Our Tofugu store has really taken off since we launched it last year. We’ve been proud to provide you with things to educate and entertain you like our very first ebook, vocabulary packs, and of course, stickers.

But it’s been clear that all of that just hasn’t been enough for you. Some of you say that our stickers are too two-dimensional. The illiterate among you say that our ebooks just aren’t for you. Others say that our vocab packs are just too boring. Where’s the excitement in the Tofugu store?

We’ve gotten all of your e-mails, tweets, Facebook comments, texts, phone calls, letters, telegraphs, carrier pigeons, smoke signals, and flag-based semaphore communications.

And we get it. You crave something more.

That’s why today we’re proud to introduce our very first, one-of a kind Tofugu Action Ningyo into our store.

Specially made at Tofugu World Headquarters by Koichi himself, The Tofugu Action Ningyo truly is an achievement in craftsmanship. It’s completely organic, artisan, fair trade, and extremely deadly.

Don’t be fooled by cheap imitators! The Tofugu Action Ningyo is made from only the finest ingredients. Our competitors only pack enough tetrodotoxin into their product to kill a man, but our Tofugu Action Ningyo contains enough fugu-poison to make an entire herd of buffalo drop dead.

And unlike other toys that are boring, inedible, and possible choking hazards, The Tofugu Action Ningyo is completely edible, biodegradable, and recyclable. It’s so disposable that you might wonder why you’re spending so much money in the first place.

But wait! For this special occasion, we’re cutting the price in half!

Normally, a fine, hand-crafted figurine like this would run for somewhere in the neighborhood of $100,000; but because this is such a rare event, we’re slashing the price 50% to a mere $50,000 (plus shipping, handling, processing, and convenience fees).

And when we say “The Tofugu Action Ningyo,” we mean that quite literally. Only one Tofugu Action Figure will ever be produced, so once it’s sold, it’s gone.

Not only that, but we’re offering The Tofugu Action Ningyo for one day only! After today, you’ll be out of luck.

Happy April Fools’!