I started watching the American TV show New Girl this week and while I really enjoy the characters, zany antics, and comical situations (you should probably check it out if you haven’t, it’s a good show) it also made me think about how co-ed roommates are viewed in today’s society. In the show New Girl, four people live together in one apartment. Three males, one female – and none of them are romantically involved with one another. This isn’t really a big deal in America and most Western countries, but how would such a scenario be viewed in Japan?
Platonic Male-Female Roomies
Around the time you get to college, it’s not that unusual for men and women to live together platonically under the same roof. I know a lot of people who’ve had an arrangement like this, and one of my friend’s sisters even lived with us at our house in college for one summer. While it’s definitely not the norm, most of the time nobody really thinks much of it unless there’s some funny business going on, they’re really old fashioned, or are a jealous boyfriend/girlfriend with trust issues.
And then there’s Japan. They don’t feel the same way about this as we Americans do. Aside from most Japanese apartments being relatively small (i.e. not much personal space) many Japanese parents are very protective of their children, especially the women, and would not be happy at all with their daughter living with a man before marriage, regardless if they were involved romantically.
“We’re just friends, I swear.”
Even if you are living with a purely platonic opposite sex roommate, good luck convincing everyone else that you aren’t actually involved somehow. Some Japanese people hard-set in their male-female relation views jump to conclusions way too fast and can’t believe that men and women can be just friends. While browsing some forums on this topic (link, link), I came across the following guy talking about his own experience in Japan.
I was showing my portfolio to a prospective client earlier today and I was commenting on a maintenance video that I made. There is a picture on the cover depicting me discussing the machine with a young woman, to which the client piped up, “Is that your wife?” I answered that it wasn’t, to which he responded, “Are you having an affair?!”
The guy claims it’s apparently much worse in the countryside, but this is just one person’s experience. Plus the post was from about 7 years ago. Regardless, this seems to be a very different view on things than it is in the West, but I’d imagine this view is mostly held by the older generation.
Living Together Before Marriage
And then on the other side of the spectrum, we have males and females living together non-platonically. Lovers, boy/girlfriends, or fiancés. In America at least, I feel like it’s becoming more of a “prerequisite” for couples to live together before they get married just to make sure they can stand being around one another all the time and would survive living together if and when they get married. Sometimes it’s even encouraged for couples to “test the waters” this way. In Japan, this is not the case.
Living together before you’re married in Japan seems to be pretty rare. Many people live with their parents, alone, or with same sex roommates. If Japanese couples are living together, it wouldn’t be too strange for them to keep it secret from their family and judgmental acquaintances. Many older Japanese people and those who are old fashioned would say that if you want to live together, you should just get married because it’s the right and proper thing to do. Living together before marriage can be viewed as indecent.
If you do live with your significant other, there’s a good chance you will incur at least one of the following: general scorn, an endless stream of “When’s the wedding?”, or other related wedding questions. Regardless if people view your living arrangement as improper, they’ll most likely assume it’s a stepping stone towards marriage and in their eyes and they’d prefer to see it happen sooner than later.
I asked some of my friends living in Japan what their personal experiences were with this and what they have noticed first hand. Here’s what they had to say.
I think there are so many young people in Japan who still live at home with their parents, and they only move out when they get married. None of my friends or Japanese people I know are living with someone of the opposite sex unless they’re married. I know one guy living with his girlfriend, but he’s American and she’s Japanese so I don’t know if that counts.
I have a Canadian friend whose Japanese girlfriend basically lives at his house but still retains her own residence.
Most of my Japanese friends said that it wasn’t strange for couples who are planning on getting married to live together, but some of the older generation may look down on it. They also said that it is still kinda strange for just friends of the opposite sex to live together, especially in the countryside. However, home shares are becoming more popular, and there is more attention being brought to opposite sex roommates through dramas and movies, etc. but it’s still pretty irregular and overall people think it’s strange.
But as they say, times are changing, and in cities at least, living together before marriage might be moving towards being not so strange as it once was especially with the younger generation being desensitized to it all through dramas and movies and such. It also really depends on the location, the families, and whether or not a foreigner is involved.
While living together before marriage is not quite as rare as it used to be in Japan, it’s still much less common than it is in the West. It used to be uncommon in the West too, but since then, it’s become much more acceptable. Will the same happen for Japan? Only time will tell.
So what are your thoughts on males and females living together, platonic or otherwise? Do you think that Japan will eventually become more accepting of this practice like the West is? Have any firsthand experience with cohabitation in Japan? Let us know in the comments!