Dragonball Evolution Review: This Movie Sucks Dragon-What?

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dragonball-evolution-review

Believe it or not, I did go see this movie on its opening night. I had to do it. Not because I wanted to. No, because I care. I care about each and every one of you, and I don’t want you to suffer the same eighty-four minutes I had to suffer (though the previews were quite enjoyable, actually). I had to prove to the “cautiously optimistic” folks who thought this movie was going to be the bee’s knees that this movie was indeed terrible. No more excuses from them now. No more telling me I’m jumping the gun. Keep going for the full video review.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-47H1mkPg0]

Anyone else see this garbage? Whether you’re a Dragonball fan or not, this movie is terrible, and makes very little sense. Even by adding the cop-out “Evolution” tag to their title, it doesn’t help anything. More like DragonBall De-evolution, if you ask me.

Thank goodness for closure, though. We’ve written about DragonBall three times now (here, here, and here), so hopefully it can end here. Hopefully the opposition is crushed beyond belief, and we can all move on with our lives. I, for one, will be putting this behind me… well, until they do the sequel (hopefully straight to DVD?)

DragonBall Evolution Caption Contest

piccolo-funny-face

I found this adorable picture of Piccolo today, and really want to know what he’s thinking or saying. Can you help? No tangible prizes today, sorry. But just knowing that we love you all thiiisss much is enough, right? Winner will get so many cool points it’s not even funny.

Don’t want to do a caption? Just tell us what you think about DragonBall Evolution instead, and don’t forget to Soc it up on JapanSoc!

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  • http://www.myspace.com/redbrainmatter YoyoKirby
  • http://www.victorymanual.com Alex

    Caption:
    MMMMMMMMMMELON PANっ!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Hide

    I quite agree with your opinion.

    I'm Japanese.
    In Japan,This movie opened one month earlier than US.
    I watched this movie May,15th.
    I was very disappointed.

  • Facebook User

    I am in Kobe right now, and watched this about a month ago, and yeah. It was so very horrible. And just about the worst movie I saw in my life. Every bad cliche in one. *twitches* No, make it stop! Make it stop! The painful, painful memories!

  • Pingback: JapanSoc

  • http://www.rockinginhakata.com Deas

    Awesome X 10. Nicely done.

  • http://www.rockinginhakata.com Deas

    I would SO see it if Steve Buscemi was everyone. Could only be improved if you throw in a cameo for Christopher Walken. I can't see how that wouldn't have landed it on the top 10 list of weekend box office takes.

    My caption: “Wicked 3 introduces the registered sex offender step-uncle of Elphaba Thropp.”

    Also – your JapanSoc link is busted. (It just refreshes the page.) Link: http://www.japansoc.com/Film-and-Books/dragonba…

  • moshi_moshi

    Deas! It's really you! :D *big fan*

    Anyway – thanks for sparing us all from watching this disaster D: Funny video too :)
    Was that Erin in the background??

  • Riechan

    haha Now I want to see this one just to laugh :D

  • http://turning-iwatean.blogspot.com/ kanmuri

    The movie looks like real crap… but…. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR?!?!?!?! Did you shave yourself in reaction to the horror you saw o.O???

  • joe_bevis

    I turned the movie off after 30 minutes, I'm glad I watched it online

  • Aaron

    なんで！ (T_T) totally on the money. 1# movie would have automatically been cooler in japanese, 2# why isn't Goku japanese!? o_O , hmmm pitty the america beat the japanese to it ^_^v

  • http://whatjapanthinks.com Ken Y-N

    I have no idea who Piccolo is, but he reminded me of someone else:

    In A.D. 2009
    Movie was beginning.
    Captain: What happen?
    Mechanic: Somebody set up us the bomb.
    Operator: We get signal.
    Captain: What !
    Operator: Main screen turn on.
    Captain: It's you !!
    Piccolo: How are you gentlemen !!
    Piccolo: All your ball are belong to us.
    Piccolo: You are on the way to destruction.

    ..and I'm sure you all know the rest…

  • http://www.jamaipanese.com Jamaipanese

    I can't bring myself to see this, the first review I read said I should ensure I am intoxicated before going to the theatre.

    It opened April 8th here in Jamaica

  • Matt

    I watched it on it's opening mor ning (Whoever heard of an opening showing being at 10.40am?) over here in the UK, and it was just as crushingly awful as I was expecting. Whoever decided to bin the plot from the manga and start over needs to be hung, drawn and quartered.

    I can still see my childhood slipping away now… =[

  • Johannes

    Totally agree, had the same in mind.
    All your ball are belong to us.

  • Pinkgloom

    Yeah that movie was crap. I knew I was going to be disappointed but it was way worst then I thought it was going to be. There was about 20 people in our theater opening night here in Melb, Fl. Maybe 4 of them were girls.
    The nice thing was, was that we were all nerds and accepted the movie was going to be horrible from the beginning so everyone in the movie Science theater 3000ed the move. Now that was awesome!

  • conner
  • QuinsY

    Hi Koichi先生 hey everyone,

    heheh that video was awesome thank you for this, it made me laugh a lot ~

    though I'm slightly scared now, I haven't watched the movie and am not going to if I can help it, in addition to this, as soon as I close my eyes I see the group photo of the dragonball Evolution cast, that look like they don't yet realize the mistake they're making. Please, people, tell them ..
    Sign me up for the support network please :s .

    I appreciate that you're watching these for us “& from now on” ^.^ Koichi先生 and Erinさん～

    -QuinsY.(have slept maybe for 3 hours… and woke up to this.. so going back to bed….)。

  • http://www.tofugu.com Viet

    You secretly enjoyed the film. Don't hide it.

  • http://www.tofugu.com koichi

    whoops – thank you, fixed!

    and LOL at the caption, hahaha.

  • http://www.tofugu.com koichi

    had to cleanse myself… burned my clothes and my hair to get cleannnn

  • http://http:katamaridemocracy.com Egmont

    I believe I have your next campy remake target right here:

    http://www.firstshowing.net/2008/12/17/keanu-re…

    Keanu Reeves as Spike in the upcoming Cowboy Bebop live action film.

    Even still, I get the feeling that, by necessity, it'll be much, much better than this Dragonball movie. I mean, can you even get worse? Is it possible?

  • emiko

    I was really upset when I first heard about this and I didn't think that it was really going to be released, but I guess that it was wrong.

    Now I'm a little scared about all the little rumors I hear.

    For example, I heard a rumor that Zac Efron was going to play either Light or L in a Deathnote Live Action.

    I am really against that one.

  • emiko

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    I don't think that the movie will be worse, but I just cannot imagine Keanu Reeves as Spike!

  • Alleykit

    Zac Efron? I will murder someone if that happens x.x;

  • kuroshirohaiiro

    the only caption appropriate for this picture is:

    “I am a ninja vegetable. Even Al Gore wouldn't support my greenness.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Johnny-Le/1129367649 Johnny Le

    Haha, man dragon ball evolution was a great comedy. During the movie, whenever piccolo's face was shown, everyone in the movie theater broke out laughing.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kelly-Jardine/144300362 Kelly Jardine

    will they not spare us the torture?? hollywood should know that their versions of remakes are terrible. so why keep making this trash? MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN IDEAS AND LEAVE THE GOOD ONES ALONE!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kelly-Jardine/144300362 Kelly Jardine

    god no! i really hope not! i heard about the movie awhile ago, and ive been hoping that the people who made the death note movies were going to make this one…..oh, god, please let it be so!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1563510331 facebook-1563510331

    my friend and i were considering going to see how bad it was….
    now i REALLY don't feel like wasting my money on it.
    thanks for saving us with the video! :]

  • WOTDsctoo

    I didn't watch Dragonball as a kid, but even I could tell how little relevance that had to Dragonball. My friend who DID watch the show dragged me to it, and he was severely disappointed even after my warning from what I'd heard here.

    On the other hand though, I thought this was considerably better than the newest street fighter movie. THAT was really bad, but this entertained me.

    And I thought Goku was waaaay funnier than piccolo. Some of his lines were ridicccuuulooous. XDDDDD Cliche to the max.

    My final verdict:
    Not as bad as you make it out to be, but not better enough to make much of a difference.

  • http://erikagrace303.deviantart.com erika303

    o_O Wow, he looks creepy.. not creepy in a good way…. creeeeeepy …like pedophile mustache wearing a trench coat whose sole purpose is for discrete public masturbation.
    “I R IN YER BASE, MOLESTING YER CHILDREN!”

    Not the most appropriate description.. but fairly accurate.

  • http://lilmis.deviantart.com Melissa_K

    Thanks for seeing it for us. I was thinking about seeing it myself 8D;;;. NOW I DON'T HAVE TO!

  • http://lilmis.deviantart.com Melissa_K

    Dear God no 0-0

  • http://lilmis.deviantart.com Melissa_K

    I agree, who's bright idea was it to not follow the plot? XD

  • Sanyu

    Saw it online, lol'd, cried, all at once.
    Went to see it at the cinema with Dragonball fan boyfriend. Regretted not buying a ticket to something better and just walking into the DBE theatre. I supported Fox.. NOOOO.

    They called the Dragon Radar “DBE” : Dragonball Energy [Radar]
    They called the kamehameha “air bending” (honestly, after watching some Dragonball last night it just looks nothing likeee air bending)
    Who was the black guy with white hair? I had my suspicions about it being Korrin but.. Bleh. His name was something Norris..?
    Bulma wanted to power to Dragon balls' energy? I thought she wanted a boyfriend D<

  • Dan

    Here is one picture i found (maybe you saw it already) of Piccolo, but this one seems somehow like the original (at least is true-green and better than the piccolo from DBZ Evolution):
    http://cg.follow-w.net/images/080905_dragonball…

  • YusukeT

    People ussually totally disregard me when I say the trailers are the best bit when you go to the cinema, At least one person agrees with me that they are enjoyable xD. But the movie was extreamly bad, it makes me die a little inside everytime somebody mentions it. xD

  • Lightman One

    Ehm.. there is already a Death Note Live Action. And that one is really good in my opinion. Go look for it on the internet.. I am sure you will find it ;)

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/CHESTERlikesSUBARU Chester_King

    * I just pulled my head out of my ass *

    * How do I look ? *

  • http://www.indianauteur.com rakesh

    I have been DBZ fan for a long, long time and I just cant emote how much this movie sucjs.

  • Cameron

    Hey now, don't sully the good name of Devo by associating this film with “Devolution.”

  • iidesuyo

    I believe that a good caption would be:
    BITCH, I'M THE WHITEST KID YOU KNOW.

  • http://tofugu.com Tofugu_Erin

    Haha, indeed it was.

  • Reichan

    Yup, I saw this movie too mate and it's was fucking trash by a full 360. Even if this movie was called something else, it would have bombed at the box office anyway due to the overall lack of proper plot development that this movie took and the poor quality of the acting.

    Not even the casting of Eriko Tamura as Mai (the only decent character in this movie), the brief instance of Japanese dialogue , or Ayumi Hamasaki could salvage the abomination that this movie was. The terrible writing alone and lack of originality on behalf of the director involved heavily outweighed and attempt made to make this movie potentially successful. There were far too many cliches than I am willing to count.

    After 32 minutes I called it quits and moved on to something else. I'm just glad I actually downloaded this movie instead of wasting my precious $8.00 on this bullshit. I would have been pissed.

  • pancho1402

    Dam man you must hate yourself for going in to see that movie I think cutting yourself would be less harmful than watching that piece of crap!!!!

  • http://es-la.facebook.com/people/Beka-Dominguez/1519867835 Beka Dominguez

    oh god.. that movie has a crappy movie…all the good old dragon ball memories that i had.. now they are broken T_T … Dam.. why they do such horrible movies ??.. O_o ..

  • http://dbzepisode.org watch dragonball

    The caption I dont know, But all I know is ive read over 50 reviews, about 48/50 said this film is a failure.
    Nice first picture btw lol

  • Sulimeth

    A couple friends and I went on opening night. I think we were the only girls in the theatre. Fortunately, we didn't have any hope for greatness, and instead spent the entire time laughing our asses off at how amazingly bad it was.

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