Dragonball Evolution Review: This Movie Sucks Dragon-What?

dragonball-evolution-review

Believe it or not, I did go see this movie on its opening night. I had to do it. Not because I wanted to. No, because I care. I care about each and every one of you, and I don’t want you to suffer the same eighty-four minutes I had to suffer (though the previews were quite enjoyable, actually). I had to prove to the “cautiously optimistic” folks who thought this movie was going to be the bee’s knees that this movie was indeed terrible. No more excuses from them now. No more telling me I’m jumping the gun. Keep going for the full video review.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-47H1mkPg0]

Anyone else see this garbage? Whether you’re a Dragonball fan or not, this movie is terrible, and makes very little sense. Even by adding the cop-out “Evolution” tag to their title, it doesn’t help anything. More like DragonBall De-evolution, if you ask me.

Thank goodness for closure, though. We’ve written about DragonBall three times now (here, here, and here), so hopefully it can end here. Hopefully the opposition is crushed beyond belief, and we can all move on with our lives. I, for one, will be putting this behind me… well, until they do the sequel (hopefully straight to DVD?)

DragonBall Evolution Caption Contest

piccolo-funny-face

I found this adorable picture of Piccolo today, and really want to know what he’s thinking or saying. Can you help? No tangible prizes today, sorry. But just knowing that we love you all thiiisss much is enough, right? Winner will get so many cool points it’s not even funny.

Don’t want to do a caption? Just tell us what you think about DragonBall Evolution instead, and don’t forget to Soc it up on JapanSoc!

  • SomeRandomGuy

    Please let this stop. Stop spending your hard earned money to see these worthless piles of shit. Go watch it on megavideo, go watch it on any site that's streaming it, but don't spend a dollar on it. Tell your friends, and spread the word.

  • Cherry

    Yeah~~~!!! Watched this on a streaming site a few weeks ago. No way I was paying to watch this junk.
    I use to love DB and DBZ when I was younger, but now….that movie sucked so much I'm not even interested in the anime and manga anymore.

    Now all i have to do is wait for that Keanu dude to kill Cowboy Bebop.

  • K1Ng5p4d3

    Ok, well i just watched the film. I am a long, LONG standing Dragonball fan – i have and watch my episodes in original japanese form. The playmation shit just doesnt cut it for me.

    Now, while i agree completely with the utter lack of proper plot development, i will say that the purpose of this movie was to set up the base of the Dragonball story, so they could build on it in future movies. All real DB fans will recall that Piccollo was originally an enemy of Goku, and had intent on destroying the planet. it is much later on that they befriend each other and team up to fight injustice. So in that respect, the movie is fairly accurate, although they could have done a better job than James Marsters to play the role. Maybe it was just the make up job that wasnt doin it for me. I dunno.

    As for the rest of the movie, it really didnt do the job for me. It was really disappointing. I cant believe that after all this time, after all the clammering for a DB movie, and after all the script changes, and the delays, (and the waiting on our part as fans) It not only managed to fall short, but the IMMENSE gaps in plot during the 1 1/2 hours i sat in front of the screen, were seriously unsettling. I mean, even though this was a FOX FILMS production, they could have done way, way more with this movie. Fox has been known to put out a decent movie every now and again, so i dont see why this had to play out more like a movie that was shot specifically for Youtube, rather than a full length feature film.

    maybe they just cut out plot points to make the movie the alotted 1.5 hours long? I personally say, if you dont have the time to tell the whole story, then dont tell the god damn story. They could have made it a REALLY GREAT movie, if they would have A: taken the time to actually watch at LEAST the first couple of Sagas – and not the playmation sagas, but the Japanese ORIGINAL UNEDITED versions – they could have watched the entire first Saga of Dragon Ball, and have done this movie CORRECTLY….B: told the Execs that they needed 2-2.5 hours to tell the proper story of Son Goku and the first time he encountered the story of the Dragonballs and learned that he was a Saiyajin.

    Matter fact, i dont think they mentioned the word Saiyajin (SAIYAN) even ONCE in the movie?!?! is that right?!?

    …and Oozaaru was completely disappointing too. I just dont get why they do these things if they know in their heart that its gonna turn out like some bullshit. Oozaaru is supposed to be 20x the size of a human. Not the size of Lou Ferrigno. N what the fuck?! Goku turned into Oozaaru, and he didnt even have a Tail. The whole point of Goku not having a tail, is so he couldnt turn into an Oozaaru. MAJOR plot points have been shat on and flushed down the toilet.

    BUT, i am slamming the movie with hope. I hope that Fox opts to do a Sequel on this movie, seeing as how they probably made a pretty penny. I hope they do a sequel, and get themselves a better screenwriter, a better producer, a better director, a better special FX team, and i would forgive them if they even recast the whole damn thing too. But the idea of a Sequel would seriously open me up to wanting to see it. Only for the reason that there are so many different directions they could take with a sequel. They could choose to do a couple of the really great DB n DBZ battles all in one long movie if they decide to only do one more, or they could set up a franchise, and do one movie per saga, like they do with the Manga (if you wanna call it manga). I would say skip out on all of the little shit, and do a sequel with Frieza, befriending Vegeta, SKIP THE MAJIIN BOO SAGA (lol), maybe go to the Cell Games, and Definitely do some Broly and OMEGA SHENRON action.

    sorry if all of that last paragraph was all over the place, its just as a fan of Dragonball, theres so much they could have done with this film, that they didnt. And this proves why time and time again, people are more likely to want to make a quick dollar by slapping a brand name on a piece of shit, than respect the integrity of the actual brand, and want to get it all right for the sake of the FANS, and the original creators of the franchise. I bet you if they gave the reigns to the Creators of Dragonball, and had them working with the like of maybe George Lucas, theyd give it the attention it deserves. if they had Lucas on the film, he would have put the attention to detail that hes famous for, into DB, and turned it into not only a great movie, but also a Cult Classic.

    For Shame Fox Films. For Shame……

    … And as for a good quote for Piccollo, it'd have to be something along the lines of him singing a rick roll or some shit. Cant you totally see him bobbin his head like Night at the Roxbury? i can :D

    I give this movie a disappointing F+ , the + being that they at least tried to make Roshi come off as a pervert.

  • BarbJ

    NO NO NO!!! AAAARRRRGGGG!!!
    No Keanu Reeves playing Spike!! Don't let them destroy Cowboy Bebop!
    I think I would die! What a nightmare that would be! Please say that no one is negotiating this scenario! That is truly scary!

  • http://vinteb.tumblr.com/ vinteb

    Ahaha, I was so waiting patiently for this review to come.
    I still haven't haven't seen it, but I'm thinking of downloading it for a laugh & the curiosity.

    Pfft. sequel -____-

  • chibifan

    American remakes suck. Period. I never want (or wanted to, for that matter) to watch any remakes.
    The only mistake I ever made was watching Ju-On: The Grudge cos my friend just dragged me there. I totally regretted wasting my $10 on the movie ticket.
    But the original movies scared the shit out of me, watched it after watching the remake… LOLOL.

    Am a DB manga fan, haven't watched the anime yet, but I vividly recall getting very worked up when I saw the poster for DBE! Sheesh.

  • http://veronicahebs.blogspot.com Veronica

    HAHAH! That's hilarious – yes, I think that would help it. Especially if “Weapon of Choice” is playing and Walken does a little dance.

    I'm sad about this movie – I wonder what Akira Toriyama has said about it ??

  • http://tofugu.com Tofugu_Erin

    That music video creeped me out as a kid. I'm not sure why, haha.

  • Mandela

    He looks like an overly evolved frog or maybe more like a vampire from buffy mixed with a frog.

    This movie was bogus. I watched it and was like -_________________________-? the whole way through. how ever the transformation of goku was decent, but he wasn't the rampaging ape he was supposed to be.

    not gonna even bother with this movie. not even worth wasting bandwidth to dl it.

  • Dragon Protector

    u is a retard and u smell like shit i really enjoyed the movie but youre gay review was just like youre haircut fucked up if i had the power i would kick you asia portunges ass up and down africa ammmm the only thing i would agree on is the strange look dog monkey thing so keep u gay remark to youre self and eat ass.i bet the girl was ure sister or brother because u are gay stupid retard tring to this DB come on

  • DragonProtector plus delux max

    Ha, wouldn't take a comment serious from a guy calling himself Dragon Protector.

    Anyway regarding the Piccolo thing:
    It looks to me as if the guy basically justed let out his sadistic anticipation of us wasting our time with the movie, since he already knew how much the movie sucks.
    So I'll tip something like “I know something you don't… muhahaha…”

  • http://www.tofugu.com koichi

    um, LOL? I don't even know how to respond to this, haha. Glad you enjoyed the movie?

  • http://www.tofugu.com koichi

    I agree! If they could do a good sequel I'd be all for it… Kind of like what the new batman / James Bond films did to the series, I'd like to see something like that, perhaps? The ridiculous antics of the anime/manga just don't translate to live action too well, I think, so that would be the route I would take.

    P.S. this is the longest comment I've ever seen – should be a blog post somewhere! haha.

  • Tyler

    LOL

    Now we all have an example of what Koichi had to deal with by reviewing the movie before. ^^;

    Meh. I wont watch it, in any shape or form.

    I mean, seriously.

    I have Japanese and Mandarin to study. ;)

  • lil Dragon Protector

    Fuck you dumb fucks I enjoyed the movie it was not the best but it fills the gap for the DBZ legacy. Your shit face ass actually wasted your time to come online just to leave a dumb ass comment like that. I bet you don’t have a girl, so go home and suck your mother big ass hairy cock. You stupid piece of fuck. She probably forces you to eat her ass and that’s probably why your dumb ass is so upset you came online and said those stupid fucking comments. Dragon Protectors Association of America(and some parts of China) are all gonna get your fucking bitch ass. And ass rape you just like your retard one legged hairy legs nasty mouth shit breath ass eating mother. YOU DUMB FUCK!!!(i like to see dragon protector plus delux max pic up for me he gay so -head Dragon Protector)

  • Miro

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jX38JOO1lTY&eurl

    Old DB live action movie made in Japan. Owns the new one about 1000 times + some more.

    Great review btw!

  • http://www.tofugu.com koichi

    That's awesome! I'm going to post that up right now, thanks Miro!

  • BarbJ

    i am sad. it is apparently true. neo… spike… has… been…dudeified. sob..I hate fox…

  • fxkill

    Dragonball Evolution was a disgrace to all of man kind. It was so bad, it makes Uwe Boll movies look good.

  • Reason5

    I'm a big dragonball fan from dragonball to Z and to GT. Where can I start, ok, WHERE IS KRILLIN?? This saga with King Piccolo started with the death of Krillin trying to retrive Goku's Four Star Dragonball. Number two Goku was between 11 and 12 when he faced King Piccolo and the movie never once gave any of these characters purpose for what they were doing. If your not going to do it right why even do it at all. Its just like sex, if your going to blow your load before you even get in a stroke you have no Reason to even pull your pants down! I hope everybody out there who are true fans to the series know that, because of this movie flop we may never see Goku turn super sayian ever in a live action film.. and the shit really sucks. If anyone else tries to attempt to re- make this movie drop me a line, I got the best point of where to start and how to make people get a clear understandment of the story within 90 Mins. I got a more comments for this broke down verse of dragonball and if you ever want to know the truth about anything ask someone who knows. (not Everthing)

  • jimmy

    I am big fan's of DRAGON ball

    Since i was young i started to watch dragon ball , the anime is excellent .. damn great~! when i started know there was a DRAGON BALL MOVIE in the big screen , i feel excited wanna watch that movie, but when it release & the movie is SUCKS~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! worst than a power ranger movie….

  • elijahua

    What they should have done was make dragon ball z with that cast, and when they found a younger cast that looked like them,they start making dragon ball like (star wars). It's all over now. Now it's time for a RE-BOOT. RE-BOOT RE-BOOT RE-BOOT
    Check out my Live Action dragon ball cast on Youtube
    it's called
    New Dragon Ball Live Action Re-boot Cast. and tell me what you think.
    my user name is mysteriousboywonder

  • poopoo

    This movie sucked chode. This thing is destined to become a scifi channel original. That is where all the other fails go.

  • J

    Dude, holy shit I totally agree, that movie sucked balls man
    it didn't make any sense what so ever, it wasn't even made remotely close to either
    Dragonball or Dragonball Z, the only semi- cool part of the movie is when Goku makes those douche-bags f- up they're own car, and makes them kick eachothers asses by dodging their attacks, other than that, pretty much “Worst movie ever” (in my best comic book guy impersonation). and the cheezy CG was the icing on the cake of bullshit.

  • Flentare81

    OMG! Please, This DBE make me do more sin than kill my best friend, i always say FUCKING SHIT! DBE!!!. where is the truth of Dragon Ball, why this happen! please… no more Dragon Ball Evolution The Movie anymore. i love Dragon Ball so MUCH! but why! why! why! this happen to me? where is the wrong? i think i was lost after see the DBE, Please DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE! It will burn your childhood memories and shit on your head. see the other comment DBE at:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGuQxHy2EAM

  • checko

    it wasn't that bad. where or when else would we ever have a chance to see a dragon ball movie with human characters. how long am i going to have to wait till i see something else like this. good bye squeal or anything else similar to this because people need everything to be perfect. we will never no what this could have evolve to.

  • Zychosis

    I just watched this horrible attempt at a movie in general. I can't help but feel that my childhood hopes of a dragonball movie have been sullied in some way. Now one must allow some changes from any imported type of movie, in this case a manga/anime to US live acting. Even giving some room to wiggle does not excuse the violation that I am feeling right now. If Fox was a restaurant they just served us “poop on a platter”.

    Now I am not going to say that I could make a better movie I am not so arrogant. But I sure as hell know they could have. Hopefully this will end the same way as Hulk(2003) forgotten and eventually replaced with a much better version all together. The idea to make the movie was great, the execution was… not so much.

  • masterman300

    i didnt see the movie but i saw the series and series vs moie previews: series wins hands down

  • http://spum-blog.blogspot.com/ J. Spumkin

    Curious question: did the Oozaru still look super-crappy like all those photos? Or did he look like a monkey, what happened?

  • GJB995

    masterman is right DBZ was mutch better then the mobie seems like It would be.

  • Miki

    i didnt do see the movie at all i thought it would have been crap from all the preveiws im 18 now and ive watched dragon ball since i was in 5 grade going in to 6 i've loved it so much but the movie is a complete and utter waste of time and money and for the people who loved it i think you have some issues but thats my opinion GOKU MET CHI CHI WHEN they where kids not in some f**king high school but again thats me not you any anime movie made in to Live action in the killed all my characters i know they cant get a exact look alike but…. ehhh i used to like transformers but they made that in to a live action as well to me shows are best left how they where originally made

  • ooooo

    hehe, im glad i watched it on the internet and not at the cinema.

    :)

  • masterman300

    hey i wasn't drunk ps i am 12

  • vapid

    Ya know when you finish watching a movie, and you have that time afterward where you just chill for a moment and recap what just happened? Try doing that with this movie. It seemed to last an eternity when I was watching it, then when it was done I was like, what the fuck just happened? It's like theres a gulf in my timeline that just doesn't recall what happened in that time period. Probably in a fucking coma I was so bored.
    Oh well, I heard a few people say it had ruined the manga and anime for them aswell, but I think that's going a bit far. Considering it's nothing like it, I mean you couldnt get any less like DB if you made a movie about ponies. Literally, a movie about ponies would probably bear more resemblance to DB that this movie did.
    They should have realised the only thing it had going for it was the hot ass they hired. That is some hot ass, though. Damn fine. FOOOO SHOOOOOO MA NUCKASSSSS

  • Sean

    When I was a kid there were about 5 things that I had to have : food; sleep; math; clothes and dragon ball z. And of those five dragon ball z topped out as being the one I spent most of my time on. I haven't been into dbz in a while now, you just kinda grow out of it but you never really leave it behind. And originally it only took one look at the trailer for the first live action db movie (where master roshi didn't look, act, remotely sound like, dress, or even where the shades like hes suppose to) to make me say ” I wish there was some sort of magical land that I could go to where this movie could never hurt me.” but the second is just plain painful. I tried to go against what you said and I thought that I would just watch it and come up with my own review and all, but . . . . I made it to 5 minutes and 27 seconds. I tried I really did, as god as my witness i even made popcorn. The reason why they never made any live action db or dbz movies was because you can never get them to be just like the anime, not without the proper technology. But we have CG now, all we needed is some director who admired the original storyline and continued as such with VERY MINOR but welcome changes. dbz was at the top because it was thrilling and original, to this day creating an anime that even comes close to the pull that dbz had on the anime world means that you have to have something that is so unique that people are groveling to see just one more episode. This movie doesnt identify with the same power, determination, conquest, loss or any of the 10,000 other descriptions that go with shooting nuclear weapons out of your palms. Guess that's another movie that had potential down the drain. . . Oh, I had to watch IronMan, Death Note, and Casino Royale to wash away 5 minutes and 27 seconds.

  • Sean

    When I was a kid there were about 5 things that I had to have : food; sleep; math; clothes and dragon ball z. And of those five dragon ball z topped out as being the one I spent most of my time on. I haven't been into dbz in a while now, you just kinda grow out of it but you never really leave it behind. And originally it only took one look at the trailer for the first live action db movie (where master roshi didn't look, act, remotely sound like, dress, or even where the shades like hes suppose to) to make me say ” I wish there was some sort of magical land that I could go to where this movie could never hurt me.” but the second is just plain painful. I tried to go against what you said and I thought that I would just watch it and come up with my own review and all, but . . . . I made it to 5 minutes and 27 seconds. I tried I really did, as god as my witness i even made popcorn. The reason why they never made any live action db or dbz movies was because you can never get them to be just like the anime, not without the proper technology. But we have CG now, all we needed is some director who admired the original storyline and continued as such with VERY MINOR but welcome changes. dbz was at the top because it was thrilling and original, to this day creating an anime that even comes close to the pull that dbz had on the anime world means that you have to have something that is so unique that people are groveling to see just one more episode. This movie doesnt identify with the same power, determination, conquest, loss or any of the 10,000 other descriptions that go with shooting nuclear weapons out of your palms. Guess that's another movie that had potential down the drain. . . Oh, I had to watch IronMan, Death Note, and Casino Royale to wash away 5 minutes and 27 seconds.

  • http://www.handbags-club.com/ Designerhandbags

    Haha, indeed it was.

  • http://www.handbags-club.com/ Designerhandbags

    Haha, indeed it was.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Huda-Hershey-Norhadi/771817885 Huda Hershey Norhadi

    I read smwhere Zac Efron was also gna play my dear Sagara Sousuke from Full Metal Panic! in a movie remake of the anime. The articles were from 2009 tho, hopefully the MAJOR FAILURE of Dragonball Evolution wld prevent anymore disasters. And the almost-Jesse McCartney Zuko of Avatar. Hollywood is crazy.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_OOCNEZA32FQ56237IV4FZUGD7I mae
  • DBZevolutionsucksdragonballs13

    i watched dragonball z as a kid and i agree that it did indeed suck dragonballs

  • SSJ Gohan

    i can’t believe some people think db evolution is based on the old anima dragonball. The movie was rubbish and the only reason i can think of to watch it again is if i have nothing else better to do there was to many things wrong with it and when they bring out a new one it better be good other wise i’ll stay with the anima and not bother with it.

  • iminadaze

    I wish the people who made shaolin soccer and kung fu hustle made this movie,

  • No

    I can’t unsee the damn movie!! It makes me want to puke out of my dick! Despite all of the obvious problems about how absolutely crap and cocksucking it was, the main thing that pissed me off was Goku’s attitude. He’s meant to be “Innocent and pure”, not “Arrogant and jackassish”. And now there’s a sequel?! To call this Dragonball is an insult to Balls and Dragons everywhere. However the main insult it gave is the degrading name it gave to the Dragonball franchise!

  • JTSwag

    Dragonball is my favorite show but Dragonball Evolution was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen

  • Zmfbck

    the movie sucked beyond belief they never should have made it

  • Alive8899

    Sux costume, Sux story, Sux Movie,….ruining the ever great comic

  • Pingback: Live Action (Chinese) DragonBall Movie

  • Ishmael

    THIS MOVIE WAS BEYOND TERRIBLE, IT HAD  NOTHING TO DO WITH   DRAGON BALL ,
    SHOOT THE LAST AIR BENDER WAS BETTER THEN THIS CRAP EVEN WORST I BOUGHT THIS ON DVD. at first i was excited to see this i’d went downstairs and watch it by my self
    after eight four minute i was confused this  ” movie”, was corny my mom and sister  wanted to
    see this and wee watched it together and after that they to didn,t like it and they don’t even now what dragonball,dragonballz was this how bad that movie was.FUCK YOU JAMES WONG AND THE REST OF THE TEAM DESTROYING DRAGONBALL FOR ALL THE FANS. I HOPE YOU GET HIT BY A BUS AND THEN APLANE THEN GET RAPED IN THE BUTT AND IN THE EAR:(

  • Lateraluss27

    im not a fan of Dragoball. but i saw Evolution today on Fox and i liked it. in fact i hope they come out with another.. There is nothing wrong with the movie.. no super saiyan because its going by the story. Gohan became super saiyan at a early age not Goku.