In Japan, be Humble

by 92 Comments

Paris Hilton is not humble

In America, we tend to be encouraged to be show our individualist side, take initiative, tell people about our accomplishments, and stick out as much as possible from the rest of society. That’s all fine and dandy, I have nothing against being outgoing/initiative/individualistic. I wish I could be more outgoing, but I was raised to hide, to not stick out. I’m the nail that was hammered down, way down.The worst problem I have is with compliments: When someone says something nice, I don’t know what to say. I usually try to deny it, deflect it, or downright deny it. Doing this whole youtube/blog thing has been very tough for me. I hate getting out there, and the only way I’ve been able to do it is by not telling any of my friends. That’s right, my best friend doesn’t even know I ‘tube; it’s too embarrassing for me.

But I digress. In Japan, you need to be humble. Don’t let anyone compliment you, they are only doing it as a formality. You need to do them a favor, and respect them, by deflecting their compliment and coming up with some kind of excuse that makes you look worse. I spent an entire week in Japanese conversation class a few years back learning about doing just this. Here are a few examples that you can take and use for your self. Many of the answers are interchangeable in many different situations.

Situation:
Ohh Toshi-san, you are so good at Japanese
トウシさんの日本語はうまいですね

Answers:
A. No no, it’s not that good at all
A. いやいや、そんなことないよ
B. But I still can’t read kanji
B. でも、漢字はまだ読めません
C. But my accent is still…
C. でも、私の発音はまだまだ。。。
D. By saying that you make me very happy (the least humble of the four!)
D. そう言ってくれるとありがたいんだ

The video below doesn’t say much else, it just says it in a slightly humorous way. Remember everyone, be humble. If you’re good enough at something, others will praise you for it on their own (at which point you must deny, deny, deny).

[yframe url='www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8JTf2qc7F4']

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  • http://www.tofugu.com Erin

    You so do not talk that way in real life. You funny boy with your funny talking.

    Oh man. Godzilla’s mouth is moving! Wow.

    Your grandpa also told you never to eat mochi.

  • Onimusha Nosferatu

    i’ve heard the young ppl in japan have developed issues b/c of not standing out. how did toshi become ken? koichi, you suck at japanese! haha. hard to be humble after that, but possible.
    (guess what?… i oddly found koichi and erin on facebook, so freaky i wasn’t even trying. chotto kowai ne.)

  • http://www.tofugu.com Erin

    You so do not talk that way in real life. You funny boy with your funny talking.

    Oh man. Godzilla’s mouth is moving! Wow.

    Your grandpa also told you never to eat mochi.

  • Sam

    ある意味でこの話しはそうだけど…謙遜や尊敬は確かに日本の文化と言語にも入るんだけど..なんか…

    Rather than being annoyingly self complimentary like your exemplified stereotypical Americans, and rather than defacing yourself in what is admittedly a 正しい日本人らしい日本の文化的な fashion, what ever happened to 自分の事について正直な話し方？

    こう言う考え方はある時日本の文化に逆らうが、それは現実を言うってを悪い事にされる？そう思えない。

    So if someone complements my Japanese, sure, the right 日本人的 thing to say would be 「いえいえ、そのことなんですよ」 but… I don’t actually think that, so that’s like, うそを吐くってこと, right? So if someone says

    サムさんの日本語はうまいですね
    I’ll say
    1. ですね～　＾＿＾
    2. はい、流暢に話せます。

    But if someone asks about 漢字, I’ll freely admit　漢字は下手くそや。一と二と三以上は書けへんで。 (not quite that bad but… T_T)

    And if someone praised my Korean or something I’d be like…

    아니요 진짜 할수없어요
    いいえ、本当に出来ません。　T_T

    So… I don’t know,　こう言う考え方…そんなだめですか？

    ってか、俺コメントで何書いてんのかよ。面白いブログやで。Keep it up, ゴジラさん.

    コメント完成

  • Onimusha Nosferatu

    i’ve heard the young ppl in japan have developed issues b/c of not standing out. how did toshi become ken? koichi, you suck at japanese! haha. hard to be humble after that, but possible.
    (guess what?… i oddly found koichi and erin on facebook, so freaky i wasn’t even trying. chotto kowai ne.)

  • Sam

    ある意味でこの話しはそうだけど…謙遜や尊敬は確かに日本の文化と言語にも入るんだけど..なんか…

    Rather than being annoyingly self complimentary like your exemplified stereotypical Americans, and rather than defacing yourself in what is admittedly a 正しい日本人らしい日本の文化的な fashion, what ever happened to 自分の事について正直な話し方？

    こう言う考え方はある時日本の文化に逆らうが、それは現実を言うってを悪い事にされる？そう思えない。

    So if someone complements my Japanese, sure, the right 日本人的 thing to say would be 「いえいえ、そのことなんですよ」 but… I don’t actually think that, so that’s like, うそを吐くってこと, right? So if someone says

    サムさんの日本語はうまいですね
    I’ll say
    1. ですね～　＾＿＾
    2. はい、流暢に話せます。

    But if someone asks about 漢字, I’ll freely admit　漢字は下手くそや。一と二と三以上は書けへんで。 (not quite that bad but… T_T)

    And if someone praised my Korean or something I’d be like…

    아니요 진짜 할수없어요
    いいえ、本当に出来ません。　T_T

    So… I don’t know,　こう言う考え方…そんなだめですか？

    ってか、俺コメントで何書いてんのかよ。面白いブログやで。Keep it up, ゴジラさん.

    コメント完成

  • Mathias

    Firstly, i want to say: I love your blog and your channel at YouTube!
    Since I’m a kid I’m interested in the Japanese language and culture. Unfortunately i never had the chance to visit Japan so far, and even though I have been trying to teach me Japanese on my own for almost a year now, I still really suck at it. However, i plan to take a Japanese course as soon as i start studying at the university. Thus your blog/YouTube, which i discovered only recently and only because of that Godzilla feature (i liked that very much btw), really arose my interest. Keep on the good work. :)

    It is really hard to believe that you are one of those hammered down nails, since in your videos you seem to be very outgoing. Just as you, i was raised to be rather modest and I’m actually more reserved than outgoing (I’m not American though). I think that’s one of the traits i like about Japanese people. Being humble,regardful and polite is something that appeals to me, even though it might not be honest in some cases.

    Ah, one more thing – that video is hilarious! xD “He’s a retard!” lol

  • Mathias

    Firstly, i want to say: I love your blog and your channel at YouTube!
    Since I’m a kid I’m interested in the Japanese language and culture. Unfortunately i never had the chance to visit Japan so far, and even though I have been trying to teach me Japanese on my own for almost a year now, I still really suck at it. However, i plan to take a Japanese course as soon as i start studying at the university. Thus your blog/YouTube, which i discovered only recently and only because of that Godzilla feature (i liked that very much btw), really arose my interest. Keep on the good work. :)

    It is really hard to believe that you are one of those hammered down nails, since in your videos you seem to be very outgoing. Just as you, i was raised to be rather modest and I’m actually more reserved than outgoing (I’m not American though). I think that’s one of the traits i like about Japanese people. Being humble,regardful and polite is something that appeals to me, even though it might not be honest in some cases.

    Ah, one more thing – that video is hilarious! xD “He’s a retard!” lol

  • http://www.tofugu.com Viet

    “Your grandpa also told you never to eat mochi.”

    Be a rebel. Eat some mochi.

  • Daniel

    Thank god I’m not one of those americans who brag and speak about themselves as if they’re higher than others. I’m a shy guy, and I don’t really speak about myself that way, or my surroundings. But, I sometimes hate being unselfish, because sometimes my unselfish ways turns out wrong. Thanks for the video though, they always make me laugh. :)

  • nuttso

    oi! i love it keep up mate!

  • Leslie

    I wouldn’t say it’s a matter of shy verse un-shy, or boisterous verse humble. In fact I’ve never understood how these were the concepts that people have picked up on. I’ve always felt the difference was more along the lines of honesty. In Japan it’s not that people aren’t honest but that they idealize the idea of saying what they feel other people need to hear. This usually works well in a society where supposedly things are homogeneous enough that you can guess what other people need. In the States things are supposedly diverse enough that the only way to communicate well is to be very upfront about what you think and hope that you get that in return. Now of course this is all from some perspective on-high looking down on two different societies, on the ground things always work much differently, and change drastically from one interaction to the next. In both generalized cases honesty really rings true, hense that annoying axiom about being true to your self, wether your shy or boisterous. On a side note, my best friend in Japan was a 48 year old woman who was way more outgoing then the quiet 24 year old American me. (-_^)

  • Leslie

    Great examples by the way. Thanks for the post!

  • http://www.tofugu.com Viet

    “Your grandpa also told you never to eat mochi.”

    Be a rebel. Eat some mochi.

  • http://www.tofugu.com Erin

    I can understand finding Koichi… but me? How the heck did that happen?

  • Marc

    You don’t seem shy when you ‘tube,in fact you are one funniest guys on Youtube,but it could be just me that thinks that,but you got fan in me anyway.

  • Daniel

    Thank god I’m not one of those americans who brag and speak about themselves as if they’re higher than others. I’m a shy guy, and I don’t really speak about myself that way, or my surroundings. But, I sometimes hate being unselfish, because sometimes my unselfish ways turns out wrong. Thanks for the video though, they always make me laugh. :)

  • nuttso

    oi! i love it keep up mate!

  • Fredy

    Ha. I like this post. I really liked the end when you talked about learning about the culture is part of learning the language. Also, it was wierd to listen to Godzilla speak English. I wasn’t used to that. Haha.

    Humbleness has it’s time and place. I think it ties in with the level of respect found in Japanese culture. Ahh… I’m thinking of a bunch of things to write but I can’t really write it in an organized form. Basically American culture, including the language, is very direct, I guess. I think external would be a better way to put it. I suppose, though I’m probably wrong, that Japanese culture would be internal. Like when you try to explain something, American culture would probably say, “I need 5 days off.” Then you lead to explain those days, “To take care of a sick aunt.” Then in Japanese culture you’d say, “My aunt has been very sick recently. I need some days off.”

    Uh… I think I’m writing a bunch of random things, so I’ll stop before I get confused myself and go way off. It’s just I remember this from freshmen year in a Business Support Systems class. The Japanese teacher was also the Business teacher. I think I’m probably way off.

    Still, I understand what you’re talking about. Hopefully I’m at least showing it. (…)

  • http://www.koichiben.com koichi

    It’s not a matter about being shy or not ;)
    And the only way I can make myself do the youtube thing is by not sharing with any of my friends. I would be very embarrassed if someone found out about my dirty vlogging secret.

  • Leslie

    I wouldn’t say it’s a matter of shy verse un-shy, or boisterous verse humble. In fact I’ve never understood how these were the concepts that people have picked up on. I’ve always felt the difference was more along the lines of honesty. In Japan it’s not that people aren’t honest but that they idealize the idea of saying what they feel other people need to hear. This usually works well in a society where supposedly things are homogeneous enough that you can guess what other people need. In the States things are supposedly diverse enough that the only way to communicate well is to be very upfront about what you think and hope that you get that in return. Now of course this is all from some perspective on-high looking down on two different societies, on the ground things always work much differently, and change drastically from one interaction to the next. In both generalized cases honesty really rings true, hense that annoying axiom about being true to your self, wether your shy or boisterous. On a side note, my best friend in Japan was a 48 year old woman who was way more outgoing then the quiet 24 year old American me. (-_^)

  • Leslie

    Great examples by the way. Thanks for the post!

  • http://www.tofugu.com Erin

    I can understand finding Koichi… but me? How the heck did that happen?

  • Marc

    You don’t seem shy when you ‘tube,in fact you are one funniest guys on Youtube,but it could be just me that thinks that,but you got fan in me anyway.

  • Fredy

    Ha. I like this post. I really liked the end when you talked about learning about the culture is part of learning the language. Also, it was wierd to listen to Godzilla speak English. I wasn’t used to that. Haha.

    Humbleness has it’s time and place. I think it ties in with the level of respect found in Japanese culture. Ahh… I’m thinking of a bunch of things to write but I can’t really write it in an organized form. Basically American culture, including the language, is very direct, I guess. I think external would be a better way to put it. I suppose, though I’m probably wrong, that Japanese culture would be internal. Like when you try to explain something, American culture would probably say, “I need 5 days off.” Then you lead to explain those days, “To take care of a sick aunt.” Then in Japanese culture you’d say, “My aunt has been very sick recently. I need some days off.”

    Uh… I think I’m writing a bunch of random things, so I’ll stop before I get confused myself and go way off. It’s just I remember this from freshmen year in a Business Support Systems class. The Japanese teacher was also the Business teacher. I think I’m probably way off.

    Still, I understand what you’re talking about. Hopefully I’m at least showing it. (…)

  • http://www.koichiben.com koichi

    It’s not a matter about being shy or not ;)
    And the only way I can make myself do the youtube thing is by not sharing with any of my friends. I would be very embarrassed if someone found out about my dirty vlogging secret.

  • Onimusha Nosferatu

    we’re in the same group. i didn’t realize koichi was in it for a month or so and then you for a couple months after that. do you care if i add you two? (you can say no w/o hurting my feelings.)

    i think koichi should tell his little secret. it’s not that bad of a secret. if his friends are really his friends they shouldn’t care. that sounds too much like a classic tv/movie moment. however, sometimes things are better left unsaid.

  • http://www.tofugu.com koichi

    ahh, are you in the “kendo” group? If you friend me, I’ll add you to my limited account, but out of fear I only add people I actually know-know to my normal account. Strange Strange.

  • Amenat

    Often in religion people tend to be humble or become humbled through thier faith.

    I agree, I hate it when parents talk about thier kids in that “My kid is the best” kind of way because it makes the kid seem like a prep or something worse when they aren’t (in my experience that is the case).
    Also, it’s because I’ve never been really good at anything to be recognized for so it makes me feel even more worthless.

    I am kind of shy as well so it makes it easy not to praise myself but to ask others about themselves. In fact, I just met two people today who were really pretty, hyper, funny and talented at drawing. I could hardly show myself except for a brief moment in which we were really having fun checking out a few people walking by.
    When my group went to Japan, none of us were braging about anything infact, we were too busy being fasinated by Japan to be proud of anything.

    It’s really easy to impress the people in Japan if you can speak or understand japanese, or at least my family was easily impressed. I was glad to be with them and they taught me a surprising lot of Japanese.

    Thanks Koichi, your Japanese vids really help with maintaining and adding onto the understanding of the Japanese language. Maybe my sucky skills will become better.

  • http://www.tofugu.com Erin

    Ah, another kendo person, I see. Yeah, feel free to add me, I don’t bite. If you added me out of the blue with no note, though, I would have been like, who the heck is this??? Haha.

  • Onimusha Nosferatu

    we’re in the same group. i didn’t realize koichi was in it for a month or so and then you for a couple months after that. do you care if i add you two? (you can say no w/o hurting my feelings.)

    i think koichi should tell his little secret. it’s not that bad of a secret. if his friends are really his friends they shouldn’t care. that sounds too much like a classic tv/movie moment. however, sometimes things are better left unsaid.

  • http://www.tofugu.com koichi

    ahh, are you in the “kendo” group? If you friend me, I’ll add you to my limited account, but out of fear I only add people I actually know-know to my normal account. Strange Strange.

  • http://rocmegamanx.deviantart.com Rock Martin

    Hold on, I can’t read this….Can I like use Babelfish or JWPCE on this?

  • http://rocmegamanx.deviantart.com Rock Martin

    I’m never really an arrogant person, and I don’t believe myself to be the best at everything I do. I may be good at math, but I’m not the best. There are people who are a lot better than me.

  • Onimusha Nosferatu

    hai hai. it is the kendo group. i’m really bad at it though.

  • http://www.tofugu.com Erin

    I personally don’t think saying, “Nah, I don’t speak that well” is lying/wrong. Think about it this way: if your Japanese is great, then the person you’re speaking to will know that, even if you deny it; if your Japanese isn’t as great as you think it is, you save face by denying instead of agreeing and having your 相手 (what’s the word I’m looking for?) inwardly snickering or rolling their eyes at you. That’s just my reasoning, though.

  • http://www.tofugu.com Erin

    Don’t use Babelfish, hehe. Jim Breen’s always pretty reliable, though.

  • Amenat

    Often in religion people tend to be humble or become humbled through thier faith.

    I agree, I hate it when parents talk about thier kids in that “My kid is the best” kind of way because it makes the kid seem like a prep or something worse when they aren’t (in my experience that is the case).
    Also, it’s because I’ve never been really good at anything to be recognized for so it makes me feel even more worthless.

    I am kind of shy as well so it makes it easy not to praise myself but to ask others about themselves. In fact, I just met two people today who were really pretty, hyper, funny and talented at drawing. I could hardly show myself except for a brief moment in which we were really having fun checking out a few people walking by.
    When my group went to Japan, none of us were braging about anything infact, we were too busy being fasinated by Japan to be proud of anything.

    It’s really easy to impress the people in Japan if you can speak or understand japanese, or at least my family was easily impressed. I was glad to be with them and they taught me a surprising lot of Japanese.

    Thanks Koichi, your Japanese vids really help with maintaining and adding onto the understanding of the Japanese language. Maybe my sucky skills will become better.

  • http://www.tofugu.com Erin

    Ah, another kendo person, I see. Yeah, feel free to add me, I don’t bite. If you added me out of the blue with no note, though, I would have been like, who the heck is this??? Haha.

  • http://www.koichiben.com koichi

    I’m gonna have to agree with erin. If someone says “your japanese is good” – just reply in awesome japanese (while denying it at the same time), and you’ll save face and still not make the other person uncomfortable at the same time. When someone says my japanese is good, it usually goes like this:

    (pretend this is in Japanese, because not everyone can read it)
    “Your Japanese is so good, Koichi”
    “No, no, it’s not” <–in perfect japanese
    “But you just spoke!”
    “no no no not not not” <–trail off and then quickly change the subject.

    Easier to see if it was in person…

  • http://rocmegamanx.deviantart.com Rock Martin

    Hold on, I can’t read this….Can I like use Babelfish or JWPCE on this?

  • http://www.tofugu.com Erin

    in perfect japanese

    “Perfect”, eh? Who’s not humble now???

  • http://rocmegamanx.deviantart.com Rock Martin

    I’m never really an arrogant person, and I don’t believe myself to be the best at everything I do. I may be good at math, but I’m not the best. There are people who are a lot better than me.

  • Onimusha Nosferatu

    hai hai. it is the kendo group. i’m really bad at it though.

  • http://www.tofugu.com Erin

    I personally don’t think saying, “Nah, I don’t speak that well” is lying/wrong. Think about it this way: if your Japanese is great, then the person you’re speaking to will know that, even if you deny it; if your Japanese isn’t as great as you think it is, you save face by denying instead of agreeing and having your 相手 (what’s the word I’m looking for?) inwardly snickering or rolling their eyes at you. That’s just my reasoning, though.

  • Fredy

    Haha. What’s next? What if someone says, “I am VERY humble.” I kept thinking about that.

  • http://www.tofugu.com Erin

    Don’t use Babelfish, hehe. Jim Breen’s always pretty reliable, though.

  • http://www.koichiben.com koichi

    I’m gonna have to agree with erin. If someone says “your japanese is good” – just reply in awesome japanese (while denying it at the same time), and you’ll save face and still not make the other person uncomfortable at the same time. When someone says my japanese is good, it usually goes like this:

    (pretend this is in Japanese, because not everyone can read it)
    “Your Japanese is so good, Koichi”
    “No, no, it’s not” <–in perfect japanese
    “But you just spoke!”
    “no no no not not not” <–trail off and then quickly change the subject.

    Easier to see if it was in person…

  • http://www.tofugu.com Erin

    in perfect japanese

    “Perfect”, eh? Who’s not humble now???

  • Fredy

    Haha. What’s next? What if someone says, “I am VERY humble.” I kept thinking about that.

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