% of males and 12% of females said they did end up saving. As for how much they were saving, the majority of married males saved between $20,000-$30,000 USD (18%) and the majority of married females saved between $10,000-$20,000 USD (20%). For the unmarried participants, the majority for both genders expressed wanting to save $20,000-$30,000 USD (17% and 20% for men and women, respectively) toward marriage. The full survey results can be found in the links at the bottom of the article.

The Economics Behind Konkatsu

Photo by State Farm

There does appear to be some conscientious thought about money in relation to saving up for a wedding but most of the emphasis seems to be on how much money one will have after getting married. Economic factors, including the recession and the knowledge that there is more stability in a two-income houseold, appear to have induced marriage-seeking in Japan. However, according to some reports, the financial standards set by women are also quite high, which gives the impression that the majority of women are marrying for money. What do you think the financially driven reasons for wanting to get married along with the financial limitations placed on potential partners will do to the continuing generations of marriage in Japan?

Sources:

Thank you. Don’t Touch My Mustache.

Lenna — Tue, 28 Jan 2014 17:00:21 +0000

Everybody takes to using various short cuts and methods for memorizing vocabulary terms or phrases when learning a new language. And for learning Japanese, it is no different. It is not uncommon to be studying pronunciation of a foreign language and think, “this word sounds like…” in order to help you remember it. One of the fun things about learning Japanese (at least for English speakers) is that it can allow for the possibility of being creative with mnemonics. A mnemonic device is defined as a technique that aids information retention and memorization. In my time of being around the Japanese language, I have heard English expressions, or joke phrases, that are not quite puns, that sound like Japanese words and phrases, and are popularly used as mnemonic tools. One of the most famously used being, “don’t touch my mustache”. Can you guess what that means?

Quick Tip: How To Say “You’re Welcome”

Photo by Ari Helminen

どういたしまして (do-i-ta-shi-ma-shi-te) You’re Welcome

Greetings and general pleasantries are typically some of the first vocabulary words one learns when studying a foreign language. With Japanese we learn “hello” as konnichiwa, “goodbye” as sayonara, “good morning” as ohayo, and “thank you” as arigatou, to name a few. Here’s a quick tip: when trying to remember how to say “Good Morning” in Japanese, it may help to recall Ohio, like the state. And if you ever find yourself forgetting how to say “You’re Welcome”, all you have to remember is “Don’t Touch My Mustache”.

The exact origin of the use of the phrase “don’t touch my mustache” is unclear, though some personal accounts date it back to being commonly used in World War II, and some speculate that perhaps it started with Commodore Perry’s expedition to Japan. However it first came about, the idea behind it is that the English phrase “don’t touch my mustache” is thought to sound very similar to the Japanese word for “you’re welcome”, which is どういたしまして (doitashimashite).

You may have to try to say it a few times. Or say it rapidly all together so it sounds like the phrase is slurred, but it does seem to replicate a similarity in its sound.

Don’t Touch My Mustache in Pop Culture

Extending past the confines of the Japanese language classroom, the idea that the phrase “don’t touch my mustache” sounds similar to どいたしまして in Japanese has been alluded to in a couple of instances in American pop culture.

“A Majority of One”

A first example is from a 1961 movie titled “A Majority of One” starring Alec Guinness and Rosalind Russell, and directed by Mervyn Leroy. Alec Guinness stars as Mr. Koichi Asano, a Japanese businessman. Rosalind Russell stars as Bertha Jacoby, a Jewish widow from Brooklyn who ends up moving to Japan when her son-in-law Jerome, who works for the government, has been promoted to a position stationed at the American Embassy in Yokohama. Although in the beginning things between Mr. Asano and Bertha are rocky, eventually Bertha is able to warm up to him. This film is a love story which explores lessons learned in tolerance and prejudice in a time after the war. There is a scene in the film where Guinness and Russell are having a conversation and she asserts that she knows a little Japanese including “you’re welcome, which sounds like ‘don’t touch my mustache’”. You can listen to the conversation here.

“Toy Story 2”

What might be the most popular reference to “don’t touch my mustache” appeared in Pixar’s Toy Story 2. In Toy Story 2, the sequel to Pixar’s original Toy Story, the hero Woody is stolen by a toy collector who wants to sell Woody and other toys he has collected from the same “Woody’s Roundup” franchise to a museum in Tokyo, Japan. This sound clip is from a scene where Al, the Toy collector, is finishing up a phone call with the Japanese investor from Tokyo. They have just accepted his offer for Woody and feeling ecstatic, Al hangs up the phone call with “Don’t touch my mustache”.

Interestingly enough, Toy Story 2 was not Pixar’s last phonetic reference to a Japanese vocabulary word. They included another one in 2001’s Monsters Inc. In Japan, store employees to greet their customers by saying いらっしゃいませ (irasshaimase) when they enter the store or restaurant. In Monsters Inc, whenever somebody entered Harryhausen’s Sushi Restaurant, its employees shouted “Get a paper bag!” which was intended to be a phonetic reference to Irasshaimase. What do you guys think? Do they sound similar?

Don’t Touch Dug Up Potatoes

Photo by Renoir Gaither

Transitioning from don’t touch my mustache to don’t touch dug up potatoes, another fun fact about mnemonic gag expressions is that sometimes they can go both ways! A popular Japanese memorization aid is the expression 「掘った芋いじるな」(hotta imo ijiru na), which is a way of studying how to say “What time is it now?” in English. Translated literally to “don’t touch dug up potatoes”, it was first recorded to have appeared in a language study textbook written by Nakahama Manjiro, also known as John Manjiro.

Manjiro was a fisherman who hailed from an area now knows as the Kochi Prefecture of Japan. He and his four brothers were shipwrecked and rescued and taken to Honolulu. He decided to stay on board his rescuer’s ship and was consequently one of the first Japanese people to visit the United States. He studied English for a year in Massachusetts and in 1850 made way for San Francisco before returning to Japan in 1851. Upon his return to Japan, Manjiro worked as an interpreter and translator for the Shogunate, advising on foreign matters. He wrote a book called 「英語練習帳」which can be roughly translated to English Learning Workbook in which the “hotta imo ijiruna” approach is referenced for transliterating English into Japanese.

Other “This Sounds Like…” Expressions

In order to complement some of the phrases brought up in the article today, I thought it would be fun to look into some other “sounds like” phrases that could be used for increasing one’s Japanese language vocabulary. So, here is a short list of a couple other expressions I’ve been introduced to from friends and discovered on the internet that I thought were worth sharing:

ありがとうございます [ arigatou gozaimasu / thank you ] = Arigatou Godzilla-Mouse

危ない [ abunai / dangerous] = Have an Eye!

いただきます [itadakimasu / about to receive [this food] or let’s eat] = Eat the yucky mess

As you can see they kind of somewhat barely resemble the original thing word. Which brings me to my next question:

Is it Passable for Japanese?

While many such expressions including the ones mentioned above may be useful in creating memorable associations with Japanese phrases and vocabulary which in turn could assist with language learning, could they actually be useful as passing for spoken Japanese? They are clever, many are humorous, but for the most part I feel as though they only vaguely resemble the Japanese phrases they are trying to reproduce. Perhaps if spoken with a swift tongue, “don’t touch my mustache” could be recognized as “doitashimashite”, but assuming that the universal association between “don’t touch my mustache” and “you’re welcome” in Japanese does not exist, if it’s enunciated too clearly, it might be missed. And similarly, if a Japanese person were to ask me about the time using “hotta imo ijiruna” I would almost certainly have to ask them to please repeat the question. But regardless of whether you have heard the mnemonic before, or it’s something new for you, or if it happens to be a personal principle that you live by, now you know that if you ever need to say“you’re welcome” in Japanese, all you have to do is remember “don’t touch my mustache”.

So, what do you guys think? Are these helpful devices for language learning? Are they passable as substitutes for Japanese? Or are they going to end up hurting you in the end?

References

What I Talk About When I Talk About Konbini

Lenna — Wed, 08 Jan 2014 17:00:55 +0000

One of my favorite things to come out of Japan is the Japanese konbini (convenience stores). During my time in Tokyo, I made habitual trips to the local konbini. I could always count on finding everything I needed from household goods to my favorite snacks. One day when I was walking home from the station, a man on a bicycle coming from the opposite direction was waving at me, and he turned out to be the evening shift cashier at the Daily Yamazaki on my street. He came to recognize me because I spent about 210 yen on a carton of Lipton Milk Tea and Alfodo Chocolate almost every night for a year. With instances such as this, the konbini can provide a welcoming atmosphere, and these little gems of convenience have created a competitive niche market for itself in Japanese Society.

You Want It, They’ve Got It

Photo by Yuya Tamai

It seems that the selling point of the Japanese konbini is that they really cater to provide daily life conveniences for the community. If you are hungry, go buy some snacks at the konbini. Thirsty? Go to the konbini. Need to make a copy or send a fax? Go to the konbini. Is it raining and you’ve forgotten your umbrella at a train station somewhere? Pick up another one at the next konbini you see. Need to deliver or pick up a package? Konbini. The Japanese konbini are also relatively inexpensive, and that is one of the reasons why they are so great.

Aside from the traditional japanese snacks, breads, and ice creams, you can also expect to buy meals ranging from single onigiri to microwaveable yakisoba meals or assorted bento. And they will offer to heat it up for you. Some stores even have oden available in the winter seasons. Of course, you can also find sodas, sports drinks, and teas as well as alcohol. Additionally, they carry other useful items that one may need all of a sudden. For example, shampoos and conditioners, hair brushes, stationary, hygeine products (male and female), cosmetics, small articles of clothing, and cell phone chargers and batteries just to name a few.

Photo by chrishimself

They also sell a variety of magazine and manga for anybody to come in and read while needing to kill time, and tachiyomi (reading while standing) at a konbini or manga kissaten has become a popular pastime. This informal service is accompanied by many formal services as well. The konbini also makes it convenient for people to make copies and send faxes, to pay bills and set up money transfers, and buy tickets for events like sports games, and attractions such as Tokyo Disneyland or museums. They have ATM machines for cash withdrawal and the 7-Elevens in Japan are also associated with their own bank, Seven Bank Ltd. Their role in society has become to stand as everybody’s one-stop shop for day to day needs.

Stiff Competition

Photo by Yuya Tamai

Recorded statistics from the Japan Franchise Association showed that as of August 2009 there were 42,345 convenience stores throughout Japan. 7-Eleven was leading the market with 12,467 stores, Lawson was in second with 9,562 stores, and Family Mart in third with 7,604 stores. Other major competitors include AM/PM, Circle K Sunkus, Daily Yamazaki, and MiniStop. That total number from 2009 is larger in comparison to the most recently recorded statistics about convenient stores in the U.S. According to the Association for Convenience and Fuel Retailing, the number of convenience stores in America increased to 149,220 as of December 31, 2012. Which marked a 0.7% (or 1,094 store) increase since the previous year.

Many of these companies had their start in the U.S. and are now more prominent in the Japanese market than in the American market. For example, Japan is now 7-Eleven’s largest market with approximately one-third of its stores located in and around Japan. And AM/PM Japan was recently acquired by Family Mart in 2009.

Location, Location, Location

Photo from RocketNews

One of my favorite aspects of the Japnese-style konbini is that they are everywhere. The sheer number of konbini that can be found on any given street is impressive. If you can’t find what you want at one of the stores, guaranteed, one of the other ones a block away will have what you want, particularly in more densely populated cities. For example, on the street in between my train station and my dorm building in Hiyoshi, there were five possible konbini that I could choose from: 7-Eleven, Family Mart, AM/PM, Lawson, and a Daily Yamazaki. And that was only on one of the main streets from one of the exits.

The CEO of 7-Eleven Japan has been quoted as having explained that the company’s business model centers on area domination, focusing on one small area and opening numerous stores there. This method of opening in clusters in areas predicted to bring in large revenue helps keep costs at a minimum and increases competition in new areas. Currently, there are no 7-Eleven stores in Shikoku, Japan as can be seen via a search in Google Maps. There are news reports that the company will begin to move in though, and are aiming to open 520 new stores by February 2019 throughout all four prefectures of Shikoku.

You have them in America?

The convenience stores in America are known for selling a variety of drinks, small snacks like candy, chips, Slim Jims, beef jerky, some household goods, hygiene products, and can be commonly paired with gas stations. Also, don’t forget your Big Gulps.

Photo by Yuya Tamai

As a personal preference, I think the meals sold at the Japanese konbini taste much better and hold a better variety of foodstuff, but one of the main differences seems to be accessibility. The Japanese konbini are located in areas where it is easily accessible to everybody, and that is not necessarily the case in America. Visiting a konbini in America always seems to require a drive, long walk, or big wait between gas stations on a long car ride.

A long time ago on a family trip to Japan, a topic regarding 7-Eleven came up in conversation at which point my cousin asked, “you have those in America?” And my cousin is not the only one. I have come across more than a few people who did not know that companies such as AM/PM and 7-Eleven were American companies. That is just how integrated the konbini culture has become in Japanese society. Interestingly, even Lawson (the number two konbini operator behind 7-Eleven) started as an American company. J.J Lawson started his store in Akron, Ohio to sell milk in the 1930s, and now that milk jar logo can be seen all throughout Japan. Since then, Lawson Station has opened up a Japanese-style store in Honolulu, Hawaii.

Photo by MIKI Yoshihito

And if my cousin were to ask me now whether or not we had 7-Eleven stores in America, I could still answer yes. However, I would not be able to say that it is still an American company because as of November 2005, the company became a wholly owned subsidiary of Seven Eleven Japan Co., Ltd and its affiliates. That just goes to show the power and success that Japanese konbini have compared to their American counterparts.

More Konbini Please

Photo by Yuya Tamai

I love the Japanese-style konbini markets and I wish more would come to the U.S. If I could, I would work on a petition to bring Lawson Station to my neighborhood so that I would only have a short walk from my house to the konbini whenever I needed everyday items… or milk tea. I find it interesting that although the word “コンビニ” in Japanese is a borrowed, foreign word and that the concept is not of Japanese origin. The “konbini” is a Japanese phenomenon which is found to be very attractive, particularly by foreigners, in my opinion. If you find yourself in Japan, I am sure that the konbini experience will be a part of your stay, and for those living in Japan, I urge you to use your local konbini often. Who knows, maybe you too will even become friends with your local konbini cashiers.

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References:

“My Social Marathon”

Lenna — Tue, 19 Nov 2013 17:00:39 +0000

Editor’s Note: Since Austin wrote about what it’s like being East Asian while living in Japan, I thought it was appropriate to follow it up with Lenna’s experience joining a club at her university and what she had to go through to fit in as well. There’s a lot of similarities and differences between the two, see if you can spot them as you read through!

The most common recurring piece of advice I heard before leaving to study abroad in Japan was that I should make efforts to join a club, or a team, and become involved. The idea behind it was full cultural immersion: to take our Japanese outside the classroom and apply it to everyday life. I was welcomed into my host university’s track and field team, and in my experience, it was as much of a culture shock for me, as it was for them.

It was not an easy transition to position oneself inside a group of all Japanese, and my friends who also joined various teams and activities also shared similar experiences. By being a prospective addition to the team, and the “uchi to soto” (inside group vs outside group) concept that exists in Japan, I was already an outsider, and then even more so by being a gaikokujin.

Just because you look like them, it doesn’t necessarily make you one of them… I wouldn’t describe it as an unwelcoming atmosphere, but an awkward one. The first day I went to observe the track and field team, I was handed a uniform and tracksuit, and the second day was a race day. It was a qualification race for the Hakone Ekiden, one of the most prominent university relay marathon races in Japan. So, I dressed in my tracksuit, and went to the train station and ran into four of my teammates on the platform. Their faces were new to me, just as mine was new to them, and even if they did see me the day before, this time they were curiously whispering when I was only five feet away. And we rode the train all the way to the meet like that: as two separate groups, not talking, despite wearing identical outfits.

Dressing like the Japanese, following the trends, and styling based on their fashion is not all it takes to be welcomed into a particular “in-crowd”. The foreigner wearing gothic Lolita clothing or mimicking popular hairstyles and make-up art will stand out and garner attention but at the expense of still being thought of as soto. It isn’t about whether or not it looks good or bad but rather just that it’s different. And with this cultural concept, being different is enough to distinguish “in” from “out”.

My impression of the Japanese is that they are introverted and shy, but curious… I’ve also learned that some of them have interesting impressions of foreigners, and in my case, specifically Americans. There exists the assumption that all Americans are outgoing and extroverted. For me, being the guest on the team, I expected that everybody else would approach me after I made my presence as a new runner. In my mind, I had played my part of the extrovert by seeking out the group and following through with my interest to join. I assumed that I would be met halfway in making new friends, but instead, I was kept waiting. And I was kept waiting for a while. There would be a few exchanges of words and greetings though nothing that led to a substantial conversation.

Over time, when they did start to open up and express their curiosity, I was overrun by various questions and comments. I was told statements such as “I’ve never seen a half [mixed] person before” and asked questions such as “do you own a gun?” The more they realized that simple conversations with the American didn’t have to be terrifying, the language barrier seemed to come down more quickly.

That being said, speaking the same language also doesn’t make us one of them. The language barrier is a big issue when it comes to interacting and communicating. In my experiences, the introversion did not just come from the shy Japanese personalities, but also the fear of striking up a conversation with a non-native because they won’t know what to do if it fails. The fear of not being able to understand the response, or the fear of not having the foreigner understand what they are trying to say is enough motivation to keep the “in-group” exclusive for a while. A dialogue may open for a couple of sentences only, because one or both parties believe that they have reached the limit of their foreign language abilities.

There were also those teammates who were studying English, or had lived in America before, or wanted to study abroad, who seemed to be driven by the prospect of one thing: eikaiwa (English conversation). Rather than becoming a fellow athlete or teammate, I had become the source of practicing English that they would not otherwise have access to. In theory, it was convenient for both parties involved, though ultimately, I was left to discover that I was merely the token English- speaking person in the group, who was befriended for the sole purpose of conversing in English. Every practice while jogging, I would act as an English conversation partner for one of my teammates. It ended up being great practice for them, and a good bridge to making real friends for me, but in the beginning that was not the way “in” and it wasn’t giving me any Japanese language practice, which was my motivation for joining in the beginning.

It probably wasn’t helped by the fact that to most Japanese, I did not look mixed or half-Asian, but fully Caucasian. They had no reason to assume that I had any level of Japanese language ability that included keeping up with nuances and humor. This made it easier for me, since it allowed me to surprise them consistently. Even with this “advantage”, when my teammates did realize that I could converse in Japanese, they were suddenly worried about how much I knew and would be overly cautious in considering how much I did or did not know. It seemed as they were entered into a new realm of stress regarding speaking with the foreigner. Considering the opposite of that, the expectation for people who look Japanese seems to be set much higher. In regard to those non-natives, it appeared to be assumed that they can speak Japanese, until it is discovered that they can’t. In both scenarios, it’s at these points that the aforementioned fears of being unable to communicate kick in, into a positive feedback loop.

Another difficulty of feeling fully accepted is the presence of the sometimes false, always presented, politeness known as tatemae. The difference between honne, one’s true feelings or desires, and tatemae, one’s public behavior, is hard to notice at face value. Similar to those times when store employees don’t get responses to customer service surveys, or when we get non-responses from friends who decided they wanted to cancel plans at the last minute, that was what is was like living in Japan for the first few months every time I met a new group of people. In fact, I would say it was safe to assume that without a situation that would require consistently seeing the new people I met, there was a high possibility that I would not see them again. They will be polite, probably exchange phone email addresses, and will say that they want to hang out again so an event should be planned, only to result in me never hearing from them again. It emphasizes that distinction between just experiencing a night out and making a close friend. I think that foreigners tend to expect the latter, which can be the source of frustration. But that is okay because despite all of that, if you give it time, the “uchi-soto” dynamic can shift.

It is possible for those shy exterior walls to come down… Though many foreigners and non-native Japanese feel as though they will never fit in, it is possible to go from being an outsider to part of the “in-group”. I joined the university track team during the off-season, but by the time track season started, it was no longer awkward to be wearing the same uniform going to track meets. When it ultimately got to that point, it made my time on the bukatsu (club) one of the best conquests of the intended cultural immersion. The collective cheering that is customary of Japanese sports fandom was unlike any form of cohesion I experienced as a track and field runner back home in California. I managed to make one or two close friends a couple of months in, and like a domino effect, the warmth from the rest of the team followed. It may take a shift in perspective on both our parts and some patience working through some cultural and language boundaries, but once “different” goes from being scary and unapproachable, to interesting and safe, it is my experience that the uchi to soto differences also seem to matter a little bit less.