10 “Crazy” Things About Japan

Michael over at Gakuranman.com is hosting this month’s “Japan Blog Matsuri” – to be honest, I’ve never taken part in one of these (kudos to Michael for all the reminder e-mails and Tweets), and I’m already breaking every single rule he put down. “Your blog post can’t be more than 200 words… You can only pick one thing… I’m Briiiiitish” (you have to pretend I’m talking in a fabulous British accent for that one). But, really though, you should go check out the Gakuranman and all his blogging adventures, because it’s a pretty neat site, which somehow relates bioluminescence to Japan. So here goes with the actual post (these words don’t count towards my word limit, yo!), 10 absolutely crazy things about Japan:

10 “Crazy” Things About Japan

Of course, I say a lot of these things tongue in cheek. I also am comparing them to Western culture, which really just means they’re different and not crazy. I just used the crazy word to get you to read this post. Did it work?

1. Japan is full of little Butt Pirates: Watch your butt, because little kids love sticking their finger up it. It’s called Kancho, and it’s not pleasant, especially if you don’t know what’s going on. Yarrr.
2. Japan is the only place with four distinct seasons: This comes from the fabulous files of the Nihonjinron. People don’t really believe most of the stuff here anymore (like Japanese evolved from a separate superior monkey, Japanese brains are different thus only Japanese can truly learn Japanese, etc), but I’ve found that the season one is the most prevalent of the bunch.
3. There are #$#$%ing Gigantic Hornets: These hornets are not to be messed with. They’re huge, deadly, and wipe the floor with weak European bees. I fear.
4. Monkeys like hot baths: There are lots of hot springs in Japan, and in the last fifty years monkeys figured out they could stay warm in them. I really want to go to there.
5. Japanese novels remind me of LSD: Enough said?
6. Japanese Commercials: I love ‘em – Just do a search on YouTube for “Japanese Commercials” and you’ll wonder where the last six hours went.
7. Everything seems to have Mayonnaise on it: Pizza, sushi, mayo on mayo with extra mayo… You name it. There are even all-mayonnaise restaurants in existence.
8. People Bathe at night: Maybe you don’t think this one is weird – this is how I got to grow up, and it was wonderful in college because I got the dorm showers all to myself. How do you sleep at night being dirty, anyways?
9. Christmas is ridiculous…ly awesome: What? You don’t get a Christmas cake, celebrate Santa’s birthday, and get your Christmas KFC chicken? You’re missing out.
10. Everything is available via vending machines: Drinks, hot drinks, hot food, t-shirts, used underwear, alcohol, cigarettes, toys, porn, and who knows what else. In fact, I don’t want to know.

There you go Gakuranman. I hope you enjoy this last-minute (which post isn’t last minute?), horribly rule-breaking post! I did try hard though, I kept the actual matsuri section somewhat close to two-hundred words, right? But, of course, I love his blog and you should too! Besides, you get to see all the other things that people think are crazy about Japan (starting on Monday now now now, I think).

So what have you found “crazy” (i.e. very different) about Japan in your experiences or readings?

Related posts:

1. In Japan, You Visit A Scary Japanese Doctor 12+ Times A Year
2. “Glee Japan,” With The Help Of My (Big) Friend Akebono Tarō
3. Strange Katakana Words