In Japan, be Humble

Paris Hilton is not humble

In America, we tend to be encouraged to be show our individualist side, take initiative, tell people about our accomplishments, and stick out as much as possible from the rest of society. That’s all fine and dandy, I have nothing against being outgoing/initiative/individualistic. I wish I could be more outgoing, but I was raised to hide, to not stick out. I’m the nail that was hammered down, way down.The worst problem I have is with compliments: When someone says something nice, I don’t know what to say. I usually try to deny it, deflect it, or downright deny it. Doing this whole youtube/blog thing has been very tough for me. I hate getting out there, and the only way I’ve been able to do it is by not telling any of my friends. That’s right, my best friend doesn’t even know I ‘tube; it’s too embarrassing for me.

But I digress. In Japan, you need to be humble. Don’t let anyone compliment you, they are only doing it as a formality. You need to do them a favor, and respect them, by deflecting their compliment and coming up with some kind of excuse that makes you look worse. I spent an entire week in Japanese conversation class a few years back learning about doing just this. Here are a few examples that you can take and use for your self. Many of the answers are interchangeable in many different situations.

Situation:
Ohh Toshi-san, you are so good at Japanese
トウシさんの日本語はうまいですね

Answers:
A. No no, it’s not that good at all
A. いやいや、そんなことないよ
B. But I still can’t read kanji
B. でも、漢字はまだ読めません
C. But my accent is still…
C. でも、私の発音はまだまだ。。。
D. By saying that you make me very happy (the least humble of the four!)
D. そう言ってくれるとありがたいんだ

The video below doesn’t say much else, it just says it in a slightly humorous way. Remember everyone, be humble. If you’re good enough at something, others will praise you for it on their own (at which point you must deny, deny, deny).

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  • You so do not talk that way in real life. You funny boy with your funny talking.

    Oh man. Godzilla's mouth is moving! Wow.

    Your grandpa also told you never to eat mochi.

  • Onimusha Nosferatu
    i've heard the young ppl in japan have developed issues b/c of not standing out. how did toshi become ken? koichi, you suck at japanese! haha. hard to be humble after that, but possible.
    (guess what?... i oddly found koichi and erin on facebook, so freaky i wasn't even trying. chotto kowai ne.)
  • Sam
    ある意味でこの話しはそうだけど...謙遜や尊敬は確かに日本の文化と言語にも入るんだけど..なんか...

    Rather than being annoyingly self complimentary like your exemplified stereotypical Americans, and rather than defacing yourself in what is admittedly a 正しい日本人らしい日本の文化的な fashion, what ever happened to 自分の事について正直な話し方?

    こう言う考え方はある時日本の文化に逆らうが、それは現実を言うってを悪い事にされる?そう思えない。

    So if someone complements my Japanese, sure, the right 日本人的 thing to say would be 「いえいえ、そのことなんですよ」 but... I don't actually think that, so that's like, うそを吐くってこと, right? So if someone says

    サムさんの日本語はうまいですね
    I'll say
    1. ですね~ ^_^
    2. はい、流暢に話せます。

    But if someone asks about 漢字, I'll freely admit 漢字は下手くそや。一と二と三以上は書けへんで。 (not quite that bad but... T_T)

    And if someone praised my Korean or something I'd be like...

    아니요 진짜 할수없어요
    いいえ、本当に出来ません。 T_T

    So... I don't know, こう言う考え方...そんなだめですか?

    ってか、俺コメントで何書いてんのかよ。面白いブログやで。Keep it up, ゴジラさん.

    コメント完成
  • Mathias
    Firstly, i want to say: I love your blog and your channel at YouTube!
    Since I'm a kid I'm interested in the Japanese language and culture. Unfortunately i never had the chance to visit Japan so far, and even though I have been trying to teach me Japanese on my own for almost a year now, I still really suck at it. However, i plan to take a Japanese course as soon as i start studying at the university. Thus your blog/YouTube, which i discovered only recently and only because of that Godzilla feature (i liked that very much btw), really arose my interest. Keep on the good work. :)

    It is really hard to believe that you are one of those hammered down nails, since in your videos you seem to be very outgoing. Just as you, i was raised to be rather modest and I'm actually more reserved than outgoing (I'm not American though). I think that's one of the traits i like about Japanese people. Being humble,regardful and polite is something that appeals to me, even though it might not be honest in some cases.

    Ah, one more thing - that video is hilarious! xD "He's a retard!" lol
  • "Your grandpa also told you never to eat mochi."

    Be a rebel. Eat some mochi.
  • Daniel
    Thank god I'm not one of those americans who brag and speak about themselves as if they're higher than others. I'm a shy guy, and I don't really speak about myself that way, or my surroundings. But, I sometimes hate being unselfish, because sometimes my unselfish ways turns out wrong. Thanks for the video though, they always make me laugh. :)
  • nuttso
    oi! i love it keep up mate!
  • Leslie
    I wouldn't say it's a matter of shy verse un-shy, or boisterous verse humble. In fact I've never understood how these were the concepts that people have picked up on. I've always felt the difference was more along the lines of honesty. In Japan it's not that people aren't honest but that they idealize the idea of saying what they feel other people need to hear. This usually works well in a society where supposedly things are homogeneous enough that you can guess what other people need. In the States things are supposedly diverse enough that the only way to communicate well is to be very upfront about what you think and hope that you get that in return. Now of course this is all from some perspective on-high looking down on two different societies, on the ground things always work much differently, and change drastically from one interaction to the next. In both generalized cases honesty really rings true, hense that annoying axiom about being true to your self, wether your shy or boisterous. On a side note, my best friend in Japan was a 48 year old woman who was way more outgoing then the quiet 24 year old American me. (-_^)
  • Leslie
    Great examples by the way. Thanks for the post!
  • I can understand finding Koichi... but me? How the heck did that happen?
  • Marc
    You don't seem shy when you 'tube,in fact you are one funniest guys on Youtube,but it could be just me that thinks that,but you got fan in me anyway.
  • Fredy
    Ha. I like this post. I really liked the end when you talked about learning about the culture is part of learning the language. Also, it was wierd to listen to Godzilla speak English. I wasn't used to that. Haha.

    Humbleness has it's time and place. I think it ties in with the level of respect found in Japanese culture. Ahh... I'm thinking of a bunch of things to write but I can't really write it in an organized form. Basically American culture, including the language, is very direct, I guess. I think external would be a better way to put it. I suppose, though I'm probably wrong, that Japanese culture would be internal. Like when you try to explain something, American culture would probably say, "I need 5 days off." Then you lead to explain those days, "To take care of a sick aunt." Then in Japanese culture you'd say, "My aunt has been very sick recently. I need some days off."

    Uh... I think I'm writing a bunch of random things, so I'll stop before I get confused myself and go way off. It's just I remember this from freshmen year in a Business Support Systems class. The Japanese teacher was also the Business teacher. I think I'm probably way off.

    Still, I understand what you're talking about. Hopefully I'm at least showing it. (...)
  • It's not a matter about being shy or not ;)
    And the only way I can make myself do the youtube thing is by not sharing with any of my friends. I would be very embarrassed if someone found out about my dirty vlogging secret.
  • Onimusha Nosferatu
    we're in the same group. i didn't realize koichi was in it for a month or so and then you for a couple months after that. do you care if i add you two? (you can say no w/o hurting my feelings.)

    i think koichi should tell his little secret. it's not that bad of a secret. if his friends are really his friends they shouldn't care. that sounds too much like a classic tv/movie moment. however, sometimes things are better left unsaid.
  • ahh, are you in the "kendo" group? If you friend me, I'll add you to my limited account, but out of fear I only add people I actually know-know to my normal account. Strange Strange.
  • Amenat
    Often in religion people tend to be humble or become humbled through thier faith.

    I agree, I hate it when parents talk about thier kids in that "My kid is the best" kind of way because it makes the kid seem like a prep or something worse when they aren't (in my experience that is the case).
    Also, it's because I've never been really good at anything to be recognized for so it makes me feel even more worthless.

    I am kind of shy as well so it makes it easy not to praise myself but to ask others about themselves. In fact, I just met two people today who were really pretty, hyper, funny and talented at drawing. I could hardly show myself except for a brief moment in which we were really having fun checking out a few people walking by.
    When my group went to Japan, none of us were braging about anything infact, we were too busy being fasinated by Japan to be proud of anything.

    It's really easy to impress the people in Japan if you can speak or understand japanese, or at least my family was easily impressed. I was glad to be with them and they taught me a surprising lot of Japanese.

    Thanks Koichi, your Japanese vids really help with maintaining and adding onto the understanding of the Japanese language. Maybe my sucky skills will become better.
  • Ah, another kendo person, I see. Yeah, feel free to add me, I don't bite. If you added me out of the blue with no note, though, I would have been like, who the heck is this??? Haha.
  • Hold on, I can't read this....Can I like use Babelfish or JWPCE on this?
  • I'm never really an arrogant person, and I don't believe myself to be the best at everything I do. I may be good at math, but I'm not the best. There are people who are a lot better than me.
  • Onimusha Nosferatu
    hai hai. it is the kendo group. i'm really bad at it though.
  • I personally don't think saying, "Nah, I don't speak that well" is lying/wrong. Think about it this way: if your Japanese is great, then the person you're speaking to will know that, even if you deny it; if your Japanese isn't as great as you think it is, you save face by denying instead of agreeing and having your 相手 (what's the word I'm looking for?) inwardly snickering or rolling their eyes at you. That's just my reasoning, though.

  • Don't use Babelfish, hehe. Jim Breen's always pretty reliable, though.
  • I'm gonna have to agree with erin. If someone says "your japanese is good" - just reply in awesome japanese (while denying it at the same time), and you'll save face and still not make the other person uncomfortable at the same time. When someone says my japanese is good, it usually goes like this:

    (pretend this is in Japanese, because not everyone can read it)
    "Your Japanese is so good, Koichi"
    "No, no, it's not" <--in perfect japanese
    "But you just spoke!"
    "no no no not not not" <--trail off and then quickly change the subject.

    Easier to see if it was in person...
  • in perfect japanese


    "Perfect", eh? Who's not humble now???

  • Fredy
    Haha. What's next? What if someone says, "I am VERY humble." I kept thinking about that.
  • Tiya
    lol! "oh no, my kid's a retard"
    ahahaha XD I love that video
    yeah, I don't look at my accomplishments as worthless, but I don't pretend like I'm this friggin-awesome-super-amazing good-at-everything-I-do person.
    It's not really a question about being shy, but more like one of some people being a bit too boastful.
    When people brag, they just look so arrogant and stuck up...
    not to mention annoying with their 'self-righteous' kind of attitude.

    I agree with erin and koichi ^^
    When you don't boast you really do save face and don't come off as an arrogant jerk to the person you're speaking with.
    When you say “Nah, I don’t speak all that well” you're not really lying, but more like not being a super-braggart in your self-critique of your skills.
  • Nate
    I don't think it's necessary to be more humble than you naturally are if you were an American going to Japan. Japan has just as much individualistic people who stand out. It's only worse in America cause of our population difference with Japan. C'mon Japan is full of rebellious anxt teens who sneak out of their houses at night goto shows and clubs drink alcohol do drugs and such. I think you're wrong and naive on how Japan really is a lot more similar to America these days.
  • Biff
    I must have been born with some kinda Japanese soul thingie, cause I can't take compliments either. That is unless I think I REALLY deserve them haha. I always try to be humble, because I'm very sensetive to people's feelings, and to acting like a jerk. So I can say not all Americans are ignorant of the concept of humility - I guess it's a psychological thing? The trick really, is to suck it up internally and feed off of it hehehe.

    By the way - I'm so excited I discovered thoughtful and funny Japanese YouTube vids, and a well-written and interesting blog in ENGLISH about Japanese culture! HAPPY DAY!!! I can't wait to read more :D
  • samantha
    ur awsome hehe but not sticking out would suck and im not one of those ppl who talk about how great they are so i think iwill be okay
  • Sexy Beam
    This kind of makes it difficult to compliment people in Japan, I think, because they seem to kind of assume you're doing it as a formality and then deny it. Actually the biggest complaint I've ever heard from foreign people living in Japan is that nobody says what they mean, at least not by English standards. There's always 2ch.net though, which is a huge insult fest sometimes, but that's because it's all anonymous.

    Unfortunately for me, I'm unusually tall for a girl, and people do point it out to me every so often, which I find somewhat awkward, because I suppose I don't really like to be "the nail that sticks up" or something like that most of the time, although I do have an obnoxious side I sometimes show to friends. I think more Japanese probably would tend to see me as not modest enough, compared to more Americans who would tend to see me as too modest.
  • Holly
    See, I will believe what you tell me, Koichi, and if I ever go, I will do that with you in mind even if it is a lie. My mom would never put a bumper sticker like that on.

    Also, most of your humbling was blatant lies...>________>

    heh!

    Can I IM you to talk about my skill at...uhh...sticking spoons to my nose?(theres a big secret to it!)
  • :D
    I don't know why everyone thinks your Japanese is bad. I think you're really good :DD!
  • Kendra
    i just stumbled onto this from youtube. I used to study Japanese- mostly, because growing up in the US i feel like an ignorant American- which in my opinion is the worst thing a person can be. I stopped studying it so i wouldn't teach myself incorrectly, but i plan to learn the language fluently throughout college and my 20's if possible so that some day I'll be able to (possibly) live there (at the very least I'm moving to Europe after college, where it's at least a little better).

    I'd just like to say that there is no need to apologize- America really IS that bad, I hate living here and I'm glad you have this website- it's definitely a major help to my Japanese studies and very entertaining
  • Ryan
    well said koichi,

    after going to japan and visiting different prefectures...i would have to say, being humble is very important. japanese etiquette is very important. not only in the business world but at home, on the street, etc. i remember bumping into a yukazua once riding on a train from aichi-ken to osaka.

    this is how the story goes...my friend an i were having a great time, talking about my visit in nagoya. we laughed a lot and spoke out loud. then a bald guy with designer jeans, 2 cell phones, and a diesel shirt got up and was like...「うるせ~よおまえ!」 of course my friends and i kept quiet.

    after that man left, my friend told me that he was a yakuza...(you can tell by the rough accent and the rolling "r" )and that we aren't in california anymore. with that said, i realized like you said, knowing how to speak japanese isn't enough. if you are going to learn japanese, learn the culture as well and respect it. japan is a country with many wonderful people that are as humble as can be.

    soo....if u don't want to get kid napped in japan or have anything bad happen to you...stay quiet on trains, subways, buses, and public bath houses (i don't want to get too much into that). you are already a foreigner don't stick out more than you already do =P.
  • Leigh
    So I'm curious...I don't disagree with the blog entry (in fact I think that is well put and very true), but what is your take on being praised for getting something right. You can't very well say something negative when you ask a friend (or whoever) about something...ie. Is this kanji pronounced... and if you get it right, what is the proper humble way to respond to, Wow! You're right! You're learning kanji so fast!
  • @Leigh
    I would just say "no no, I'm not."
    Even when you go out and completely deny something - it doesn't mean that everyone else doesn't know that you're right.

    The hard one would be more black and white. Like the example you gave about getting a kanji right. It's either right or it's wrong. If you wrote a kanji correctly, and someone said, "yep, that's right," I would think the correct response would involve you being silent, not saying one way or another. Being neutral is the key in this situation. But, when there is more room, and the action in question is based off of someone's opinion, it is best to deny, in order to be polite.
  • Tyler
    This was actually supposed to be for the onw about marry'n Segata Sanshiro, but somehow it got up here. I think Segata Sanshiro is better than Chuck Norris.
  • thekaje
    「ありがたいんだ」 -- LOL. Koichi, you like your んだ。
  • japan-fan
    yeah
    i remember taking a japanese lesson and the teacher said that if you are told that you understand or speak well-you must never say yes, you can only say: domo arigatou gozaimasu
    or iyye, jozu jaarimasen
    thankyou for broadening my vocab
  • I use Japanese at work all the time and don't expect my co-workers to compliment me on it, but sometimes they still do. I find that if I'm too humble or self-deprecating, the complimenters counter with more compliments.
    For my co-workers, my best response is usually something like:
    でも、直さなきゃいけないところが多いと思いますよ。
    もし、私はだめな日本語を言っちゃったら、直してくれませんか?
    お願いします。

    They usually just say はい。でも、my nameがだめな日本語を言うのは珍しいから大丈夫ですよ。
    Then, I just say でも、あるから、お願いします。
  • Meg
    Oh my goodness, thank you for this blog entry. :) I'm trying to learn Japanese and culture is such an important part of the language used! I just started using Mixxer to meet some language partners and they can be very complimentary at times. I have a hard time knowing how to respond because in America I would just say "Aw, no way! Thanks I really appreciate it!" or something like that but I have NO IDEA what to say in Japanese.

    Actually I have a specific question about a certain type of compliment but I'm kind of embarrassed to mention it here. Maybe I'll get up the courage later!

    Thanks for posting this! And I have to say, you're totally adorable Koichi. :)
  • Zoi
    Good article!
  • Sougen02
    Humble = peace on earth
    8)
  • Grant
    It seems a lot diferent form american colter
    t seems a lot like christian ides of being pies and morels
    a lot of people myself incloded have truble being humble
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